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Vent/Rant Thread vs 3 (Triggering Content)

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tripnotyzm

Bluelighter
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Mar 1, 2012
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Welcome to the third edition of the vent/rant thread.

This thread gives you the opportunity to let off some steam, vent your current frustrations and find healthy support.

While ALL other threads in The Dark Side have a strict "No triggering content" policy, we are a little more lenient with these topics because, well, yall gotta have somewhere to unleash, right?!

Remember, just because the rules are lighter in here, it still does not give anybody the right to direct aggressive & abuse comments at each other. Play nice :)

Take care everyone

The last thread can be found here.


The last post submitted in the previous thread:

^You're a good person
for doing that for your brother and his dog. I hope the conversation goes well.

I'm at pretty much the end of the line with my job now. I found out that when I recently called in due to a huge snow storm which halted the buses and cabs for two full days (I don't have a car), the absence was counted against me. It shouldn't be a huge surprise to me, but it just reinforces that this company expects their employees to risk their fucking lives to come into work. When I started working there, it wasn't like this. They had monthly "food days" and if someone died they'd give us as much time as we needed off; friend, family member, pet, whatever. When my grandfather died I got warned for leaving work after talking to my father on the phone and finding out. Then they misplaced all the paperwork and I had to go through all the hoops again to make sure that I wouldn't be further disciplined for the rest of the time I missed for his funeral.

It's been almost 8 fucking years now. I should be given some form of respect there, but instead I just see that dwindling more and more. I've become convinced that the people that work in HR at my company aren't human at all. It's increasingly tempting to give my two weeks' notice, but I'm terrified of not having a job and being unsure of how long it would be until I could find something else.
 
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Never been diagnosed, but I just know have severe ADD and it's fuckin me up
 
My package from FedEx was supposed to be delivered on Thursday and it's STILL not here... Only waiting for a much anticipated birthday present. :(
 
So I am quitting booze and feel very confident and good about it, still very early on in the process and do not have all my support setup (I have some support, its just not professional) and I go to the store and this women in front of me is buying a bottle of wine. The bottle looked so damn beautiful. Then I thought to myself... what the fuck, I do not even really like wine. Didn't really seem like a craving per say, it was just really odd. Almost like I was longing that I couldn't have it anymore.

I do hate when you quit substances you mourn them. I do love good microbrewed beers, but its just something I cannot do anymore because it causes me more harm then good. My choices are: Drink lots of craft beers and be miserable and likely not achieve very much of anything

or quit and finally start that next step of advancing in my field, getting paid better, being able to finally start the process towards my masters degree, finding out who I really am, having enough money to take a vacation.

I am sick of feeling guilty and using when I know I should be. I have been clean before and it was preferable to where I am now. Where I am now is a mere smidge of how bad I had truly gotten before I got clean and it really sucks. I know that if I keep using it will get fucking worse.

All right, think I worked that one out. phew.
 
My package from FedEx was supposed to be delivered on Thursday and it's STILL not here... Only waiting for a much anticipated birthday present. :(

I have a package of kratom that I ordered drunk was planning on using "for work" that got lost and still hasn't arrived and has been all over the place. This was before I decided to stop my bullshit. As soon as that fucked comes I am throwing it straight in a nearby trashbin. Wasted money but oh well. God knows I could have used that fucking money right now though.
 
damn arci. i've lost people before, i definitely know that feel. i was pissed about it for years after my best friend died when i was 19. still sorta pisses me off, the way he went, the way he was so careless. death is a fucked up thing. hope you're doing alright bud.
 
This isn't going to be triggering if I can help it. But I have a rant coming to a rolling boil.

I do a lot of ride sharing. It's raining a lot lately. People who take the bus don't need to sit out there if we are going the same way anyway. I have made some dear friends during this shit economy because I am uber broke but lucky enough to still have possession of my car, although I've been unemployed for three years so keeping it gets harder every day.

Well...my car holds four and if I come across three other people headed in same general direction during the course of an errand filled day, I offer my other three car seats... just because it makes sense i guess...

Anyway I have a also uber broke rider who is a good person that I respect and whose company I've always enjoyed. Although we are not friends socially, we do share a tightness of understanding, a comforting closeness when ever we are sitting in traffic and talking. It feels good to be real.... to give and receive trust.

This commuter earns the rent money by marking up and selling merchandise acquired at a relatively discounted price. I would venture to say the buyers are unable to get to the street fair themselves and make their own deals. The profit margin is just that.... marginal. At best. The little set of semi regulars for whom this microwalmartfuck bids know wholesale and retail just like everybody and even an assbrain with no eyes could see that there's no margin for this individual, whole personal economy is a simple one of meal to meal. Before tumbling into the position of a "gofer" this was a dedicated professional with a difficult career and disposable income... both fatalities of the economy and the layoffs.

Some people are still living under those fatalities, having exhausted all available resources for continued life. I have met more than one who now appreciate the smallest of offerings...a free lift. A free lift!! The particular car partner of mine could be described by the above statements and that is not bullshit. I knew the "before" picture.

No experience in this line of work, and has found out that unless there is money at the time of purchase, there will be no money in exchange for those goods and services. A promise is not money. A check is not money. A money order is not money.

Suckered.

