• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

The Suicide Support Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
I still have really bad flashbacks at times, and I can go from being perfectly happy to wanting to cry in a matter of a minute or less. I wish I could work on this issue in a more productive way but I don't know what else to do. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, so I guess I should try to come up with a plan with them, and go from there.

I have still been having mild/moderate anxiety/panic, and pretty severe nightmares. Until I get to go back to my psychiatrist I feel like the quality of my life is lacking pretty hard.

I also don't like opening up to my psychiatrist, it's going to be hard to talk about everything that has happened to me this year, and I wish I didn't have such a hard time asking for help when I really need it.
 
^CH, I'm really sorry that you are feeling so much fear and anxiety. It sounds like underneath the anxiety/ awkwardness of opening up that you do trust your psychiatrist so that is good. When is your appointment?

Can you get a referral for a therapist that you could talk to more frequently? Maybe seeing someone more often it would not feel as hard to talk about what is going on. (((<3)))

@vibrancy3--I did not think you were mugging. Sorry if it sounded that way. I was mainly trying to say a value this thread has in addition to what you advised which I think was very good advice.
 
herbavore said:
^CH, I'm really sorry that you are feeling so much fear and anxiety. It sounds like underneath the anxiety/ awkwardness of opening up that you do trust your psychiatrist so that is good. When is your appointment?

Can you get a referral for a therapist that you could talk to more frequently? Maybe seeing someone more often it would not feel as hard to talk about what is going on. (((<3)))
Click to expand...

I wouldn't even feel awkward about it, I would just be concerned how they would react to the literal circumstances of my life. If I told my parents they would probably start crying their eyes out.

My appointment is 5 days from now.

This is the only psychiatrist I can see without having to pay a lot of money out of pocket. The details on why are very specific, I'll PM you why because I don't care to divulge personal information on the forums publicly that could be used to identify me.

goonbag said:
Flashbacks suck hey Captain. Don't know what your's are but they can be nasty. I can be doing something, go blank and be reliving something nasty in the space of a minute and it just changes my whole mood. And they seem to happen ayt the worst times. EDIY - That could be one of the nost useless unhelpful posts ive ever posted :\
Click to expand...

So true, thanks for the reply goonbag.

I have flashbacks from... (in no specific order)

* being molested
* being raped
* being physically assaulted (domestic violence)
* being hit by a car while I was behind the wheel of a car (twice over)
* being side swiped by a car while I was riding passenger side in a car
* being hit and almost entirely run over by an SUV while walking in a crosswalk
* being held at gunpoint (posted the long story regrading this in TDS; aka my success story)
* a certain incident on certain substances that led to black outs/erratic behavior (I don't remember all of it but bits and pieces will come back all of the sudden)

I would have to say that of these flashbacks, some are easier to endure, others are really devastating. I'll bold the asterisks for the ones that are the worst. The first two bold ones are by far the worst and what I struggle with the most now.
 
Last edited:
i'm scarred that i might kill myself this evening because i'm going through opiate wd on purpose because i have 4 doses left but i want to take a break before doing them so i can get as high as possible that means no bupe to ease the wd but i do have one dose of xanax to help but my plan is to wait till tomorrow to take it since i'll be feeling worse tomorrow
 
mrflowers, have you ever considered going to a psychiatric hospital/rehab for your suicidal thoughts? or have you previously been?

I can tell you one thing- opiate withdrawal, as awful as it is, is not something you should kill yourself over. Take some medication to ease withdrawal and make yourself comfortable. <3
 
Opiate withdrawal can be a miserable and gruelling experience, so I can understand how you are feeling, having gone through it countless times myself. Just know it gets better, and fairly quick at that. Do you think going through the withdrawal to just use again is the best idea? It is very easy to get sucked into the habitual use pattern again, and then you would have to WD all over again.

Do you think having someone to talk to would help you at all? A counselling environment can be a very safe, and healthy place to voice yourself.

We are all here for you mrflowers00!
 
i'm trying to use in moderation and i have hope for that because i've been progressively getting better at doing so it's just taking a while
 
mrflowers00 said:
i'm trying to use in moderation and i have hope for that because i've been progressively getting better at doing so it's just taking a while
Click to expand...

I'm glad to hear you're working on that. :)

Over time you'll continue to build will power in regards to being able to moderate your usage. This is something that I've had to do too with certain types of drugs.

I'm not having the best day ever by any means but I'm thankful to have close friends to talk to when things get rough for me.
 
goonbag said:
just finished a 4hr conversation with my ex after skyping with my kids. feel more confused emotionally than ever, look at the bottles and bottles of pills I have and wonder
Click to expand...

