Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

[bEnZo bUdDyY]

Thanks for the reply benzo buddy. I have read that, but to be honest I'm looking for something to help me get back to 10 - 15mg of hydrocodone a day. I realized when I ran out this last time and it was a weekend and of course my doctor office was closed that I was highly addicted to the hydrocodone. That's when I decided enough is enough. If you know a lot about kratom I have a lot of questions. Am I just being stupid in thinking I won't get back to taking 6 or 8 hydrocodone a day?? I haven't had anything (including sleep) in 6 days. I took 3 1/2 gram of kratom and I'm feeling great!! My next script refill is the 19th... If I can make it till then, but if I'm taking kratom will it be like before where I need 6 hydrocodone a day? Also, can I mix over the counter sleep aid with kratom?? See I have a lot of questions... This sucks ..

Kratom can help you lower your tolerance but you have to use it in moderation and at all cost as little as possible if you want your tolerance back down... But once you get it down make sure you dont end back up in this predicament i know easy said then done but you can do it because you want to! So I would advise to use the kratom just enough to not be sick and try to lower dose in a couple days.

Also any OTC sleep aid should be fine with kratom.

Do you have acess to any benzos if you do use those for sleep and relief throughout the day.

Like I said focus on trying to limit your kratom use but also make sure your not dope sick!! Also if possible in the next few days leading up to the 19th also try weaning yourself down on the kratom this will help majorly as hydrocodone is stronger then kratom and produces alot better affects.

Any questions just keep asking Im home for the night and tomorrow and am willing to help as much as I can!

 

[cleric]

Brief Background

Had some genetic proclivity towards addiction (dad's side of the family are all addicts). Was always an anxious kid as long as I can remember. Sought out fantasy games and novels a lot. Always loved art; I drew my own comics and loved submerging myself in own version of reality. When I first learned about drugs I was fascinated and intrigued of them.

Substance(s)

Started drinking at age 12, had bouts of binge drinking and hospitalizations by the time I was 15. At 16 got into weed, at 17 switched my focus to benzodiazepines, oxycodone and hydrocodone. When I went to art school in Philly at 18 developed a good friend group and enjoyed mushrooms, LSD, MDMA and ketamine. My pill habit returned with a vengeance when I found connections at college... and eventually I drained my savings and switched to heroin, which was much easier to get and cheaper.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

I think I started my addiction as soon as I started drinking; the substances evolved over time but I was constantly seeking an escape from myself. So about 7 years of addictive behavior and thinking. My heroin addiction lasted a bit over a year. It feels like longer, since heroin by far had the most devastating effect on my mind and body.

Adverse Effects

2 overdoses... one of which was in my girlfriend's parents' basement. Her dad had to call an ambulance for me. It ruined my 3+ year relationship. None of my family members trust me, over and over I took advantage of them and stole from them. Had multiple rehab stays, which didn't work because I was just trying to appease my family.

After I broke into a neighbor's house and got arrested, I couldn't stand the person I had become. I lost all interest in art, which I had wanted to make a career in. My life had no purpose. I recognize that mind altering substances have a lot to benefit mankind, but I abused them and let them control every aspect of my life. I was sick of withdrawing and feeling like garbage all the time. I finally made the decision to live in a recovery house. While it has its ups and downs, I'm finally in a clear headspace for the first time in years.

Warnings and Advice

I think the most important advice I could give about drugs is to respect them; mind altering substances are a significant part of human history, but that history has a dark underside. When you get to the point of relying on drugs as a means of avoiding pain and discomfort, that pain and discomfort will return ten-fold.

 

[jzdelona]

I am an addict who recently relapsed. This thread is a hot mess!

 

[bluesnail]

Background... I had never thought of myself as having an addictive personality. I knew tho, after having surgery that I really liked these pain meds... I had self esteem issues and borderline depression for years, but I was productive. I raised my kids, I kept a good job, I was creative working on art projects and selling my work, I had occasional relationships that were sometimes satisfying - sometimes horribly painful. I drank with friends and smoked pot sometimes too, but it was important for me to keep my sense of control - I guess because I was a single parent raising kids, and I was motivated.

Substances... Pain meds, I love them - hydrocodone, percocet, oxycodone. I started taking them when I was dating a man that had them around. Then I started buying them, taking 2 or 3 a day. And I always drank booze with them.

