Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

[tripnotyzm]

Welcome to the new alcoholism thread in which to discuss all things related to excessive drinking and alcoholism.
This is a place for serious discussion, only about alcohol: your past experiences, what you are currently going through, strategies for quitting or cutting down your drinking, or to simply express your general day-to-day feelings.
Feel free to say whatever you need to, there are plenty of people here with experience who can relate - You will not be judged or looked down upon.
Your problem, no matter how large or small, is critical to you, and taken very seriously by us too.

We are here to listen and to learn, and to provide support for those in need, not to glamorize or condone drinking.
Please keep in mind content which might be triggering to those who are trying to abstain from drinking, and refrain from posting any such comments.

The previous Alcoholism Discussion thread can be found here.


Last post by Blahman8000:

Hey everyone. Wanted to leave an update while I've got the chance to. I'm still sober, over a month now. I feel a lot more driven and able to stay sober now than I did the last couple of times I tried to abstain. I recently turned down a quick beer promptly when offered. I've now got this cigarette habit that I suppose kinda picked up where booze left off, which isn't the healthiest transition but right now it isn't the worst that could happen.

The other day I had a few Vicodin. Nothing heavy, and mostly it's because my right knee has been in rough shape, but I was still disappointed in myself. I don't remember the last time any kind of buzz has felt worth it even at its peak. But then again, that's not the worst realization to have in your mid-20s. It's just a matter of keeping it in mind when familiar urges sneak up out of no where. So it was a slip-up, no doubt, but now I know better.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I no longer drink but when I did I had issues with blackouts and it was scary, and there are chunks of time I have no memory of at all.

Alcohol does not agree with me AT ALL! It could have been much worse. I'm thankful I was able to stop drinking. Is/was anyone else here the high functioning type? You can PM me if you don't want to write it here in this thread.

I've accepted that I can never drink alcohol again. I will watch out in times of stress so I won't turn to alcohol again.

I take personal responsibility that I did this to myself, and I quit on my own. I did not go to AA/treatment. I realize that AA/treatment work for many people but I did not want to go to meetings.

I have been to bars with friends but I didn't stay long and I drank things that did not have any alcohol in them at all. I will miss going to bars and getting shit faced drunk but usually once I start drinking in a bar or at a party I don't stop. I went to a friend's birthday party where he rented a house upstate for the weekend where everyone was drinking and yeah I did want to have a beer but I knew that if I had just one it would lead to six or more so instead I just drank seltzer water and green tea, and stayed in my room.

I still cook with wine and I don't care if the hardcore AA people say that I'm somehow not "sober" because of that. I don't get drunk off of it and that's what counts.

 

[ensta]

^Hey I'm normally a lurker but I think I'm a high functioning type of alcoholic but not sure. How do you know? or rather where is the line drawn?

 

[mikeman189]

I was a functioning drunk until I flipped my car off the side of an off-ramp going about 60 mph. Ended up fracturing my L4-L5 vertebrae, bursting the disc between them, and landing myself in the hospital with a mouth full of broken glass after waiting on the side of the highway for a passing car at 2:00 am for 3 hours. I also ended up getting convicted of a DUI, lost my job, fined $800 altogether including public defender fees, and having my probation revoked for a ridiculous disorderly conduct charge that was used against me for defending myself against a knife yielding bastard. I never had such a strong hatred for the police until that day.

 

[Cohesion]

ensta
How much dissonance can you tolerate? Most people don't feel OK with everyday drinking.

 

[jspun]

Sephyr

Guest room is it? Hmmmm. *strokes chin, lightbulb moment* Well, seeing as I can't get a visa in my own right I wonder what fake passports go for these days? Naw, scratch that. I hear law enforcement monitors sites like this and seeing as I've now posted my ugly mug all over the TDS photo thread I'm not sure that's gonna work. Damn you TDS photo thread, damn you all to hell!

Seph, If you can make it to Tijuana, Mexico, I'm sure I can find you a good "Cayote" (human trafficker)... probably cost more than a fake passport, though. Or I can bring my surfboard over the border, you can paddle out south of the border fence and take a wave into the US. Just paractice saying "I'm an American" in California surfer burnout English and claim the tide took you south...lol...

Congradts on 4 months partner. Hope your well. Gonna be working on tapering off benzos 12 days is the deadline- 12/12/12. Gonna see my psych on 12/6- see if he wiil Rx a few doses of something long lasting like valium.

