Embarassing sex stories...

This is so bad....
My bf was trying to teach me how to squirt and I think I was trying too hard.
He was using my toy on me and I was trying and I farted a little. I was so fucking mortified.
Although he was cool about it.
 
Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real.
So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED.

I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven.

Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase.

I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line.

The Fucking End.
 
So i guess i posted this in the wrong thread before but im putting it here now


Theres this girl well call her C and my friend well call him G. So one night they both came to my place to chill and we did a ball of some really good coke between the three of us. Well the girl C and I had a fling a couple years back before her and G where together. So they ended up sleeping over in the same room i was sleeping in but on the floor on a sleeping bag. They started fucking...I got horney cuz i was high and started wanking off(I kno..I kno).Anyway G notices and tells C to get in my bed and take care of me too...(I think he was trying to test her cuz he suspected she still had a thing for me-mind at this point they where together for 3 yrs.) So she gets in my bed AND STARTS GIVING ME HEAD LOL. So i let her do it and then i start fuking her etc etc the whole deal. and i mean the whole deal...while G is in the room 3 feet away the entire time. and i had a GF at the time. I told my GF and she forgave me ...but i still feel really bad about it. not so much for G because he provoked it and me and C where both really fuked off the coke.needless to say where not friends anymore..
 
was round my ex's house and we were in her room door shut, however the door had a huge hole in it (resulting from her getting in a strop with her parents) so she was sucking my dick like a pro and after 4 mins or so i gaze over and was greeted by her 13 y/o sisters face staring at us through the hole, my ex didn't realise and was still going for it so i got her head and hugged it to try and cover up what was happening, it was then she looked and realised.. i couldn't look her sister in the face after that.
 
another one: me and my ex were shagging at my house and my mum walked in, we were upstairs luckily so we quickly got dressed and we both walked down thinking we got away with that, it was then, after my ex went to the toilet, that my mum said "interrupted did i?" and winked at me.. i have never felt so embarrassed in my life lol
 
one more, not really embarrassing but more frustrating:
me and my ex were round her house and we haven't shagged for ages so we were all teasing each other like groping etc getting really REALLY horny i was about to explode so i took off her tights, then just as i slip inside, her parents come through the door... god i have never been so frustrated in my life..
 
Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real.
So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED.

I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven.

Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase.

I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line.

The Fucking End.

lmao, unlucky
 
Picture it: I'm 18, head over fucking heels with the first girl I've ever kissed (hey, late bloomer, OK? Made up for it since, so quit laughing and follow the fucking story) who just happened to be the literal girl next door. True story, no shit. So it's my final day at high school, time to get wild and wasted; I get home, there's a note from my girl saying 'Come over. I have a special present for you.' Please bear in mind I am a fucking horny virgin, as is she. Couldn't make this shit up, for real.
So I get over to her place in about a millisecond, as you do when hearing the greatest fucking news of your life. I run into her bedroom, and there she is with a motherfucking come hither smile on her I will never forget. Before we get down to it though, I ask her - 'Where are your parents?'. She reckons no, it's all good, they're out. But to be doubly sure, we move a bookcase over to block her bedroom door. And then the moment arrives. We're half-dressed but licking and sucking away, I go down on her, and I am officially as hard as a fuckin iron bar. She's wet as a goddamn monsoon, I look up and she's like 'I wnat you inside me'. TADAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The great moment I have dreamt of for so long has ARRIVED.

I slip my throbbing dick into her, it feels amafuckingzing, and I start gently with the one-two-one-two, I couldn't be more in heaven.

Just then, a loud knocking on the door. Then - before I can get my dick out of her or even register what the fuck is going on - her DAD demands to know what we're doing in there, and pushes the door open, knocking over the bookcase.

I leap off of my girlfriend, who has rapidly hidden herself under her bedsheets, and try to get my dick back into my pants. But it's all too little too late, Pops has seen the whole show and is now FUCKING ANGRY and is demanding to know WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Of course, no explanation is really needed. My first and only shot at losing my virginity with the first girl I ever loved is shot down in flames. Dad stalks out, I run home, I lose the bursary to the college that Dad is Principal of, the girl cheats on me with a friend of mine, I go two years before properly blowing my load from intercourse and to this day never got to shag that girl to the finish line.

