Craving thread – v. Hold On

[Cohesion]

We can keep each other company as we just hold on.

Breathe. And again. Exhale.

I’m just going to sit tight. Who else is sitting with me?

 

[stardust.hero]

Great thread idea! Very simplistic which I think is an area we were lacking in a thread in regards to talking about cravings. People could create their own thread or post in one of the megathreads, but this is a generic and simple one. No need for a person to type up a serious explanation or even elaborate on what drug. Love it How you holding out? Congrats on 6 months though! Don't give that up today.

 

[Cohesion]

I have been free from most mind-altering substances for about 11 months. In the last 4 weeks I have been dabbling.

Now my mind is revolting. Where is my sense of well-being? Not to be seen.

Still mourning the loss of drug relationships. Sorrow and pain are filling me.

I'm glad you like the thread. Since I'm not using a substance today there was room for this thread to happen.

(It's not me who has 6 months, though, perhaps someone else you're thinking of )

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hang in there Cohesion!
11 months is such an achievement.
But don't forget the reasons why you decided to quit in the first place!!
You can do it

 

[twato]

Good luck everyone

I'm sitting and holding on with you.

Today is the last day of my subutex taper, and I already crave for heroin, it's been quite rough for the last week. Also stopped taking diazepam daily last Sunday, which isn't really helping, but I want to get off as soon as possible, I was getting dumber each week.

This time it's for real, I'm doing this just for myself, no other reasons involved. I'll tough it out, and I think I can do this, I still have loads of benzos left, but I won't touch them. Same goes for opiates, I have the money to buy them and they are easily obtained here, but I won't give in.

Every time I crave badly, I force myself to do 20 situps and 20 pushups, it really helps. Also, thanks a lot for this thread, it's good to have company in this difficult phase of my life.

 

[Cohesion]

Thanks, tripno. I don't feel like I have 11 months because of my dabbling (hydrocodone, suboxone, xanax, weed). But overall, you're right... I have that time, I can get back on the wagon rather seamlessly.

You're welcome, twato.

Knowing you can get high is really hard to deal with.
When I found out I have to take less/not random drug tests, my cravings increased exponentially. I think the sub taper is actually similar situation! It's the first opportunity to have a free choice to get high, or not.

I made it through the night Good morning, world.

 

[spork]

^I'm glad you got through it and are starting a new day.

twato, Doing 20 situps and 20 pushups when you crave is such a great idea. It's good for people to find something that works for them like that. The fact that you're quitting for yourself this time says a lot. You've got this.

 

[twato]

Thanks guys, knowing that there are people out there that understand and know what it's like makes a huge difference. My family is in the know and very supportive, but they've never had to go through with something like this themselves, so their ability to help is limited. I've also distanced myself from my non-addict friends during the peak of my heroin addiction, so your support here on BL really means a lot for me.

Anyway, I made it through another day without benzos, and took my last subutex dose this morning (0,5mg). I'll try and go without any from now on, hopefully I won't feel too bad. I've still got some left though, just in case I need to taper lower, and also loads of loperamide for emergencies.

So tomorrow will be my first day off everything in a long time indeed, I'm both a little anxious and fully prepared mentally, it's a strange feeling. But at least I can feel something again.

I'll hold on. And that's also due to you guys, I salute your compassion for a complete stranger.

 

[tackyspiral]

I feel like i am on the edge of a cliff i have a lot going for me and a lot to live for and yet a part of me wants to just give up and give in say fuck it i am gonna go all out not give a fuck and shoot up heroin and coke and crystal till i die i dont know what is wrong with me i am finally over the physical addiction to opiates and yet i am struggling and i am scared i am conflicted for sure and i have never ever been to this point where i am ready to go all in i almost wonder if its because i dont have that much access to drugs and my poor boyfriend is trying so hard to keep me straight and i get frustrated that i cant get high whenever i mean i am doing less and i can wear short sleeves again i havent actually done any opiates in a while but the obsession with the needle is still there and i do shoot coke when i get the chance i just am also not really totally happy with my current life situation and thats huge problem and i have been getting depressed and its probably one of those things where if i just do the right things and hang in there things will get better but patience has never ever been a a strong suit of mine all i need to do is give up needles and i really think i would be ok but i fucking love shooting up i mean clearly its addicting so yah thanks for letting me get this out

 

[twato]

