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Not sure why I wasn't invited out with coworkers?

Hmm yeah it's called being honest and I've pretty much only gotten good results so far :?
If they're mature and she asks someone she's comfortable with there's no reason they can't answer that simple question.

They clearly chose specifically not to invite her. Asking why not would put them in an awkward position. If they're mature, they wouldve invited her in the first place.
 
Yes but there could be a perfectly rational reason why they didn't invite her that would make her feel better if she knew. Or on the other hand, if they were just being jerks, then I say they kinda deserve to be put in that awkward position and that's their problem.
 
Yes but there could be a perfectly rational reason why they didn't invite her that would make her feel better if she knew. Or on the other hand, if they were just being jerks, then I say they kinda deserve to be put in that awkward position and that's their problem.

then they would tell her. i can see no rational reason why they wouldnt. do you not have a job? sure you can "put them in their place" but working in an awkward environment is something you absolutely do NOT want. not trying to argue with you. i like you pagey:) just i really feel that if she confront them things will get worse. if they are mature and nice, and the OP really does get along with them, theyll invite her out eventually.
 
most likely they don't like you. i can guarantee they didn't forget to invite you. i mean really who forgets to invite someone, ever? unless your just not important.
 
The same thing happened to me when I just started a job.

The people who work there are 18-22 m/f (I'm 21, f) but all of them are local and either not in school or in community college, whereas I moved here to go to university. I had only been working there for about a week, but so had a few other girls, and my co-workers rented a party bus and didn't invite me, though they invited one (or more) of the new girls. Most of them aren't 21 so the bus didn't go anywhere, but rather just drove around since they can't go to any bars here.

Maybe this is because I must be cocky as fuck but they're always asking about the "crazy partying" in the college town and how "crazy" my life is, so maybe they thought I would have found it lame since I go to the party school and I'm 21. I also realized that they maybe knew the other girl from high school because almost all of them grew up in the area. Or maybe they just don't like me.

Still I was sort of offended that they didn't ask me even though I would have said no. I didn't ask them about it but it was kind of awkward and eventually I just forgot about it and moved on. But I know that feel, bro.... Just remember that this is your work circle and not your friend circle and that their decision not to invite you reflects far more on them than it does on you. You seem like a considerate person who wouldn't do that to anyone at your workplace; don't let them drag you down.

That being said, if you are trying to pursue being friends with these people (for whatever reason) then I would invite everyone out or otherwise make it known that you're the type of person who likes going out with their co-workers.

Either way don't worry about it and don't let it affect your self-esteem.
 
i can guarantee they didn't forget to invite you.
i can understand your firmly believing it or being absolutely convinced of it but how can you possibly guarantee it (unless you're another one of those people who has absolutely no idea what the word 'guarantee' actually means).

:\

alasdair
 
i can understand your firmly believing it or being absolutely convinced of it but how can you possibly guarantee it (unless you're another one of those people who has absolutely no idea what the word 'guarantee' actually means).

:\

alasdair

C'man, let's not play a game of semantics. It is highly improbable that they forgot to invite her when they see her just as often as they see the other people (likely 5x a week), and in the exact same setting.
 
there's a huge difference between "it's not likely" and "i can guarantee it never happened". discussing that is not semantics and is perfectly valid in the context of the discussion.

alasdair
 
why not ask a coworker you are closer to?

Yeah I would do this if it is really bothering you. Pick someone you are friends with and who won't gossip.

Without being in the workplace, I really can't offer much insight. Could be many reasons: a mere oversight, you normally say no to invites, the person whose birthday it is doesn't like you. I really can't be too sure.

If this is an isolated incident I wouldn't stress about it too much.
 
It sounds as if you work in some sort of restaurant/ flighty industry. Working with young 20-something year olds can be annoying because at time clusters form and people act 'cliquey'. Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself is to go into work acting professional and focusing more on the job then the petty social gangs that occur around you. Don't let these out-of-work social gatherings be a concern . You have a life outside of work that is much better if you keep the two separated. (I've suffered social anxiety, I'm an introvert, have few close friends, but I've learned to preserve my sanity by not caring what my co-workers think)
 
good lord dont do any of these. seriously. asking them will make it 1000x more awkward and will not change anything. again dont fukking ask them why you werent invited. do you guys even interact with people?

how old are you?

if someone does something that annoys you letting them know is good communication. i think you are speaking from the point of view of the excluding in group (as you mentioned you have deliberately excluded people before).

there is a way to do it and being sarcastic in a polite friendly way is a good way to get your point across. i wouldn't care about not being invited but i would point out that i had noticed to make them aware that this is childish behaviour. if half the staff went out and half didn't no biggie but to leave out 2 people seems petty.

