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The Suicide Support Thread

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Man, it's been a while since I've actually sat down and just let out exactly what was going through my mind

Everything is just contributing to this.
First off, I'm thinking about my lack of ambition, and goals. The lack of any real desires (that allow more desires to be fulfilled) let alone a genuine will to live.
I do not value my existence, therefore my time is wasted. I try to distract myself with pixels and sound, always trying to escape this hurt.
All my efforts to fritter away something I do not want, yet something I must abide.

I am so lost, yet I'm going in no direction. Stagnation in chaos..


I can feel it. I can feel it in my chest.
Something needs to change.

I don't know why I'm trying to get through this.
I have the juxtaposition to clearly show me how much things can change, but in this state I don't care.
It's like, I know I can gain desires, but right now I desire nothing else...

I am so lonely, but I don't want to talk to anyone.
I want someone so bad, but I don't want anyone.

I'm so sick of this dissonance, these simultaneous opposites.
This confusion and uncertainty.

I feel so lacking.
Everything is so unstable, and this one constant is something I do not want.

Why not? Why shouldn't I feel like this?

It is so barren down here.
There is no light here.
It is so lonesome down here.


There is no meaning here. There is no point.
There is no desire. I do not want this.

Throw it away. Throw it away.

A test of strength, or stupidity? Of will and desire? Of faith? Or simply the aversion to dehydration and starvation?



All the possibilities of live have become devoid of worth.
I wouldn't throw away something worth holding onto,

but who's to say this state of mind warrants the decision to end all decisions?

This uncertainty is tearing me up.
I feel so mangled.

Annihilate this hurt. Attain, though never experience, true nihility.
 
i'm getting angry cause i can't fall asleep and i get my oxy tomorrow which will make me feel tons better but it seems so far away with this insomnia killing me
 
shit the kids insurance company that hit me and my dad on halloween just called and woke me up now i have to wait 2 hours till i get my oxy deep breaths deep breaths
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm getting angry cause i can't fall asleep and i get my oxy tomorrow which will make me feel tons better but it seems so far away with this insomnia killing me
Click to expand...

Insomnia is killing you, and stress/anxiety is killing me. Guess I spoke 2 soon yesterday. For every couple good days I have, there is ALWAYS a set back. Idk how to handle this stuff in a healthy way, esp w/ no1 2 tt about it.. Every1 like to "mask the truth" from me so confiding w/ people irl is nearly impossible. Worst part is, the day has just begun and its my only day off. yippie
 
I've had enough i don't know how much longer i can go on feeling like this, but i really don't want to have to go in hospital over xmas. i don't know what to do i can't see my psychiatrist until the end of January
 
SoRry you're not feeling well hun.. I hope you do before xmas. It seems this time of year always brings the depression out on people.
 
yay i get to go through withdrawals tomorrow they won't be particularly bad but no the less it's gonna blow big fat donkey balls
 
hey sconnie it isn't so much depression, it is a mixture of the psychosis and winter making my pain off the scale my affected areas are highly sensitive to touch and temperature so the pain is that bad Im losing the will to live, you will understand where Im coming from Mr flowers
 
Doomed2pain said:
hey sconnie it isn't so much depression, it is a mixture of the psychosis and winter making my pain off the scale my affected areas are highly sensitive to touch and temperature so the pain is that bad Im losing the will to live, you will understand where Im coming from Mr flowers
Click to expand...

Well dear, I hope you get some relief soon.. W/ xmas coming, I hope every1 gets so good vibes
 
Thoughts of death have hit me more than ever in my life during the past 6 weeks.

Girlfriend gone. Heroin gone. Just feeling really really, well.. awful really. Miserable. Thought i was gonna marry this girl. UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
I just want to fucking die. Everytime I try, I try my fucking hardest but still fuck up. I give up but just have shitty drugs to OD on, I don't want to go any other way but have nothing to my name to buy anything else. All I have is 50 betablockers and valium, is that enough? I know this is a shitty question, I hope I don't trigger someone, I just am in a shitty place and want to go.
 
i'm starting to withdrawal now and i hope it's not as bad as i think it's gonna be cause i'm taking my dad and g pa to see the hobbit tomorrow
 
:( I'm sorry every1 is feeling so shitty tonight:

Flowers.. I'm excited to see that myself, let me know how you like it..that's very sweet you're taking your dad and gpa.

B4rd.. I can relate to you as well. My bf of 8 years dumped me last night as well.. I'm still in the house but idk 4 how long his kindness in that dept is goin to last..

Lifes just not to great for any1 lately..
 
Definitely just lost my job. That's the 4th this year. I'm obviously a fucking unreliable piece of shit that deserves to die. I fuckimg hope these beta blockers are enough, and that I don't just end up more retarded..

Ah fucking snapped and took a months supply of them.
 
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