• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Evad - RIP <3

God damn it Dave, You're still making me cry. You had told me you would never do that intentionally. Guess you couldn't help it but you still went back on your word.

I feel awful for not having written anything until now but it was simply impossible. All the words were wrong or simply didn't come out. You were such an amazing person and I am so gutted that the couple of times I had the chance to meet you it just didn't pan out. I hope you know how deeply you touched peoples lives and what a difference you made. You were honest, funny, kind hearted and sincere. Such a person is so rare to find. The world could do with more people like you not less. You'll not be forgotten, not by a long shot. You've left your mark on so many people and on so many hearts.

Since you went back on your word and made me cry I get the last damn word. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT WEAR PAJAMA'S TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!!! Like so many others, I Love ya pal. I hope to see you some day.


I'm can't stop thinking of you either Effie. I know I've already said it but again, I'm sorry for not being there honey. You've never been far from my thoughts believe me. ♥
 
The funeral was horrible yet beautiful, all about Dave, nothing religious as it was a humanist ceremony. The minister read out things from me, Dave's sister and brother (who had lots of really funny anecdotes, first funeral I've been to where I laughed and cried at the same time..) and his parents along with quotations from Philip K Dick and Hunter S Thompson, an Allen Ginsberg poem ("Song"), hiphop as we arrived, a song his mum chose from when he was a baby and Goodbye Horses at the end. We then all got very drunk on Thatchers cider and remembered as many good/hilarious/bizarre/wonderful stories as we could, and let off yellow smiley face sky lanterns on the beach which was incredibly beautiful. Then we got even more drunk.

Was a really difficult day, but it definitely went as well as it possibly could and the sheer number of people there who loved Dave was incredible - people couldn't fit into the crematorium, and I know there are so many more people who would have gone if they could. He was so well loved and had so many good friends..

Goodbye baby, I hope we did you proud <3

I've not been able to come on bluelight or check this thread due to being so very cut up. Dave was one of my best friends and I loved him like a brother so you can imagine how shocked and sad I was when Effie told me, it great to see all these tributes to him. He really made this place great, he was the funniest person i've ever known and also one of the best friends you could ask for.

In Repsonse to Effie about the funeral, It was sad, I was crying throughout the whole thing but I thought that man who did the ceremony was really good and helped to sum him up in a positive way. I'm sorry we didnt stay at the wake to long but I had no money for drinks at all, and I didnt wanna bum any on a day lime that, was lovely to se everyone and meet some new people. I hope your offer still stands regarding Brizzle. We''' gladly come down. And as for my Birthday....

Anyway - I just wanted to say that I loved you Dave and you knew this, we where friends since we where 4 or 5, rip bro. I'll always carrying your memory.
 
Sadie and WR <3

Thank you both for posting such lovely things. WR don't worry about the wake, was just lovely to see you, and I can't wait to have you and your lady down to stay :)

£1110 raised here now.. doesn't even begin to make up for the loss but it's wonderful that so many people cared enough to donate, it will all be put to good use.

Miss you so much today Dave <3
 
306837_10150285915741922_507346921_8479451_685029965_n.jpg

Love it. :) <3
 
It was epic SHM! Not sure how many sky landerns were let off, but there were loads.. and they all drifted out to sea. The last one turned around and smiled at us all. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen :) <3

And yellow acid smiley faces too! :D

Wish Dave could've seen it, and how much love there was for him that day..
 
R.I.P Evad

I didn't know you but i feel as if im at a loss for not having the chance.

Best Wishes to all of the family , Im sure hes someplace better <3
 
Alright mate,

Been thinking about you alot lately. Even half went to message you earlier with my own personal shit. I just wanted to say thanks, you were always there. I'm so gutted we never ever met, something I guess we can never get back but you helped me through some hard times and you gave such sound advise. Such a wise head for someone so young, so clever and full of knowlage.

It's obvious from this thread so many people loved you. And no wonder, you were such a caring gent. Me and effie have just been discussing your BL persona, I know you loved it man, EADD just aint the same without you. Feels hollow and lacking that clinical cut throat and straight to the point style banter.

I guess I just wanted to say thanks, and sorry if I never was never as good at listening to your problems as you were mine. I kind of wish I'd given more back to you to match what you gave me.

I'll do that the only way I can and make a donation to the just giving project effie has set up. You really had a gem there mate and I know she loved you so much, I know your looking down laughing and wishing we weren't all so soppy haha. I'll say this anyway love you buddy you were one of the good ones and everyone's gutted your not with us.

