I'm so scared to go home. Not because I'll relapse (again) but because you won't be with me. Even worse, when I come back here everything's going to change and I'm terrified at how to handle it. Haven't I gone through enough changes? Haven't I sacrificed enough already?
I never meant to hurt you with my actions. All I want is for you to forgive me and love me and I'd give anything for you to be happy again. To not doubt me or what we have. Last night I was smiling like an idiot telling my mom just how much you mean to me and how these past two months have impacted my life and that I love and adore you. Then you called and hearing you say "Hi!" the way you do, and just picturing your smile...fuck...how can a simple "hi" mean so much, say so much?
It's been such a short time but this is home. You are home. I'm sorry for my recent behavior. Clearly breaking old patterns/habits is harder than I thought and you're right - I have to grow up and stop being so selfish. You have no idea how much I appreciate you and everything you've done for me. Truly.
Ugh. Idk what else to say. I'm only human, too. Please understand