European Crack Cocaine Thread

[Jabberwocky]

yep. the thing is you don't even notice. i had an epiphany the other week cos i realised i'd been in a shop and it hadn't even occurred to me to steal anything. i consider myself an honest person with a strong moral code, and i never stole from mates or family, but manipulated and lied all the time. i'm trying to cut that out now.

its also never really sleeping and being borderline psychotic if not in full blown psychosis half the time being really shit for your brain, half the time you've got no idea whats really going on, though you don't feel out of it all the time.

you don't need to say anything at meetings to start. and people aren't supposed to tell anyone outside the rooms who they saw or what they said inside. obviously, don't say anything that could get you in trouble. just being able to believe you can come out the other side of hard drug addiction is major. it takes a while to build up trust and relationships and that's certainly easier if you do share, but you can talk to people outside. they understand and don't judge. you don't have to pretend to be anything you're not and they want nothing from you apart from to get better.

i would have been arrested 3 days after i got into rehab, my parents cooperated with the police on my behalf and they've now closed the case against me even though it would have been an easy win for them. chances are if you're not already you're gonna end up being a bit naughty if you stay on this path and if you do that it'll bite you eventually.

 

[freesolo123]

Everyone who has a crack addiction is stealing in some form be it from family or shoplifting or through manipulation. I lie and steal every day.

 

[Jabberwocky]

ain't that the truth.

i'm leaving to go back into rehab v soon, my weekend pass is almost over. i'll give them a clean drugs test when i get back and i've not caught my brain wondering about whether crystal meth shows on the test or if i should sneak in some of the pills i got left for after, so all is good. i'll be out for good on thurs so maybe catch you then and have a good week. do whatever you can, anythings worth a shot.

 

[freesolo123]

Going to try to quit this shit I have blown all my cash for the next 3 weeks and my credit is awful so should be impossible to score. I hate and love this shit but the chaos it is causing to others is just too much and i don't like who I am becoming.

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

Going to try to quit this shit I have blown all my cash for the next 3 weeks and my credit is awful so should be impossible to score. I hate and love this shit but the chaos it is causing to others is just too much and i don't like who I am becoming.

Yer, crack has never been a personality-enhancer for me, hence why doing it alone is preferable personally & has less impact on others.
It is however one of the shittest wastes of money and nice people around, unless you're not an addict and can take it or leave it

 

[apocalypse_when]

Yer, crack has never been a personality-enhancer for me, hence why doing it alone is preferable personally & has less impact on others.
It is however one of the shittest wastes of money and nice people around, unless you're not an addict and can take it or leave it

Never tried it snd never want to...

From reading this thread though, dealers must make a fucking killing.

Sounds like a licence to print money tbh...

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

usually had some benzos, pregabs or antipsyhotics going round my system to smooth shit out too.

That sure made me have a quick smile up on my face.
I tip my hat to you sir

 

[apocalypse_when]

Just an idea chinup, but is it a good idea to keep posting your rehab updates in the crack cocaine thread given that drug is the main reason you're in rehab in the first place? Just coming to this thread might be a trigger for you and at the very least will make you think about crack.

Perhaps start a "chinup's rehab thread" or something instead?

Just a thought.

 

[Shambles]

... or try SMART...

I'd second that. I could never deal with N/A as it was an approach that was never gonna gel with me. SMART was a better fit for me personally as it's much more based on CBT - addict heal thyself, as it were. I also had no real belief in its likely effectiveness - nor much in the way of belief in me even really wanting to quit - but I did know I could not continue the way I had been without consequences becoming ever more irreversible.

I think SMART worked for me because abstinence is desired but not required. Taking that "all or nothing" pressure off just made it much easier for me - I cut most drugs out of my life because they were causing me significantly more harm than good. Me hurting me is all. So I stopped. Weirdly it did end up being almost that easy. Took me a good quarter century to work that out though so "easy" is relative I guess

I've been following your story and I'm really pleased you're doing well.

You're inspiring chinup... keep up the good work

Couldn't agree more. Excellent work, Chinup. Much love, appreciation and respect

 

[Jabberwocky]

thanks guys.

i'm now out of rehab and not used anything, not wanted to either. 63 days clean.

apocalypse- i wouldn't read this thread if it were triggering. you are onto something cos i learned i can't read the heroin thread, knowing theres good b somewhere in the uk is more than i can easily cope with. but i can cope with this thread cos i don't care if there's good light about. its shit. it destroyed my life so comprehensively that i don't think outside triggers can ever make me want it. the only time i've even thought about doing crack since i got to rehab is in a speedball thanks to some great logic my brain did. my last experiences with crack were awful and i'm probably lucky to be alive. i have tinnitus as the result of the damage i've done to my blood vessels. if i feel this thread having a negative effect i'll stay away cos its not worth the risk, but it feels ok right now and i think i actually have something to offer people struggling with light cos of my experiences. incidentally i do basically have a rehab thread in sober living.

shambles- cool, i'll check SMART out, thanks!! i do find the abstinence only aspect of NA a bit draconian, but i can see it, i've been addicted to so many drugs over the years. i'm concerned if i use anything, especially given i'm totally against small amounts of drugs, that my judgement will be skewed and i'll find myself with a pipe without even really knowing what i'm doing.

freesolo- how you doing?

