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    Craigslist Personals: Benefactor relationship 
    #1
    Bluelighter Cohesion's Avatar
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    This is what I read:

    "I am a married, 50 year-old, successful, educated, white male. I am a very nice, fun, and can be generous with the right woman. I am looking to establish a benefactor relationship with a non-smoking, younger, attractive woman with a thin to average build. I prefer white women with dark hair. You should be 30's (ish) although I am open to all ages. I can be generous with the right woman.

    I am interested in meeting a couple times a month as our schedules permit, and am interested in this being an on-going and long lasting relationship that becomes just as much a caring and mentoring friendship as a physical relationship.

    I enjoy many activities but mostly what I am interested in is not what we do together, but who you are and how we connect. I am excited about finding the right woman - if you are interested please email back, tell me a bit about yourself and include a picture.

    You MUST put "In the Eyes" in the Subject Line of the response or it will be deleted without being read."


    _____________

    I am in a committed relationship. Not thinking about doing this as it is

    1. Dishonest to my partner and his
    2. Emotionally taxing


    If I were not in a relationship I might consider doing something like this.

    Does this ad/proposed relationship sound repulsive?

    It is compelling primarily due to supply/demand.

    Morally it sounds like torture. Thoughts?
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    #2
    Your morals are yours to choose. There are no relationship laws; only norms. Personally I would not be interested in paying or receiving payment for a relationships. Many relationships are self-serving and superficial regardless of whether or not they choose to label it as such.
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    #3
    So ur saying ur attempted to be someone sugar baby?

    I have a few female friends who do that, u know at the end most get nothing.
    They usually go with some one in there late 40s or 50s, there 20, they basically get some free dinner at some restuarnats , and some lame gifts sometimes clothes or jewerly. Rarley some get the bills payed, but thats if there more of a mistress type.

    And they usually get that after certain amount of dates, or certain amount of sexual encounter. Most of them never gotten anything important. And usually after 1-2 years, the guy moves on to someone else.

    And most other people look down on it, so there be like go shes a gold digger blah blah.

    If your going after money, u need to try to marry. So at least if they get ride of u, most will, at lease ull have good amount of money.
    Last edited by shahab6; 29-08-2011 at 01:29.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by shahab6 View Post
    So ur saying ur attempted to be someone sugar baby?

    I have a few female friends who do that, u know at the end most get nothing.
    They usually go with some one in there late 40s or 50s, there 20, they basically get some free dinner at some restuarnats , and some lame gifts sometimes clothes or jewerly. Rarley some get the bills payed, but thats if there more of a mistress type.

    And they usually get that after certain amount of dates, or certain amount of sexual encounter. Most of them never gotten anything important. And usually after 1-2 years, the guy moves on to someone else.

    And most other people look down on it, so there be like go shes a gold digger blah blah.

    If your going after money, u need to try to marry. So at least if they get ride of u, most will, at lease ull have good amount of money.
    Any guy who is going to marry a gold digger is going to demand a prenup. At least if he has half a brain.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by wizekrak View Post
    Any guy who is going to marry a gold digger is going to demand a prenup. At least if he has half a brain.
    Not in CA, in CA if u sign a prenup, the wife will still get half of everything u make during the marriage..
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    #6
    Bluelight Crew muvolution's Avatar
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    An older woman tried to turn our relationship into something like this one time... I don't know why they (older women) think younger guys have no moral compass, but I know I would feel super shitty about myself to be in a relationship like that. I was using opiates, and well, all drugs really heavily at the time and I accepted money once or twice, accepted a few bottles of medication from her, but i just couldn't do it anymore - honestly it was easier to live with myself if I was hustling up money selling or punting on drugs to other people, scamming tourists, scamming drug dealers, etc...

    So I think it says alot that I couldn't put up with it, yet I was still able to "hustle" money to get drugs without feeling bad about myself... Its a situation that looks way worse once you find yourself in it.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by muvolution View Post
    An older woman tried to turn our relationship into something like this one time... I don't know why they (older women) think younger guys have no moral compass, but I know I would feel super shitty about myself to be in a relationship like that. I was using opiates, and well, all drugs really heavily at the time and I accepted money once or twice, accepted a few bottles of medication from her, but i just couldn't do it anymore - honestly it was easier to live with myself if I was hustling up money selling or punting on drugs to other people, scamming tourists, scamming drug dealers, etc...

