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Permanent damage from Abilify and Olanzapine\Zyprexa

PMS

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
145
Greetings everyone!

First of all, I must say that I greatly appreciate the privilege of a forum like this.,

I am a male multi-instrumentalist\artist in my early twenties, who unfortunately was "caught" by the whitecoats and imprisoned in a mental hospital the entire summer of 2011.

I've always been a highly sensitive individual, according to IQ-tests highly intelligent, and among the best jazz musicians of my age. I started teaching myself piano at the age of 3, electric guitars and bass at 10. I've composed over a hundred musical pieces and studied at one of the finest jazz conservatories in my country. Music and other fine arts has always been the focal point of my existence, something I've felt I was made for. I'm also rather introverted, keen on details, and a former wiccan student.

My drug "career" started at the age of 15, with daily cannabis use. I've had ethanol on rare occasions, same with amphetamine, but never enjoyed the effects. I've always been a hardcore stoner though, and I never felt it impaired anything at all, except all the money and time going up in smoke. I've since then had some wonderful "trips" on both wild Psilocybe Semantilica (sp?) along with home grown Cubensis, and always felt stronger afterwards. I have profound respect for every natural medicine, and has even had ayahuasha with fantastisc results.

After my father decided that I was in "deep shit" from all the cannabis I was smoking daily, he secretly contacted a shrink and told him all kinds of crazy bullshit. My father has long suffered from violent, temporary psychosis, which he self medicates with perverse amounts of liqour. Maybe he was to put the blame on me, I don't know. To make a long story short, he managed to get me locked into a mental hospital for over three months, even though I was not psychotic, depressed or anything in ANY sense. I did get extremely restless and frustrated from being deprived of all my rights, but nothing that should serve as a valid reason really.

During my three-month stay last summer, I was force fed daily with strong doses of Abilify and Zyprexa\Olanzapine, and then having to walk back-and-forth in a sterile corridor until night, maybe watching TV, all while the white-coats were noting stuff in their notepads. I remember the feeling when I first ate the "medicine", such a hellish condition. I was forgetting who I was, where I was, pissing myself sitting watching TV, and not being able to say anything except "yes" and "no".

The doctors told me this was common side effects, and that they would go away after few weeks. I could not avoid eating the poison, as they were checking my mouth to see if I swallowed it or not. I got so sick that I would spend the whole day in bed, floating in\and\out of conciousness, being restless and completely depraved. My creativity was completely gone, I couldn't plan anything, visualize anything, or remember anything. My hands, which have been crucial for playing musical instruments all my life, got so numb that I couldn't play a simple open chord. The numbness, or "non-existance of control" started in the pinkys, and then to the ring finger, until both hands were useless.

My emotional life and intelligence also was so slugged and flattened, that I didn't really feel like i could give a fuck anyways. I just spent the days looking out the window, wanting to spend time in the sun with my friends, rather depressed and going fat.

After nine weeks of forced medication, and no diagnosis at all, I managed to get off the pills, and instantly felt better. Three weeks later, and I was free as a bird, though still without any official diagnosis. I was really, really pissed off.

I got home, and realized that the horrible side effects, including what i suspect is nerve\frontal lobe damage, would not go away. I had 30 liberty caps a week after I got home, which absolutely helped- still not enough. Now it's been about four months since I got off the poison, but I'm still not feeling like myself at all. I have great difficulty with about every frontal lobe task, my hands are still numb, my feelings are flattened, and I'm growing increasingly frustrated. Often I feel like my "soul"- or innermost qualities are destroyed- and also I was imprisoned by the government for NO REASON. I get depressed, and get really morbid thoughts about "fuck it all- I'm gonna blow myself and the entire fucking government to hell and get famous."

So- what am I to do? I am really a calm and reasonable person, and an act of terror would never happen. But I'm just a shadow of myself these days, and I'm looking for a potent "psychotic" that would reverse the effects of the Abilify and Olanzapine. I've since had 25-C, 2C-C, 2C-D, DOI, MDAI, MDMA, Methiopropamine, JWH, AM-2233, Ethylone, Metocin, Miprocin, Psilatecin, Truffles, Shrooms, Kratom, Salvia, Morning Glory, DMT, Bufotenine, Methoxamine and alot of hash... used responsibly and with no noticeable side effects.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for my bad english, as it is not my first language.