The Fucking End.

wow I will now refer this post to anyone who says they have relationship problems and say you think your life sucks.. read this.
 
My buddy and his girl were upstairs having anal sex while her dad was downstairs apparently they forgot the lube so when he went to pull out her sphincter ripped off and was stuck and around his dick which is bad enough but then they both had to go downstairs and explain to her dad what happened they then had to go to the ER where the doc removed it from his member and sewed it back on to her ass. true story no bullshit that has to be the most embarrassing thing ever
 
yea, right.....

hmmmm, i doubt the truth of this story above!!!!
It may have felt like he torn her sphincter off.....but I think the rest of the story is beyond truth.
Sorry greenlighter!!
 
about 3 years ago i was with this girl on my bed. she was on her hands and knees, i stuck one finger in her asshole and she flew across the bed ha. it was pretty funny
 
Worst ever was the first time I had sex after I started taking citalopram. I had been on it for probably a month, and had noticed that even while getting myself off, it took longer, and took some real concentration sometimes. I figured this wouldn't be an issue though... actually didn't even really think about it. Oh man. Three hours into it, I was exhausted, she was sore, and I still wasn't even close. I literally just went "Yeah this isn't going to happen. Don't worry. It's all my drugs." :\
 
Okay here's one. I was 17, and my friend and 2 girls we were mutually friends with were chilling out in their rural road side of town, and we ended up becoming smashed, driving across town to my house where my friend was staying, the girl I was talking to came with me into my house. It was a Friday, and my parents ran a karaoke thing till 11 pretty much throughout high school, so I always had Friday nights to myself (i know, right?)

So it was almost 11, but my clock was two time zones off for some stupid reason and said 9, I didn't check many other clocks as I was smashed and about to get laid :p. So we JUST start and I hear rustling noises near the door. We scramble to the closet, putting on something like clothing (i had one sock, no shoes, and shorts with a shirt two sizes too large. We jump out the window that was conveniently atop the AC box thing, run to the car so she can jump in it, then I came back inside as if i had to get something from the car. Parents knew what was up, so they start to fuck with me and ask obvious questions. The door was locked, so they emphasize asking why it was locked, we get inside, condom wrapper on the floor, they were looking at the window, so I scooted it under the bed, and her bra was thrown off, but almost hid itself which was nice. So they had no proof, and let me and my friend off with a series of scornful looks. Fun fun. She's still my friend now as well :) ironically pregnant with another of my friend's baby.

... I mean it's kind of embarrassing <_<. Okay so not so much..enjoy. At least I'm pretty :D
 
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All you dissociative fiends out there will love this one...

When I'm back home from school, I often spend my nights on the beach, as it's a five minute walk away and a perfect place to go mind-expand and ogle at the stars for hours on end. Anyway, as a sort of crucial prologue to this story, already underway was most epic biochemical war scene. My nasal mucosae and NMDA's had been at the receiving end of an unrelenting salvo of methoxetamine. Of a few things, I am certain: I ended up on this particular night burning through a heinous amount of substance in a remarkably short amount of time, and that at some point I said to my company (by whom I am quoted to this day), "Double vision was so one hundred milligrams ago!" Depth perception was also royally fucked. And of course, it took all the coordination I could to muster the gait of the average undead ex-porn star. Stay with me, the sex part will come (pun intended).

I was walking (or somehow otherwise commuting by foot) down a trail that lead to a private beach access, an area that is completely deserted 99% of the time at this ungodly hour. Well, as you probably guessed, tonight fell under that 1%. I was temporarily separated from the two friends I was with after they wandered off to find a place to urinate, and started doing some wandering of my own. As I approached a sort of clearing in the thick of tall grass and palm trees, I began to experience auditory hallucinations, as I often do on MXE, characterized as usual by extreme flanging-type distortion. I began to hear sounds that were definitely recognizable as those that could only be made by a living organism, possibly even human, but terrible and alien. Unlike anything I had ever heard. The best I can describe the noises (and I'm truly sorry for this one) would be akin to the twisted gurgling of some demonic, twisted horror from the late and great Silent Hill franchise. I was petrified.