an example from my mum that made me cry with laughter: she worked in medical records at the hospital. when she got out of her car she walked past this woman that she recognised every day and said hello to her and the woman didn't respond back, later in the day the woman came to medical records looking for notes. my mum said "oh i said hello to you this morning and you didn't say hello back and now you need my help, isn't that funny".

now thats awkward.

people with good social skills can tolerate awkward situations/angry people/making people feel bad to let them know their behaviour wasn't okay, and not feel like their stepping that far out of their comfort zone as well as being friendly and socially cohesive
 
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an example from my mum that made me cry with laughter: she worked in medical records at the hospital. when she got out of her car she walked past this woman that she recognised every day and said hello to her and the woman didn't respond back, later in the day the woman came to medical records looking for notes. my mum said "oh i said hello to you this morning and you didn't say hello back and now you need my help, isn't that funny".

now thats awkward.

Payback's a bitch! That's awesome.
 
its not that they dont like you, I would just guess they dont like you enough to invite you to something outside of work. Any job I ever had we didnt make plans in front of people but girls can be bitches like that so idk your exact situation.

Hanging out with people you work with is cool if you dont just talk about work the whole time. But like 90% of the time you just wind up talking aboit your jobs, which is really boring to me. The last thing I want to do is have a conversation about the same thing we always talk about.
 
Hanging out with people you work with is cool if you dont just talk about work the whole time. But like 90% of the time you just wind up talking aboit your jobs, which is really boring to me. The last thing I want to do is have a conversation about the same thing we always talk about.

Lol. This is exactly why I unexplicably found myself something to do that would bring me out of office for an hour around lunchtime. But I agree with Lysis (and others): if you did refuse some invitations in the past / gave the impression you weren't enjoying your time with them they maybe thought you would not accept the invitation anyway.
It is a bit weird in your situation, but it is still possible.

Also, it is possible that you were implicitely included / that the new girl invited "everybody" in a public occasion and therefore you were supposed to know (.. well, you knew) and just had to tell if you were going out with them?
 
Thanks for the responses. I know I'm thinking more into it than they did. I definitely don't want to ask them. That is good for some situations, but I don't want to create any awkwardness. I plan to be in this department (a higher level full time job, but still the same department with the same people) for at least five more years.

I can see that, if there are 10 people who work together and 3-4 people go out together, that's different. But it was just me and the new guy who weren't asked. And, I don't mean to be rude, but the new guy does not fit in to the office at all. I'm hoping he will settle in soon.

I do have social anxiety but only two of them really would have known me as the shy one (the two that have worked there for longer than me). I was comfortable by the time I got to know everyone else. I've had lots of "non work" discussions with them. Sometimes I take the bus home with them too, depending on when we leave, and we chat on the bus ride and stuff. But the girl whose birthday it was - I guess I feel "least" close with her. Maybe she doesn't like me? I'm certain most of the others do because we talk and laugh and have fun during work (it's a laid back office environment). They also know I go out and party and club and whatnot, so it's not like they think I'm someone who sits at home doing nothing, you know? I *know* we go to different places but everyone goes to different places, the city is huge, but I'd be willing to try something new perhaps. Or do something slightly out of my normal routine.

At lunch, usually everyone goes together but sometimes people split off and a group of people goes to another location for lunch (instead of the office cafeteria) and I finally, about half a year ago, started getting invites to this "other location". (It's hard to explain it without giving everything away about my life lol.) so that's part of the reason why I thought I was fitting in. Sometimes I went, sometimes I didn't, depending on how much work I had to do. As for other events outside of work - I have never been invited to one before but I haven't heard of one before (besides two of them who are pretty close, they go out together a lot). A couple of my coworkers text me sometimes too, outside of work.

Also, the girl whose birthday it is has a boyfriend, and so do about half of the coworkers (have a boyfriend or a girlfriend).

I've always separated work from friends. And I won't ever tell them about my current drug use (although I have talked to a few of them about drugs, mostly educated them, lol) and most of my "fun" involves clubbing and drugs. But now that I actually like my coworkers, I would have thought I'd be invited out.

I'm not going to let this lower my self esteem or something. I'm going to try to not let it bother me. I'm sure they didn't do it on purpose. Maybe they thought I wouldn't want to go. I'm sure some of my other coworkers would have invited me ... maybe it's just this one specific girl who doesn't like me. Could be the case. I probably won't ever get an exact answer but I do have some better ideas now.
 
Not really enough information about you to make a proper judgement of the situation, but if you say you've never really fit in anywhere, then maybe that's your answer?

Have there been any incidents at work with you? How is the dynamic between you and other people there, honestly and as objectively as possible? How do you work as a team member?
 
if you're gonna be working there for years then making them feel awkward might not be the best idea. most jobs i have i usually have no long term designs on.

i still think its ignorant behaviour to invite everyone but 2 people. either way dont let it get you down and keep positive.
 
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