Cheers,
-PMS
 
whoa. I would highly advise you to stop taking hallucinogens and other substances to try and repair the damage that you think Abilify and Zyprexa did to you. Drugs are not the solution - perhaps try some clean living, good diet, exercise, and TIME.
 
self-diagnosis is a dangerous behavior.

We don't tell people what drugs to take and in your case, as muvolution mentioned, you would be best off removing the drugs you have added to your repertoire. You need to eliminate the additional variables in this equation. Those variables are the added, recreational drugs.

We'll keep this thread open. There are many supportive, experienced and knowledgeable people here that can assist you emotionally but beyond that, we will not advise on specific substances to 'reverse' perceived symptoms (it doesn't work like that here)
 
WOW... I don't really know what to say...

as others have suggested I really recommend you give your brain a break and not take a huge amount of psychoactive drugs :S.

I don't mean to sound rude and I don't know which country you are from but if you were hospitalized for such a long time they must have had some reason to do so rather than just your fathers say so... sometimes we don't really notice how our behavior can be interpreted by others...

I think a prolonged break could help a lot more than trying to 'fix' your brain by taking more drugs :).
 
Dear Moderators: My search for an "anti-antipsychotic" is indeed far fetched, when I think about it. Again, i want to point out that a single dose of 30 wild, fresh liberty caps removed about 50% of my symptoms, which led me to think about other drugs. I would still not recommend this nature medicine, as it may have unwanted effects. Thank you very much for letting this thread stay alive.

wooger: I'd rather not say more than Scandinavia, close to a major city. Very few people actually believe my story when I tell it, and jump to the conclusion that I was so batshit insane, I thought I was fine. But seriously- if you knew me personally, you'd find me rather strange and special- which I guess was the main reason. Also, I might have told the shrink (which was one hell of a... word twister and diagnoser...) a bit too much about my views on life and drugs. On top of that, after reading my journal, I saw that my father had told among these things to the shrink:

-I was pulling out the electrical cord from the TV, HIFI, Wireless Router, and other radiating electrical equipment, because I have an acute sensitivity to electrical magnetism and disturbances. My father told the shrink that I did it because I was "under mental surveillance by the CIA"

-That my regular cannabis smoking was "a serious drug problem that had lasted many years". I never had a problem with my cannabis intake; it's apart from a time-killer and nice smoke, the only medicine that actually helps my chronic depressive personality.

-That i was "talking in codes and tongues", which is actually my fathers high stress levels and failure to ask me questions I could answer properly. I prefer to either say a true "yes" or "no", or getting the time to explain what I really mean.

-The shrink actually wrote down that "the patient claims to have had long conversations with The Devil"- which is bullshit. In swedish\danish\norwegian languages, it is often said as a saying that "sometimes, I might be talking with myself like devil"- which just means "alot". So- I get the feeling he was out to "get me" if you know what I mean.

I must admit that I've been struggling with insomnia, and my stoned\tired state when I met up at the shrink might have led him to think I was really fucked up in my little head. Still, I was depraved of all my personal rights and literally imprisoned on UNDETERMINED TIME!

I believe very much that human beings have evolved from the same primitive life forms as other mammals, trough evolution, and that we (or atleast some of us) possess deeply natural, but "occult" abilities. To explain myself- I've never seen an healthy animal do so much stupid things as we do. I think they just *know it*, we humans forgot it, with the exception of hippies, freakers, and natives. For example, why do many wilderbeast run into the hills before a flood, while we are drowning? Why can't you lie to a dog?

I myself is atleast 25% Sami, the native scandinavians who are known for their powers of cursing (Ganding) and blessings. I'm not "out there", I just base it on personal experiences. I understand that abstinence from drugs (atleast synthetic ones) is the first law for being in contact with nature, so I'm cutting back.

From tomorrow, I've decided to give total abstinence a go, for atleast one month (February 6th), eat healthy and up my exercises. I'm also going to force myself into hard muscle memory training, to see if I may rebuild some nerve endings in my fingers (if that really is the problem). I will report back on how I am feeling.


I would be very interested if other people would like to share their experiences with these "medicines", and also the mental health system. If anyone would like to shoot me a PM, I'd be happy to get in touch with likeminded souls.

Thank you,
-PMS
 
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From tomorrow, I've decided to give total abstinence a go, for atleast one month (February 6th), eat healthy and up my exercises. I'm also going to force myself into hard muscle memory training, to see if I may rebuild some nerve endings in my fingers (if that really is the problem). I will report back on how I am feeling.

