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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

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Vader said:
Mugz... you see to have been experiencing some profound amnesia. You back in the land of the living now?
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Almost,

had s few too many temaz and too much cider last night and ended up going and getting a pie and chips at 5am from the hospital cafeteria, tried to drink my can of cider while I was there but they took it away from me :(
 
Is this the same hospital that you're waiting for a hearing at?
 
yeah, and the same hospital that I live and "work" at
 
I'm glad you qualified that verb with quotation marks because it simply doesn't seem quite accurate to refer to getting fucked up and blowing off your job as "work" and in my eyes, it should be criminal that you're still being paid to do that. In most areas, if someone were to conduct themselves as you have then try to use a doctor's note to excuse their irresponsible behavior and still collect compensation, it would constitute fraud and would likely carry a prison sentence.

I apologize if this comes off as harsh but it's difficult to see the reality of things when you only surround yourself with people who say what you want to hear.

You have the opportunity to use this to better yourself and get things straightened out and I truly hope you do.
 
I expected that response cane, in many ways you are correct, please remember the massive cultural differences between the uk and usa though. In any case, I should be handing in my letter of resignation tomorrow which comes with a months notice, so in a months time I wont seem like so much of a "fraud " toyou and others as i'll be officially unemployed
 
Nah, its still fraud if you ask me. If you were in the U.S., you would have been fired right then and there.

Also, I thought you were taking midazolam last night, at least that's what you told everybody. Which one was it, midazolam or temazepam?

I'd say its amnesia if you don't even remember what benzo you were blacked out on.
 
Mugz, you need to snap out of this mate, it's really not good, I know how tempting it is when you're depressed to smash the drink and drugs, I know about all the thought processes and the self-loathing and everything, but you need to grab the bull by the horns here, reassert control over your life. There's only so much anyone else can do, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I'm trying to find another livestock-centric cliche, but I'm drawing a blank, so I'll leave it there.

Cane, once you get into cycling, you can't believe you ever walked anywhere. I've been squatting my mates' living room, and even though the pub is a 5 minute walk away, I feel like a total dickhead walking in the cold and the dark and the rain while they zip away. Honestly mate, change your life, and you end up with gigantic powerful thighs to boot.
 
definitely midazolam, was just trying to point out that in 4 weeks time i'll have nothing yo do with mywork, no connections at all, so then there will be no "fraud" as you put it. You can hardly claim that i'm fit to work in my current mental state, so I see no deception at all
 
Mugz said:
Almost,

had s few too many temaz and too much cider last night and ended up going and getting a pie and chips at 5am from the hospital cafeteria, tried to drink my can of cider while I was there but they took it away from me :(
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Right....
 
Is starting Saturday Vader when I'm back home and can concentrate on wellness instead of destruction, anyway curry is getting cold, i'll be back later
 
It's a bit tricky when drugs are involved, though, to draw the line. I work for an events company, and it's fucking bedlam, but the company I work for categorically and explicitly does NOT consider intoxication to be a valid reason for not working. Having said that, on the Monday at a fest, one of the guys I work with turned up to start a shift on acid and MDMA with a half-drunk bottle of whisky in his hand... and was told "you're not working today". Not "you're fired", but "you're not working today". I should point out that this is not typical of how everything runs in the UK, there are very few jobs where you could get away with that.

What kind of curry mate? I got myself a chickpea and sweet potato badman tonight. Vegan curry ftmfw.
 
There is an NBA player I am a big fan off named Monta Ellis who signed a $67 million contract for 6 years. A month after the ink dried, he tore a deltoid ligament in his left ankle and was predicted to miss 3 months or about half of the NBA season. He told his club that he injured it working out and so they were prepared to continue to pay his salary while he was out but then they found out he actually sustained the injury riding a moped which violated a clause in his contract against participating in dangerous activities. They suspended him for the duration of his rehabilitation period and this cost him about $6 million.

I view your situation very similarly, mugz. When you enter into an employment agreement you are promising to attend work and perform your duties in return for compensation. Getting fucked up and blowing off work then citing mental illness to cover your ass is like Monta selfishly endangering his career for thrills during the off-season then lying to his employer saying it was an unavoidable injury he sustained while working out.

You chose to get fucked up repeatedly; you CHOSE to ignore everyone telling you to get some help; you blew off ALL the people (some of them posting in this thread) who offered you support over and over again and now you are trying to sell to us, to your company and worst of all, to yourself that this isn't squarely your fault.

