Morning Glory Seeds (Clarke's Heavenly Blue)
I took five 1.6g sachets of Plantation Products untreated Clarke's Heavenly Blue (8grams of total seeds) and with my coffee grinder, ground the seeds into a powder. I had a container full of capsules of St. John's Wort that I never used, so I pulled those apart, dispensed the wort and refilled with the ground seeds.
It was tedious, but when I finished, I had about 30 gelcaps filled with ground morning glory seeds and the residue of the St. John's Wort powder that was originally inside them. It's important to mention the St. John's Wort because hyperforin (chemical in the Wort) is a reuptake inhibitor for all kinds of neurotransmitters, and there may have been enough residue in the gelcaps to have had an effect.
At approximately 1245, I began swallowing gelcaps, three at a time, with a chaser of strong ginger ale. (This is just regular commercial ginger ale that I've added a couple grams of ground ginger to.) Getting all those caps down took some time, and a lot of burping.
Effects became noticeable within twenty to thirty minutes. Very much bloated feeling. Lethargic. Tired. A little antsy. Not so much nauseated as just really heavy abdominally. I became aware of a flickering in the periphery of vision. I finished my last gelcap as these early effects were coming on. Yes, it took about half an hour to swallow all those caps.
Not knowing, really, what to expect, and both excited and a little apprehensive – I enjoy both the recreational and also introspective visionary aspects of psychedelics, but I've also heard the stories of terrible vomiting, muscle cramping, bruising, vasoconstriction, and generally undesirable effects – I smiled to myself and just let it come on.
Thirty minutes later and I'd stripped down to my boxers because I couldn't stand any more pressure around my waist. My eyes were beginning to dilate. My right eye for some reason always dilates noticeably more than my left, always. This was starting to feel a lot like the come up of 6-APB.
I let myself fall forward onto my bed, like collapsing into a dream, and the physical euphoria was coming on strong. Any thoughts I had were followed by a tangible echo of that same thought, kind of like how after you throw a rock in a pond the waves ripple out like an echo of that first action. I'd lift the blankets above me, and bring them down, and that physical action followed and repeated itself two or three times. Very much like being extremely inebriated on alcohol and everything spins or moves back and forth repeatedly.
By now tactile sensations were feeling really good. I was swimming on my bed like I do with other serotonergic chemicals. My fingertips on my skin felt like it was someone else touching me and not my own hand.
I was also feeling a little physically distressed. I hadn't had any nausea, per se, no dry heaving or anything like that, but the load had been increasing, and my joints were starting to hurt, especially in my hands. My knuckles were swelling up a little. Strangely, I decided to eat a slice of pizza that had been in my refrigerator. I chewed every mouthful of pizza into a superfine gel – I didn't want to upset my GI system any more, but I did want to nourish my starving body. Soon after eating this slice, the colors around me took on depth and hue, especially greens. (The ginger ale cans around the room were practically glowing like an alien metal.)
At this stage, and I was only about an hour and a half into it, I was feeling mentally stimmed out. My body was under seriously heavy load, though, and physically, tactile sensations were really euphoric. Naturally, I pleasured myself. (It happens.) Explosively. I had filled the bathtub with water for a soak, which I enjoy with most trips. But after I put my feet in the water, the defraction of light from the bathroom window made my feet, when I looked at them submerged in the water, look pallid and gray—colorless and corpselike. I got this weird premonition that I'd end up dead if I took that bath. I got out, pulled the plug on the tub, and jumped back into my bed.
I'd been listening to Emerson Lake and Palmer's Tarkus and Van der Graaf Generator's Godbluff. But after a while the music was just too loud, too present, too in my face, and I needed a little silence to collect myself.
But as soon as I turned off the sound system, my ears picked up on the sound of the air blowing through the ductwork, and could still hear the fizzing of escaped carbon dioxide in the several cans of ginger ale strewn about my workstation. The walls were pulsing with bubbles of some transparent energy causing every surface to ripple and melt. Fractal atterns became very obvious.
At this point I was coming up strong and with a fear of how powerful this was going to get I found myself wondering if I'd peaked or if I hadn't even arrived yet and that this trip was a still a long way from over.
I started to connect with BL personalities I've known and others I thought could teach me something. Admittedly, I was a little bit nervous. I wrote to my pal foolsgold, and just about shared my name, just in case something really bad happened, but held on to reason enough to resist that impulse. (Anonymity is too important.)
I could hardly type. I could hardly keep myself focused on the screen. I was correcting typos left and right. I sent a message to jesusgreen, who, in my opinion, is a genuine philosopher, sharing that this morning glory experience was redefining what “bodyload” meant to me, sharing with him that I was trembling like a Parkinson's victim. I decided to watch my copy of Moonrise Kingdom, which I hadn't seen yet, and this movie has since topped my list of favorites, along with American Beauty, Donnie Darko, and a few others. I sent a message to morninggloryseed, who I had just reached out to for advice I made a few posts in different forums. I shared that “I feel like limbs could fall off.” He suggested I listen to a particular Bwiti initiation music from Gabon for Iboga shamanic journeying. I stopped the movie and listened. I noticed the animals who share my home reacted quite energetically to the music. They seemed slightly afraid, and I immediately responded by calming them. This action helped me relax, and sure enough, I felt good again. I connected with what I'm going to call an animal spirit that is present in this home. I feel that my daughter has a dog totem, but I have always had a strong affinity for felines. I became aware that I am very animalistic, and this interferes with my theological direction. That is a conundrum to solve another day. Right now it seems like I'm trying to walk a path perpendicular to my nature.
This, to steal from Morninggloryseed, ended the Mental Stage, and I was about to proceed into the Visionary Stage. One particular fractal pattern overlay everything I saw, eyes open, eyes closed. In fact it got to the point where I thought some kinetic energy had rearranged certain low-mass objects throughout my house to form the same fractal pattern (the dog hair on the carpets, for example).
Four hours later, and a meal of bread, cheese, and cottage cheese, after having finally finished Moonrise Kingdom (again, fantastic movie), I found myself going outside for frequent tobacco breaks. I was in a situation where the fractal patterning was apparent everywhere I looked. I wondered if it would be permanently etched to the back of my eyelids. I wasn't scared of that. I am a poor illustrator, but I attempted to draw the fractal shapes that I saw. I mentioned to morninggloryseed that “the concept I drew was...this shape, and it was readily apparent that it goes on outward for infinity. But when I looks into the center, which at first appeared to be an empty white square, or rectangle, or triangle, or whatever polygon it was, then, if I let myself understand that it is inward that infinity goes and not outward and that to look into it is to look into myself...” That is the lesson I learned. I'll ponder it further, especially after this coming weekend when I enjoy 450ug of AL-LAD I have acquired.
All in all, I have to share that this has been a worthwhile experience. I won't be doing this again for a long time, though. The bodyload is so very taxing, but this next day, I have no hangover. I'm not depressed by any means. But I don't have the motivation to do anything but think about yesterday's events.
Enjoy the report, friends.
