Hadn't been here in a while as things have globally been looking up but I just feel so horrible right now...I got into a huge fight with my mom over the phone. It was so stupid, too. I announced to my parents the other day that I'm getting a tattoo in a few days and my dad reacted really badly, was really mean about it blablabla. I told him it's my decision as I'm an adult and it's my money, which he reluctantly accepted but I dunno - it was just the fact that once again, he has to be unsupportive about something that means a lot to me. I'm getting a symbol that represents the band that literally saved my life, and the name of my best friend who died. These tattoos are incredibly important to me and he had to bring me down, like with everything else I've ever done and with every other decision I've ever made. And then my mom was trying to defend him on the phone, was taking his side etc and I just snapped...and I feel so guilty because I know how much it hurts her when we fight, and I feel like I have some sort of responsibility over her because she's suicidal and all that.
And now I just feel lonely and I want to go home. I hate my new life here. All my real friends are in Paris and I'm stuck in London where I know no one.
I know it sounds petty but I dunno...must have just brought up some stuff.
My neck injury has also been acting up this past week and I've just been in constant pain but I can't be prescribed anything anymore since I made the mistake of telling my doctor about my drug past.
And I want to use constantly but I know I can't and it's torturing me.
I just want to bury myself somewhere and die.