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The Blue Devil(Oxycodone)aka Roxy

B

Bluff25

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 15, 2012
Messages
11
I have been stuck in this hole of a life for ab a little over a year and a half. It was not for and medical reason like some of you but from my own stupidity.It started out all fun and games then I became freaking addicted. I have had past trouble with other substances alcohol and coke mostly. I used to do an 8 ball a dall for a year and that and the booze are a walk in the parked compared to this!!To start out I was taking up to at least 240mg every day.It started out with a harmless 15mg a day and hell the first few times I remember puking from doing the secod half of the 30. Within a 4 month period boom 180mg, the 210mg, then 240 mg. I have weened down considerably over the past month and done it all by myself. Only with the help oif a little black market subutex and mind over matter. But because of my recklessness I lost my home becasue all my money was going up my nose, eventually my job bc I couldn't get out of bed unless I had at least 60 mg in my bed side table to snort before I even got in the shower just to be able to roll out of the within the next 30mins feeling normal. Not high but being able to function. People need to understand that amiunt was necessary to function not get high! Then the final straw I lost my fiance who was also an addict to a scum drug dealer bc the whore started to suck him off for her fix while I was out of town on my bachelor party. Yeah that's right she cheated on me while I was on my bachelor party before our wedding. Anways weening down is the best and smartest way to do this whole detox aka lets get our lives back program. Cold Turkey will drive you insane and rarely works. From my experience I would typically make it 36-40 hrs then use either bc WD's got to bad or i was just too weak and my cravings were stronger than my will power. I am hoping to be completely off in the next few weeks.I am taking as small amount of subutex as possibly to make it through each day or no more than 30 mg roxy. And this is a day to day thing if there ever were such a thing. Hell even sometime hour to hour.I want my life back! I want to be around honest repectful people and not lying junkies that will lie ab anything to get over on you for a little blue pill! I want to be able to trust people. I want to be one of these people. I want to be able to trust myself.These pills are the damn devil!!So, for any of you kids or anyone out there just trying for kicks, STOP NOW! This shit will ruin your life and its not a i can sttop and get my shit together in a week type of thing. Once you get in you are fucking in. It's like the mob but the godfather in a little fucking blue pill. You will lie, still, cheat, and kill for that little fucker! And if you can't man up and take control which is way easier said than done well you might as well be dead.These things are the devil!! Whether you get them off the street or legit from the doctor it all ends the same. I know this was long and you all probably think I am carzy but again I have done all this by myself! This has been the first time I have been able to get anything off my chest. and damn does it feel good!!To end I AM GETTING MY LIFE BACK COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!! Too bad I cannot get the past 1.5 back I wasted all because I was bored! Peace out and Check yourself before you wreck youself!!
 
A good post warning folk about what can happen to them if they follow the same path.
To the OP,you can't get back the time you lost but you can make sure you have a better future and more fun & productive years ahead of you.
Once people get clean & stay clean then they usually find that they will make new friends that don't use and you will become like everybody else again.
You will discover how great it is again not to be surrounded by people whose only angle is how to score or how they can get something from you.
I wish u all the best for the future mate.
 
I remember those days. I've been off blues for a little over a month now. I used to break my bank on those things, we're talking like $300 a day. <*snip - as per the Bluelight abuser Agreement, there can be no discussion regarding the prices of pills and other drugs.*snip* ~ Vaya> I remember when I would throw up off of ONE! Lol, just one. At the height of my addiction I was taking 5 30's at once with no nausea at all, and no high, if any.

Just try your hardest to stay clean. it's tough, but once the withdrawals are over it gets easier. I haven't even thought about using again. No cravings, nothing. I'm completely over them, and you can be too.
 
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Roxicodone was my downfall too. It was the first readily available opiate I had access to. I remember blowing one and a half and puking when I started. When I quit I was banging more than that without even getting much of a rush. Opiates, and more specifically the needle, sucked all the joy and excitement out of my life pretty quickly. I lied, stole, pawned my shit, almost anything I could do to get a fix, and even then I was still on to next one fifteen minutes later most of the time. Getting high used to be kind of fun and exciting for me before I reached that point. My heart goes out to you man. I haven't been clean very long but I am clean. It's hard though. Have you thought about moving? In the end I wound up more or less homeless so I didn't have a choice but it's the only way I was able to get away from my connections and all the people I used with. No matter what you do or what happens I wish you the best of luck man.
 
Bluff25 said:
To end I AM GETTING MY LIFE BACK COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!! Too bad I cannot get the past 1.5 back I wasted all because I was bored!
Click to expand...

Be proud of yourself Bluff and don't worry about the past. It's something that can't be changed, so no point in looking back with any regret. It's a good thing to have as a reminder/retrospect, other than that - just look forward and keep your head up. You've been through a lot as many of us have, and it's great to hear that you are taking control of the NOW. Keep it up and good luck! :) :)
 
There are also other classes of substances which will alleviate lots of the w/d symptoms and allow you to function somewhat normally while your quitting. Gabapentin for instance works wonders when quitting opioids.
 