Citing medical issues or cultural differences is bollocks and on some level you know this. I'm glad to hear you aren't ripping off your employer AS badly as I thought but this situation can't begin to be rectified until you fully own up and take responsibility for the mess YOU made and put in the work to clean it up.
 
^ thanks.

Mugz, I really hope you don't feel like everyone is ganging up on you because that truly isn't my (and I suspect others') intention. Personally I feel like the supportive route hasn't gotten you anywhere and someone needs to hold up a mirror so you can see the reality a bit better. There is no way you can take the right corrective action if you aren't seeing the whole picture clearly.


Vader said:
What kind of curry mate? I got myself a chickpea and sweet potato badman tonight. Vegan curry ftmfw.
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That sounds awesome, are you vegan/vegetarian?

Fizzle has perfected a yellow curry lentil soup that she makes large batches of because it's a perfect snack/small meal that's easy to reheat. I add in some couscous or have some naan with it if I am a little hungrier... mmm, so good. A little sriracha once it starts to lose a bit of it's heat sets it off nicely as well. You really can't ever go wrong with sriracha!

Fiz and I went to a vegetarian festival a few weeks back... I feel a bit guilty since I am not a vegetarian any longer but a $6.50 entry fee for essentially unlimited samples of the best veg food around was too good a deal to pass up ;)
 
WAS A lamb an potato curry , with a popadom and a chicken stuffed paratha on the side, was fuckin tasty

Well said indeed by cane et. al

Do you guys ever consider that alcohol and drug abuse are just one of the side effects of my mental illness????

Within a couple of weeks I should be getting the psychiatric care that I need and th whole job "fraud"(which is still so cultural that you don't realise it and may never do so) will be overtoo.

I'll be in the hands of the state then, until I'm ready to take control of my own life again.
 
Of course your drug and alcohol abuse are related to your mental illness which is precisely why DOZENS of us have spent hours and hours of our free evenings trying to encourage you to get help but instead you shut out the people saying what you didn't want to hear, moved on to socialize with others who didn't know or wouldn't challenge you on these points and just continued on fucking up... over and over and over again until it finally caught up with you a TINY bit.

You have known you have mental illness you need help for, you have known that your drug abuse was adversely affecting your life in innumerable ways and you kept doing it.

Once again, you won't progress at all until you take responsibility.

The only reason you are even seeking help now is because you have burned every bridge and have no other way off the island. You know that if you weren't at risk of losing your job and could keep getting fucked up and showing up for work only half the time you would.

This is like trying to persuade a wall to get out of my way though and can probably find more productive ways to spend my time so I'll get off your back and just hope that when you do get help, you'll learn to take responsibility.
 
And Cane2theLeft is proven right once again...

Mugz, we're not trying to mess with you. Nobody is. We've been trying to help you from the beginning. But really, after months and months of the same thing (stim binge followed by benzo binge followed by depression followed by stim binge followed by the cycle repeating a dozen more times) people get tired of what has effectively become talking to a brick wall.

I'm glad you're seeking out psychiatric care but here's an idea: Don't drink any more cider. Don't take any more drugs. Isn't that what we've been telling you all along?
 
That sounds awesome, are you vegan/vegetarian?
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Yeah, I was vegan for a bit but it basically means you can't eat anything ever, so I'm veggie with a little egg or butter and cheese now and again, but veg curry is pretty much my staple.
You really can't ever go wrong with sriracha!
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Preaching to the choir mate, I can go through a bottle in a week. Chilli, garlic and MSG? Sweet jesus. I like to make fried rice with sweetcorn, sugarsnaps, scallions, mushrooms, maybe a little omelette, chilli, garlic, ginger, sriracha and soy sauce. Is banging, and if you have curry the night before, you've already got cold rice leftover so it takes 5 minutes. Nom.
Fizzle has perfected a yellow curry lentil soup that she makes large batches of because it's a perfect snack/small meal that's easy to reheat.
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Recipe? That's another great thing about veg curry, it doesn't spoil so you can make a huge pot and eat it for weeks, and feed anyone who's around (which is nice to be able to do when you're crashing on people's floors).
WAS A lamb an potato curry , with a popadom and a chicken stuffed paratha on the side, was fuckin tasty
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You ever try saving half the papadum, then crushing it over your curry when you've almost finished it? Change your life.
 
I asked her to PM you the recipe, so if she's not too busy with pintrest, you should have it soon ;)
 
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