Why do I do this. How do I get rit of it?

[lars90]

I'm gonna try and keep this as short as possible but please take it seriously!

I'm only 15 years old and I have a heart for drugs. I don't know why but the few times I have tried them I loved them. I always have these mental cravings and I don't think if anyone would sweat talk me into using a drug I could say no. Even after my fall down with DXM I still want to use them.

I read about this in a book I bought about psychiatry ( The Owner's Manual for The Brain) it is a book that is for college student but I am really interested in these kind of stuff. So back to the topic, I read about bullys having not feeling bad after beating up somebody. They will do anything for their best and font feel a hint of guilt for it. Its some kind of deficit that I ran across while looking over ADHD which I have. I mean its not like I would ever hurt anyone if they didn't deserve it and even afterwards I feel bad about it but with drugs I don't. I don't have this feeling of guilt when I have them in my hands I feel like " Yes finally can get high again cant wait to try this". I have always had all of this so don't think it related to DXM.

I mean why am I like this any other smart kid could say no to drugs and say "I'm not a idiot I'm not gonna try". Even the dumbest teen I know in my age who is my friend knows better. WHY NOT ME?

I just don't get it. I don't wanna do drugs! I don't wanna die of an overdose or go to jail for persession of drugs.

Here what my story is for drugs and remember I'm only fucking 15!

at the age 12: I got drunk for the first time in the school buss after some kid in my school brought alcohol with him. He was like " wanna drink something?" I said "sure" so I took about 5 shots of 40% rum. I was the only one of me and my friends to do it.

at the age 13: I get caught with weed in school. I had only smoked it once before without an effect this was the first real time I actually had 6 grams in my hand for 5$. I always thought you could hallucinate from weed so I wanted to try it. Also my parents smoke weed I didn't know by then but they never told me anything bad about weed. They always said Ill do it with you when your 21. I mean What the fucking hell?!!!!! Another kid did it as well that was my friend.

at the end 13: I got so drunk that I though up all over my bed and my parents were about to send me to the hospital cause I got so drunk and I was choking on my own though up. I felt so bad the next time and from that point on haven't touched it again! I did that with friends. that was like the 5th time I did it until I got that drunk. Oh and I almost had sex with a girl that I was drinking with after just have meat her. I got a bj from a nother girl on another day.


at the age 14: I tried DXM and totally fell in love with the feeling the second time I did it. I felt no guilt what soever because I dint know the power of it and I dint justify it as a REAL drug. Then I took a pain pill (I-ibuprofen) before taking DX and it ended it up in a 2 week high. After that I swore never to do it again. I felt the side effects after those 2 weeks. They lasted for a good 4 weeks until the BAD effects when away. I'm still stuck with some of them and I'm on week 12 now. (muscle ticks in legs, bad concentration, bad picture memory, bad long term memory).

at the age of 14: Between my DXM experiences I took nutmeg just to fill the hole the mental addiction left form DXM.


I mean I'm on a school for smart kids I'm really not dumb please feel with me here. I am bilingual and my parents both went to Columbia college. I do not get bad grades and I know how to study. I have dyslexia and ADD. I got a medication a long time ago Methadril (or something like that.). Just a little while ago I found out that it was actually amphetamines so I wanted to make a friend try it. Luckily I red some bad stuff about it and my friend was their and he sad he wouldn't do it so I said no to. But I'm still debating if I should take just 1 pill (the amount I use to take when I was 12 against ADD) for better concentration.

I mean I just don't fell enough guilt I have all these bad thinks I could do with out even felling a pinch of guilt WHY. And how to a get to the point where I actually do this is terrible I mean I can like already predict the future!

 

[DeathDomokun]

First off beating somebody up and taking drugs don't share any commonalities. Beating somebody up is hurting them, taking drugs isn't hurting anyone (other than yourself)
People can feel guilty for taking drugs, but it's not for the same reasons someone would feel guilty about beating someone up. I mean already, you've said if they didn't deserve it, well what makes someone deserve to be beaten up? Just because you want to do something, does that make it okay?
Taking drugs isn't stupid, although taking drugs while your mind is still developing makes you much more vulnerable to the damage they cause.
I'm confused here, do you or don't you want to take drugs? Not logically, but emotionally, do you desire to take drugs? Why is that? Find the source of your desire.
Nobody wants to end up in jail.
Getting drunk once at 12 isn't very detrimental, it's a once off. Getting drunk 5 times by the time your 15 really isn't that bad. Same goes for getting stoned once at 13 (and your parents are actually better to say they'll let you smoke when you're older than being negative about it, which can just make things worse. Cannabis is less harmful than alcohol.)
As far as DXM goes, you only did it a handful of times if I remember correctly (although it seemed to affect you more than average)
I don't understand how you can attribute bad concentration and memory to DXM if you've been diagnosed with AD(H)D previous to your DXM use.