Take solace in the fact that there are many of us here that have been where you are now and have managed through had work and dedication to get and stay clean. It won't be easy and it's important to have a plan to get and stay clean. That plan can come through joining a 12 Step fellowship like Narcotics Anonymous (www.na.org) but any sober network containing a group of friends who are in recovery. In other words, get a network of clean friends and use it, use pharmaceutics like Suboxone if you need it (but use it under the supervision of a physician @ www.suboxone.com rather than buying it off the street), and remain hopeful, relying upon the living, breathing examples of those who have been where you are now.
 
Thanks for the input y'all!! I'm from the south more specifically beautiful Arkansas. It really is a beautiful state!! It has now been 48 hours since I have done any oxycodone! I have gotten by by taking my prescribed Klonopin and Subutex. I have taken at most 4mg in a 24 hour period. It has not been too bad so far. What I am worried about is the depression that I have read about that is typical after the detox process is over with. Again I lost my home, job, and fiancé. I have lived in a fog before and after all these things have happened. So, when the fog clears and reality sets in I imagine Im not going to be very happy with where I have ended up! So, as ProfessorBananas suggested I am thinking of relocating. My Dad has said he could help me possibly get a job in Denver or the So Cal area but was not putting his neck out for me if Iwas still messed up. If I can get through the next week clean then maybe one of these jobs will come through. It is what I need. The job would not only keep me busy and a contributing member of society but would relocate me to an area where it will be alot easier for me too stay clean. I am going to continue to update because even though I have only posted twice it really helps my mind. I have always known there where things like this out there but partcipating is really helping, more than I can put into words. One last note. I was contacted twice last night asking "if i needed anything?" I said "No". Day by day. Holla
 
So, ab 72hrs since my last dose! I have ten half of a quarter of subutex today and have done that the past few day. One the qurter in the morning and the other half as needed in the evening. I did not feel bad at all today bu had to get some work completed this morning and little bite of that gives me a little energy. I am going to only take the sub if needed really badly now. I know I havve got the oxy out my system for the most past I just need to slowly repair the the receptors in my brain so I am not depressed. I know this will take sometime. I will contiue to update.
 
i do my script <*quantities removed*> in a week then switch to subutex for the rest of the month the first 5 to 9 days w/o the oxy even with the bupe is bad but i'm addicted and in pain so i put myself though it every month like clockwork
 
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There is something so bittersweet about oxy. It's a love hate relationship for me. Even though I'm off them, I still love them and love the feeling they gave me, and the amount of happiness I experienced. I look back on blues like an X girlfriend, I can appreciate what we went through and all the good memories we had, but damn am I glad to be off them.
 
Slipped up yesterday and did a considerable amount. I received some bad news and 30 min later I had [some] in front of me! Like "Eyes on the Roll" said it ls like a love hate relationship. You have caused some messed up things in my life but when things get fucked up in my life you are one of a few things that make me feel better. Im back on subs but I am really wanting to throw a brick through the local pharmacy and grab every oxy I can right now!!
 
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So I said fuck trying to be sober it is too hard and I am too week. <*triggering information removed*> I am alone at my apartment(I am always alone) already having done [some] and <*triggering information removed*>. Curtains drawn, lights off, and nothing but radiohead on the stereo and his laptop in front of me. <*please don't toy with your life like this!*>
 
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Damn, I'm sorry you relapsed. I feel bad for you, but at the same time I'm envious. Do you really want to get better? It's hard, but it's possible. What made me quit is that I had an inner image of myself that was stronger than what I had become. I didn't like that I had lost control to an unintelligent blue pill, and it humiliated me. I made myself believe that I was stronger than that, that I was stronger than giving in. I turned to destiny, and I began to believe that I was meant for more than what I had become, that I wasn't meant to be an addict, that I was meant for something much grander. I hope you find something similar that can help you leave this girl, there is nothing good that can come out of taking oxycodone.
 
Attention

To the posters in this thread:

The direction of this thread has been slowly shifting from one of inspiring hope in recovery to one of glorifying the notion of "Fuck it, let's get high; this shit's just too good."

I have had to remove far too many inflammatory, drug-glorifying, drug-preparation AND triggering comments from this thread. I would love nothing more than the OP to receive the help he/she needs, but if this thread continues the direction it has taken, it will be closed.

Refer to the "BLUA" link in my signature for clarification on many of the guidelines I am referring to. For forum-specific guidelines, such as the posting of glorification and triggering material, refer yourselves to The Dark Side Guidelines and the sticky'd thread New Triggering Post Guideline for Social Threads - PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING.

To prevent further de-railing this thread, please refer any more questions or comments to myself (via PM in the "Contact Me!" link in my signature), or direct them to the senior staff assigned to this forum.

Thank you for keeping this environment safe, and reserving other topics for forums like Other Drugs. But, above all else - Please. Take care of yourselves.

~ Vaya
 
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