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Thread: The Suicide Support Thread

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    i'm sick of life without drugs and my tolerance is so high that i spend most of the month with out my opioid drugs and xanax which are the only things that make me happy anymore don't know if that means i should quit or start selling drugs again to support my habit
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrflowers00 View Post
    i'm sick of life without drugs and my tolerance is so high that i spend most of the month with out my opioid drugs and xanax which are the only things that make me happy anymore don't know if that means i should quit or start selling drugs again to support my habit
    Have you tried telling your doctor you are running out a few days early? You don't have to tell them how many days... maybe they can give you something you can still take every day that has a lower abuse potential or lower likelihood of gaining a huge tolerance, like tramadol?

    I wouldn't suggest selling drugs. Just my 2 c.

    I think the best thing would be to try to find things you love doing on the days you don't have your medications. Do you like video games Mr. Flowers? I'm a huge fan of Half Life, Counter Strike, etc.

    If you like experimental music let me know, I just finished making a full length album in time for the new year.
     

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    i like going on hikes and fishing and hunting and playing guitar but i don't really do that stuff anymore i just don't have any motivation to do anything except get high but i should really try doing that stuff anyway maybe i'll become motivated
     

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrflowers00 View Post
    i like going on hikes and fishing and hunting and playing guitar but i don't really do that stuff anymore i just don't have any motivation to do anything except get high but i should really try doing that stuff anyway maybe i'll become motivated
    I say you should at least give it a try again - if you don't like it you can always stop. It may make you feel better than you expected once you get into it
     

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    Bluelighter kace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hthr007 View Post
    Sometimes BL is the only thing that keeps me going...everyone has helped me so much and I Care about so many here.

    It may sound odd because its an online forum...but it's a real place to me.
    Exactly this.

    Thank you guys and BL for your support, it's helped me so much.

    Hold on guys Hope everyone is doing okay!
     

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    as some of you know i was in a car crash on halloween and now the dicks insurance company is trying to give my g pa so little money for his car that he couldn't possibly afford a new one i'm so stressed almost killed myself today but then i took a long walk with my dad and i calmed down i hope we can get a new car for my g pa cause this summer my dads truck was stolen and totaled so we don't have a car atm
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrflowers00 View Post
    as some of you know i was in a car crash on halloween and now the dicks insurance company is trying to give my g pa so little money for his car that he couldn't possibly afford a new one i'm so stressed almost killed myself today but then i took a long walk with my dad and i calmed down i hope we can get a new car for my g pa cause this summer my dads truck was stolen and totaled so we don't have a car atm
    I'm sorry to hear that man. I'll likely never own a car again because of a similar situation but I'm happy nonetheless.

    I'm glad to hear a walk with your dad helped.
     

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    thanks man i'm really hating everything right now so the support is much appreciated
     

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    I'm completely fucked. Shit is running through my mind and won't stop. The Vicodin wore off so now I'm drinking malt liquor. Thought about slicing up my arms but I can't do that because it's almost Christmas and it would kill my mom if I were in a psych unit again. I feel sick and miserable. My emotions are out of control and I'm way too sober. I hate this.
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrflowers00 View Post
    thanks man i'm really hating everything right now so the support is much appreciated
    No problem!

    I hope you enjoy your holiday season Mr. Flowers. I know I am enjoying mine so far.

    I made a new friend recently and that has cheered me up considerably.

    Quote Originally Posted by Illyria99 View Post
    I'm completely fucked. Shit is running through my mind and won't stop. The Vicodin wore off so now I'm drinking malt liquor. Thought about slicing up my arms but I can't do that because it's almost Christmas and it would kill my mom if I were in a psych unit again. I feel sick and miserable. My emotions are out of control and I'm way too sober. I hate this.
    Drinking when you're upset often makes you more upset; so for harm reduction's sake, please don't drink anymore. Take some time to think about how you're feeling. Why don't you talk to your mom about how you're feeling? You can have some mother/daughter time eating ice cream while watching a movie, and before you know it, you'll feel better.

    Much peace and love to everyone struggling this holiday season! I encourage anyone to send me a private message if you all would like.
     

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    Bluelighter thenightwatch's Avatar
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    idk why exactly, but this time of year statistically has a lot of suicides.

    stay strong guys.
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thenightwatch View Post
    idk why exactly, but this time of year statistically has a lot of suicides.

    stay strong guys.
    I think it has to do with seasonal depression/climate changes. I think if everyone lived closer to the equator, this tendency wouldn't be nearly as bad.

    In fact, it's known that there are higher rates of Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in areas that are colder during the winters, and virtually non-existent in areas closer to the equator.

    For this reason, I am glad to have moved to Los Angeles.
     

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    Bluelighter kace's Avatar
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    Oh god I don't think I can do this anymore. It hurts so much physically and mentally. I hope these shitty prescriptions hit in soon, waking up crying not being able to move so late sucks.. I hate this. The only reason I'm here is for other people. Was supposed to have xmas eve today with my friends, cancelled it. Supposed to go back to London to be with family, cancelled that. They said they weren't surprised but my mum's disappointed.

