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Why do you care about physical attractiveness in a relationship?

wooger

wooger

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 3, 2005
Messages
765
as the title says, I will add a bit more later just interested in initial thoughts :)
 
Well, as an initial thought, if I'm not physically attracted to my partner or he's not attracted to me there will be no sex or tension, or that overwhelming desire to be with that person, or the initial pull that draws you towards each other. There might be a friendship, but not a relationship with serious romantic potential imo.
 
its not a huge factor for me. i am very non-visual and forget what people look like. the person just has to be somewhat clean (not stinky). im thankful ppl recognize me when i make appointments to meet. To me ppl look like blurred out paintings and the more fun i have with them, the more i like them and can remember what they look like, but it can take months to years and i will still have times that i forget. i didnt know my bf had blue eyes and blond hair - i thought he had red hair and i had his height way off. i have a better memory for other things...

this guy used to joke that i have asperger's bc of how unsocialized i am.
 
If I am not attracted to the girl, I can not have sex with them. And sex is a big part of a relationship.
 
I don't. I've dated hot girls and girls who I'd consider ugly. Makes absolutely no difference to me. The real value in a relationship to me is getting to know that person on a level you might never see ostensibly. So far, I've dated people who turned out to be careless and dishonest. My current girlfriend would seem to be the exception to that trend.

EDIT: I should add that this view comes from my own personal experience; the first time I ever attempted a relationship she was decided upon based entirely on her looks. She knew she was pretty and the whole time acted like she was above me somehow and then when a mutual friend mentioned us dating she said it was "only a myspace thing" and still very much available. That shit hurt, ever since I've had this bent against stuck up bitches. The least attractive quality for me is stuck upness, which many times goes hand in hand with "physical attractiveness"... I think it's a blessing to not care what a partner looks like, that being said my current relationship is with a banging hot woman.. I was originally interested in her for her personality, first night we met she had me laughing my ass off.. Feels like I have the best of both worlds :)
 
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Because we're not robots where the mere transmission of information is the most important factor. Because beauty suggests a healthy gene pool, and a depth of character brought on by experience, though it isn't everything.
Beauty is such a striking thing, yet time grinds it down mercilessly...plainness, or homeliness, though, stands the test of time. Beauty alone isn't enough to sustain anything, but it does suggest that there's more beneath the surface because they have reason not to be embittered by life, and their natural selves shine through more readily than those whom life hasn't treated so well. The bitterness of a person who thinks they have a good reason to be bitter is a terribly unattractive thing, much more so than any physical imperfections.
 
^ absolutely.

But I guess by "physical attractiveness" I never thought the OT meant "beauty".

I though he meant someone I am physically attracted to, and there are some damn hot sexy ugly guys out there! It can just be the way someone carries themselves, the way they look at you, a smell, a tone of voice... but the chemistry definitely needs to be there imo for it to work.
 
Of course most men and women are attracted to the hot chicks/boys on TV or in the magazines, but we just look at these people. Some men, although not the most beautiful creatures, possess a certain type of swagger that makes them attractive. Some women want purely money, and I think money helps men a lot. lol But, it's the same with men. I can dress up nice and look smokin to go out, but really, my true personality is gaming, forums, computer nerd stuff and conversation. If a guy wants someone to dress up every day, then he needs to bring home the bacon and I'm probably not going to make him happy. My career lets me dress down, be a little tomboyish and be casual. This is attractive to some men, but others might find me boring and plain. There really isn't any rule to the game. I'm a goofy nerdy girl, and I've had men who think it's the best thing since sliced bread to have a girl like me and I've had others who think I'm too plain.

It's just all about chemistry. I don't go for a lot of the religious or philosophical stuff, but sometimes, there is just an inexplicable chemistry. Maybe it's smell or some cavewoman instinct, but it is there. I am also attracted to power, and I'm sure it's some woman thing where I want someone to take charge and be protective. I have no idea. All I know is that sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not.
 
If a guy is dirty or doesn't care about himself ... why should I care about him? Hygiene is the most important. Looking after yourself, being well groomed, putting on clothes that look good vs. sloppy, that's important, it shows that he wants to represent himself well.
 
Yeah.
You need to be attracted to their body...
For me to fuck I guy I NEED to be attracted not mentaly but that and their bod... and since sex is oneof the more importent things in a relationship.... yes.
 
mental attraction is far more valuable... but being physically attractive is also important.
 
