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Say something you can't say to their face

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Ending our friendship was the hardest decision I've ever made, but fuck you for being a lousy friend to me and never keeping your word.

I will never talk to you again.
 
I miss you so much. It's been more than a month since I last saw you and I'm still thinking about you daily. I still can't believe that you're gone and I'm still not sure if you broke up with me because you don't love me anymore or because you're just not ready to change and knew that you'd just hurt me.
Do you still think about me? Is there still hope or are you happier without me? Do you have a new bf or fuckbuddy? Why did you block me on snapchat? Are you happy? Why didn't you care to change at least a little bit, were you just too afraid or did you just not care about my feelings anymore? So many questions I can't ask..
I really hope you'll call someday in the next few weeks as I'm not sure if you want me to call you.
It hurts so much knowing that you live just like a km away but I probably won't see you ever again.
I still think that if you would've at least tried to change some things we'd have a great relationship, but it looks like you're either too afraid or just don't care anymore.
Hope you're happy.
 
I wish that my actions speak as clearly as my words. I hope things turn out fine and that you can be whatever you want and continue being the great person you have always been.
 
Why lie? we were only dating,all you had to say was you didn't want to go out again.. not a problem. Fuck you why make up bullshit.. grow some balls for fuck's sake..
 
I still don't know if I love you or just find you an interesting distraction from how empty I am. I hope if I find the latter is true nobody ends up hurt because of it.
 
I'm very hopeful, I don't want to feel so optimistic to protect myself should something go wrong. I don't think it's the case though. I realize it maybe took almost 2 years and half being totally sober, so that I could feel so confident as I used to be when I needed drugs. Not only to be confident but also to afford nights without sleep followed by long working days, socializing and all the rest. It makes me happy as I can have this palpable feeling that things do get better after all, also with my children and closer relatives.

I really thank Bluelight from the bottom of heart for having given me so much hope, inspiration and, most importantly, the strength throughout these past years when I most needed it to built the confidence I knew I still had it in me, somewhere. I wish I could have been here earlier when I started trying to come off of opiates I needed daily together with all the benzos to get through the day. As I often mention here, there's nothing we can't achieve. We can all stop it when we truly want it regardless of all sadness and depression that comes along after the neverending withdrawals.
 
Not really to a partner but I desperately need to get this off my chest.

Why did you make me like this? You're always so angry with me for making bad choices but everything I've ever done was an attempt to escape this deep-seated pain you gave me. Of all the gifts to give your child, why give them pain? What kind of person does that? What kind of person does that and then fucking justifies it by telling that child he's inherently bad!?

Do you know what it was like? To grow up with the two of you? To grow up being told if I wasn't perfect I was the worst person on earth? To be threatened with institutionalization before I was even 10 years old!? To be pinned down by an adult and told I deserved it for expressing an emotion? To hear over and over again if I told you your behavior was wrong that I was in the wrong? That I should be a better kid if I didn't want to be degraded and hurt? To be told that every emotion I expressed was dramatic or unimportant? Even when I expressed joy?

Do you know what it's like to live with you now? To see that facade you put on?
Look we're good parents now, we feed you, we shelter you, we offer to spend time with you, we apologize when we demean you as long as you're not to scared to call us out on it.

You're not good parents, and I don't care how unaware of that or in denial you are. You never were good parents. I have entire pieces of memory missing from my consciousness because my childhood was so fucking painful. And to this day I choke up when I try to criticize you. To this day I still struggle to call you abusive because like you said, other kids had it worse.

fuck you fuck you fuck you stop trying to act like you ever saw me as anything but an inconvenience when I was a child. I know you never wanted me. I was bad, I was sick, I was to much for you.

fuck you fuck you fuck you stop trying to act like you care now. If you cared you would notice when I disappear for days at a time to drugs or when I end up in the hospital for 17 godamn hours. I know you don't care, you barely even notice I exist.

I hope when I move out I never have to see either of you again, and I hope the fact I don't speak to you haunts you until you take your last breaths.
 
