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when theres no attraction from a person the relationship is hard fucking work

N

Need4speed

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 23, 2011
Messages
440
I been thinking and thinking and finally came to the conclusion

my Ex Gf was attracted to my materail possesions, cars, money , carefree lifestyle

so fast forward to my point-

im getting older and more mature so got rid of the fancy shit and dont go clubbing every weekend dropping major cash anymore

i find that if a female isnt attracted to a man then he's in for some serious hard work to keep her

no wonder last few years has been a roller coaster even though i did everything right, provided a roof over our heads, food, transportation, but none of that matters because she still put me throught hell
 
Well, you might get this closed because it isn't technically a question and it's for blogs, but this might stir some thought. ;)

if a girl is a gold digger, she sure as hell won't be happy when the cash flow is gone.

Did she break up with you? Seriously, it's hard to see it now, but it's better in the long run. I mean, if you lose everything and she bails for it, it was bound to happen especially in this economy. It's hard, and losing your income is probably the top stressful thing to me, so having someone who isn't supportive just stings even worse.
 
my question is

how on earth do i treat her in return now ?

looking at her main circle of friends they all have boyfriends who provide and they are not attractive ( no homo )

i have my physical flaws so i suppose i fall in the visually unattractive group

please leave thread open, i dont have other support

my family and friends are won over by her, so im basicly battling this alone
 
what do i do with myself?

i invested my whole life in the last few years with this girl , i was living a lie

even when i move out in a few weeks i dont know how to handle her and talk to anyone about my past relationship with her

first thing people ask- why did yall break up ?

she was never into me, so she can find 100 reasons to why she broke up with me
 
Don't worry 'bout it so much.

If you're sure she is no good, then you will realize breaking up with her will be one of the best things you have ever done.
If people ask about, just say "I don't know."
 
i can almost say with positivity shes no good

shes goes and parties until 5-6 am thursday - saturday

shes only cooked 2-3 times during the few years we were together
she used to do laundry maybe twice a month
never goes grocery shopping
cleans the place again about twice a month ( out of guilt )

she love the attention/acceptance of men, more the better

she contributes NOTHING
 
You need to get over her. Get out there and find someone else.
Being attracted to your partner is very important. I couldn't imagine not being attracted to someone I'm with. Neither my boyfriend nor I are very rich so we both know that's not what we're in it for. It's important to be able to bond. It's important to be attracted to each other - physically, mentally, emotionally, all that stuff.

Get out there. Meet other women. You'll find someone else.
 
llama112 said:
You need to get over her. Get out there and find someone else.
Being attracted to your partner is very important. I couldn't imagine not being attracted to someone I'm with. Neither my boyfriend nor I are very rich so we both know that's not what we're in it for. It's important to be able to bond. It's important to be attracted to each other - physically, mentally, emotionally, all that stuff.

Get out there. Meet other women. You'll find someone else.
Click to expand...

i dont know how to be honest

im timid , shy, and its not in my nature to go out and meet girls i guess

she probably sized me up before the relationship even started and knew id be the responsible provider making the hook up almost effortless for me

my emotions are holding me back, then again i dont know how to move forward
 
Need4speed said:
i can almost say with positivity shes no good

shes goes and parties until 5-6 am thursday - saturday

shes only cooked 2-3 times during the few years we were together
she used to do laundry maybe twice a month
never goes grocery shopping
cleans the place again about twice a month ( out of guilt )

she love the attention/acceptance of men, more the better

she contributes NOTHING
Click to expand...

Uhh, no offense, but it seems the stereotyping went both ways.
 
maybe so

all that matters to me now is to save myself from further hurt,humiliation and disrespect, shes close to all my main family and aquaintances and we have over 70 mutual friends on FB
 
If you're in a 'relationship' or attempting a relationship with someone who you're not attracted to, or you know that they're not attracted to you, why even stay with them or have a relationship with them?

I've dated men and women who I was not attracted to at all when I was younger, or I fell out of attraction to them, and I either stopped dating them, or things fizzled out since they were major flakes and it was for the best.

I've had people, both men and women who I'm not attracted to want to date me and I just tell them no thanks.
 
