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Thread: Sex without oral sex. Why ??!

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    Sex without oral sex. Why ??! 
    #1
    Here is my problem, my girlfriend doesn't want to receive or give any sort of oral stimulation while we're having sex.
    I've never been with a girl that has had this sort of "problem"... So I don't know what to think of it.

    Although the sex is great and she's always wanting it, whenever I go down to give her some oral satisfaction she stops me and tries to push me away.
    So I asked her why and she says because she finds it "disgusting" if I stimulate her down there and then kiss her afterwards, something about too many germs...

    I didn't know how to respond to that and it just kind of threw the whole night off for me afterwards.

    Is there anyway I could change her mind ?
    How exactly do I go about this and try to convince her that oral sex is awesome.
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    #2
    Bluelighter ForEverAfter's Avatar
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    That bitch is crazy.
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    #3
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    Have her watch porn. Have another woman go down on her.
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    #4
    Bluelighter RobotRipping's Avatar
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    some people find it yucky, maybe she has a yeast infection and is just trying to protect you, never know.
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    #5
    Bluelighter -=SS=-'s Avatar
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    Personally I don't care for oral sex (het male). I mean a little kiss and lick is fine to give ourselves a bit more lubrication, but beyond that it just doesn't really do anything for me. My gf loves me giving her oral, which i'm happy to do, but if she didn't want it I would not be bothered really.. having a mouth tasting like vagina doesn't exactly turn me on.

    If you gf doesn't like oral sex, she doesn't like oral sex. If she willingly take it but doesn't give it back then you could say something, otherwise her personal preferences are her own and you need to respect that.

    Quote Originally Posted by BottleDryer View Post
    Although the sex is great and she's always wanting it
    So what's the problem. Be grateful that you're having great sex all the time!
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    #6
    I am grateful of course.

    Lol, does a guy really need to explain himself on why getting "a mouth tasting like vagina" is awesome ? Not only is it a major boost to the libido but it can also intensify the sexual experience for some guys. It just helps add to the whole notion of "play" within that moment.

    Sure, there are other ways and things we can do, but, the only reason I brought this up was because I found the act of oral sex just so "basic", practically the "staple" of every sexual encounter.
    Disregarding such an act (for whatever given reason, in this circumstance, "germs") threw up a "flag" (of curiosity and concern) for me.

    Anyways, to put it simply, some guys just want to eat some pussy here and there.

    I understand she has her reason, (however silly as it may be).

    Some strategical (is that even a word?) feedback on how we (I) can bypass this would be great.
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    #7
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    Yeah, I know people who don't do oral, I don't understand it but to each their own. There are plenty of things I "don't do".
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    #8
    Bluelighter Lysis's Avatar
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    BottleDryer, is she religious or did she come from a religious home? For me, I grew up with all that and was sent to a private school until the 11th grade. Sex is considered "dirty" in that environment, so for me, I had to come into my own and I was far behind everyone else.

    I would avoid being degrading or critical or pushy. What helped me was a guy who was understanding and patient. I still prefer a good pounding, but I no longer carry that "shame" that you're taught in private school/relgious environments.
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    #9
    Lysis, yea she is religious. But she never makes any mention of it. Hmm, that is an interesting point.
    I was introduced to her family a few times and afterwards I remember her cousin telling me that being all "lovey dovey" and showing so much affection to her in front of her family was frowned upon by them (although they never told me ).

    So maybe there are some underlying issues regarding that. I don't know.

    I would never be degrading , critical or pushy to her about this. Although I did make it clear that I found it "strange" and that it "turned me off" (in that moment). But we didn't make such a big deal out of it (at least I hope not).
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    #10
    Bluelighter angelsmoke's Avatar
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    Haha, germs

    I (hetero girl) don't like being on the receiving end of and kind of 'serious' oral. I'm perfectly happy to give oral, and don't mind a guy going down there as part of the whole sex experience. But when a guy sets up camp between my legs.... nah, really not a fan. Aside from some physical pleasure, it just doesn't do anything for me at all. Meaning yes, I might have an orgasm eventually (tongues are really too soft squishy), but a boring one. It just doesn't feel... erotic, or sexy, or HOT.

