My lifes story about meth

[llbadgerll]

Okay so first of all i want to say that if this is the wrong section again im sorry, i suck at categories but I have recently been of meth for about a month or two and even though that doesnt sound long, it feels like FOREVER to me, now i think I have been clean for a year! holy shit. and the craziest part is My biggest binge on meth was like 6 months and that straight up using every day. before that i was basically high every other month on and off for years. I have well done meth over 250 times. and im only 20 (gonna be 21 this year) and i have done it alot. so much i can notice the big changes in me since it never have done it to now. (mentally and physically) Now im not saying im retarted lol but wtf why does it feel so long? and why do i feel like i cant quit for the rest of life? im onlt 21 and i have done it this much. I need a fix somehow in life, stress is too strong to deal with it FOREVER! i can do it. and can be normal and i can accept not having an addiction but not every now and then? i did it before, but i still want to literally quit everything forever but life feels so long i cant help thinking its impossible.

So i have ADHD bad, my mom was a prostitute and did meth throughout her pregnancy and pretty much her life. I was immediately put up for adoption from day 1, she visited a little through the first year but stopped showing up completely....that doesnt bother me at all. I never even knew her 1% i dont know what she looks like, what my dads name even is how old he was, how many relatives i have...ANYTHING! i litterally 100% believe i wasnt adopted! is that weird?

anyways i was saying that is it natural for me to feel normal on meth because she smoked it while she was pregnant with me? seriously... Im not fuckin around it makes me feel normal, NOT ONE OF MY METH BUDDIES HATE ME. because meth makes me the most normal....im calm, i dont freak out, im respectful, all of it! and they like that....and it actually makes sense to me, BUT WHY?

Okay like i said i have been off meth and basically everything but weed for about a month or two, but i really need a fix in lifes stress, i admit it, if im a sissy then fine. but i dont feel normal without something to literally "fix" me. like i said meth makes me normal i know i got ADHD and Ritalin and Adderall can help ALOT!

Im gonna see a psychiatrist this friday. I have basically been on all ADHD meds EXCEPT STIMULANT, i was seriously considering finally trying them to see if it helps, Im gonna take it REGULARLY, im not gonna abuse them but only take them a prescribed. Will this help? Do I really need Ampetamine meds to make me function normal? I REALLY cant focus....not even on things that interest me. REALLY! it ruins my life. that is why i need a fix i cant focus on staying sober you know?

So last question is this....Will adderall possibly really help me and keep me focused and normal if prescribed to me? I really hope so because i want to change but i feel so screwed about controlling my freewill and handling my stress.

Thanks for anybody who reads this.....

 

[aussie101]

meths nasty bro/sis (?). Take my word for it. I know that won't make sense to you because it "seems to help", however it is dirty, made in dangerous ways, has toxic by products and will negatively affect your health. There are better and safer stims than meth.

 

[pasha]

Since this thread is mostly about your mental health, and your personal problems, I'm moving your thread over to The Dark Side where you can get some support. Please keep in mind though, in that forum you can in no way shape or form glorify drugs.


BDD ---------------> TDS


Good luck.

 

[Mysterie]

using meth and prescribed stimulants is only going to exacerbate your issues with focusing in the long term.

it seems your only really taking into account a few weeks ahead when its better to take a holistic approach

have you tried lifestyle changes such as eating healthy / cardio exercise daily

lots of people on bluelight have ADD, bad, and function in daily life without stimulants

maybe one of them have more input than i can give

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Hi llbadgerll,

When coming off drugs of any kind you have to allow time for your brain chemistry to readjust. You may never feel exactly 'normal' because normal means something completely different to your brain now. The feeling that time is dragging on (or the feeling that it's been longer than it actually has) is a side effect similar to time dilation while under the influence.

The fact that your birth mother was an addict throughout her pregnancy would have had an effect on you. I've seen babies that have to go through withdrawals from the minute they're born.

I don't think that stimulant type medications will be beneficial to you if you are trying to stay sober. The potential to abuse them will be quite high with your history of meth abuse. You should be completely honest with your psych and tell them about your history, they will be able to advise you on what medications will be best. We can't tell you if a medication will have a certain effect on you.

Congrats on being 2 months sober.