I'm just curious how much younger was she, if a girl is much younger than you, chances are she is a gold digger. If you think about it what does a young girl have in common with a much older guy, beside being to provide for her.

This time go after girls who already have a career, if the girl doesn't have a job you should stay away. But if the girl has a career, and she's making decent money, then she doesn't care about your money, and chances are she is with you for you. I'm guessing you're ex never had a job, and you came along supporting her. The economic became bad, and I'm guessing you lost some of your income, and you couldn't support her high style lifestyle, so she left you. Which makes sense, because she had no feelings for you, So why stay..


it's this kind of remind me of this fat bald 33 year old rich guy I met. He would spend lots of money on tables in clubs, to get girls. This guy had no personality, he dressed very bad at a club. and he was upset.Why this 21 girl left him.
 
Need4speed said:
i find that if a female isnt attracted to a man then he's in for some serious hard work to keep her
Click to expand...

Uh, yeah, no shit.

Why would you expect someone who isn't attracted to their partner to stick around? And furthermore, why would you want someone who isn't attracted to you to stick around?

It seems clear this isn't the right person for you. Try not to characterise or judge yourself by this one person though. Although it can be hard, especially if this person has been a big part of your life, in the end their opinion is only one opinion out of the billions of people in the world. It has no bearing on whether you'll find love again. As for how to treat her now, I would recommend not treating her in any way, cut her off, ignore her. It doesn't sound like she's going to bring any benefit into your life at this stage.
 
It seems as though what passed for positive attention from her to you has helped you ignore deep seeded problems regarding anxiety, self-esteem, and/or socialization skills. She was merely a crutch for you, and a band-aid, you can do so much better than having some hollow woman parasite herself off of you, and I don't even know you, I just know that you can do better because there are genuine women out there who want real companionship.

We all need a whole lotta fixing, so don't sweat it, just work on yourself and get out there and meet people. Who cares if your family likes her? Try not to look for ways to stay depressed, that never does anyone any good. You might be sad, but that's natural at the end of a relationship. Allow yourself time to accept it and grieve the loss of love and affection in your life, and then get out there and don't let it hold you back after that period.
 
I want to get some stuff off my chest about this relationship, i dont trust anyone in my life at the moment in regards to this as they think I'm the one at fault as she painted the picture of


Will be back online later tonight
 
If she's an "Ex", I don't understand the question/problem. Cut that money-grubbing ho out of your life and move on.
 
GenericMind said:
If she's an "Ex", I don't understand the question/problem. Cut that money-grubbing ho out of your life and move on.
Click to expand...

im trying

we currently live together until end of month i move out


i need to make sense of the last 4 years of the lie i was living and spot all the mistakes i made with my judgement

figuring out that the person who lived with me for years is really another person is hard for me to swallow right now

i was a weak target
i had weak boundries
i wasnt as smart as i thought
i wasnt the hot shit i thought i was

if i see a therapist i wouldnt know how to start the coversation


" um hi i been in a relationship with a gold digger and she was never attracted to me"

i never had therapy so i dont know where to begin to look
 
^ what are your expectations from going to see a therapist?

ask around and see if any of your friends have seen a therapist and recommend him or her. if so, arrange an initial consultation to see how you feel about each other. go from there.

don't expect therapy to hand you all the answers on a platter. therapy will help you to find answers within yourself. are you prepared to ask yourself some tough questions and answer them honestly?

we've all done things we're not proud of. gm's right as usual - start by forgiving yourself and take the first step towards moving on...

alasdair
 
i need strength

with strength ill take it from there

now to get strength is what i need to do
 
I think it's important at this point to realize that whatever happened between the two of you in the past is exactly that: In the past. You're not going to be doing your mental well-being any favors by trying to figure out who was at fault, how much if any was yours, what parts of her were genuine and which were fake, which moments were sincere and which weren't.

Look at this as an opportunity to try something different. You are, after all, a completely free man for the first time in several years. That means you can spend your time however you want without having to worry answering to her, worrying about her, or even thinking about her. The less you do think about her the faster you'll recover from this. That much I can guarantee.

So go do something you always wanted to do but couldn't because she was in your life.
 
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