Duration of dependence... About 2 or 3 years. I am so dumb, I didnt realize I was addicted until I would run out and then experience the sickness, but didn't connect the sickness with the pills. Crazy! Finally I did make the connection, and forced myself to get off them. And then a friend gave me some tramadol, about 90 pills, and I took them within a month. And experienced another withdrawal. That was about 5 months ago. Trying to get off cigarettes and alcohol now.

Adverse effects... I am in good shape physically but my head is still a mess. The boredom is what gets me. I used to be so motivated, creative, so interested, and I had discipline. Now I have to force myself to do anything, or not. It's getting better, but the boredom and depression is still a battle. After kicking to tramadol, I became obsessed with a man I was dating, and I realized I was addicted to the dopamine high from love attraction. Anything to escape I guess.

Advice... I have no advice other than to know that when you are addicted to something that is keeping you from a natural well being feeling, coping with life from inner strength or from spiritual energy. Dopamine is sort of a slippery slope, but is sort of a natural thing I guess. My advice is to stay away from anything you could potentially get addicted to, the withdrawal is rotten to the core and may alter your personality and coping skills forever.

 

[LudaCritz]

Brief Background

Well, as strange as it sounds I started using speed/meth whatever you want to call it a couple years back simply to lose weight. I was in the military for a short time so I was decently fit but when I got out... boy I sat down (started drinking everyday and not exercising) and just did not want to get back up.
...
So I was hanging out with some people one day (and I've kinda always been that guy that says no to drugs) they offered me a hit and I'd simply just stop caring. I didn't plan on continuing it, so I gave it a shot, didn't care much for it really. It made me overly paranoid, clenching my jaw... just couldn't function, but after being high for about 5 hours I started getting the hang of it and stopped most of the problems. Throughout my high I realized that I just wasn't really hungry, I did like that aspect of it. I knew it was the drugs so I forced myself to at least eat dinner anyway.
...
So anyway, long story short the next day I thought... well hell, hit a bowl a couple times, gives me a small kick in the butt to get up and move around and at the sametime it stops me from eating out of boredom. ...So I fell for it, I went back and smoked some more with them but this time I reminded myself of the things I didn't like about it and monitored myself very closely making sure I wasn't walking around like a dysfunctional, gnashing tweaker and I succeeded. I've managed to do meth for the last 3-4 years and the only person that ever knows is my mother, but for some reason I can't have a single beer without her knowing somehow, I mean, I could go home, take a shower, brush my teeth, sleep and a week later go visit her and the first thing she says to me is "Have you been drinking?" see but it's more of a rhetorical question in her words because she already knows, she just wants to see if I'll tell her to truth. I get so tired of her asking me all the time that half the time I don't even hear what she says, I just agree and move on with my day. She always knows somehow... She acts like I'm a alcohol that stumbles around town all day with a 40 in my hand. I've been drinking so long I can drink a 5th of whiskey to myself and still look/act/drive/sit/fly/run/walk/as sober as anyone else if not better.
...
...But, I was searching online for some random information regarding drugs and came acrossed this post and thought I'd share my story with you guys because in the world I live in people would call you an addict if you drink to much wine at dinner. I know there are ways of looking at my useage and saying that I could be considered and addict but in my book and addict is someone that just can't stop, or even moderate his/her intake, for example, I have never personally held more than 10$ worth of speed in my hand at one time. Simple reasons, I'm scared shitless that I'll get caught and small amounts in powder form can easily be blown to the wind and secondly, if I don't buy a lot then I can't do a lot, so I force myself to moderate my intake so I never get to attached to it.
...
Not to mention, sometimes I'll forget all about it and go months without it and then one day I'll run into someone I know and they'll ask me if I want to buy some or know anyone looking to buy some. Then I'll debate it for a bit with myself and eventually give in to my more primitive desire to sit the hell down and relax and rekt some damn video games, you know. ...but, what I'm meaning to say is that, by definition or even personal feelings and obviously being myself and having known myself my whole life, I do not consider myself an addict. On the other hand my own mother seems to think I'm some druggy, carpet surfing for rocks. I mean, she's seen me high like 4 times in the last few years and the only reason she "thinks" I'm high even if I'm not is because pupil dilation.

Anyway, I'm going to move on the next section. --nevermind I guess I've answered all the questions in my rant up there.

