When I am sober, I am so numb that is almost unbelievable. I am an ex Oxy addict, and when I would take Oxy, it strengthened my abilities to manipulate and to not give a shit. When I'm sober, I am so apathetic and monotonous it's unbelievable. When I'm under the influence of alcohol, I can actually feel real emotions! It's unbelievable! I take it as a blessing, and I drink for my own well being, for I can relate and empathize with others when I drink. However, if a certain situation goes without my favor, I CAN be corrupted by an uncontrollable rage, that will not benefit another. Although, when I'm sober, and when I'm drunk, I have such self control that nobody qould realize that I'm under the influence. I have so much control over my emotions that it's inhuman. When I drink, I feel human. I can understand anothers pain, and understanding that pain is so exhilarating, I love when I cry. I only cry when I drink, and it feels so good, because I never get to feel such emotion in my normal state of mind. Does anyone else feel the same? I feel more homicidal when I'm sober, but when I'm drunk, I can almost empathize with a person, and feel their pain, that which I have never felt before. And feelings that I have never felt before are so intoxicating, that I must feel them again, and the only way to feel them again is to drink. At the same time, I can flip the switch and become a murderous bastard when I'm drunk. When I found out my roommate had had sex with my X gf, I was drunk, and the switch was flipped, and me being of average build, I almost beat to death a person that was the same as me, over an ownership dispute.