You're NOT supposed to feel guilty for using drug (responsibly, with your own money, without hurting anyone else)
There's nothing wrong with that. The fact you're so worried and anxious, is quite similar to guilt in my opinion. You have a negative fixation on drug use.

Also, don't start doing amphetamines man. Just don't.

 

[shimazu]

Your asking people youve never met to tell you what goes on in your subconsious mind. We cant tell you why you like drugs man, only you can tell yourself what you want to like and not like.

 

[lars90]

Your asking people youve never met to tell you what goes on in your subconsious mind. We cant tell you why you like drugs man, only you can tell yourself what you want to like and not like.

No I was asking if you knew anyway for me to stay away from drugs insted of using them. Any little think that keeps you from them

 

[5meoh]

You want a reason to stay away?

How about this.

I'm 28.
I was married to the women of my dreams,
we had a beautiful baby boy
I was a well known musician, had an internal studio in my house on 5 acres and thousands worth of gear
I was making 75k a year min
I loved every day of my life.

Now, I have barely any fucking teeth.
I'm on liquid handcuffs (methadone)
My kid was taken from me, I see him in a monitored room once a week for 3 hours
Ive been to jail.
Ive had guns in my face, Ive had guns in others faces
Ive watched my friends die
I've lost my wife
I've lost my house, my studio, my gear, my respect as a musician, my career

I used to say there wasnt anything better than getting high, pure MDMA, a sack of grass, eventually some black tar Heroin, Cocaine on the reg literally hittin up a ball a day... living large huh. Look where I am now.

You want to stay away from drugs you go walk around the homeless shelters late at night and see what drugs have done to people. This site probably saved my life via harm reduction but if it can further save a life by teaching you that not everything that feels good needs to be done. It might feel good to cheat on your wife but are you going to? No, because right after you finish up you feel guilty, it may feel good to rob someone when you havent eaten in three days, but then you score and feel like a piece of shit for hurtin another person and bury it and before you know it everything that feels good feels bad cause it has an opposite reaction.

I wont change your life, only you can. Just remember, there isnt any glory in going out with a needle in your arm. I'd take it all back, all of it for just one more night back with my wife loving me and my son sleeping under the same roof.

 

[shimazu]

If you feel addicted to drugs after doing DXM I pray you never try opiates.

The most important thing is to keep yourself occupied.

 

[lars90]

@5meoh Thats so sad. Im so sorry for you. That hit me like a hard punch in the face. I really dont know what to say. I think I should probaly leave this site and not come back just to stay out of the way of drugs. I am thankful for that what you said

@shimazu I really cant take you sirously man. You have psoted to much shit on other threads but still thanks for that. I was never ever ever ever ever going to do somthing as stupid as heroin (opiates) or meth that the lne I really cant go their thats to far.!

 

[KAYLA2010]

I used to think just like you. I loved drugs since i did them the very first time around the same age as you started drinking. i used to think harder drugs like coke and exstacy were gross but then i hadnt learned of meth or heroin yet.

eventually i tried coke and exstacy when the other drugs got boring and then i said to myself i will never do heroin or meth thats fucking gross and im not that dumb.
well i continued to love drugs and evventually i tried heroin and still after that i said well i will stand firm and never try meth or needles....

I loved drugs they were so amazing and i wanted to learn more and eventually i did more and the more you do your brain changes and you no longer feel joy in things you once did and eventually you are miserable with out drugs..your mental cravings turn to physical cravings and then you start experiencing withdraw and tolerance,.. eventually i tried needles shooting and meth.... so now i have done everything...

and let me tell you, i am do discusted with myself and wondering why did i keep down this aweful path and destroy my life....drugs do that and do not ever say this wont happen to you. cause if you keep doing drugs eventually you will......

Also Lars do not think that someone is lying about how fucked up their lives are because of drugs just because they dont share that info online regualrly..,, drugs really do those things. shimazu is probably telling the truth i know so many of my friends who have all those same things happen to them when your older those things you hear pretty frequentl

 

[stardust.hero]

I was never ever ever ever ever going to do somthing as stupid as heroin (opiates) or meth that the lne I really cant go their thats to far.!