Hope everyone is doing well being that it is the Holidays and all comming up.

Sorry havent checked in- my computer is running slow- probably NSA spyware...lol.

 

[monstanoodle]

I no longer drink but when I did I had issues with blackouts and it was scary, and there are chunks of time I have no memory of at all.

Alcohol does not agree with me AT ALL! It could have been much worse. I'm thankful I was able to stop drinking. Is/was anyone else here the high functioning type?

I used to remember everything after a night out drinking, I had no blackouts what so ever.
But as my abuse became increasingly stupid it was the same for the blackouts...
It's scary - I've got to check my phone and any other communication device that I use to find out what the fuck I did. And I remember nothing!

Did a DJ set a few months back and I had atleast 1 hour of set but only remember the first 3 tunes I played. Apparently the set went down well though 8)

The blackouts were worst when I was on Zolpidem, so I've switched back to Temazepam which doesn't have the same Anterograde Amnesia as the former.
Now that was seriously worrying - Calling people in a right state, sending msgs and emails to people that made little or no sense what so ever, making food at 3am and setting the fire alarms off... The list of stupid things is endless.

I'm drinking less these days but it's still not ideal. I don't want to end up in hospital again for one thing

To the quoted Priest - My mum's a functional addict. And she'll take her bitterness out on anyone in her path...
Not surprised I'm someone who has a high rish of addiction to any substance really.

 

[tidruid89]

One day sober off of alcohol for me after being clean for about a month prior. This was probably the worst relapse i have ever had. It all started on a wednsday and i was blacked out till around friday morning. I woke up with my neighbor pounding on my door at 7 am saying he found my pet ferret running around his front yard at midnight. To make matters worse he told me i threatened to fight him.. i am not the fighting type by any means. I also did other crap that i have no memory of and im lucky that i didnt end up in jail or worse. I feel so bad about it.

 

[Sepher]

Hey everyone. Wanted to leave an update while I've got the chance to. I'm still sober, over a month now. I feel a lot more driven and able to stay sober now than I did the last couple of times I tried to abstain. I recently turned down a quick beer promptly when offered. I've now got this cigarette habit that I suppose kinda picked up where booze left off, which isn't the healthiest transition but right now it isn't the worst that could happen.

The other day I had a few Vicodin. Nothing heavy, and mostly it's because my right knee has been in rough shape, but I was still disappointed in myself. I don't remember the last time any kind of buzz has felt worth it even at its peak. But then again, that's not the worst realization to have in your mid-20s. It's just a matter of keeping it in mind when familiar urges sneak up out of no where. So it was a slip-up, no doubt, but now I know better.

Hey Blahman! Was sure I'd replied to this but seems not now I look. Good to see you around the place with an update. Glad things are generally much improved, congrats on making one month mate. Pleased for you. Yeah the vicodin's something to be wary of, easy to switch substances of abuse cos as addicts we're so used to being able to change our mood and headspace at will. Not easy learning how to function completely straight with no break from reality at times. Good luck with it fella.

I take personal responsibility that I did this to myself, and I quit on my own. I did not go to AA/treatment. I realize that AA/treatment work for many people but I did not want to go to meetings.

My problem with the AA ethos, in a nutshell. I'm responsible for my addiction, I'll be responsible for my recovery and own it on my terms. AA asks you to invest responsibility for recovery in some ill-defined higher power outside of yourself. I find the very concept massively disempowering which seems completely counter-productive to me? I accept I may not have fully grasped the subtleties there, assuming such subleties do actually exist?

To the quoted Priest - My mum's a functional addict. And she'll take her bitterness out on anyone in her path...
Not surprised I'm someone who has a high rish of addiction to any substance really.

Oh yeah, same here. Her bitterness and petty spite is a sight to behold after a few bacardis or a bottle of wine. She would never acknowledge she's actually alcoholic though quick to spot it in others. Saddens me cos she doesn't see how negatively it affects her relationships, and yup, think it safe to say my alcoholism / addictive tendencies are a learned behaviour, not that that in any way diminishes my own responsibility here you understand. The choices were still mine to make. Hope you can continue to make progress with the booze even if not quite where you'd want to be just yet. Moving in the right direction at least has value in and of itself.

Seph, If you can make it to Tijuana, Mexico, I'm sure I can find you a good "Cayote" (human trafficker)... probably cost more than a fake passport, though. Or I can bring my surfboard over the border, you can paddle out south of the border fence and take a wave into the US. Just paractice saying "I'm an American" in California surfer burnout English and claim the tide took you south...lol...