 

[steewith2ees]

thanks guys.

i'm now out of rehab and not used anything, not wanted to either. 63 days clean.

apocalypse- i wouldn't read this thread if it were triggering. you are onto something cos i learned i can't read the heroin thread, knowing theres good b somewhere in the uk is more than i can easily cope with. but i can cope with this thread cos i don't care if there's good light about. its shit. it destroyed my life so comprehensively that i don't think outside triggers can ever make me want it. the only time i've even thought about doing crack since i got to rehab is in a speedball thanks to some great logic my brain did. my last experiences with crack were awful and i'm probably lucky to be alive. i have tinnitus as the result of the damage i've done to my blood vessels. if i feel this thread having a negative effect i'll stay away cos its not worth the risk, but it feels ok right now and i think i actually have something to offer people struggling with light cos of my experiences. incidentally i do basically have a rehab thread in sober living.

shambles- cool, i'll check SMART out, thanks!! i do find the abstinence only aspect of NA a bit draconian, but i can see it, i've been addicted to so many drugs over the years. i'm concerned if i use anything, especially given i'm totally against small amounts of drugs, that my judgement will be skewed and i'll find myself with a pipe without even really knowing what i'm doing.

freesolo- how you doing?

Just taking the chance to re-iterate everyone's support and how impressive your efforts have and continue to be - congratulations would be in order in any other circumstance but I feel that despite how much your deserve it (and you do xx) it is not appropriate as a persons recovery is never complete by any quantifiable level. Never the less, while the hard work is still only in the early stages you have given yourself the best chance in the world and in the unfortunate event that things may slip back at some point (please do not take this as a negative - relapse rates are high among drug and alcohol dependencies, and I am sure that you realise that having the insight into this fact and facing its possibility without ever regarding it as an inevitability is a crucial key to moving forward) you have proven to yourself that you can not only break the cycle but maintain it using nothing more than your own motivation.

On one hand it is easy to reiterate the logical observation that continuing to engage in Bluelight may not be the most helpful way to stop thinking about drug use and culture, but on the other, we all know that triggers can come from anywhere and I personally did not need Bluelight to fall back off the wagon (5 years ago or so), returning to the site regularly only after I was hooked again as opposed to it having any actual influence.

3 words: Keep it up - and thankyou for sharing the entire journey with our members, from contemplation through to the success you are having now.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

Rock isn't really famed for it's qualities as an enhancer of personalities and lubricant for making productive, the flow of the milk of human kindness.

It tends to bring out the very worst in those people who take to it.

I've smoked stone before, a moderate number of times, but I'm not really a big psychostimulant sort of guy. There are some uppers I do like, and GOOD coke, after it's been properly cleaned up; but every time, for whatever reason, that I've smoked a stone, I've never felt the urge to buy more, or to start fiending. trying in vain to chase after that first, maybe second big tidal wave of triple reuptake inhibitor and monoamine release. I've always just thought to myself 'well I know that what I read so many accounts of BL'ers chasing after for hours, and hundreds of quid in rock, that what they are running after will always be one prick tease of a stride ahead, and is not there to be caught. I've HAD my bites of the monoamine release cherry and neurotransmitter depletion has taken place, so without the monoamine-packed neurotransmitter vesicles in synaptic terminals being full of DA/5-HT/NE then you just cannot cause to be released, what is not in the stores to begin with. You cannot take what is not there, so reinforcement or not, why bother fighting a losing, and expensive battle trying?'

Although the fact I'm not a huge upper guy in the first place helps, I'm sure. I've never really found them compulsive, not excessively so at least. Sure, I can go through a gram of meth/ethamphetamine or phet in a day, redosing every so often with a few more tokes on the pipe, but I always plan it, so I know it's when I know for certain I will have an adequate enough supply of benzos/heminevrin/my pain meds and some clonidine and muscle relaxers the day after that I can eat into them to an extent, make a recreational day on the downers, opiates and sympatholytics, knowing that if I keep it to one day, after first eating a solid meal, like a big bowl of salted oat porridge cooked with melted butter and brown sugar stirred in, then covered in brown sugar or slathered in golden syrup, to set myself up for the day, knowing that whilst on the tweak, I'll not want anything to eat, bar maybe a tub of ice cream and some bags of candy.

Then go at it, for the day and night; get spun and go on a monster great journal article bender until the early hours of the morning, smoking cigar after cigar, but come the morning, finished, and if I have any, either smoke a few bowels and a big long joint, rail a few oxy IR caps, get a morphine shot ready, pop a few downers, whilst reading a last few science articles of interest.