Great. Just another day full of idiots again. Wish I could stay in bed and not have to deal with you dumb ass shitheads.

But one must work I suppose.
 
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I now realise how distasteful it is to air our dirty laundry in a public forum like this.

Sorry, I'll take the highroad from here on- nobody wins when we play tit for tat like children.
 
Erikmen said:
I'm very hopeful, I don't want to feel so optimistic to protect myself should something go wrong. I don't think it's the case though. I realize it maybe took almost 2 years and half being totally sober, so that I could feel so confident as I used to be when I needed drugs. Not only to be confident but also to afford nights without sleep followed by long working days, socializing and all the rest. It makes me happy as I can have this palpable feeling that things do get better after all, also with my children and closer relatives.

I really thank Bluelight from the bottom of heart for having given me so much hope, inspiration and, most importantly, the strength throughout these past years when I most needed it to built the confidence I knew I still had it in me, somewhere. I wish I could have been here earlier when I started trying to come off of opiates I needed daily together with all the benzos to get through the day. As I often mention here, there's nothing we can't achieve. We can all stop it when we truly want it regardless of all sadness and depression that comes along after the neverending withdrawals.
Click to expand...

What a beautiful, wonderful post!!! I'm so happy and excited for you! Right on :)

Peace :)
 
You always want the last word as if it wins an argument or proves you are right. But it just means you were the last to let it go. Like ringing and yelling then hanging up.

If you really want the last word and really want a win you can have it. Just as long as you shut up and leave it alone I win.

I wont take this further. I already know you've burned your bridges elsewhere by doing this and life is too short to be bothered.

Btw your armpits smell awful.
 
^lol, smelly cat, smelly cat. *Friends*?

Cheers to the mod who listened to me.
It's very difficult as ^ you posted, I just want to forget about it. You won't let it go.
It's time, lmao, it's actually been time to just move on for a week now.
You are so polite & humble to the mods on BL, try that irl. It may just work.
 
^ I was talking to my ex. If I wanted to talk to you I would.

Resuming the thread topic at hand now....

You can do your own dirty work.

And that stupid music website reveals all.

You never went to LA and never appeared on X factor. Dickhead.
 
I want to fuck you like a maniac. And also soft and sweet. And then back to maniacal.

When I come back, I will ruin you for anyone else :)

Edit. You will be so fun. And our unique history together - and having known each other for so long - will only make this more fun.

I know you well :) You will beg for more. This is going to be so fun. ::evil smirk::
 
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^^Hey baby doll!!!!!!!! Muah Muah Muah!!!!
Xoxoxoxo

Edit. Lmao, oh you're gasping at my post lol. I'm starved of a decent sex life, lol. Starved!!!!
 
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I *know* you didn't just complain about wanting a blow job, you drunk fuck. I BEGGED you for a sex life for like two fucking years! Try not drinking so your dick can stay hard, and maybe, you know, SHOWER once in a while.

Still, I have zero desire to blow you. Or fuck you. You repulse me on every level. I'm just trying to get my health in order so I can fucking leave you

There are other people I'd rather fuck.

You haven't once given me an orgasm. Five years! Youre awful in bed.

You're just awful all around.

I told you long ago, when I was still begging for a sex life, that one day I would tire of asking, and that when that day came, you should worry

Honey, that day has come and gone.

Get a grip. While you're at it, get a grip on that wet noodle too because that's all the action you're getting.

I'm done. I don't know why you think you can abuse the shit out of someone (verbally, physically, even sexually...yeah, a real turn on, douche), not even give them ONE ORGASM, refuse sex for years because you're too drunk to get it up, and then complain like you're the victim.

Typical. That's why the only thing I'm blowing is this joint. Later!
 
This Sunday will be one whole year that you've been gone. I can't believe it. Part of me felt like I would wake up from this nightmare, or find out it was all just a mistake.

It sucks so much, C. So much.

I miss you. I love you. I'm sorry.

Don't forget about me. I won't forget you.

Rest in peace, Love.

Sigh
 
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