    Guys do seem to find this difficult to understand. I even had one guy try to explain to me that it must be because I have low self esteem and feel "unworthy" of pleasure. No, I just DON'T LIKE ORAL!!

    If your girl is the same, I don't think you should feel any need to try to bypass it or convince her that it's "awesome"!! That said, the "germs" thing is a bit odd - might be worth at least getting to the bottom of why she doesn't like it. Maybe she just doesn't like the taste of her own vag.
    She might be a bit more amenable if she knows that you want to have a munch for your own enjoyment. I would be -- it's the implication that I should be grateful that hacks me off.
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    #11
    Bluelighter Lysis's Avatar
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    I would say that is her problem. She might seem OK, but you can't grow up in that environment and be completely free from it.

    She's probably not feeling too good about herself right now. She just doesn't understand and is probably super shy and unsure of herself. Imagine being told from birth that sex is dirty and oral? forget about it...

    Go easy on her, if you plan to help her come out of her shell. I would avoid telling her you feel turned off and it's strange. I would go slow. Touch her down there, let her touch you..let her get used to just hands and kissing and petting at first. Then, after she feels more comfortable, kiss her belly and legs and around the area. Then, after you guys get to know each other and your bodies more, take her out and have a good time together. Let her have a drink (note, NOT DRUNK!) to help her loosen up a little and then take it a little further.

    It's not her fault, and I'm sure she is willing to experiment. Jut take it as slow as you can and have patience. Try your hardest (and I know you want to be blunt or truthful, but she already knows she's "weird" over it) not to say anything negative. All positive feedback. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she smells good and tastes good. ALL positive. If she gets hesitant, just tell her you think she smells really good and you're so turned on by her.

    Another thing (and I know this sounds weird) is not to be "crude." When you are raised in a proper, snooty, religious environment, crude is abrasive to you. Take it slow with that stuff. For instance, don't say "your pussy tastes good." Say "you taste good."
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    #12
    Bluelighter iheartthisthread's Avatar
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    agree with lysis here.
    My ex wasn`t all into it when we first got together... She did eventually come to enjoy it.
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    #13
    Thanks Lysis, that was an immensely helpful response.
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    #14
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    Hiya BD,

    you might want to be just a little careful, had a one night with a girl who I knew a bit in college (many, many years ago) who really excruciatingly explained that there was 'some' things she couldn't do because she'd been abused by a stepdad. It took a while and a bit of tactful coaxing to find out that this was oral and she was fine when I said not to do anything she didn't want to, but you might want to go easy just in case..

    Rattles
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    #15
    Bluelight Crew rm-rf's Avatar
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    youre girlfriend is extremely insecure (which has become the norm in this day and age, that isnt a judgement), and its your job as her partner to help her through it. i believe oral is a most necessary aspect of sexual expression, it allows us another dimension to really show how someone makes us feel, and how to reward someone for making you feel secure and appreciated in return. its a wonderful way of saying thank you for being you. its also so satisfying to really get into the expression, and really taste the other person's essence, really feel their fundamental vibration. its a dimension of connection not to be left out of the spectrum.

    so you may not have an easy job on your hands. you should express your needs in a most amicable and tactful way, expecting nothing in return. take the pressure off of her and state that you dont need her to come around right now, but youd like to know that shed work through her negative response to this with you, and be open minded to your side of the story (anyone unwilling to be open minded to your needs isnt a good partner to be with). tell her what it means to you, to be able to give oral to her freely. find creative ways to express how you feel about oral sex in general, and be honest as you can be. it may be deeper than the act itself, she may have hangups she isnt even aware of, and you may need to be prepared to spend a long time helping her dig deep and find out why she isnt comfortable with herself in that way. always give her the space and time she needs to sort through it, and dont fail to let her know how patient youll be.