    So I think it says alot that I couldn't put up with it, yet I was still able to "hustle" money to get drugs without feeling bad about myself... Its a situation that looks way worse once you find yourself in it.
    I have been in similar situation, I don't feel comfortable at all. I always try to repay her one way or another. She used to buy me everything and pay for everything, drugs, restaurants, cloths, vacations, etc..
    right now she is even paying her current boyfriend rent.

    I never felt comfortable with it, I actually felt weird about it,it would upset me. I don't know how some people do it.

    I would rather hostile money the way you said, then have somebody always pay for me. Maybe it's different for girls than guys I don't know. Maybe girls have this expectation that they must be paid for, so they don't really feel that.
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    #8
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    I can be generous with the right woman....
    People use each other, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

    I believe there is nothing wrong with both parties being honest about the arrangement.

    I personally don't see the value in such a relationship, but that is more a reflection of my preferred attachment style.
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    #9
    Bluelight Crew Mariposa's Avatar
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    Noodle, I must agree in part and disagree in part.

    While I believe that two consenting adults should be able to come to whatever arrangements, Mami, I doubt that, based on your posts, this would be the right situation for you. Or your daughter. Maybe this dude is truly generous. More likely, he is creepy and exploitative.

    True benefactors don't need to advertise for tail on Craigslist under the guise of being a "mentor". You and your daughter deserve better than your answering this ad.

    If you're in monetary or any other trouble, there are resources available to you that don't involve any level of guilt. If you'd like to know about such resources, please PM me with your city and I will do my best to refer you to the right kind of help. Also, both his and your partners deserve better than an unfaithful partner.

    The most important things in life are obviously water, food, and warmth. Many people don't even have those things. Place your own life in the hands of someone other than this dude. If you're in need of resources, there are people who can and are fully willing to help you.

    Where do you see yourself at the end of the day? In a happy and responsible place of love even if it is not presently perfect, or some dude on Craigslist?

    Choose your own adventure. I hope you'll choose wisely.
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    #10
    Bluelight Crew Mariposa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shahab6 View Post
    Not in CA, in CA if u sign a prenup, the wife will still get half of everything u make during the marriage..
    This is not an accurate representation of California law as to prenuptial agreements. Not every wife is out to rob her husband. Not every husband is out to rob his wife. Entering into marriage is, itself, a contract. The couple promises each other their vows. If such vows result in a prenuptial agreement that results in the children or the couple's collective assets going to attorney fees, why would one say such vows at all?

    shahab - not to split hairs, but you may wish to fix your location's spelling. "Califronia" is not a word. "California" is a word. Should you wish to talk about law, at least spell correctly the name of the California Republic. Thanks, from a Californian.
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    #11
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    I see these behaviors more as an extreme of what women and men are genetically disposed to do:

    Males provide resources, some level of physical comfort and a sense of financial ease for the females they deem worth the time and effort. In exchange for those resources the females provide the male with some level of adoration and mutual satisfaction. How those parties define that level of mutual satisfaction varies, but it is still essentially an exchange/barter.

    I'll bet this male knows full well that he will be brushed aside at bars and others places singles congregate because he is viewed as too old and ( OMG! ) creepy.

    Why would he waste his time dealing with the superficialities of the pick up game when he can just advertise his wants and needs for a fraction of the cost in time and money?







    ....
    Last edited by Noodle; 29-08-2011 at 22:52.
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    #12
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    This is a sugar daddy / baby type thing. It happens far too often. Personally, I think it's gross, but it works for some people.

    In response to your questions:


    Does this ad/proposed relationship sound repulsive?
    Yes, it sounds repulsive. As a young (20 year old) female, I would not date or have sex with and old creepy guy for money.