Rest well my mate Dave, gone but never forgotten <3 xx
 
Rockstar, thank you so much for all the support you've been giving me. Dave'd be so proud! Then probably laugh at us for being soppy, you're right ;)

Miss you so much mister but I hope you are proud of how we are all coping. Everyone is supporting everyone else. We all feel so honoured to have known you <3

Love you baby <3 <3 <3
 
Quick note to say that the JustGiving page has hit the (latest) target of £1250! Plus over £200 in gift aid. I am going to visit Bristol Drugs Project soon to talk to them about how the money will be spent :)

If anyone does still want to donate, it will still be very gratefully received - here is the link again:

http://www.justgiving.com/Evad

Over 50 wonderful people have donated so far, plus everyone who donated at the funeral. It's completely blown me away, and I know it would make Dave so pleased and proud! <3

If you are skint though, please don't worry about it. Dave understood skintness well ;)




I've been thinking about the funeral a lot today, and how incredibly sad yet absolutely perfect it was. I'd really like to share some of the details with you all, i hope you don't mind..

It was a humanist ceremony, as I think I have mentioned.

This poem was read out - it is by one of Dave's favourite authors, and is so beautiful. I can't read it without crying, but I love it.
NSFW'd for size not content:

NSFW:

Song

The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction

the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.

Who can deny?
In dreams
it touches
the body,
in thought
constructs
a miracle,
in imagination
anguishes
till born
in human--
looks out of the heart
burning with purity--
for the burden of life
is love,

but we carry the weight
wearily,
and so must rest
in the arms of love
at last,
must rest in the arms
of love.

No rest
without love,
no sleep
without dreams
of love--
be mad or chill
obsessed with angels
or machines,
the final wish
is love
--cannot be bitter,
cannot deny,
cannot withhold
if denied:

the weight is too heavy

--must give
for no return
as thought
is given
in solitude
in all the excellence
of its excess.

The warm bodies
shine together
in the darkness,
the hand moves
to the center
of the flesh,
the skin trembles
in happiness
and the soul comes
joyful to the eye--

yes, yes,
that's what
I wanted,
I always wanted,
I always wanted,
to return
to the body
where I was born.

-Allen Ginsberg



We chose the following quotations to be read out at the funeral too - again, from his favourite authors, and chosen to reflect Dave's personality and general amazingness:

The true measure of a man is not his intelligence or how high he rises in this freak establishment. No, the true measure of a man is this: how quickly he can respond to the needs of others and how much of himself he can give.
-Philip K Dick

I have never liked writing about him, because it makes me think too mich, and I can never find the right words to explain the terrible joy that he brought with him wherever he went... You had to be there, I guess, and you had to understand that the man was never comfortable unless he was in the company of people who were crazier than he was."
-Hunter S Thompson

Yeah, that's him, folks - my boy, my brother, my partner in too many crimes. ___. Stand back. he is gone now, but even his memory stirs up winds what will blow heavy cars off the road. He was a monster, a true child of the century - faster than Bo Jackson and crazier than Neal Cassidy... When the Brown Buffalo disappeared, we all lost one of those high notes that we will never hear again. ___ was one of God's own prototypes - a high powered mutant of some kind who was never even considered for mass production. He was too weird to live and too rare to die..."
-Hunter S Thompson


Here is a cloth one of Dave's friends painted, to cover his coffin. It's amazing and shows his personality so well! <3

davememorialcloth.jpg



Finally, here are the songs we chose:

Leaf Dog -Walk With Me (One of Dave's current favourites, this played as we entered the crematorium)

Queen of Hearts - Joan Baez (Dave's mum chose this one; she used to play it to him when he was a baby, to soothe him when he was crying.. she wanted him to be soothed one last time.. we had a minute's silence after this)

And of course, it's that time again..

Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus (Played at the end as everyone left..)


I hope you enjoy seeing all this and it doesn't bring back too much pain. I'm sat here in floods of tears, but they are partly for how perfect it all was.. I hope we did Dave proud, he deserved it. His amazing family worked so hard to make it just how he would have wanted, I was so pleased to be involved in the planning too. It was a wonderful way to say goodbye, despite being indescribably sad..

The only thing I haven't posted up are the transcripts of the humanist minister's introduction about Dave's life, and the pieces that myself, Dave's sister and brother, and his parents wrote. I don't have copies of them right now. If anyone would like a copy, send me a pm and I'll see if I can get hold of them. The piece his sister and brother wrote was amazing - full of hilarious anecdotes, it actually had people crying and laughing at the same time. You don't get that often at a funeral, Dave would have loved it so much! <3

Pictures of the sky lanterns have already been posted, but here is one more:

skylanternprofilepic.jpg


So epic. Watching them fly out to sea and disappear into the distance was incredibly moving. There was also some hilarity too, as a group of slightly drunk people attempted to set them off on the beach without setting fire to each other, hehe..

One final amazing detail: everyone who attended the wake had this stamped on our hands (and elsewhere, as the night progressed and we became more inebriated..)

smileystampb.jpg


So much love for Dave that day.

<3
 
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I've already thanked you for sharing this Effie, but thanks again.