I feel like i am on the edge of a cliff i have a lot going for me and a lot to live for and yet a part of me wants to just give up and give in say fuck it i am gonna go all out not give a fuck and shoot up heroin and coke and crystal till i die i dont know what is wrong with me i am finally over the physical addiction to opiates and yet i am struggling and i am scared i am conflicted for sure and i have never ever been to this point where i am ready to go all in i almost wonder if its because i dont have that much access to drugs and my poor boyfriend is trying so hard to keep me straight and i get frustrated that i cant get high whenever i mean i am doing less and i can wear short sleeves again i havent actually done any opiates in a while but the obsession with the needle is still there and i do shoot coke when i get the chance i just am also not really totally happy with my current life situation and thats huge problem and i have been getting depressed and its probably one of those things where if i just do the right things and hang in there things will get better but patience has never ever been a a strong suit of mine all i need to do is give up needles and i really think i would be ok but i fucking love shooting up i mean clearly its addicting so yah thanks for letting me get this out

Congratulations on getting off the needle in the first place, that must have been hard as hell. I never used coke and always avoided shooting up, but I know enough IV users to get a good picture of what you must have been through.

You're absolutely right, you have a lot going for you. That feeling of wanting to throw yourself back into heavy use is just the drugs talking. You CAN ride it out, even if you probably feel otherwise atm.

We'll be here to listen, don't worry.

 

[twato]

Update, apart from a week slippage (for which in paying right, stupid me), I'm still committed to beating my craving.

As I had to start over this is day 3 off everything (sans pot), the cravings are bearable, let's hope it stays like it.


So how about you, still keeping the cravings at bay? Pliease speak your mind, together, we can support each other and exchange methods that work against the inner schweinehund.

 

[Cohesion]

Going to the doctor's office is a HUGE trigger. It had been a year since I've gone 3 days ago I went for a mild infection, asked for pain meds, got nothing. (Benzos and uppers were usual DOC so it wasn't a big deal.) I didn't figure I would get any but I always ask. I left that place and cry, cry, cried in my car. So many emotions flowing through my veins. My reward-center needs total rewiring.

I've never been sober so easily for so long in my life. This month of July I have had 3 drinks.

I'm really craving a mild opiate right now. I didn't get them 3 days ago. The infection is worse and now I feel like I "deserve" some pain pills. I feel so sad.

 

[Cohesion]

I asked my exFWB for some pain pills last night but he refused to help me because I have to take drug tests.

Now it's morning and my desire for hydrocodone has escalated to Suboxone. I am trying to take my drop today so I can find some Suboxone for later today or tomorrow.

My desire is only increasing. I feel like I should have a few drinks to subdue me a little bit. Suboxone could be problematic for drug tests.

 

[herbavore]

I asked my exFWB for some pain pills last night but he refused to help me because I have to take drug tests.

It sounds like he is trying to help you.

 

[Cohesion]

Yeah good call. I couldn't be frustrated with him even though I wanted to be.

 

[twato]

Hey Cohesion, you know it's not yourself that really wants opiates, it's your habit talking. Stay strong, you don't need this. Exercise hard for as long as you can, get them endorphines flowing! You'll feel much better and reduce your cravings, it's win-win!

 

[badfish45]

I've been dying to smoke a cig all day, but I've been 9 days clean. I'm trying my best but my will feels weaker everyday.

 

[Cohesion]

Thanks, twato. That's a great idea... I'll think about it

Badfish... fwiw I found the cravings were mostly gone by 30 days. Keep it up!! It's not always going to be this way.

 

[twato]

I've been dying to smoke a cig all day, but I've been 9 days clean. I'm trying my best but my will feels weaker everyday.

I feel you mate, cigs are the one thing I haven't been able (or willing really) to stop yet, even though I went from 30 a day down to about 10. Every time I've tried stopping completely, I became an antisocial asshole, my nerves were wrecked and I would explode at the slightest provocation. Congrats on staying away from tobacco for this long, must have been hard as hell...

Is it just a matter of boredom, or are you still feeling the nicotine WD? I plan on quitting cigs soon, as well, maybe you can give me some advice on how to survive the first week without punishing other people for my sins.

@Cohesion: Don't just think about it, get off your ass and do it!
It really helps, not only short term. I started daily exercise a few weeks back, and I already feel fitter than I've felt for years.

 

[Albion]

Craving MDPV pretty badly...Last night all I dreamt about was chasing the stuff off of foil...I mean even my subconscious pines for a hit. Never had this issue before with a drug. This comes in a period of indefinite abstinence from drug use leading up to my return to university, due to the negative effect it was having on my day to day living.

Any pill that stops craving? 8(