    At least being alone I don't have to put my poisonous thoughts on to others. I half wish I make it through today and tomorrow.

    I hope all you Bluelighters have a good doomsday (sorry xmas), and a good 2013. You've been so helpful.
    Last edited by kace; 24-12-2012 at 17:07.
     

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    having to paste on my happy face for the kids tomorrow it is going to be exhausting
     

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    Bluelighter kace's Avatar
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    I hope it goes okay and you enjoy your day.
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Doomed2pain View Post
    having to paste on my happy face for the kids tomorrow it is going to be exhausting
    You don't have to pretend to be happy if you're not, just show them you love them, that's really what matters.
     

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    Been thinking about how long I wish to live a great deal lately - I mean, I'm the one with the control with regards to how long I want to ay?

    Recent events have made me think it might be sooner rather than later.
    Got a plan (had one for ages actually) but I just don't want to fail as it'd be yet another head-upon-desk-slamming situation.
    Couldn't face waking up in a fuckin hospital on drips etc.

    Don't want any "Oh please don't!" / "Talk to someone!" / "Sleep on it you'll feel different tomorrow" / "Think of those you'll leave behind" stuff.
    It's purely just a matter of when it will take place. Could be weeks, months, years... Dunno... Feeling rather drawn toward the earlier time-frames at the moment though.

    Anyway... blah blah blah
     

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    Bluelighter sconnie420's Avatar
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    I surely won't feed you a spiel bc I can relate.. Pm me if u want to trade stories.. My goes out 2 you, you're not alone my friend.
     

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    Suicide attempt . Cops assualted me I'm the hospital. . Tied me down. Restrained me to a hospital. . Sectioned to a psych Ward.
    Visit Words!
    Register your interest for the Upcoming Poetry and Lyrics Workshops!
     

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    Bluelighter panic in paradise's Avatar
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    at least you are fighting for your life, while they just fight.
     

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    Bluelighter tackyspiral's Avatar
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    i am really sad and scared of the future.... i dont know how to do this ....
     

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    ^ I'm with ya tacky. I've been practicing the ASVAB test. I am actually very intelligent and the USAF is ready to accept me right now. But paradoxically I can't find a regular job that doesn't require the total life dedication the military requires when you sign on.

    I'm really sad and scared of the future too. I would never join the military if for no other reason than to provide for myself.

    I've been planning the next freeze to take some valium, hydrocodone, drink a few beers and sleep outside. Ironically, tonight's the first freeze in awhile, and the thermometer currently reads 30 degrees Fahrenheit (and dropping to 28 this morning), and I seem to have held on to some kind of hope things are going to get better, despite me not eating much at all in the last 30 hours (maybe 75-100 calories), coming off amphetamines (muscles low on energy, no fat reserves = fast hypothermia, 43 hours straight without sleep). My fingers are numb from cold/low energy as I type this INSIDE! Fridge loaded with beer, valium, hydrocodone by my side. I'm choosing to survive

    I got a revolver and hollow points I keep for personal protection, on the off-chance my life is threatened, but I wouldn't want to put an EMS worker or my family through the trauma of seeing my blown off head. I've already made enough messes for others to clean, that's one final mess I would like to avoid. I can't leave the earth knowing I selfishly left a bloody corpse for someone else to clean. And I don't want my family to think I intentionally killed myself either, because somehow I feel that would hurt them worse than just losing me That's what keeps me from just downing a lot of pills with a couple drinks

    I've got an 'exit strategy' worked out, but I can only make it look semi-accidental during really cold weather It seems perfect in my mind. Just fall asleep not feeling the cold and not wake up. Everyone thinks it's just a freak accident. No mess, no smelly corpse in the cold.
    Last edited by severely etarded; 26-12-2012 at 10:12.
     

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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForEverAfter View Post
    Suicide attempt . Cops assualted me I'm the hospital. . Tied me down. Restrained me to a hospital. . Sectioned to a psych Ward.
    What happened man? If you want to PM me instead of posting it here I understand. And if you don't want to talk about it too that's ok, but I am really concerned. I'm really sorry to hear you are suffering right now.. just know you are a strong person and you can get through this.

    Quote Originally Posted by severely etarded View Post
    ^ I'm with ya tacky. I've been practicing the ASVAB test. I am actually very intelligent and the USAF is ready to accept me right now. But paradoxically I can't find a regular job that doesn't require the total life dedication the military requires when you sign on.

    I'm really sad and scared of the future too. I would never join the military if for no other reason than to provide for myself.
    Have you considered moving to find work? This is what I did, and I have a job now.
     

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    Bluelighter panic in paradise's Avatar
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    BL Ambassador Captain.Heroin's Avatar
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    I also love posting images, thanks for sharing pip!

    Artwork can really cheer a person up. I notice this even in myself, especially when I don't expect it.
     

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