I'm glad you were able to talk with your kids! :)

What is the relationship like between you and your ex?
 
severely etarded said:
Good night's rest and working out is about all you can do aside from trying to find your place in life. TBH the only reason I haven't gone through with any of my many suicide plans is because I play the lottery. Costs $1 and even though I know I won't ever win I keep playing hoping things will turn around for me. Every time I lose but the next drawing I throw in another dollar hoping everything will turn around. It's practically the only thing I look forward to, sadly. I'm not gonna lie after several years on SSRI's and SNRI's I can confidently say they are all bullshit. They either turned me into a Bipolar maniac or didn't work at all. Cannabis actually was the only thing I really found to cure depression (for me).

I know what you mean man. I literally have no one to talk to; I talk to myself. I want to die, gravely. I doubt if I'm inspiring at all, but I DO feel your pain... :(
Click to expand...

Thanks heaps for your reply severely etarded. I found a lot of inspiration from your post because it made me realise there are a lot of people in a much worse position than myself. I'm feeling much better this week and am generally more optimistic. It's funny because there's always one thing I find solace in whenever I'm down - reading.

How is your situation going? Any luck finding an apartment.

Take care bro, the next spliff is for you!
 
i hate wd it'd be so easy to just rob a pharmacy and down enough pills to die but i need to be strong
 
mrflowers00 said:
i hate wd it'd be so easy to just rob a pharmacy and down enough pills to die but i need to be strong
Click to expand...

Of course it would be easy, but you are right; you do need to be strong.

You also should consider the idea that if you got caught robbing a pharmacy, you would feel like shit, in a jail cell or prison, for years. Definitely not worth it.

Stay strong and feel free to PM me if you need to.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I find going on a walk while listening to some music on headphones to be an amazing start to finding something equally as rewarding. :)
Click to expand...

I've been wearing ear buds and listening to my favorite music every day for the past several weeks (I NEVER wore them before).
I love music, it gets me high, and the buds help block out the barren wasteland that the public world has become for me,
so I am free to stumble along in my own misery without taking much notice of the outside the world.

It really has helped. I know that being "on ice" like this is only temporary (everything is) and going to get better gradually; everything will return to butterflies, love and light, but I think it can really help to have some "medicines" that you can apply to ease the symptoms in the mean time.
 
i'm so stupid i always overdo my medicine and go through opiate wds and it makes me want to die so bad i really think i'd be happier sober but i'm scared to give up drugs
 
Feeling really badly tonight..I can't identify what has triggered me, but I just want to not exist anymore. It's not an attention thing,and I'm not asking for sympathy...I guess I'm just sharing the fact that I want to be dead.
 
rx_prn said:
Feeling really badly tonight..I can't identify what has triggered me, but I just want to not exist anymore. It's not an attention thing,and I'm not asking for sympathy...I guess I'm just sharing the fact that I want to be dead.
Click to expand...

I think the hardest thing to live with is the feeling the world is better off without me. I feel like I am getting in the way of my girlfriend being happy, and the only way to fix it is to kill myself. That and it just seems like nobody else really accepts me or cares. She was the only one who understood me, and now she wants to do what her mother wants her to (her mom hates me with an evil passion).

I just want to vanish from the face of the earth, cease to exist.
 
god_made_a_mistake said:
saturday......tell rachel ward that i love her with all my heart and soul,and that im so sorry.(sic)
Click to expand...

Not sure what you mean, but I like your name. I feel exactly that way. I can fix it though, just refilled on hydrocodone. Everyone judges me for taking them but they don't understand why... Nobody understands me anymore.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I wouldn't even feel awkward about it, I would just be concerned how they would react to the literal circumstances of my life. If I told my parents they would probably start crying their eyes out.

My appointment is 5 days from now.

This is the only psychiatrist I can see without having to pay a lot of money out of pocket. The details on why are very specific, I'll PM you why because I don't care to divulge personal information on the forums publicly that could be used to identify me.



So true, thanks for the reply goonbag.

I have flashbacks from... (in no specific order)

* being molested
* being raped
* being physically assaulted (domestic violence)
* being hit by a car while I was behind the wheel of a car (twice over)
* being side swiped by a car while I was riding passenger side in a car
* being hit and almost entirely run over by an SUV while walking in a crosswalk
* being held at gunpoint (posted the long story regrading this in TDS; aka my success story)
* a certain incident on certain substances that led to black outs/erratic behavior (I don't remember all of it but bits and pieces will come back all of the sudden)

I would have to say that of these flashbacks, some are easier to endure, others are really devastating. I'll bold the asterisks for the ones that are the worst. The first two bold ones are by far the worst and what I struggle with the most now.
Click to expand...

I'd have never thought you went through all that. I've just been psychologically abused my entire life by my dad, and never really had any real friends that didn't move away or something. Moved way too many times in my childhood. My little sister tried to push me down stairs unsuspectingly when she was 15 and I was 17. Wrecked my car pretty bad at 16; lucky to be alive. Couldn't get a job for several years until I could get my misdemeanor "drug offender" record expunged, which by then it was too little too late because my 'employment gaps". Now I got kicked out of my apartment, lost my girlfriend of 5 years and had to take our dog to the pound to be put down. All I have left is memories.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top