...Well, let me know what you guys think, am I crazy? Mind you, I come from a long line of people that probably never even seen meth in their life, although, sometimes I suspect that my father may have used from time to time, but who knows.
...And by the way, I think the only reason I'm asking is because I come from people that don't know anything about this side of life so I'm kind of standing on my own in that world and it'd be nice to have someone just say that I'm not crazy or they're just straight edged idiots making things way worse then it is, because there are people out there with REAL addiction problems that they should be worried about, I'm a recreational user.


Let me know...

...LudaCritz

 

[bEnZo bUdDyY]

Brief Background

Well, as strange as it sounds I started using speed/meth whatever you want to call it a couple years back simply to lose weight. I was in the military for a short time so I was decently fit but when I got out... boy I sat down (started drinking everyday and not exercising) and just did not want to get back up.
...
So I was hanging out with some people one day (and I've kinda always been that guy that says no to drugs) they offered me a hit and I'd simply just stop caring. I didn't plan on continuing it, so I gave it a shot, didn't care much for it really. It made me overly paranoid, clenching my jaw... just couldn't function, but after being high for about 5 hours I started getting the hang of it and stopped most of the problems. Throughout my high I realized that I just wasn't really hungry, I did like that aspect of it. I knew it was the drugs so I forced myself to at least eat dinner anyway.
...
So anyway, long story short the next day I thought... well hell, hit a bowl a couple times, gives me a small kick in the butt to get up and move around and at the sametime it stops me from eating out of boredom. ...So I fell for it, I went back and smoked some more with them but this time I reminded myself of the things I didn't like about it and monitored myself very closely making sure I wasn't walking around like a dysfunctional, gnashing tweaker and I succeeded. I've managed to do meth for the last 3-4 years and the only person that ever knows is my mother, but for some reason I can't have a single beer without her knowing somehow, I mean, I could go home, take a shower, brush my teeth, sleep and a week later go visit her and the first thing she says to me is "Have you been drinking?" see but it's more of a rhetorical question in her words because she already knows, she just wants to see if I'll tell her to truth. I get so tired of her asking me all the time that half the time I don't even hear what she says, I just agree and move on with my day. She always knows somehow... She acts like I'm a alcohol that stumbles around town all day with a 40 in my hand. I've been drinking so long I can drink a 5th of whiskey to myself and still look/act/drive/sit/fly/run/walk/as sober as anyone else if not better.
...
...But, I was searching online for some random information regarding drugs and came acrossed this post and thought I'd share my story with you guys because in the world I live in people would call you an addict if you drink to much wine at dinner. I know there are ways of looking at my useage and saying that I could be considered and addict but in my book and addict is someone that just can't stop, or even moderate his/her intake, for example, I have never personally held more than 10$ worth of speed in my hand at one time. Simple reasons, I'm scared shitless that I'll get caught and small amounts in powder form can easily be blown to the wind and secondly, if I don't buy a lot then I can't do a lot, so I force myself to moderate my intake so I never get to attached to it.
...
Not to mention, sometimes I'll forget all about it and go months without it and then one day I'll run into someone I know and they'll ask me if I want to buy some or know anyone looking to buy some. Then I'll debate it for a bit with myself and eventually give in to my more primitive desire to sit the hell down and relax and rekt some damn video games, you know. ...but, what I'm meaning to say is that, by definition or even personal feelings and obviously being myself and having known myself my whole life, I do not consider myself an addict. On the other hand my own mother seems to think I'm some druggy, carpet surfing for rocks. I mean, she's seen me high like 4 times in the last few years and the only reason she "thinks" I'm high even if I'm not is because pupil dilation.

Anyway, I'm going to move on the next section. --nevermind I guess I've answered all the questions in my rant up there.

...Well, let me know what you guys think, am I crazy? Mind you, I come from a long line of people that probably never even seen meth in their life, although, sometimes I suspect that my father may have used from time to time, but who knows.
...And by the way, I think the only reason I'm asking is because I come from people that don't know anything about this side of life so I'm kind of standing on my own in that world and it'd be nice to have someone just say that I'm not crazy or they're just straight edged idiots making things way worse then it is, because there are people out there with REAL addiction problems that they should be worried about, I'm a recreational user.


Let me know...