    there may be a subconscious association with oral sex that she has, that neither of you are aware of. i wouldnt move towards any physical contact until youve changed her association first. find a way to coax her out of the safety of the tree and into the warm open field with you, all on her own.

    the reward youll eventually receive once youve helped her become more fully comfortable with herself will certainly be worth it.
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    #16
    Bluelighter Cornishman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RobotRipping View Post
    some people find it yucky, maybe she has a yeast infection and is just trying to protect you, never know.
    Seconded.
    It just sounds like she doesn't wanna be embarrassed.
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    #17
    So sorry my man, sex just doesn't seem complete I unless I get to eat some poonani.

    Afraid of germs? Hmmm maybe there's something she knows about her kitty that you don't know...

    Does she drink? Oftentimes alcohol will open people up to new thiga sexually, and once they try them they never go back! (meth also works but I really wouldn't suggest it to anyone)
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    #18
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    I know a few girls who hate it they are not comfurtable with it you know.... then some girls dont like sucking a guy off because they think it is unclean...
    You should talk to her about it..u.
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    #19
    Quote Originally Posted by BottleDryer View Post
    Is there anyway I could change her mind ?
    How exactly do I go about this and try to convince her that oral sex is awesome.
    If she is very young and inexperienced then anything is possible and there is good advice above. But if not you would be wise to break it off now unless sex is relatively unimportant to you.

    I would never want to be with any woman who did not love all parts of herself and her lovers. Would never want to be with anyone who regarded performing oral sex or anything else as a chore rather than an enthusiastic pleasure. The women I find attractive love sucking cock as much as I love eating pussy.

    Some people don't find sex that important, but for those who do this would be death over the long term unless you have an open relationship and can have uninhibited, enthusiastic, polymorphously perverse 69 suckathons with other women.

    Good luck.
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    #20
    Some people don't like oral sex giving or getting, or being "versatile" for oral sex at all.

    A friend of mine dated a woman who enjoyed getting oral sex but she did not give him oral sex and would tell him "Pee comes out of there! No way am I going to put your penis in my mouth!"

    Bottle Dryer, there's nothing you can do to make her enjoy oral sex if she's not into it. Some women have an ultra sensitive clitoris or they know they're a lot more into vaginal intercourse than oral sex. Have you tried talking to her about why she does not like you giving her oral sex?
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    #21
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    An ex of mine totally enjoyed it but was super conscious of herself to the point of turning me down on many occasions. She'd have to make sure she was clean and everything was just right down there, if you know what I mean. Also, she grew up in a religious family and definitely had a few hang-ups when it came to sex. At the end of the day, she really just had a bunch of trouble "lettting go", so to speak. She doesn't sound too much different than your SO. BTW, she would rarely go down on me. She called it a chronic throat problem; super sensitive gag reflex. Good Luck with things!
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    #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by BottleDryer View Post
    Here is my problem, my girlfriend doesn't want to receive or give any sort of oral stimulation while we're having sex.
    I've never been with a girl that has had this sort of "problem"... So I don't know what to think of it.

    Although the sex is great and she's always wanting it, whenever I go down to give her some oral satisfaction she stops me and tries to push me away.
    So I asked her why and she says because she finds it "disgusting" if I stimulate her down there and then kiss her afterwards, something about too many germs...

    I didn't know how to respond to that and it just kind of threw the whole night off for me afterwards.

    Is there anyway I could change her mind ?
    How exactly do I go about this and try to convince her that oral sex is awesome.
    I'm the opposite. I mean, I'm a virgin, but I want to give a guy oral. Thing is, I'm worried that when the time comes, he won't like it, or I won't like the taste. I'm also worried I'll find a guy who doesn't want to give me oral. Sigh.
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