I think that is a great idea. It will be interesting for you to see the changes that take place and I look forward to hearing what your experience is like.
 
just chill man ive been taking zyprexa for a yr. been swithced between that and seroquel. i think they arnt very harmful. i couldnt even tell u if id taken it or not. but i shouldnt take any during the day. only before bed. u can stop taking them if u like. but drugs like alcohol are defenetely worse than any antipychotic & i think pots just as strong if not stronger if ya smoking alot.

i just find it hard to beleive that its the antipychotics that have fucked u up. they've helps me out a fair bit.

try quitting everything. cigarettes & alcohol i think are the worst shit u can do to yaself. pots not quite as bad as long as ya only a light smoker & dont do it often.

take vitamines, exercise. u'll feel like yaself again. i dont think zyprexa has given u frontal lope damage. they wouldnt give ya something that will do that. u just need to find things that make ya happy again. im pretty depressed person myself. & i find it hard to find things that make me happy but i dont blame it on antisychotics. i know ppl who have been on em for 10 years. high doses of clozapine the strongest antipychotic they precribe & they are very happy working ppl
 
I also have similar experiences from being institutionalized in Scandinavia (more exactly Sweden) and know very well the drugs you get and what they do to you. You said you wanted to get in contact with people with similar experiences so I sent you a PM.
 
Mass amounts of 5HT2(a) agonists and CB1 agonists aren't going to help your body restore your DA/5HT receptor densities, its kind of like hitting a stalled car with a truck hoping it will fix the engine.

Work out and eat well are unfortunately the best things I can tell you, get back to your music to help retrain your motor skills. Atypical anti-psychotics aren't particularly healthy drugs, but being young and healthy you should make a decent recovery.
 
Mass amounts of 5HT2(a) agonists and CB1 agonists aren't going to help your body restore your DA/5HT receptor densities, its kind of like hitting a stalled car with a truck hoping it will fix the engine.

Work out and eat well are unfortunately the best things I can tell you, get back to your music to help retrain your motor skills. Atypical anti-psychotics aren't particularly healthy drugs, but being young and healthy you should make a decent recovery.

Excellent post!!!
 
Andrew

Hi,
I went through a very similar story and i've got exacly the same side effects as u do. Zyprexa completly destroyed my life. Would you like to talk on skype or something?
 
Damn man I'm so sorry, I was in a psych ward and put on abilify and I'm lucky to be getting off it.

I'd say it's best to give your brain time. Neuroplasticity is an amazing thing. The drugs caused your brain to compensate, and it will take some time without them for it to get back to normal. Think of it like you're withdrawing from heroin, because that's basically what's happening, except the drugs are antipsychotics.

Man I really can't say how bad I feel, 20mg of abilify made me feel dead inside.
 
it sounds to me a bit as if it were negatiev symptoms of schizophrenia. that must really suck and i feel for your loss of artistic talent/creativity... have you in any way recovered? often these negative symptoms are the only thing that remains after an episode and arent like the pos symptoms you know from before being fed the meds at all. it is doubtful that the drugs zombified you like you assume though. they simply arent known to do so past their actual effects while theyre in the organism. one might argue about the nature waht we call schizophrenia and whether it is right to treat it solely with meds. one can not argue that forced treatment with psychopharmaceuticals is a crime that should not go unpunished. it is absolutely illegal here in germany unless youre an acute threat to someones health in an emergency situation. fortunately for most psychitrists who pull this shit off, most psychotics out there arnet exactly the kind of people who have a lawyer on quick dial and further arent exaclty the type of people whose words are being given much thought by authorities. :/

anyway, maybe no drugs at all would be the best choice. try to think about how it got to where it was prior to being treated, talk through it with a family member or friend, make sure you know you have been "sick" but that sick is a state which can be perfectly plausible looking at your situation as a whole and the triggers that existed. also, take it slow, dont let the world pressure you and breathe deeply. :D

ps if u really want insanity back, there are some long lasting stim rc's for that. look in the respective forum, talk like that is not welcome here at all. seriously though dude, dont destroy yourself, youll ahve even more negative symptoms when you come back from your temporary creative outburst. theres only so much personality in you and after the nth episode your friends and family will have to look very fucking hard to find whats remaining of it.

ps sorry for gravedigging here, but im kidna curious what became of him.
 
I would just wait. Time seems to repair most brain things. It might take a while, but it can happen.