This sounds like it could be a plan. Better certainly than my most recent one which basically involved me making my way to Vancouver, ingratiating myself with a tribe of native CanadiAmerindians and living with them for a year while I learn how to survive off the land in mountainous, forested habitats in all seasons in preparation for the long walk down through the Cascades, mountain ranges and national forests to Yosemite and on to the west coast. It's a cunning plan I'm sure you'll agree but I can see some small flaws with it maybe?

 

[Mariposa]

^Just a few. There are a few mountains between there and Yosemite. I'm about at the halfway point, stop in for some tea on your journey

Happy to say I avoided all drinking this weekend except 2 beers on Saturday. My stomach was starting to be ripped to shreds. Drinking is also expensive and I have to make every dollar stretch at this time. I cannot justify this habit any longer. No, I still don't see prolonged complete abstinence happening. I do see this hiatus lasting at least until the weekend. I'm busy with other things that are incompatible with drinking. My stomach is already feeling better. I feel much clearer. It's a good start.

 

[motherofearth]

I'd like to tell myself I can take a hiatus and not be so damn final about things, but for 2 reasons it is not a good idea.

The first, is that I am type 1 diabetic, which is certainly a permanent problem. Despite this, up until about a year ago I was drinking every day for 10 years. Somehow my liver function is still within healthy bounds, but I know this can't continue. Often times, when I consider a drunken evening, or ending a would-be hiatus, being diabetic is the only thing preventing me from indulging.

The second reason is I've drummed up considerable drudgery and suffering as a result or in connection w/ my alcohol abuse. Numerous people, in the past, told me I needed to either take a break or quit altogether. If it weren't for reason the first I would say, "oh, take a hiatus," but I really need to come to terms w/ not being eligible for membership in the drunken stumbly class.

This is hard for me after a month of abstinence. I start to consider future hypothetical events: no scotch on my wedding day/no drinking w/ out of town friends - that kind of stuff. Whenever I give into this kind of thinking I always go all out and get disgracefully annihilated b/c of the decreased tolerance.

This is my cycle over the last 7 months w/ alcohol. I'm hoping these are all incremental steps toward a lifestyle where I can enjoy myself and others w/o booze

 

[Sepher]

^Just a few. There are a few mountains between there and Yosemite. I'm about at the halfway point, stop in for some tea on your journey

Why thanks Mariposa, I will. In about two years or so maybe? I may need a shower by then if that's alright? Mountain streams and waterfalls are all well and good but no substitute for hot water and soap. I'll clean up and stuff after meself, promise. I've been well brought up like that, no soggy towels on the bathroom floor and wet footprints everywhere or anything like that, honest.

Glad you're doing ok. Abstinence isn't for everybody. If you can manage your drinking and keep it down to levels you find acceptable and liveable with then fine. It's the complete loss of control that's more requiring of it I think?

This is hard for me after a month of abstinence. I start to consider future hypothetical events: no scotch on my wedding day/no drinking w/ out of town friends - that kind of stuff. Whenever I give into this kind of thinking I always go all out and get disgracefully annihilated b/c of the decreased tolerance.

This is my cycle over the last 7 months w/ alcohol. I'm hoping these are all incremental steps toward a lifestyle where I can enjoy myself and others w/o booze

I feel your pain mate. Esp. the scotch thing. Big single malt fan here, would love to be able to indulge a snifter of the good stuff, just the one to savour and add a new discovery to the list without it triggering a drunken binge but alas, those days are gone. Same with real ales. I will miss them no matter how little I miss being drunk and how much better I feel sober. It sounds like you're getting there. Need to work on effective coping mechanisms for whatever triggers you're giving in to from time to time, that will make abstinence for longer easier if that's what you feel you need. Good luck!

 

[ensta]

ensta
How much dissonance can you tolerate? Most people don't feel OK with everyday drinking.

I'm not sure I understand the question but I've never had a problem with my everyday drinking and never even thought about it until I was looking into benzo addiction and stumbled on some stuff. The people around me don't have a problem with my drinking either but that may be because they don't know the extent of it. I go to work, I socialise, I have me time and although a lot of the time I'm inebriated it doesn't really have any direct negative effects on my life. So am I an alcoholic?