...LudaCritz

Ok first off no offense, I just want to let you know you know the reality truth, you are an addict! But just not as severe as what you see on TV and or your own self choice image. There are different degrees of addiction from severe to not to severe, and when your the addict you never see it, drugs cloud your precipitation, I dont think your a really bad addict, nor crazy but meth is a horrible substance alomg with all the other bullshit, it all has its ups but then followed by some unbearable downs. L.I.F.E. it is what you make it. And your mom obviously just cares and loves you, so idk dont think your not an addict, thats the fastest way to destruction.

 

[LudaCritz]

Lol... Not really sure I can find the words to describe it. Just so we're all on the same page here, when I say addict, I mean the literal definition of it.


ad·dict·edəˈdiktəd/
adjective

physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.
"she became addicted to alcohol and diet pills"


enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity.
"he's addicted to computers"
synonyms: devoted to, obsessed with, fixated on, dedicated to, fanatical about, passionate about, enamored of, a slave to



I am neither of those, if we want to get down to brass tax, the only thing I'm slightly addicted to is alcohol because it's really the only thing that has ever helped me sleep in life. Also, on that note, if anyone is an addict it'd be my mother, the amount of meth I've done in my life is not even comparable to the mounts of sugar she has consumed. Sugar, is a horrible substance. There are far more people in this world with health related issues from not taking care of themselves then there are drug addicts. So let's not say I'm an addict. If I'm an addict then everyone on this planet is an addict to.

 

[bEnZo bUdDyY]

^^^^

Very interesting information !

Bravo

 

[Experimentalist69]

I used to be that person who never disappointed my parents, who would never do drugs. Then one time I tried dabs (THC extract). It was so amazing, and I was so interested in how the chemical worked and its effects on the brain. I was curious. Way too curious. First it was a one time thing. Then it was like every weekend I would try it. That eventually led to doing it everyday. If you asked me why I do it in the first place, I dont even have an answer because I'm to embarrassed to say "Addiction". I wasn't addicted to THC, I was addicted to feeling different. I would usually have cravings for THC or any drug for that matter, when I was bored because it was something to do. I realized I had an addiction when I had to take a drug test. I got a 3 week notice, no big deal, right? Absolutely wrong. In the doctors office I thought "I'm gonna prove everyone wrong and pass that drug test" but as time went by, it git harder and harder to not do anything. So I knew I was addicted when during those 3 weeks, I didn't smoke. Not once. But instead, every SINGLE day, I would do something that was an alternative to weed. I would abuse caugh syrup, take DXM allergy tablets, drink alcohol, take other people's prescription drugs. Sometimes I would even steal them. Its extremely selfish if you ask me, I knew it was wrong. But something had to feed that burning urge inside of me, and I wouldn't rest until I found something to fulfil that urge. If you asked me how to prevent addiction, I would say dont try any substances in the first place. But I know that there is curiosity in all if us, and we all end up trying some substance in are life, wether we get addicted to it or not. But if your reason is because your curious, then you should only do it once so you can experience it and be done. Don't do what I did and keep on "trying it" until you cant even feel the effects anymore.

WARNING!!! - If you are prescribed and taking stimulants like Adderal, or vyvanse then STOP. DO NOT consume any harmful substances while currently on the medication, or at least 2 weeks after last intake. Stimulants such as these medicine causes addiction 10x faster then if you werent taking the medicine. this is extremely important, this is what most likely caused my addiction. Don't EVER think addiction can't happen to you, because before you know it you will be just like that druggie you made fun of in highschool, and possibly worse. It happens behind your back. Right under your nose. Then it sneaks up on you and once it's to late to change, your addiction already has set its course and its too late to do anything about it. And without help, it just gets worse and worse and then you die at the age of 23 from heroin overdose. Or die at 40 from lung cancer. Or kidney failure. Or heart attack. If your thinking about trying anything, make sure you have the inner strength to not do it again.

 

[Ne0]

Well my only addiction for ever has been poppytea, yes I have used tramadol for 2 months daily but I quited that very easily, only two days little bit feeling shit, and buprenorphine took that all out.

I did opiates/opioids for 10 years every now and then then sometimes having very long breaks, but when I met poppyseed tea I noticed it fixed all my mental problems, no depression no extreme anxiety no extreme mood wings no extreme anger and so one, Im diagnosed borderline personality distorter. After that I decided that I will use it every day no matter if I will get addicted. I never run out of poppies I always bought for 1 month supply, every day went nicely in opiate bliss. In the end the price went very high as my tolerance raised very high so I decided to quit also I didn't like the idea If I get to to situation where there is no opiates available and I got to WDS. Do I regret anything? No because if I didn't start to use poppy tea every day I might committed a suicide.

