Everything is so much more of a struggle, so much more difficult than you give credit for.
I didn't enter your life under false pretenses, which is what you pulled on me. Lying about who you are. Wow, you're a hell of an actor, too. I'll give you credit for that.
You tell yourself so many lies that you actually sincerely begin to believe them.IIt's really a sick thing to do at this level. You do it to rid yourself of responsibility for your actions, and - God forbid! - any potential guilt you'd have to feel about the absolutely vile things you do, should you actually be honest with yourself instead of taking it out on and blaming any and every one and thing besides yourself. Pretty amazing that you've actually got yourself convinced that literally nothing in your life has ever, ever been your fault, not even partially. So it's always someone else's fault. Yet, you also boast about what a genius you believe yourself to be.... That doesn't stand up under scrutiny, though. How can you be such a genius yet simultaneously never be responsible for any bull shit in your life? If you were such a genius, you'd think you'd not "fall victim" to all of these "awful" people who "do you wrong".
But that's not what's actually happening, is it? What? What's that, you say? It is? Yeah....no. No, it's not.
What a selfish, immature asshole you have to be to continue sticking to such ridiculous guns, even when logic proves your bullshittery.
You also claim to be ruled by logic and never emotions. Lmao that's the biggest lie you've told yourself yet, possibly.
See, you mistake strong emotion for being rationally convinced of something. It's very obvious to anyone who spends even a few moments really scrutinizing what you say, reality, and your behavior. Because upon looking closer, it becomes very obvious very fast that your so called beliefs aren't consistent AT ALL. Rooted in logic and reason, they'd be very consistent and add up to make sense. But since they're rooted in emotion - and, mainly hatred and anger and other lovely immediate family members of that emotional nature - your stances change on a whim. You insist that's not the case but when I really take the time to explain what I see, you first try to twist it back on me .....if that fails (and it does) you quickly degenerate into resorting to threats, violence, and just general, all around toddler-esque tactics of that nature. So, first, like the coward you are you think nothing of trying to make the other person think they're actually the piece of shit...what a low thing to do. Thank goodness I'm not naive enough for that crap, but others are, and how dare you put YOUR blame, YOUR consequences, pain & guilt that is YOURS, etc, on someone else for them to shoulder the burden of, feeling horrible about themself. What a fucking coward you are just for that alone. And when that does not work out for you, you just lose it and use your physicality, privilege, and uncalled for rage to stamp them out.
Only a fucking cowardly pussy thinks it's acceptable to abuse others so terribly for the sake of avoiding the experience of any negative and uncomfortable feelings and consequences you'd suffer if you grew the balls - and, frankly, the conscience - to reap what you sow.
This is why I have zero respect for you, as an adult, as a human being, as a man, as someone with the ability to discern right from wrong. You do know better at this point, you just willfully act as though there's nothing wrong with your act.
I cannot put into words just how revolting this one quality of yours is alone to me.
If you would get your stupid head out of your stupid ass - both of which could use a shower, too, btw...are you also so special that you don't need to practice any hygiene, if not for your own self respect, then out of respect for those who don't want to smell your nasty BO on top of the lovely stench of booze and rarely brushed teeth??????? ,- you'd see yourself the way anyone who is unfortunate enough to know you well enough that this side of yours becomes clear sees you, and you'd grow up and expresses profound and sincere apologies to those you've victimized (yes. *victimized*, the under-statement of your life, too...), motivated solely by mortification! Because I promise you, you should be absolutely crushed from mortification alone. I have to wonder how far into actual "psychopathy" you are; it's surreal to me, it simply blows my mind, how you can just LIE to yourself like that! And how you have zero, ZERO, ZERO regard for the safety and well being of others.
Calling you a coward just isn't even enough. What's more cowardly than a coward? Whatever it is, that's what you are.
Circumstances beyond your control already give you much, privilege and many advantages. All of which you refuse to acknowledge let alone actually be grateful for and appreciate your good, unearned fortune. How much more taking would you like to do? The only thing you are generous enough to dole out liberally is blame!
There is really hardly anything redeeming you, even a little bit. Do you even KNOW what it takes to get a sentiment like that out of ME, the eternal optimist who wants to see the good in even the worst people????? Holy crap!
You are exceptional in all of the worst ways.
I cannot emphasize enough how disgusted/repulsed/revolted/sickened your attitude makes me! Beyond repulsed! Only pieces of human GARBAGE could sleep a WINK each night, with all of your misdeeds you carry around within you. The self-deception is so profoundly deep in you. I know I'm just repeating myself but MAN I cannot even process how cowardly and selfish and immature you have to be to refuse to take responsibility, to put blame on others so forcefully like a MONSTER, to cause so much destruction and deep, even life-altering pain to others all the while sleeping well, snoring your ass off as you can't even be anything less than 100% insufferable even as you fucking sleep..... Ugh.
I cannot fucking WAIT until the exact moment that I can get you out of my life once and for all, not a nanosecond after...
Karma is a bitch, though, dear, and I'm convinced that one day this - ALL OF IT - will come back to you. Sadly, even though I'd still feel for you under those circumstances, as I know for a fact you won't be able to handle reaping the hell you've sown, that might be your only chance to *actually* get through to you.
That could be mitigated, but you have to be honest with yourself for that to happen.
So. Guess that's not happening.
Fuck you for all of the rage and abuse that I never even came close to deserving from you. You will get yours one day. And damn my bleeding heart for even caring at all that it will be more than you can handle. But I'll keep my beautiful, bleeding heart. It guarantees that I'll never, ever, EVER be like you, no matter how much abuse and torment is inflicted upon me throughout life. No matter how many people like you I have the misfortune of encountering.
Do you understand how much strength it takes to still feel anything kind for the likes of you and others like you? You think I'm so weak.... But I don't take my shit out on others. It's you who is weak, my dear. Ironic, eh?