That way, sticking to that model with stimulants, I know I'll feel a lot better for it afterwards, and almost always avoid a crash entirely.

Rock is a bit different due to the very short duration, but it's one stimulant that I'm just not willing to push the dose too hard to begin with even in the first dose; the reason being, that smoking crack is causing a sudden, massive spike in plasma levels of a voltage-gated Na+ channel blocker, the local anaesthetic activity being very strongly associated with arrhythmia and corresponding cardiotoxicity.

 

[entheologian]

Does any one else use this method for smoking crack?

i have a steamroller glass pipe with the bowl blocked so its basically just a straight pipe i then ball up 3 pipe screens and wrap 2 screens around it making a kind of basket i push this into the pipe open end first and drop the rock down the pipe so it sits in the basket and melt it into the screens then hit it,

this seems a lot easier to do covertly and wastes less

 

[Raasyvibe]

while the hard work is still only in the early stages you have given yourself the best chance in the world and in the unfortunate event that things may slip back at some point .... .

That's the thing. I find circumstance and the people you're with make a huge difference. Moved into a house share once and drinking/drugging by myself around others just wasn't acceptable, so it forced me to be completely sober. Soon as i had to move out and temporarily live with parents (horror) was drinking that day and continued to do so.... Until I moved out again.

Chinup, looked though your posts and yes you've had an extremely difficult path through life. A lifetime of severe psychological problems is not going to be an easy thing to break away from. Don't know what to advise as I can't really relate to your circumstances, but will just say you strike me as a decent person and i have confidence that if you really want to come through all this, you will.

On a sidenote, might sound a little strange but you remind me very, very much of someone I knew elsewhere on the Internetz once. You've not used the name "Pussykatt" elsewhere have you? Through a dreamcast...many, many years ago? It's a longshot, but it's been bugging me for a while. Can you please put me out my misery

 

[blondin]

you should use metal scrouring pad and stuff in as much as you can otherwise when it melts it will fall through the screens. I use a small hash pipe and fill the bowl with tis stufff and get massive lungfulls - now im writing tis makes me want to get some.....maybe i will..bad blondin

 

[Jabberwocky]

^ burn the fuck out of the scouring pad first so its black all over and stopped smoking otherwise its rank. also at the end you can push it through your pipe to get the recycle.

...

will just say you strike me as a decent person and i have confidence that if you really want to come through all this, you will.

On a sidenote, might sound a little strange but you remind me very, very much of someone I knew elsewhere on the Internetz once. You've not used the name "Pussykatt" elsewhere have you? Through a dreamcast...many, many years ago? It's a longshot, but it's been bugging me for a while. Can you please put me out my misery

thanks so much!! i really hope i am, i learned pretty quickly that for a crackhead i had quite a strong moral code, never contemplated stealing off friends or family, though i'd happy lie and manipulate so i wasn't a saint. and tbh i'm pretty glad you can't really relate no one should have to really, i've lost a lot of self pity and done a lot of trauma work but there's still a lot of work. and yeah circumstances are huge, hence why i'm stuck at my parents.

still clean. its getting harder though.

and nope i've never been 'pussykatt' anywhere though that is totally the sort of name i'd used. i'm kinda gutted though thought i was a special and unique snowflake.

 

[freesolo123]

Im 10 days clean and it is getting easier the first few day where a nightmare but I have my self control back, I have cash to get drugs right now but choose not to.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yes!!! well done!!! it gets better here on in, but its really really up and down. don't let the down times trick you, they can go on for days.

i'm on day 7 out of rehab clean, which means much more to me than clean time in rehab, not touched anything at all.

 

[apocalypse_when]

yes!!! well done!!! it gets better here on in, but its really really up and down. don't let the down times trick you, they can go on for days.

i'm on day 7 out of rehab clean, which means much more to me than clean time in rehab, not touched anything at all.

Well done btw. I really pleased for you. I overcame an very serious addiction to prescription opioids and i know how hard it is. Its almost like a complusion to do it that you can't resist... but i found that once you build up some clean time and get momentum going it gets much easier...

 

[blondin]

^ burn the fuck out of the scouring pad first so its black all over and stopped smoking otherwise its rank. also at the end you can push it through your pipe to get the recycle.



thanks so much!! i really hope i am, i learned pretty quickly that for a crackhead i had quite a strong moral code, never contemplated stealing off friends or family, though i'd happy lie and manipulate so i wasn't a saint. and tbh i'm pretty glad you can't really relate no one should have to really, i've lost a lot of self pity and done a lot of trauma work but there's still a lot of work. and yeah circumstances are huge, hence why i'm stuck at my parents.

still clean. its getting harder though.

and nope i've never been 'pussykatt' anywhere though that is totally the sort of name i'd used. i'm kinda gutted though thought i was a special and unique snowflake.

THe one i buy is just shiny metal no coating you burn it and no smoke comes off - not like a really thin wire pad