 

[svacheme3]

So I originally wrote most of this for another thread but might as well add it to the sticky here...

Background
I always had severe social anxiety issues growing up that just got worse over the years. Friends went from few and far between as a little kid to none in high school. I just couldn't hold a normal conversation; so I was always silent, which creeped people out. And I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to get relief from the medical system. Different therapy techniques, then prescribed SSRIs (every generation in sequence), Wellbutrin, and eventually benzodiazepines. None of these helped. So despite being in all the gifted programs then AP classes being the straight-edged nerd, eventually I tried alcohol and pot. These didn't help either. It wasn't the normal social anxiety issues... I wasn't nervous about being around people, whenever I did get invited somewhere I jumped at the chance, I participated in all manner of extracurriculars-- I just couldn't talk like a normal person. Given a specific topic, sure I could talk about that topic. But an unstructured informal social small talk? Just couldn't do it, even if drunk or high.

This continued right on into college. I lived on campus freshman year; this is the single easiest time in life to make new friends or have a relationship, and I couldn't accomplish either all year. Just the creepy quiet guy. So that summer, back home, I got desperate enough to do something I was vehemently opposed to and condemned people for my entire life until that point, trying hard drugs. The first thing I had an opportunity to use (having only ever used alcohol and pot at this point) was cocaine. I'll never forget that first line... within seconds, all my fear of and inability to hold conversations was gone. I was the life of the party, talking to everyone, even having fun conversations with girls. Well, that was obviously not something that was going to be a one time thing for me and the floodgates opened as all my negative opinions on hard drugs flew out the window.

A few months later I had the opportunity to take opiates for the first time, and immediately found these had the same social benefits without the increasing side effects cocaine was having. And as they say, the rest is history. Opiates let me be the person I wanted to be. Unless I was partying, I never even took an amount large enough for anyone to notice. I was just a normal person, who finally had friends and relationships-- and not just drug friends either, my core circle of best friends that I hung out with every day in college had no idea I used opiates and coke, and didn't do anything worse than alcohol themselves. They were all shocked when I finally told them 3 years later.

As I studied psychobiology as an undergrad major, and got heavily into psychopharmacology as a particular focus area, I began to understand the imbalances as the root of my problem. A deficiency in the chemicals related to the natural reward system not only explained the particular social phobia, but also all the comorbid diagnoses I had received over the years (ADHD/I, mild Aspergers); I didn't get the rewards normal people get from talking and sharing-- reward deficiency syndrome-- and as all those are related to dopamine and endorphin systems, it perfectly explained why alcohol and benzodiazepines had zero effect on my social anxiety, but strong stimulants and opiates did.

So what's a guy to do... eventually the financial and legal aspects of self medicating that way began to have serious consequences. But I hate the person I am without at least opiates so much that there is simply no way I would go on living without them. It's been 13 years of addiction now, but I'm a normal, stable, functional person with a real social life and ability to date girls-- I went through 4 years of college, and have been extremely highly regarded in every job I've had. But I did face some prison time that cost me everything I had at the time and all my disposable income goes to pay for the drugs. But I still have the same opinion as when I started, the benefits outweigh the costs. So I have zero desire whatsoever to stop using, and almost certainly never will, especially considering since I'm just using to be a normal person I don't go crazy stealing and living the stereotypical junkie life. I just get my drugs then go about a normal life, only my dealer and very closest friends even know I use.

Substances
Addictions with oxycodone (former), heroin (current), and cocaine (former, but still use small amounts every once in a while); but ever used is a long list.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence
13 years so far, probably will not ever stop.

Adverse Effects
One time I was caught with coke, and this eventually led to a year in jail. That cost me my doctors (and thus my near limitless access to free oxy), home, and fiancée that I'll never get over. Not to mention when arrested going cold turkey while in solitary and on suicide watch (padded vest, absolutely no other clothes or blankets) from a 1600-2400mg/day IV oxy habit was the most painful experience of my life- 99% of people have no idea just how bad withdrawal can be... screaming nonstop, puking nothing but bile, shitting clear jelly, forced onto IV fluids.. ugh. All my veins are in ruins and now I've got an injection complication that will leave my hand scarred for life (see my post in Case Studies sticky). And I don't have extra money for anything besides drugs.