Of course I appreciate a good-looking guy or girl...but I'm usually attracted to someone's mind much, much more than the physical. I've had some guys, great-looking but boring/stupid as hell, and I wouldn't even consider fucking em. Yet another man, my one true love, was your "dirty hippie" type, not your conventional good-looking guy...but to me, hell, he was the hottest thing on the planet. For real. If you love somebody or have a connection mentally, I think that will drastically raise their level of physical attractiveness in your eyes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

In a setting like a bar, though, I'd want to talk to the guy I find physically attractive. You can see that from across a room, whereas finding out if someone has an awesome personality is something that takes time to discover. If a guy approaches me and asks for my number, I'm likely to give it if I find him physically attractive. Now, if there's a guy who isn't "good-looking" but I've had a chance to make a connection, have a conversation and find that he is interesting and cool, then I'd give him my number. The lesson I guess? If you're not the best looking guy, but you have a great personality, let it shine cuz there are plenty of women who will still be interested based on that!
 
Both mental and physical attraction are fundamental ingredients in considering someone relationship material for me. I dont know if I could chose one as more important than the other. If a girl comes off as ditzy or self absorbed then Im not interested, if I dont think she is attractive im not interested.

It seems strange to me to say "I dont care about looks". From a male perspective I would much rather be with someone that is reasonably athletic that can handle doing exiting, physically demanding things (not just sex, although that is the main thing that comes to mind). I want her to be pretty because sight is the most detailed of the senses, and it is nice to look at a pretty girl. Plus, ill admit it, it boosts my self esteem if I think im dating a hottie.

If you really dont care about physical attributes thats fine, I dont judge. But what is not cool is implying that people who do care about physical stuff are only interested in looks, because that most likely is not true. Its possible (and delightful) to have both.
 
Physical attractiveness Is a factor, and it is more than just looks- its how he walks, how he looks at me, etc. But my relationship started as just a friendship, and I never really considered how he looked. I realized how attractive he is _after_ I got to know him. And our relationship grew from there. :D now were getting married.
When I'm looking for a sex partner for my fiancé and I, I'm going for physical attraction, because that's all that's required for sex. In a loving relationship, physical attraction may "jumpstart" things, but over the years, the emotional attraction will grow and the physical attraction becomes less important. Yes, 40 years from now we wont be such an attractive couple. I will still love him just as much and then some!
 
I like looking at pretty girls, I've been married to one. Short, skinny, punk rock girls....
Anyway, my future wife looks nothing like that however, and the sex is kinda infrequent. The affection however is constant, the honesty meter is almost always in the green and we laugh all the time. that has always been more important to me. . It's by far the best relationship I've ever been in.
 
^ reading that made me smile. Congratulations golem! Best of luck.
Sorry to get off topic, just had to say it :D ok, I've gotta add something constructive now
It seems like there is more jealousy when a relationship is based on physical attrativeness- if youre dating a sexy guy/girl, it feels like everyone else is also looking at them, or that they're going to cheat just because they can- Which isn't nessecarily true, but there's usually insecurity there.
 
I won't entertain any notions of attraction somehow indicating that this person has a superior gene pool.
This is a superior gene pool:
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Michele_Neil_Female_Muscle_Morphs.jpg

How many of you guyz fell in love with that?

Whatever it is based on, it does matter a great deal to me. It's the initiating factor in who I go after. I'll totally reject personality and intellect for the right kind of good looks that I like.
 
OMG that is disgusting. Are you sure it isn't shoooped? The boobs make it look shoooped.
 
I'm seeing a pattern here, "Sex is one of the most important things, duh!" Okay, that may be true now when we're in our 20's, 30's, and 40's but what about when your dick stops working? What about when your tits are so saggy that no one in their right mind (except a good man who's loved you for years) would want to fuck you? Shallow people are so fucking short-term it's disgusting. I can't believe I use to be a shallow person. I wanted to kill myself when I was that shallow. Now I'm a completely different person, I'm gloriously happy, and I could care less about looks. My first true love was fucking hot. I mean, he was drop-dead, fucking gorgeous hot. Hotter than any guy I've ever seen in my life, and that's true even to this day. But does that really matter when you're old and wrinkled? Looks fade (yes all of those loose pussies out there, you too will be an ugly rag one day), and all that's left is an empty husk because you lost your soul being a shallow cunt for 25 years. More power to you if looks are so important, but for me it's chemistry and personality. I can only hope that people who rely solely on their appearance have happiness in their old age, with someone who genuinely loves them.
 
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