I think too quickly and about too many things at the same time; it's so easy to just get side-tracked and find yourself stopping mid-sentence to stoop and begin intently studying something completely unrelated yet fascinating nonetheless.
I'll look at a person and diagnose their habits—are they a smoker, or perhaps they bite their nails? Then I'll look at their clothing and know where they shop, roughly what size they are; their weight, their height, their intentions, and what gives them away when they're lying. But then ask me to remember their name and I'll have forgotten it by the time I've next blinked.
Benzodiazepines and opiates and alcohol and weed and all sorts of things, including physical trauma to the head, have damaged my memory and cognitive abilities, yes-absolutely and without a doubt! But it's not so bad. I truly do hate my poor, poor memory.
I've been unsuccessful in getting nootropics prescribed to me—Piracetam, Modafinil, Gabapentin or Pregabalin.
Because of years without inhibitions, I often act bizarrely in social settings: it is said that we subconsciously respond to body-language and subtle non-verbal cues, but as I've spent years high out of my mind, I miss those and so it never truly feels right when I'm sitting down with friends or strangers or loved ones. Y'see, when other people were going through puberty and learning the nuances of social scenarios and how to tell whether someone loves or loathes you by experiencing it, I was numb to such perceptions and high and as drunk as the drugs and corrupt bartenders looking for business from the student body (with their damned-awful watered-down beer! Eugh!) would allow and throwing myself at people, whether they liked it or not. Of course, over time the mind learns this stuff properly, so it's not that big of a deal, but I think that I'll always be
the odd one out,
and those who say so might not even be able to tell why, just my body-language gives off the wrong impression.
Whether you were an A-grade student or a moron before, I don't think it matters—it's age talking!
As children we're far more open to learning about the world around us; we take years to absorb and begin to use information we've been sucking in through our eyes, ears, mouth, nose,
head-shoulders-knees-and-toes-knees-and-toes and, of course, tactile senses since the day we were born!
Throughout school we are conditioned to read and then be able to recite what we've read by rote, yet when we enter the world we're required to think more for ourselves and to make decisions and whatnot. It doesn't seem to really matter how well you did in school because it's got nothing to do with work, with the exception of jobs in the food-service industry where you'll have to know menus and whatnot inside out.
You'll also learn to give such people compassion and a modicum of respect in the future when you've moved onto bigger and better things, heh!
But, back to the topic at hand, over time our minds and brains adapt to our routines, and if our routines involve being lazy and lying around, watching television and dipping a hand into an almost-bottomless bowl of some fatty snack or other, things are going to go downhill! So, I play chess and read, write and attempt to write logically-and-mathematically-accurate code for computer programs.
I need to keep my brain active and
learn more!
Sober life would be so boring if I didn't stuff it full of tasks and things to do—there's only so much you can get away with by relaxing at the University bar whilst writing another novel. Hell, I'd just dictate it straight out with no punctuation, paragraphs or line breaks and have it saved on a single splendid stretched-long piece of paper wrapped around a rolling pin! But no, that probably wouldn't work out all that well for my type-writer.
Basically, my mind is a jungle of trees knocking other trees and bizarre connections between memories; scents, sights, sounds, sensations and tastes, but not words. The methods of the human memory are so abstract and bizarre; the opposite of a typical Unix file-system! One might end up thinking about oranges and that'll reminds you of a beautiful church you visited in Florence. I can't explain it, but the acclaimed and adroit Douglas Hofstadter might have a clue; his books about human consciousness, particularly The Eternal Golden Braid, are all about the mind coming from nothing.
Oh yeah, like I said, easily distracted and, also, I'm prone to ranting, I suppose.
I bet a lot of you aren't as bad off as you claim to be and it's probably just your age or your routine that's preventing you from learning. Read more and try to exercise your brain, otherwise you'll forever be off. If you've given Piracetam a try, let me know!
Peace And Love!