Warnings and Advice
Don't take my belief in the consequences being worth it for myself to mean I'm saying it's a good plan for anyone else. The equation for someone else is almost certainly going to be different, both in terms of benefits and ability to financially sustain a habit, and how facing a shortfall will work out. Except in the rarest of circumstances, addiction won't be a net good, it's something I chose as opposed to not continuing with life.

Miscellaneous
There's almost certainly going to be a chorus of what people think I should be doing as an alternative, but I'd hope my writing in this and other posts demonstrates I'm intelligent and educated, so this isn't a course I've chosen without full knowledge of the consequences and total exhaustion of alternatives or a carefully considered assessment of why they're inadequate.

 

[Darylst]

I know I have set your mind to probably never stop and I'm not trying to preach by any means but I have been using for about 10 years now and I have been trying to stop for other reasons cause I'm scared I might die I've been seeing people just recently lose everyone and I saved one man 60 yrs old wife just left him had nothing to live for other than getting high and I thought to myself "should I even help" he's just gonna do it again. Then his brother just o.d'd and is in the hospital messed up his heart really bad I watched his life crumble and I know my life wasnt much better but seeing it from a different perspective really changed the way I look at my self. WELL anyways I'm sorry I don't mean to ramble I'm sure I'm not convincing you of anything you seem very smart ,much smarter than I I'm sure so I guess what I am trying to say is try to get a different perspective on it if u haven't already
I know some people just never want to stop and don't ever stop but I know almost everyone gets to a point where they will want something more than getting high and well whether its to late or not is up to the person I guess ao anyway hope I helped probably heard about all this before but if it helps a little I am glad to message any one who needs or ill be posting my story on here too in about i about 5 minutes

 

[Darylst]

Ok so my story(addiction)starts like many of others I was a little socially awkward had low self-esteem and not because I was ugly or grossly over weight it was because of my father calling me a day retarded piece of shit since I can remember so I got over it well forgot all about it by ... I guessed it partying I hated drugs all my life until I was about 18 I was sheltered untill then i couldn't go out or play sports cause my father was always drunk so when I was free yes it felt so great but I still felt bad about myself so on with the partying I didn't know what I was doing half the time all I knew was drinking and drugs helped me to forget about who I was . I was in heaven for a brief moment of time i lost all my weight I looked good and I could talk to women as long as I was influenced by some kind of anything really but I never felt like I did untill I had one hydrocodone is all it took but I didn't go off the deep end for about 5 years after that I left town and joined the army yeah I was doing great until I came home from Korea after a year of drinking almost every night I got stuck going to Fort Drum N.Y. I was only 4 hours from home and I was supposed to go to Afghanistan in a few weeks of arrival well needless to say drugs came back to bite me in the ass the weekend before I was supposed to go (all my uniforms and gear was already there) I went home to say goodbye to some old friends and wouldn'tu know one of them had cocaine on Sat night so I said "shit might as well I'm going to war basically this was in 2002 we all know what was going on that's was my thinking I might die what's it gonna hurt well it ruined my military career the first time drugs brought me down and I've been fighting to get back up so urine screen Monday popped up bc some kid was smoking weed in the barracks so after I got out I was right back onto the hydrocodone and then I found oxycotin 80s then felt dope sick for the first time and heroin it Was it was cheep and effective then I lost my car cause I wasn't paying my loan and once I lost mycar it was over I didn't care how messed up I got I was doing what ever I could so I could get money to get high same old story but I finally got sick of losing everything I had nothing except my gf who stayed by my side and I went to rehab and I've actually been to rehab about 5 times I'm still not perfect I screw up from time to time but it is getting easier to stay away I'm seeing addiction ruined other people's lives and they aren't coming back from it they died or are about to and actually watching it eat away at some one else is scary you can tell me all the stories u want but when it happening right next to u it's scary plus I od'd myself twice and I'm not ready to die yet so I'm trying it is all any of us can do sorry I went on a lot but guess if u see it enough iwheres u down so don't give up no matter how many times u fall

 

[Lady Codone]

I'm a self-medicator who started with weed and Mini-Thins (showing my age here) and progressed to opiates and research chemicals. I've had too many "drugs of choice" to list them all, so I'll just fast-forward to today. I'm a daily user of opiates (usually codeine and kratom, but OxyContin or hydro when I can get it) & Benzedrex. I can't function without a stimulant, and opiates are the frosting on the dry-ass cake of life. Never injected anything or sold myself to get drugs...never been to rehab or hospitalized for an OD. My health is good overall and I mostly use drugs to treat depression, fatigue and social anxiety, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I don't enjoy the euphoria I get from them. Other drugs I use at times: Fioricet, Soma, weed, Adderall, dihydrocodeine, tianeptine & diazepam.