 

[Sepher]

Can you stop once you start ensta, and in between times do you find yourself obsessing about your next drink? Big warning signs those. I can't, at all, I have no control whatsoever once I start drinking, massive binger that couldn't stop if I tried till the booze had all gone and I obsess like hell. Hence I'm an alcoholic even though I could go days without a drink and had no objective withdrawal symptoms.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Can you stop once you start ensta, and in between times do you find yourself obsessing about your next drink? Big warning signs those. I can't, at all, I have no control whatsoever once I start drinking, massive binger that couldn't stop if I tried till the booze had all gone and I obsess like hell. Hence I'm an alcoholic even though I could go days without a drink and had no objective withdrawal symptoms.

I'm the same way. I can and would go days without a drink and I would not get withdrawal symptoms; but once I start drinking I would binge drink and keep drinking more until I'd get sick, pass out, or black out for days. When I'd black out I had no memory at all from it and it was not until a friend told me later that I'd realized I'd blacked out. I did have lots of hints though like scabs, cuts, and injuries that I had on my body that I'd get that I had no memory at all of getting. There are varying degrees of alcoholism though, and you don't have to drink daily in order to be an alcoholic.

 

[onechance]

I read a quote somewhere recently; "people who don't have a drinking problem don't spend time worrying about weather they have a drinking problem." Kinda made me laugh cause it's so stupidly obvious... unless you're a hypochondriac.
I keep going sober for a few months, then think that it's ok I'll have one drink and by the end of the week I end up getting smashed and fucking something up. There's no off button. I wish there was a way to stop wanting it.

 

[Sepher]

My pattern exactly onechance. Maybe I've got the control back, and at first it sometimes kids you that you have and it's manageable for a while but the wheels soon come off. And how to stop wanting it even though we know exactly where just one drink will lead, what a killer. Nearly five months sober now and rationally I've accepted I can't drink, I don't want to drink, it holds no appeal. Rationally that is. Addict mind though is completely irrational, been nagging the shit out of me lately. I know why that is. I'm stressed and feeling low. What's my coping mechanism when I'm stressed and feeling low? Booze. Trying to learn new ones. So hard to do that.

As for this: "people who don't have a drinking problem don't spend time worrying about weather they have a drinking problem." Other side of the coin when you factor in denial and how self-deluding we are, even people with a drinking problem often don't spend time worrying about whether they have one. By the time you're doing that often you're a fair way down the road.

Good luck BTW. I hope you can work this out and be rid of this shit.

 

[onechance]

I've accepted I can't drink, I don't want to drink, it holds no appeal. Rationally that is. Addict mind though is completely irrational, been nagging the shit out of me lately. I know why that is. I'm stressed and feeling low. What's my coping mechanism when I'm stressed and feeling low? Booze. Trying to learn new ones. So hard to do that.

I get that too. When I'm really craving I'll try every little piece of advice, go for a 10k run, distract myself. But nothing does what booze does to shut our brains off, I end up convincing myself it's the only thing that will give relief.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I read a quote somewhere recently; "people who don't have a drinking problem don't spend time worrying about weather they have a drinking problem." Kinda made me laugh cause it's so stupidly obvious... unless you're a hypochondriac.
I keep going sober for a few months, then think that it's ok I'll have one drink and by the end of the week I end up getting smashed and fucking something up. There's no off button. I wish there was a way to stop wanting it.

Yeah I hear that. I find that daily exercise and meditation help. I also will keep very busy so I don't have time to sit around and think or crave alcohol. I have good and bad days.

I've had what you described happening where you kid yourself that you can get drunk and you have one drink and then very quickly either that night or by the end of the week you wind up getting very drunk and fucking something up so I just avoid alcohol now.

I still hang out with acquaintances of mine who I used to get very drunk with but I just don't hang out with them if they're going to drink, go to a bar, or are going to do anything involving alcohol which usually happens unless we go see a movie or we go to a restaurant and I don't order any alcohol at all then.

 

[Cohesion]

8 months ago I set strict limits for myself: No alcohol in my home and no drinking 2 days in a row. At the time it was enough to help me cut back my drinking drastically. Since then I haven't had any clear consequences from alcohol.

Now I buy wine and consume the bottle over 2-3 evenings. Then take 2-3 evenings off. Repeat.

Since alcohol is my replacement for marijuana, I worry about my drinking. When I'm done with drug tests I'm sure to return to pot if I don't find a way to release this desire for chemical alteration.

I obsess over my next drink.

I'm no expert as I'm still trapped, but I think the way to stop wanting it is to "hold on" for months, months, and years, and eventually - it just doesn't come to mind.