What Would You Do/What Should I Do?

[8L4YN3]

Okay so basically, i was a heavy cannabis user for nearly 8 years, starting at age 14. Due to habits and what not i ended up on 140mg of methadone(ORT) by late 2010, i was only at this dose for little over six months. Mid 2011 i meet this girl who becomes a central part of my life, we fell in love ect, all that good stuff, become inseparable, it started fairly rocky though but ended up being an amazing relationships(it's always the people you never expect to be perfect with isn't it?). So anyways, during January 2012 and March 2012 i was using my methadone takehomes IV, i thought nothing of dosing 140mg orally, then ivíng 280mg once i got home, 420mg of methadone, 2 thirds of which were injected, it's crazy to think what level my tolerance was at now in retrospect. So in March i decided fuck all this, basically i wanted my life back and wanted to be able to be the best version of myself for myself and my relationship, so i started reducing my dose. Girlfriend was crucial in helping me maintain such strong motivation, there was no pressure at all though, in fact she was always quite worried i was doing things too quickly. Then amazingly in i think it was July we find out she is pregnant, which worked out so well because i was already well in reducing my dose..

Fast forward to today: here i am, 10 days away from my baby girls due date(21st Feb), i'm on 2mg of suboxone and i've also not smoked any weed for about 6 months(which is something i never thought i'd be happy with but here i am, glad without weed). I went through absolute fucking hell coming off methadone, i was in a fairly decent state of withdrawal for fair few months straight and i lost about 12 kg due to not having any appetite at all, i switched to bupe once i got to 20mg of methadone, that was a fairly smooth transition surprisingly. I went to 32mg of bupe, and over time reduced that all the way down to where i am now. So basically i'm used to this withdrawal shit, and like it's been so long since i felt at my best that like this feeling shit is pretty much my normal now, humans adapt as they say. Still though my sleeping and eating hasn't been right for nearly a year now. Also due to my chemist and doctor being complete fucking retards, i can't drop below 2mg, because basically my chemist doesn't even stock subutex pills anymore(they go below 2mg in dose) or the subutex .5mg film, and they won't order them in purely for one person to use. Also due to politically correct bullshit, everyone refuses to just cut 2mg strips in halves and quarters, you'd think that's a perfectly simple solution right? Since i don't even receive take homes, they could just cut the strip in half and ditch the the half, fairly accurate, much more so than halving a pill. But no, so my only option now for further reduction is to go to alternate day dosing.

Okay so my real question here is this, it's 11th of Feb, i'm contemplating just jumping off right now, tomorrow, basically i would go see my doctor, get some clonidine, valium whatever ever else. When i have money i may be able to get some weed too. And yeah i'm thinking of trying to be off this stuff before my baby is born, i know i won't feel awesome or anything, but maybe the joy of my first born will balance out whatever shit feeling i have? I don't know.

Or should i just relax and wait until she is born, enjoy that to the fullest, enjoy my baby girl for a bit and then do this? Such a huge part of me just wants this over with. I don't fear the withdrawal at all, know exactly what to expect, i hate it more than anything but i'm used to this shit now.

Opinions guys? Also what would the likely time frame be for me? How long until all that is left is anxiety and depression?

 

[herbavore]

Congratulations on everything--quitting and becoming a father! Having your first baby is such an overwhelming experience. I think if I were you I would try to hang tight and not have the distraction of feeling ill, irritable etc. during this time. Your girlfriend's hormones are going to crazy for a week or so at least, you will both be sleep deprived and there will be so much to learn and adapt to right in those first few days. The moment of birth and the little cocoon of time that comes after is such sacred time. It is for bonding and marveling and crying and laughing and touching. You'll want to be present for all of that. I know that it probably means something to you symbolically to be off everything before your daughter's birth but if you think about it that is far less important in the long-run than feeling good and able to be present for such a momentous occasion.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Congrats on your daughter :D

I suggest you keep it up until after she's born, for a time after she arrives you won't have time to think about how you feel (other than overrun/tired). You don't want to risk having withdrawals coinciding with the due date, you'll want to be at the top of your game when it happens.

 

[TCMVegas]

Congratulations on everything--quitting and becoming a father! Having your first baby is such an overwhelming experience. I think if I were you I would try to hang tight and not have the distraction of feeling ill, irritable etc. during this time. Your girlfriend's hormones are going to crazy for a week or so at least, you will both be sleep deprived and there will be so much to learn and adapt to right in those first few days. The moment of birth and the little cocoon of time that comes after is such sacred time. It is for bonding and marveling and crying and laughing and touching. You'll want to be present for all of that. I know that it probably means something to you symbolically to be off everything before your daughter's birth but if you think about it that is far less important in the long-run than feeling good and able to be present for such a momentous occasion.

I was going to tell him to maybe reduce the sub to 1mg instead of 2, but honestly, herbavore sounds right here

Do it slowly and gently, don't face all of the withdrawals at once.

What if he gets down to 1.5mg or a day for the next 2 weeks? Might be a nice gentle start.