Let me begin by stating that last night I had (unquestionably) my most unique and positive life experience. It was my third time experiencing the effects of MDMA, and it was very much different than any experience I've ever had in my life. I was with five of the closest loving friends that I could have ever been with.
10:00 P.M. "2.5 ticks" of MDMA, parachuted. This is around the same dosage I had for my first two experiences.
10:20 P.M. I was in the car listening to very meaningful music among two friends and myself when it kicked in. This is when our friend Sarah arrived and stated that she was interested in taking some MDMA. I instantly sprung out of the car to talk with her about the importance of the whole experience she was about to have. I was so I saw it to be extremely important for her to achieve the happiest and most meaningful state possible through her dose, as well as comforting her for something that is impossible to imagine until experienced.
11:00 P.M. It was around this time that I started to feel and recognize "coming down" from the initial peak of MDMA. With the power of the drug still inside of me, and with myself being able to realistically and truly view the limitations of my own mind upon myself, I was able to completely turn the effects of the drug around. Within seconds of confiding thought, I quickly reached an entirely new peak. I would consider this new in that I believe it was a mixture of both MDMA and recognizing the compete power that all of us have. I remember being astonished that each second, I was rolling harder than the last. As everyone else was down, I remember replying to a friend asking if I was still rolling. I stated "I have figured it out," and I believe I truly did. Coming down is purely an option. It was also around this time that I consumed both a 100 mg tablet of 5HTP and some beers.
1:00 P.M. Every second leading up this point was full of complete compassion, understanding, bliss, control, and realization of so many important things about others and myself. I was constantly living in a state of very controlled flow, and was concentrating all of my thought toward directly benefitting my friend's happiness. I was completely able to understand everything and everyone in a near-perfect way. I was content with everything, but still I spent much effort into completely caring about the friends that I love. I have never before felt this way in life, and I strongly believe that this experience introduced me to myself. I was able to effectively communicate with my friends completely astonishing realizations about themselves with much confidence that their lives would indeed be improved. Just as I used MDMA to improve the quality of my own life the first time I did it, I used this same energy and resourcefulness to help my friends. I do not think that the empathetic effects or either the MDMA or alcohol contributed to this completely different type of communication. I instead attribute it to extremely profound realizations that I was having toward helping my friends live happier lives. I cannot begin to describe how beneficial this type of experience was for both my friend and myself. I had learned how to live perfectly, but I was more focused in helping my friends to achieve this sense of happiness.
2:00 P.M. With much excitement, I took my "3.5 tick" pill as two of my friends took their (largest dosage) 1 gram pills. I was very excited to begin the experience with them, and I was very eager to be able to connect with my friend who usually has a lot of self doubt that leads to serious depressing and suicidal thoughts. A different friend and myself both saw how possible it was going to be to truly get through to him on a beautiful level. I was looking forward to nothing else other than the much-needed enhancement and self-realization that both the MDMA and compassion through us friends could do to our one friend. These were my last conscious thoughts as I finished the last beer out of the 18 we had originally.
??? I was continuously hearing my name being called out. I could sense unexplainable feelings of love and care. I struggled to understand what was happening as I slowly regained my consciousness. I was sitting around the fire, and my friends were surrounding me, deeply concerned with bringing me back. For several minutes, I desperately wanted to let them know that everything was okay, and that I was okay. Instead, I found it difficult to place myself into any frame of time. Everyone was completely concerned with my safety. I was sitting two feet away from where I thought I was sitting only seconds ago. I thought that only seconds had elapsed, and that I simply moved to a different chair. As my awareness grew, I came to a shocking realization. The circumstances were shockingly much different. I had just spent the past 30 minutes unconcious, and my friends were spending every bit of their focus during that time to bring me back to consciousness. Everything they soon described to me was unbelievable, as if none if it really occurred. As one of them said my name, a very strange place in my memory instantly became evoked. I was able to recall my name being called out for nearly hundreds of times, all in the span of what seemed like a second to my memory. They stated that for thirty minutes, I was vomiting nothing but beer foam and showing grim signs of dehydration. They thought I had died. They also stated that throughout the whole thirty minutes I was subconsciously reassuring them that everything was going to be okay, and that the only bad thing was their worry for me.
3:30 P.M. As I became fully conscious, I learned as much as I could about what happened. I was feeling the MDMA in my system from the last pill, and I rode out the intense wave of control and energy through the rest of the morning.
All in all, I learned unexplainably valuable information about myself. I learned how the effects of MDMA can easily be controlled and manipulated. I remember replying to a friend asking if I was still rolling, several hours after the second pill. I stated "I have figured it out," and I believe I truly did. I believe that through this experience, I met myself. I learned who I am, what I am capable of as a human being, and how to live life in a perfect way for my true self.