I was also thinking... how is it legal for them to imprison you into a mental institution just based on the crazy stories of your father, medicate you, and then give you no diagnosis? That would make me want to sue.
 
Hi,
I went through a very similar story and i've got exacly the same side effects as u do. Zyprexa completly destroyed my life. Would you like to talk on skype or something?

I have SEVERE insomnia and somehow ended up getting prescribed Zyprexa. It actually helped me sleep. Unfortunately, it turned me into a walking zombie with the IQ of a 4 year old in the process.

Worse yet, it took me 11 months to realize it was this awful, disgusting, hell of a drug that was causing my issues.

I have been off Zyprexa for a few days now, but am absolutely terrified of the long-term damage I have caused. The thought of being this low functioning zombie for the rest of my life is so scary.

If you have any advice, or information that will help me, please please please please PLEASE pass it along. Thank you so much.
 
Well I was force fed all 3 of those when I was 10didnt get away till I was 19. Called child protective services got called a liar. In the usa. It took 3 years for me to normalize. For one thing you HAVE to let your body go natural for a month straight stick to chugging 2 redbulls a day get hopped up off caffiene. After that smoke some good weed a few times a week but get perscribed to 15 mg adderalls. They get you energized and happy which will then assist your creativity. Im a bassist and a vocalist. Im extremely creatuve im doing tattoos for my career so trust me I KNOW how much those things suck. They make you tone deaf and they are almost like heroin.sedatives will take a while to get out of your system. By 2 years time you will be bk to normal but you have to lay off all drugs besides caffiene and weed. If you take the hallucinagenics that may screw up your mind worse,that is the last thing you want after an experience like that. Btw all the "parents" have to do is say youre a danger to yourself and you are autistic they dont have to have any proof if you are a minor. And that my friend is how they fuck you when they realize that you arent their dog they have no right to control you.sounds like your 'dad' is a narcissist and an alky. Just like my "mom" best way to deal with them is run away make him hit you and get him on abuse.
 
dextoamphetamine should help with a few of the zyprexa and abilify side/after effects
 
duuudde I went through some extremely similar shit. FUCK THAT ABILIFY MOTOR CONTROL LOSS OH MY FUCKING GOD Im a jazz musician like you except I play saxophone, and dude I lost all my desires in life, everything mentally and physically got rewired into some "strive for the American dream" shit, all my dexterity in both my hands (left more than right) and also the ability to concentrate on the improvisations of fellow musicians in the same way, and so basically my whole approach music basically just got buttfucked and killed. honestly man the only thing I can say is try to rebuild your muscle memory even only if because you don't want to let some bullshit antipsychotic ruin your dreams of music. yeah I basically just went to some Joshua redman and tried to treat the whole experience as a clean slate to transcribe stuff and build a new vocabulary matrix or whatever it is us jazz musicians do. but that's weird that you still have the numbness in your fingers and stuff, for me that stuff left me as I went off abilify, in fact I remember I was sitting on my friends chair, having finally gotten off abilify, and I noticed this wonderful sensation of life that went from my head down my chakras or something and eventually filled my entire body as I was granted my emotions back. of course, it might have been the fact that I prayed to god to lift the curse of Kenny garrett from me a few minutes before :/ which now leads into what caused my parents and society to want to "cure" me if the first place. Kenny garrett looked into my future at a concert, and told me what he saw. I didn't realize what was going on at the time, and I forgot all the shit he said until two years later, and it randomly started all coming back and it was fucking crazy and awesome. I just knew I shouldn't have told the cops about Kenny telling me there was gonna be bomb. actually now im not so sure that was a bad Idea, because hey who knows maybe that's the reason Kenny garrett looked into my future anyway, he said it was something he was gifted and not something he necessarily controlled (this was at the concert, I haven't talked with him since and I have a feeling if I did he wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about). anyway man if you want to talk to me about shit you can look me up on facebook "jimmy Kreutzer" im the one in a car with a saxophone.

peace man, I really hope your numbness in your fingers leaves. praying to lift the Kenny garrett curse worked for me. oh yeah I just remembered that Kenny said during the concert that he like accidentally put a voodoo curse on my or something. there was a done of shit that got fucked up when he entered my consciousness, it was almost like a feedback loop that he kept boring into or something. whatever I probably sound insane, anyway yeah I hope to god your muscle memory returns in fact I will pray for you
 
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