At this point my two fellow conquistadors had finished relieving themselves, and now began to follow me just out of earshot, reveling in my lack of functionality and taking great humor in waiting for me to do something completely ridiculous.

As I stumbled nearer to the clearing from which the decidedly alien entity was guffawing into the darkness, it's terrible mewling grew more rhythmic and more distorted. I suddenly got the inexplicable feeling that it did in fact recognize my presence and, furthermore, was challenging me - that its ululations were an display of animalistic territorialism. For reasons I cannot explain to you all, I was somehow convinced that I needed to meet this creature in physical combat for the sake of .... humanity....or some other (hopefully noble) reason. I literally charged, frightened but unwilling to flee my otherworldly opponent, into the woodsy expanse that runs alongside the shore leading up to the clearing, acquired a dead palm frond and snapped off the end, forging a rudimentary longsword. I then pressed on once again towards the source of the noise.

I now was very close and could finally make visual contact with the abomination. My vision, however, was too unfocused to make out the full nature of its nightmarish form. I continued towards the enemy until finally, all was revealed. The monster was a grotesque many-limbed amalgam of disproportionate appendages protruding from a mutated, distended torso. It gave a shrill, atonal shriek and began to writhe wildly, sinuously flaunting its tentacled mass. I was ready. I faced my foe, prepared for the coming brawl, when the most unexpected thing yet happened. The confrontation: what happened next was, to put it mildly, very confusing.The creature was abruptly overcome with shocked silence, ceased its awful caterwauling, and rapidly metamorphosed before my eyes. It shifted and contorted, adopting an altogether new physiology, and fled into the darkness. The last thing I remember was attempting to run as fast as I could back to my friends to regale them with my odd encounter.

Now, for the embarrassing truth. And I absolutely could not have made this up. Long story short, it turns out that the friend who sold the three of us the half gram of MXE two days prior to this adventure picked this exact time to be boning his coke dealer, from behind, her leaning against a tree, him standing, their bodies juxtaposed, legs staggered, when suddenly some deranged fucking lunatic comes stalking out of the darkness brandishing a giant stick in his hand.

Everyone else thought I recognized him and was just consciously being a jackass and trying to scare the shit out of him.

Methoxetamine. Hell of a drug.
 
Years ago not long after having my tongue pierced with a barbell stud.
Me and my girl were getting hot and heavy and I decided to go down on her to try out my new piercing to see what she thought of it.
All was going well, she was nice and wet and moaning away, perfect.Perfect that is until I tried to pull away. One of her pubic hairs had become entwined around my tongue stud,each time I pulled up it would pull on her hair and on my tongue causing us both a bit of pain.
In the end to save my face forever being stuck at minge level I had to bite the bullet and snap my head back thus breaking her wire like pubic hairs grip on my tongue.
Lets just say it was a valuable lesson on the dangers of body piercing.
 
When I was 15

I remember fingering a girl, warming her up
I fingered too long...
SHE CAME while I fingered her, she rolled over and fell asleep

And I'm sitting there with a massive boner like............

I got her back though
one morning when she stayed the night, i barge into my cousins room with fake blood sll over my face, dried
NOTE:she was staying in my cousin's room

I'm like "YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME YOU WERE ON YOUR PERIOD"

I told her it was a joke when she started crying

my cousin was like O.O
 
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In the first serious relationship of my life, which was with a cute little ole' Japanese girl in redneck Kentucky! haha, I was going down on her... and for some reason my face felt really sticky, and there was an odd taste... We were in the dark so it wasn't, you know, obvious at the time. When I pulled my head, she shrieked and ran to the bathroom. When I went and looked in the mirror... BLOODFACE.

She was embarrassed as hell, but eh... I was just stoked on eating some poon.
 
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