In the aftermath of losing a life's worth of physical possessions, the microwalmartfuck has lost everything else once valued. Including self.

So if you are reading this, and you are a somewhat stereotypical (for lack of a better term) BL user, and you told somebody down on the cash only floorboards that you would like to conduct an exchange, exchange, motherfucker.

Pay for what you buy. How hard is that? It's not much, I get it. But what is not much more than dinner at McDonalds for you becomes multiplied by 5 or 6 because that number of people did not have cash in hand when they were given their requested items even though there was a sudden situation that would briefly delay the cash in hand part of the process.

Brief delays always turn into nevers down at the bottom of capitalism's food chain where the microwalmartfuck lives. And if you haven't looked at the new bottom, you'll be astounded at who all is down there.

Trade cash for goods and services at the same time you acquire your goods and services. Civilization is dying down there and people living meal to meal are going without meals since they are not being given the agreed upon sums for their wares.

I am angry about the collapse of our personal daily encounters. Do not ask to purchase anything for which you do not have the cash in hand. If you have already done this to your advantage then when you try to do that again you are denied your purchase without cash in hand, instead of whining about it, GROW UP. If you can't afford it, don't be all pissed at the person or persons who want money.

Pay cash. Or don't buy. Fuckers.
 
i feel silly posting in here but i dont know where else... its just i think i am repeating myself i know you guys are probly soooo tired of hearing how i am anxious about my pregnancy but i am! and now there is a chance i might have gestational diabetes... i go on wed for a 3 hour glucose test... and i measured way big all the sudden so they scheduled me another ultrasound.... but i have to wait a week and a half... there is a good chance everything is fine but my mind wont stop spinning and its really hard!
i have more anxiety than i know how to handle!
on the upside i started prenatal yoga and light water aerobics which was awesome and met some preggie friends - except they are alll so perfect i feel i dont compare! my face is so broken out and i gained way more extra weight than them!
 
somehow I fucked up and she stopped talking to me, its been weeks :(
i felt so happy because I had a friend, someone to say hi to at the end of the day.
now it just back to sitting alone.
 
I am so lonely, yet I don't actually want to talk to anyone.
I need connection in this emptiness.
 
A letter I didn't (but wanted) to send to my psychiatrist....

I'm writing this letter to you to say that I will not be attending any more appointments with you and that I'm seeking a psychiatrist who actually shares empathy and concern for their patients. I find it unbelievable that you would not prescribe a medication which other doctors have prescribed for me in the past and that I have found extremely effective in battling the anxiety issues that I have. All that babble about addiction potential is rediculous considering that I'm currently using illegal substances and alcohol to try and patch up my problems. You're basically saying that you would prefer me to take harder illegal drugs than put me on a safe, legally prescribed medication. I can't sleep properly, I'm anxious in every social setting, I'm losing weight, yet you still think you know what is best for me. The fact is that benzodiazapines solve ALL of those problems for me, and you are refusing to give me effective treatment based upon broader experiences which have nothing to do with the individual patient.
 
I remember feeling that way well. I ended up just forcing myself to get out and talk to people. I usually didn't want to do it, but I also rarely regretted it.
 
Spork is right. I've hit low points in my life where I realized that whatever I was doing just wasn't making me happy. At that point you can either make a change or get comfortable with your issues. In a strange way it can be liberating to hit a low as you can say "Frak it! What more do I have to lose?" and put yourself out there.

It can feel ridiculously hard at first, but it does get easier. I was painfully shy until my early 20's and always feeling lonely and desperate but I forced myself to start talking to people. Sometimes it didn't work and I'd feel like crawling into a hole and pulling it closed over my head but all it takes is one or two people you click with and the world gets infinitely less lonely.

Wait, is this a Hallmark moment?

I'm happy to chat/email if you want some practice at random human interaction.
 
Perhaps I am an introvert for a reason.

People talk to me when they're having a problem. I'm extremely adept at solving other people's problems; I am not as adept at solving my own.

I am upset because a guy I had sex with a few times talked about me in a pejorative manner in a very public way. I am disgusted that he chose to make it public that we had consensual sex. Yes, we did. He also borrowed money from me, briefly lived at my old house, and made more of an effort to embarrass me than he did to pay me the money he owed me.

I haven't spoken with him in 2 years, but just last week he expressed his perceived embarrassment at having slept with me. He and I were both born in 1980, but he made the decision to embarrass me rather than to pay me back. He acted like a whiny infant, and I don't ever want to see him again.

I am fully disgusted. I don't want to admit that I had sex with a robber/bully, but it appears I did.
 
:!

My house flooded in the storms, I lost everything but my clothes. Still have no power to the house (it's been 3 days now)
 
Good luck. I went through a similar experience with alcohol right after I got out of college. I came back to South Florida to find all of my high school friends had turned into pill heads so I used alcohol as an escape and nearly fucked my life up as bad as my pill head friends.... not quite, but somewhat : ). Anyway, the first few months are hard, I can only suggest you take up a hobby. I started going to the gym religiously and took up MMA classes. I went from being a 145 lb weakling to a jacked 180 lb trained fighter. I promise you though, once enough time goes by you will be sooooo fucking happy you made a choice to change your habits. I just passed 1 year sober, I still drink on occassion, but never more than once a week and never more than 2 drinks per day.
 
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