This sounds really familiar? Where have I heard this before? I just can't put my finger on it. Oh yea. That's what I said when I was 15 How could I forget.

 

[JJ-180]

If it's any help and in a spirit of harm reduction, I just reached 40 years of taking drugs. I started when I was 14 and always knew I had a "heart" for them.But I tamed myself and went moderate in all things(except extreme girlfriends, but another time for that). I indulge myself on planned occasions, limit what and how much of anything I use and take time out to recover. I've never been out of work,nor in trouble with the busies. I feel as though I've reached a sort of balance in my life where my desire to get wasted meets my need to retain some discipline. It's not always easy,or fun,but without it I'd have crashed and burned long ago.

 

[KAYLA2010]

If it's any help and in a spirit of harm reduction, I just reached 40 years of taking drugs. I started when I was 14 and always knew I had a "heart" for them.But I tamed myself and went moderate in all things(except extreme girlfriends, but another time for that). I indulge myself on planned occasions, limit what and how much of anything I use and take time out to recover. I've never been out of work,nor in trouble with the busies. I feel as though I've reached a sort of balance in my life where my desire to get wasted meets my need to retain some discipline. It's not always easy,or fun,but without it I'd have crashed and burned long ago.

Great give a 15 year old a new excuse on why drug use isnt that bad. Wtf!!!! Just because you happened to survive this long doesnt mean lar will.

 

[DeathDomokun]

He wasn't giving him an "exucse" to use drugs. He was telling the truth, his story and experience. You don't seem to be getting upset at people telling negative stories, but he expresses his story and you attack him?
He wasn't even encouraging him to do drugs, he was simply insinuating the truth about moderation/balance and discipline/will.

 

[KAYLA2010]

Okay. I just know how kids or teenagers think and i would pass all the negative advice just for one positive experience to justify my drug use.

Sorry if it seemed rude but i was "expressing my opinion"

 

[Missykins]

Harm reduction is important, but it's important to remember that members of law enforcement, for the most part, do not believe in harm reduction. They believe in making an arrest, and an arrest for a drug-related offense can change the course of your life permanently. Eventually you will become bored with cough syrup, and you'll move on to something bigger and better, something that can only be obtained illicitly. I, too, began with what was legitimately obtained before I began using drugs illicitly. And I would give my right arm, track marks included, to go back to that moment where I had the choice to use or not to use. Knowing what I know now, I would make a different choice, and choose not to pick up drugs.

 

[Alex000]

Well, harm reduction is what is important here. I suggest, if you are intent on using drugs, you exactly what you are doing, and all of the risks involved. Really, know your shit. Drug use can still, of course, lead to bad areas even with great knowledge of the subject, but without knowledge you are playing a far more dangerous game. You may think you know, study more, learn more. But, you said you want to know how to avoid drugs. Well, it sounds like you are very interested in them, so why not "sublimate" these interests into positive things. You said you are interested in psychiatry, yeah? Why don't you study up more on that, or medicine, in general? If this interest of drugs stays with you so long, consider a profession in the medical field, a nurse, pharamacist, doctor etc. Remember, sublimate! You can like drugs, sure. Why not? But, if you do not want to use them, enjoy them in other ways. Perhaps not as satisfying, but immensely interesting.

 

[lars90]

Okay. I just know how kids or teenagers think and i would pass all the negative advice just for one positive experience to justify my drug use.

Sorry if it seemed rude but i was "expressing my opinion"

lol this rely showes the exsact opisite. I know what he said would eb a stupid idea for me but he also gave me soem good advice. He told me I had to stay diciplinbed which is probaly the best advice until that coment after STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS. And the term " I just know how kids or teenagers think" is very pathetic because everyone absolutly everyone thinks difrently. Sure their are patterns but these little things (liking and dissliking) you wont ever be able to understand. Nobody will.


@misskins
Yeah I have read some of your threads. I want to stop now before its to late. I dont want to end up like that . I am very very very sorry for

@alex000 thanks for that. Finally a comment exsacly how I wanted it. But how do I make this craving for them go away. I turns me on to do them also in a sexual way. I like illegal things but I also hate them. Studying them is a good Idea though I had thought of that before because I do like medicin and what not. Its just so so so so much work ...