Total number of years on drugs: 16
Drugs of choice: Stimulants and opiates

 

[Ottawaii]

Previous history of years of sexual/mental and physical abuse. Low self-esteem, etc.....was finally getting out of my shell, started smoking pot, was instantly addicted. Two years later, broke ribs playing rugby. Was prescribed 100mg morphine tablets. I felt absolutely invincible. I was able to run my normal 3 miles after 3 days of having the broken ribs. (Not knowing I was actually hurting cuz I was so high). Blew through my 30 prescribed for 30 days in about 9 days. Then came my first WDs. Didn't feel TERRIBLE, but I need to get high......someone says "try Oxys". Not knowing what they were, I tried, In heaven again. And was a great way to come down from blow.... 3 years later I awaken from my stupor, girlfriend debating leaving me but somehow still had money in the bank. (Was doing wrong things the right way). Decided I had to leave the city before things got worse. Laid low for a while, returned home to find my business partner had fucked me for over $75,000 and I was now owing other people because he had used my credit. Oh, and he had set my girlfriend up with his new best friend. Back to square one. Numbing. But by that time Oxys were not oxyneos - gel form of OxyContin. No sniffing, no banging. Before I could blink I was trying to find heroin anywhere and everywherei could. 4 more years have since passed.....life is passing by....not accomplishing anything. Lost my family, got rid of most of my friends and my once established wealth ($78,000 at 24) is down to the negatives at age 31. My advice. Don't start it. If you try it and survive it, I hope you hated your first experience. If you loved it, That's a fucking terrible temptation to have. Promise yourself to not to do it for a long long time or never again because once you touch it 2-3 times in a week, you will lose a few years and get yourself into God-knows-what even if you have strong morals. The drugs will conquer them. Just don't start.

 

[Ottawaii]

To darylst
Wow man. Very similar life stories. Came from different places ended up in the same place. One day at a time my friend. My advice. Go on vacation. If you're still in BC, go to Hawaii if you can save up. Cheaper than rehab and it'll make u appreciate life much more. New perspectives change worlds.

 

[captain idiot]

hi ok to post if I'm high? 'repeat loser'<------- have had long and short time recovery in the past.

 

[pandas]

This is an amazing thread. I hope that we keep it going. Please post. xo

 

[pandas]

What actually makes people want to try it? Personally in Ireland it is seen as a horrible, disgusting drug.

If anybody ever comes to Ireland seeing somebody addicted would put you off it for life. They will do ANYTHING to make enough for a hit.

That's just my experience from seeing so much in the city centre

Sorry if I offended anybody, I know sometimes it may not be by choice

I've also never used, and am not a big fan of downers imo

Bruh, he was telling his story. YOU need to shove off it or STFU. And I happen to be Irish. So support or shove off, mate.

 

[docleary]

Brief Background

grew up wicked shy as an only child in rural maine, no other kids nearby. was molested as a young child, struggled with sexuality since. in high school i discovered drugs, and found that among their effects was the ability for me to be more outgoing and social, but eventually my reason for using drugs was simply to avoid reality as best i could. i was afraid of failure, but at the same time, i was scared of success.

Substance(s)

i started using drugs as a sophomore in high school, started with random pharms, basically whatever i could get. as a junior in high school i started smoking pot, drinking, and using cocaine. senior year in high school i was introduced to psychedelics, and i dropped out and got GED when i was required to take a fifth year for one class. i abused DXM, LSD, narcotic pharmaceutical painkillers, heroin and alcohol. deep down my favorite drugs to use were psychedelics but once narcotics took hold, i didn't have the money/time to spend on them.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

i've been addicted to opiates for 7 years, shooting them for 4.

Adverse Effects

i've overdosed, lost friends, lost jobs, ruined promising relationships and financial freedom. i've ruined numerous veins, and have very poor circulation, my legs and arms are numb if i sit/lie still for too long.

Warnings and Advice

drugs cannot heal emotional pain.

Miscellaneous

i wish i spent more money on my cars and girlfriends, then i might still have one or the other.