Part II from Zachery Swan:
Of three USA Psychiatrists, who have monitored me, since June 28, 1994, until, the present month.................................
my last Psychiatrist, I have seen 6 times a year, since January of 1999, told me, I quote him....around
the year 2009, my 15th year on 24/7 use of d-amphetamine, L-amphetamine, or Methyphenidate (Ritalin),
"that from here on out, the stimulants, will begin to work against me, with my ADHD symptoms, 314.00,
Anxiety Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, 300.00., and a newer diagnosis since the year 2011, OCD 300.3,
and, as my Psychiatrist saw it, my depressive symptoms, have been getting worse, since my turbulent Divorce,
at age 57, my M.D calls it Dysthymic Disorder. He made it clear to me in January of 2013, that, he wants me to
taper down, on my own timeframe, until, I no longer take any amphetamines. He told me "I am a test case, that,
he has never had a patient, on long term use of amphetamines, who started the drug, in their middle 40's,...... but,
has got patients, who started stimulants, as a child, and, the 7 to 15 year old patients, are still doing fine, now,
in their 30 something age range. (now) and are "calm". The difference with them and me is "I am no longer calm"
I do not know the correct phrase, but there is data out there, about the long term effects of decades of use of
stimulants, on the brain, the neurotransmittors, and, what little I can gather is not comforting, that, "I call it
"Speed Burnout" for lack of a better word. The Depression that follows the "comedown" effects nearly everyone, even
"normal people" who are on a speed run, say, just to get thru med school, or law school, after days of use, then, they
sleep a lot, and, eat a lot, and of course are depressed, and out of "energy". But they recover rather quickly, like in 4 or 5
days.
With me, on C-II stimulants, for 19 years, and 6 months, the "comedown" ....well.......it leaves me, in a state of mind, to
where I call it, I feel disabled, and, I do not think I could hold a job, for 40 hrs a week and focus, with the way I feel now, as
I have actually gone cold turkey twice this year, for 15 days at a time, but, only leave my condo to buy food, or, to get $$$ out of the bank, my depression, has caused me to skip shaving, for days on end, and, to not be the tidy perfectionist I was with my housecleaning. I wonder, looking back, was it worth it, to get my original diagnosis of ADHD, when I was 45?
What did I accomplish? Well, two college degrees, that I was ready to give up on, a very difficult examination, qualifying me as a General Contractor, in my home state, getting married for the first time, at age 45, (that lasted 12 years), and, to
remain gainfully employed, until I got divorced, in late 2007, that is when, I got the big attitude change, and apparently, it
shows, around professional clinical medical members who have known me for decades.
In the late 1960's and up until around the middle 1970's, yes I did experiment, with most of the drugs, the original poster, had target specific questions about. The only drug that I did not use, on that list, was technically MMDA, "Ecstasy", but I did
experiment with its powerful 1st cousin, "MDA" and it was a mind blowing positive, very sexual and very spiritual trip, I shall never forget. I hated Angel Dust, as I was a victim, and, 3 times, it had been adulterated in marijuana I smoked, or had been
adulterated with heavily cut powered Cocaine, and, I do not remember much of the experience, except, I remember blacking out every time, and, once, having a violent seizure, and, tore up some things where I lived, apparently, from having the
unpredictable "Rage a holic" effects, the animal tranquilizer, Angel Dust, or PCP, has been known to cause.
Cocaine, I snorted the powered version, and, in my shame, yes, I had LPN's around me, who introduced me to the IV use of
Cocaine. That drug, was the most addictive medication, I have ever placed in my body. I had to go to Detox, and a 42 day
treatment center, to get away from some 70's drug smugglers, that, kept, dragging me down with that drug. The comedown on Cocaine, was awful as I remember it, very depressing, as one wants to repeat, the initial high one gets at the first snort, or, the first injection. I used Methaqualone heavily, to knock myself out, to thwart, the cravings for Cocaine, and I have not used any in over, 32 years now. AA and NA helped me immensely, for I'd say 15 years, even after, I started using the legal
stimulants, with a "legal diagnosis" of ADHD. (I just kept that info to myself) dropped out of NA, but continued AA from 1983
until, 2009. Now, I only attend ACOA, and Alanon like once a week.
If someone asked me, if their child had a dx of ADHD or Narcolepsy, I don't know now what I would tell this party. I have
mixed feelings about the entire matter, because I am having such a hard time, getting off of all amphetamines. (all legally
prescribed to me). I would worry, about the long term effects a developing child might have, if they started using a stimulant.
I still am a advocate and member of ADDA.org, and attended national conventions, in the late 1990's, but my attitude, has
changed, now that I am in my 60's. I guess it comes down to this, if the person, with a new Dx of ADD also has a co-morbid
MENTAL ILLNESS, like, 2 or 3 at the same time, I would be quite cautious, of recommending amphetamines to a male or female of any age, due to the complex effects, it might have with someone with several mental illness disorders at the same time, (such as me). I am off my soapbox for now. Sorry for the ranting.