I can't pretend I knew Dave anthing like any of the people involved, but all the selections (from what little I knew of him) seem highly appropriate and just underline what he meant to so many people.

I just really wish circumstances hadn't conspired (twice) to prevent me having the pleasure of meeting him.

<3 To Dave, Effie and all friends and family once again.
 
Thanks fro sharing Effie, I guess we all have to face up to the human condition at some point but this passing at such an age does seem so harsh and its impossible for me to comprehend your grief.

The quotes were beautiful especially the PKD one, I love his writings and he knew even more than he could ever get down on paper.

another quote from another great man an then I'll leave this thread in peace :-

How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose we know not, though sometimes sense it. But we know from daily life that we exist for other people, first of all for whose smiles and well- being our own happiness depends. - Albert Einstein

Love to all those who's life Dave touched, we can at least be sure he will never feel suffering again.
 
Thanks guys.

I chose the PKD quote, it seemed so perfect and he was a favourite of Dave's, and mine.

The cloth really is amazing. Dave would be so pleased and proud.

Been pretty floored by grief the last few days. Thought I'd turned a corner lately, where it still hurt just as much and was still incomprehensible but I was handling it better. Not so much the past 2 days though. Have come bck to stay with my parents for a bit.

Much, much love to Dave's family and friends who are also suffering <3

And so much love to Dave. I wish I believed you were somewhere now, but I don't, and neither did you. I'm trying to use that to make me want to lead the best life I can, as it is all I have, and do it for both of us as you aren't here to live yours anymore. It's hard to think like that when it overwhelms me though. I hope I am wrong and you are somewhere, and you are free of suffering, and you can look down and see how ridiculously well-loved you were.

<3 <3 <3
 
Much, much love to you effie. Having been away from BL for a few months, I almost posted yesterday asking where Evad was.

Fuck. Stay strong hun, hope you and Dave's family are getting through this best you can.

R.I.P mate, you're gonna be sorely missed.
 
Thank you <3

Am taking it one day at a time and all those cliches.. still not really functioning brilliantly, but am being looked after well. I have some wonderful friends and family :)

Miss Dave more than I can say... :(
 
It's not a cliche effie, one day at a time is all you can take it at the moment. Some will be brighter, others much darker but there will come a time when you think of Dave and realise you're smiling, not crying. That time may well be a long way off yet but it'll come.

So glad you've got fmaily and friends around you at the moment, it's crucial to have that support right now. And I'm sure you're being that support to others too.

All my love.
 
effie you are doing fantastically. and the RZA is right.

argh dave, have been thinking about you a lot, this place isn't right without you. heart still bleeds for all your closest friends and family.
 
Thank you, both of you <3

Miss you so fucking much right now mr...
 
To Effie and to Dave's parents and siblings and friends:

For several weeks now I have wanted to post something here on Dave's shrine to help those of you left behind by his tragic passing. Each time, my mind seizes up, for how can I say anything in the face of such tremendous loss? Dave died three months to the day after my son died. They share space on the Bluelight shrine now. Because I know what this loss entails I know the inadequacy of words and, paradoxically, their ultimate power to console.

Effie, you are like an angel dropped into my darkness. What you wrote on Caleb's shrine a few days ago about how lucky we were to have known "our boys" is actually a place of gratitude I try to remember to go whenever I feel overwhelmed with grief. You are half my age, your life has been devastated with no warning by losing not only your partner but your best friend and yet you consistently rise out of the depths of your own grief to share your wisdom with me and shine a light in mine. So, to Dave's parents and siblings, I can only imagine that knowing your incredible son and brother was so deeply loved by this amazing young woman must be a huge comfort to you. I know it would be such a comfort to me as a mother.

Dave and Caleb sound like two boys a half a world apart that could have been brothers: brilliant, creative, funny, outrageous and somehow larger-than-life. The gaping hole that they left in so many lives is testament to their lives, as brief and short as they were. For those of us left behind, all we can do to honor their brilliantly blazing flashes of life is to continue to develop the empathy and kindness they had, to fight against the things that made their lives difficult and to advocate for those things that would have eased their struggles.

All my love and sorrow and hope for peace and healing to you, Effie, and to Dave's family.

And Dave, this is for you: Your girlfriend is a gem and I know you knew that. I will be there for her as much as I can, as long as she needs it, that's a promise.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
 
^ herbavore, I cannot tell you what your love and support mean to me at the moment. Dave would be so happy to know that someone was looking out for me when he can't.. thank you a million times over <3<3<3

Caleb does sound so like Dave; from his amaing grasp of topics and vast intelligence, surfing the internet with ease, his sarcasm and outrageous wit, his capacity to see past the outer shell to the person inside, his bright light and special something that can't be put into words..

2 months and I still can't even begin to comprehend you are gone, baby. What am I going to do without you? I know I have to get through this, but how? <3
 
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