    Morally it sounds like torture. Thoughts?
    It would be torture if I was in that "relationship".
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    #13
    How is a relationship where a man explicitly pays for each encounter, any different than a gender-stereotype relationship where the man is the provider? One is considered repulsive and the other is acceptable because it operates within the title of "couple" or "marriage". Not all couples follow this format, of course. But two people getting together for money probably have the same odds of lasting long-term as two people who get together for supposed "love" !
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    #14
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    I'm with Legerity.

    I don't see the difference.

    How many times have you heard a gaggle of girls holding court and discussing their partners'---or potential partners'--jobs, income, education, connections, etc?

    It is one thing to be physically repulsed by someone in an age bracket you have yet to reach or understand, but it is a far different thing to say it is wrong because the male is willing to provide/compensate the female for her time and interest.

    All relationships involve a give and take. And to be honest, it really just looks like this man is looking for some stimulating company. I would give it a go if you think you may enjoy getting to know someone in an unconventional way.

    I wouldn't give it a go if your sole motivation is financial.

    I'm sure if this man wanted a hot fuck, he could hire an escort. As is, it might be that he just wants to enjoy his life.
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Mariposa View Post
    This is not an accurate representation of California law as to prenuptial agreements.
    Yes it is..
    The wife will still get half of everything u make during the marriage. But I think it depends how u long u been married too. Im not sure what the amount is.

    I remember learning this in my law class in college.
    Last edited by shahab6; 30-08-2011 at 04:00.
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    #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by shahab6 View Post
    Yes it is..
    can you back up your claim with some references. thanks.

    alasdair
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    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by alasdairm View Post
    can you back up your claim with some references. thanks.

    alasdair
    I don't, as i mention, this was just something our teacher told us during law class 10 months ago..
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    #18
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    the briefest of internet searches suggests your claim is incorrect.

    alasdair
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    #19
    Quote Originally Posted by alasdairm View Post
    the briefest of internet searches suggests your claim is incorrect.

    alasdair
    Can u provide me with links that states that? Just to be clear I'm talking about money made during marriage
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    #20
    Quote Originally Posted by llama112 View Post
    This is a sugar daddy / baby type thing. It happens far too often. Personally, I think it's gross, but it works for some people.

    In response to your questions:


    Does this ad/proposed relationship sound repulsive?
    Yes, it sounds repulsive. As a young (20 year old) female, I would not date or have sex with and old creepy guy for money.

    Morally it sounds like torture. Thoughts?
    It would be torture if I was in that "relationship".
    Just to play devils advocate why are older men who chase younger women always thought of as creepy? They're doing the exact same thing that younger guys are doing, they're just being upfront about what they want and what they're willing to offer in exchange instead of masking it in pretense and game playing as a lot of younger people do.
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    #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by wizekrak View Post
    Just to play devils advocate why are older men who chase younger women always thought of as creepy? They're doing the exact same thing that younger guys are doing, they're just being upfront about what they want and what they're willing to offer in exchange instead of masking it in pretense and game playing as a lot of younger people do.
    All good. And I just think that people, say, my parents age or older ... well it seems like all they want is sex. And to drag around a hot young girl.
    Young guys don't pay me to have sex with them ... older guys might (well not me in particular but other girls my age).
    I'm not sure if that explained it well enough? Hope so, if not I can try again
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    #22
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    creepy = not cute or socially approved by your "peers"


    Ummmm....most men want sex almost all the time.

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    #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Noodle View Post
    creepy = not cute or socially approved by your "peers"


    Ummmm....most men want sex almost all the time.

    Exactly, it really is creepy when a older person is hitting on younger person..
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    #24
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    To you? maybe. But that is something the younger person can decide on for themselves.

    At this juncture, I don't think you are interested in having a measured and respectful discussion. I think you might like to stir the pot for a reaction. If someone reacts to you--for any reason-then you know that you exist.

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    #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by shahab6 View Post
    Exactly, it really is creepy when a older person is hitting on younger person..
    a day older? a week older? a month older? a year older?

    where do you draw the line?

    my gf is 8 years younger than me. i guess i'm just creepy?

    alasdair
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