 

[KAYLA2010]

we will see Lars when you grow up.................... i hope you can make it through and i wrote you another post i wish you would just really consentrate on that one not my response and opinion i am only looking out for your your well being. why be rude when some one is only speaking fromt eh heart because i know how heart breaking and distructive drugs can be and i knew you ould love that post since he i telling a 15 yea old its okay if your gonna do them just be disiplined your 15 this lifestyle will ruin your fucking life i am only trying to save you from what so many of u already are going through...

i am just concerned i am not trying to be mean....... and what i mean by kids and teenagers is because once you a drug addict teen we are pretty much all the fucking same we get addicted and we look for excuses and reasons to use if you follow the path you will grow up and know "what i am talking about"

good luck ill unsubscribe to your thread...i was only trying to help and save you from a life of pure fucking hell no matter how disiplined you are and yes i knew you would love that post........its your life good luck.

 

[Alex000]

To the OP, cravings are not always easy to rid off. In fact, as many of us know too well, they are very persistent. I would try to get high on life, which is possible, though this can be very challenging, and at times feels impossible. One cannot get high off of life as one does off of drugs, but everything is different, naturally. Do what you like, whatever that may be, besides drugs, if you want off. Do not be scared of the drugs, no. Know them for what they are, and accept them for what they are. Even, love them for what they are. Drugs are fascinating, that cannot be denied, but that doesn't mean you must use. Some people say think of the negative if you pick up that pill/drink (whatever), but that just encourages fear and guilt. Think about the positive of what you can still feel without the drug. Know what the drug will do, and decline it. You do not need it, although you may want it. Try to find things to do, hobbies, activities, whatever. Explore the world, and yourself. Express yourself however you want - writing, reading, painting, cooking, speaking, dressing, thinking, feeling etc. Be who you are. Never fear it, never run away from it. And if you do use, you use. If you choose to use once, you use once. That is all. That does not mean you are at fault, you simply chose to use a drug, once. For, one cannot chose to do a drug many times, just once. Even addicts only chose to use once, again and again, yes, but only once in the moment. I hope you have gained something from what I have written. You are most competent! Just be positive.

 

[harlans]

I mean I'm on a school for smart kids I'm really not dumb please feel with me here. I am bilingual and my parents both went to Columbia college. I do not get bad grades and I know how to study. I have dyslexia and ADD. I got a medication a long time ago Methadril (or something like that.). Just a little while ago I found out that it was actually amphetamines so I wanted to make a friend try it. Luckily I red some bad stuff about it and my friend was their and he sad he wouldn't do it so I said no to. But I'm still debating if I should take just 1 pill (the amount I use to take when I was 12 against ADD) for better concentration.

I mean I just don't fell enough guilt I have all these bad thinks I could do with out even felling a pinch of guilt WHY. And how to a get to the point where I actually do this is terrible I mean I can like already predict the future!

i believe you're smart. a lot of alcoholics are. I went to a school for kids with genius IQs. alcohol has stripped me of my genius. quit now and keep yours...

 

[harlans]

You want a reason to stay away?

How about this.

I'm 28.
I was married to the women of my dreams,
we had a beautiful baby boy
I was a well known musician, had an internal studio in my house on 5 acres and thousands worth of gear
I was making 75k a year min
I loved every day of my life.

Now, I have barely any fucking teeth.
I'm on liquid handcuffs (methadone)
My kid was taken from me, I see him in a monitored room once a week for 3 hours
Ive been to jail.
Ive had guns in my face, Ive had guns in others faces
Ive watched my friends die
I've lost my wife
I've lost my house, my studio, my gear, my respect as a musician, my career

I used to say there wasnt anything better than getting high, pure MDMA, a sack of grass, eventually some black tar Heroin, Cocaine on the reg literally hittin up a ball a day... living large huh. Look where I am now.

You want to stay away from drugs you go walk around the homeless shelters late at night and see what drugs have done to people. This site probably saved my life via harm reduction but if it can further save a life by teaching you that not everything that feels good needs to be done. It might feel good to cheat on your wife but are you going to? No, because right after you finish up you feel guilty, it may feel good to rob someone when you havent eaten in three days, but then you score and feel like a piece of shit for hurtin another person and bury it and before you know it everything that feels good feels bad cause it has an opposite reaction.

I wont change your life, only you can. Just remember, there isnt any glory in going out with a needle in your arm. I'd take it all back, all of it for just one more night back with my wife loving me and my son sleeping under the same roof.

I feel you and am sorry for what you've gone thru... i was a musician too *Am a musician - classical viola (even tho I'm a tattooed up goth chick!). i was in an orchestra and many string quartets. alcohol ruined ALL of it. all of it.