Growing Up

[3sixty]

It's great to read all your responces as I'm going through the same thing right now.

For me personally the major turning point in life was high-school graduation. Up to that point I never realized how high-school allowed me to live very happy and carefree life. The importance of having a close group of friends (or even people in general) who knew who I am and accepted me as who I was. I could be myself. I could not give a damn about future when I did feel like it and generally have that teenage confidence about myself just because I was in highschool. Like everybody else.

I would probably see the change coming earlier but thanks to my bestest friend of all - marijuana - I didn't. It allowed me to ignore problems with my friends, life direction and lack of girlfriend.

And then it happened I graduated high-school. And just like that my self-image of careless high-school stoner shattered. It felt like I lost myself. Like Neo waking up from matrix.
What followed were three most miserable months of my life. Everything I did, the way I thought, the way I behave in front of people and who I was existed only because of high-school.

...

Today is my second day of college. I'm sitting in local shopping center (long break between classes > I'm commuting and do yet have anyone to hang out with so it sucks + study room is closed :/) writing this post and I'm finally felling that my depression is slowly lifting of. It is going to take much longer time to fell like a complete person again, to be able to enjoy my hobbies, my free time, not to care about how I look in the eyes of other people and just be myself.

It doesn’t matter thought. In a way I’m happy that it happened now since I’m only 19. It feels like when I was a kid and my parents send me to a summer camp (hated going there but always returned with good memories) and after a few days I always started to miss a lot of things that I took for granted. Only difference is that instead of realizing how I liked my own bed or comfortable shower I now know what makes me happy in life… what enables me to enjoy life and the little things.

I think that humans are supposed to always be somewhat unhappy with what they got. And I believe that the best way to tell how happy is somebody is to observe how he complains about little things or is able to enjoy equally insignificant stuff. When I think about how I could spend a whole afternoon in my room looking on bongs on internet and be really happy and exited about it… damn that’s what I call a heaven. :D

And I changed my opinion about depression. I could self-medicate myself to feel better since I think I’ve learned my lesson but it would just prove that I’m too weak to accept the shit I was doing, the asshole I was a changes I have to make.
I think that it boils down to the fact that I was forced to grew up in very short time after graduation. It would be nice to have it easy all the time but life goes on and we have to adapt. That’s where my depression is coming from. I’m still adapting and my mind would probably like to have it easy all the time.

Sorry that I just let it out like this but it feels really great to share this stuff with somebody. I know my life-long friend when thought this a year ago after he graduated and had to find job and pay the bills. Sadly I was still in my dream world and couldn’t relate for shit – even blamed the guy for being desperate (yeah I had it really coming, didn’t I? )
My other good friend is going to graduate this year and since he is in so many ways same as me, I’m kinda worried about him. Well at least he’s gonna have somebody who understands how tough and artificial this transition can be for us middle class spoiled kids (referring to me and friend only)

 

[tiestolightshows]

when i die make me look like i was doing something cool

 

[donkeyPUNCH]

I have without doubt become more confident as I've gotten older. But my issue has never been confidence, I've always been sure of myself. My issue was that I didn't care about anything BUT myself for a long time. I have never had that much drive to do ANYTHING specific, just drive to have fun and be me. Well at 18 that's fine and dandy cause there are no bills to pay. But as you get older you start to get a lot of pressure put on you to "succeed". I never had plans on college so I never went. I figured that I liked working with my hands and that would get me by. At 19 (after high school) I got job after job doing plumbing, carpentry, welding, bathroom tile, whatever would pay the bills.... and also I picked up a dope habit.

The dope is what ruined my confidence and self respect more so than any "time period". But still I lost about 5 years of my life to that. Lost all of my friends, ruined my credit, wrecked almost every personal relationship I had. I had a girlfriend the entire time I was doing dope but I cared more about the dope than for her. I didn't care what happened but for some reason she stayed with me

Now I'm 26, married (same girl), working pretty steadily (doing the same things I've always done) and getting my life back on track as far as credit, sobriety, and relationships go. I have to rebuild a credit score, I'm learning to live like I did before drugs (confident and assured), and I'm working on making sure I don't do anything to break my wife's trust in me again.

So I guess this whole thing boils down to you as a person. you've got to find yourself, and become comfortable with it. It doesn't matter how old you are, all that matters is how you see things.

 

[TheLoveBandit]

Confidence comes with experience. It only makes sense that you gain confidence as you get older, as you'll have had more experiences (and hopefully survived!).

Interesting question, IMO, is if people seek out challenges to push themselves to grow and therefore gain confidence. Or, does a person prefer to feel strong in their current realm of experience and not grow. Personal preference, and I expect it changes for each of us over time, but in general I prefer to take something on and learn and grow from it.

Another interesting angle to the question is parents and children. What kinds of situations do parents put children in such that they remain safe, but are pushed to grow and gain confidence. There's a level of genetic wiring for being confident or not, but there is a larger contributor of environment that influences one's confidence, IMO.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Learning about self-compassion did wonders for me.

Nature v nurture isn't a choice, it's freedom from choice!

Great thread

 

[Xorkoth]

Man, the twenties, especially the early twenties, are a crazy time where nothing is sure, very little makes sense, and you're trying to find yourself. Once I hit my thirties, life had become so much better. Your twenties are for figuring out who you are and what you want. At 21, you're barely not a kid anymore, your adult life is just at its very beginning stages. There's SO MUCH to come and life unfolds like a flower.