Haha, yeah, I wrote probably the longest trip report ever about it (it's
here). It was really abstract and strange (then again my brain is weird and my dreams tend to be very strange). For the most part they were allegories for addiction and the ways in which it made me a slave, and then the ways in which I was better than that. But at the time I was just along for the ride and I wasn't aware in the moment what they were about, let alone that I was even dreaming in the first place). I actually remember it in shocking detail, I probably wouldn't remember it all now (and I'm sure there are parts I forgot), but I started writing notes down as soon as I could because I wanted to remember it all.
No, it was entirely an internal experience for me, there was no perception of an external entity. I was mostly dreaming in every sense of the word, ie, unaware I was dreaming while I was dreaming. I gather from reading reports that most people remain aware that they're on ibogaine and are guided through their past and such, but that's not how it was for me.
I really wonder why my experience was so unusual. I think it has a lot to do with the TA as part of it, and also I may be really sensitive to ibogaine or something. Because while I was on it, I was GONE, I had no idea I was on a drug or even that I was Xorkoth, or that I was dreaming, or anything. And it lasted 3 full days. On the third day when I was awake and interacting with the world, I believed I was mostly down but in fact I was dreaming while awake and I had no idea what was really going on even though I thought I did. Most people seem to report being very aware of being on ibogaine, and being pretty with it despite the intensity, and being explicitly taught lessons and shown things by an external entity. Some people even report their flood dose lasting ~6 hours to 1 day. It was really 3
full days for me, I only have brief periods of being aware I had taken ibogaine until the morning of the third day. It felt like this massive period of subconscious processes, whbich, after I emerged, seemed like it provided a point at which my life was different, like I emerged from 10 or more years of dreaming and was finally awake for the first time since I was ~20 years old. All the insanity of addiction and my self-hatred problems stemming from bad adults life habits and an abusive long-term relationship felt like a bad nightmare that I had shaken off and no longer affected me. I wanted to get in shape, eat well, and never touch opiates again. My former self seemed gone. Or, rather, I felt like my REAL self, the self IU forgot I could feel like, the self I felt like as a kid, except still grown into a 31 year old, still having learned from many experiences both positive and negative.
For months afterwards I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 7:30 to work out, changed my diet, barely touched any drugs except weed occasionally. That was 3 and a half years ago, some of the impact has left me, or rather I have developed some new bad habits over time, but I feel like I have maintained a higher degree of conscious oversight of myself. I've started to fall back into bad drug habits (except not opiates, I really have never wanted to go there again) a couple of times, with alcohol and stimulants, but I've been able to catch myself each time. I am entirely more confident and self-loving person, I know who I am and what I want. Ibogaine changed my life in a way that nothing else ever has. I'm not even 100% sure why, if you read my report, it's not really obviously why it happened, it's not like I got shown the root of my addiction or pain or anything. Honestly I already knew the root of my pain, it was my ex-wife. And she was already removed from my life when I took it. I think what I needed was simply a reset, to shake off all the accumulated insanity of my life. And that's what I got.