10:00 P.M. "2.5 ticks" of MDMA, parachuted. This is around the same dosage I had for my first two experiences.
10:20 P.M. I was in the car listening to very meaningful music among two friends and myself when it kicked in. This is when our friend Sarah arrived and stated that she was interested in taking some MDMA. I instantly sprung out of the car to talk with her about the importance of the whole experience she was about to have. I was so I saw it to be extremely important for her to achieve the happiest and most meaningful state possible through her dose, as well as comforting her for something that is impossible to imagine until experienced.
11:00 P.M. It was around this time that I started to feel and recognize "coming down" from the initial peak of MDMA. With the power of the drug still inside of me, and with myself being able to realistically and truly view the limitations of my own mind upon myself, I was able to completely turn the effects of the drug around. Within seconds of confiding thought, I quickly reached an entirely new peak. I would consider this new in that I believe it was a mixture of both MDMA and recognizing the compete power that all of us have. I remember being astonished that each second, I was rolling harder than the last. As everyone else was down, I remember replying to a friend asking if I was still rolling. I stated "I have figured it out," and I believe I truly did. Coming down is purely an option. It was also around this time that I consumed both a 100 mg tablet of 5HTP and some beers.
1:00 P.M. Every second leading up this point was full of complete compassion, understanding, bliss, control, and realization of so many important things about others and myself. I was constantly living in a state of very controlled flow, and was concentrating all of my thought toward directly benefitting my friend's happiness. I was completely able to understand everything and everyone in a near-perfect way. I was content with everything, but still I spent much effort into completely caring about the friends that I love. I have never before felt this way in life, and I strongly believe that this experience introduced me to myself. I was able to effectively communicate with my friends completely astonishing realizations about themselves with much confidence that their lives would indeed be improved. Just as I used MDMA to improve the quality of my own life the first time I did it, I used this same energy and resourcefulness to help my friends. I do not think that the empathetic effects or either the MDMA or alcohol contributed to this completely different type of communication. I instead attribute it to extremely profound realizations that I was having toward helping my friends live happier lives. I cannot begin to describe how beneficial this type of experience was for both my friend and myself. I had learned how to live perfectly, but I was more focused in helping my friends to achieve this sense of happiness.
2:00 P.M. With much excitement, I took my "3.5 tick" pill as two of my friends took their (largest dosage) 1 gram pills. I was very excited to begin the experience with them, and I was very eager to be able to connect with my friend who usually has a lot of self doubt that leads to serious depressing and suicidal thoughts. A different friend and myself both saw how possible it was going to be to truly get through to him on a beautiful level. I was looking forward to nothing else other than the much-needed enhancement and self-realization that both the MDMA and compassion through us friends could do to our one friend. These were my last conscious thoughts as I finished the last beer out of the 18 we had originally.
??? I was continuously hearing my name being called out. I could sense unexplainable feelings of love and care. I struggled to understand what was happening as I slowly regained my consciousness. I was sitting around the fire, and my friends were surrounding me, deeply concerned with bringing me back. For several minutes, I desperately wanted to let them know that everything was okay, and that I was okay. Instead, I found it difficult to place myself into any frame of time. Everyone was completely concerned with my safety. I was sitting two feet away from where I thought I was sitting only seconds ago. I thought that only seconds had elapsed, and that I simply moved to a different chair. As my awareness grew, I came to a shocking realization. The circumstances were shockingly much different. I had just spent the past 30 minutes unconcious, and my friends were spending every bit of their focus during that time to bring me back to consciousness. Everything they soon described to me was unbelievable, as if none if it really occurred. As one of them said my name, a very strange place in my memory instantly became evoked. I was able to recall my name being called out for nearly hundreds of times, all in the span of what seemed like a second to my memory. They stated that for thirty minutes, I was vomiting nothing but beer foam and showing grim signs of dehydration. They thought I had died. They also stated that throughout the whole thirty minutes I was subconsciously reassuring them that everything was going to be okay, and that the only bad thing was their worry for me.
3:30 P.M. As I became fully conscious, I learned as much as I could about what happened. I was feeling the MDMA in my system from the last pill, and I rode out the intense wave of control and energy through the rest of the morning.
All in all, I learned unexplainably valuable information about myself. I learned how the effects of MDMA can easily be controlled and manipulated. I remember replying to a friend asking if I was still rolling, several hours after the second pill. I stated "I have figured it out," and I believe I truly did. I believe that through this experience, I met myself. I learned who I am, what I am capable of as a human being, and how to live life in a perfect way for my true self.
