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I think my best friends girl likes me...

KingBlueTwista

KingBlueTwista

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 1, 2010
Messages
267
Me and my best buddy have been mates for years and he's got this girl he loves, literally his first love as he was sort of a player, but he fell for this one hard. Only thing is I think she's flirting with me, like the other day we were all chilling in my room and she kept giving me these looks and at one point I was chilling on the bed under the covers cause I was on some drugs and you know how it is so comfy under there :p anyway she comes and jumps on my legs and looks at me all like she wants me, meanwhile my mates looking peeved over on the sofa, but I didn't wanna push her off cause that would be rude. She even gave me a brief foot massage and it felt so good. Maybe she's just playing around like girls like to do, but she texts me sometimes and the other day we were chilling in a cafe and she puts her head on my shoulder like I'm her boyfriend! Maybe this is standard behaviour but I know if I saw my girlfriend doing the same I would blow my lid.

The thing is there is no way I wanna jeopardise our awesome friendship over her, but I think it is wrong of her to do these things, even if I enjoy them. I don't wanna hurt my friend by telling him but I don't wanna sneak around with her either. And maybe I'm just being paranoid - if you can use that word in this context. I can't avoid her either because she's with him a lot and I see him a lot too. Also I don't wanna be a dick and cold shoulder her, she's a nice girl, but I don't see many options. It seems I always attract my friend's girlfriends, god dammit :( What would you do in my situation?
 
KingBlueTwista said:
Also I don't wanna be a dick and cold shoulder her
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This is what I would do. It may not be a great option, but it's a lot better than the others I can think of. If you tell him he might get mad or offended. If you pursue her you could ruin your friendship. If you do nothing he might start noticing the attention she's giving you and resent you for it.
 
bros always come before hoes amigo - and this situation should be no exception. have it out with your friend and tell him how uncomfortable her flirtiness has made you feel, and let him know that you would never encourage that kind of behaviour because you value him as a friend and your loyalties reside with him at the end of the day.

which is true, right?? because if not then you're more an enemy than a true friend, and he would do better to fuck off the both of you IMO....
 
hyroller said:
bros always come before hoes amigo - and this situation should be no exception. have it out with your friend and tell him how uncomfortable her flirtiness has made you feel, and let him know that you would never encourage that kind of behaviour because you value him as a friend and your loyalties reside with him at the end of the day.

which is true, right?? because if not then you're more an enemy than a true friend, and he would do better to fuck off the both of you IMO....
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Agreed, plus if a situation gets uncomfortable just excuse yourself to go to the bathroom or get a glass of water. This gets you out of it for the moment and gives him a chance to ask her what she's doing. Just keep stonewalling any advances she makes on you. If you show her with your body language that you're having non of it then she should get the message. Or casually bring up a girl you're interested in during a conversation, that might help her get the idea.

Then again if drugs are involved people do all sorts of zany things. Does she behave the same way towards you when you're sober?
 
GenericMind said:
This is what I would do. It may not be a great option, but it's a lot better than the others I can think of. If you tell him he might get mad or offended. If you pursue her you could ruin your friendship. If you do nothing he might start noticing the attention she's giving you and resent you for it.
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I agree.

I've had this experience where a good friend's then girlfriend would flirt and hit on me when I'd see her platonically/socially and my friend was not around.

I just ignored her and I never told my friend that she did this, since she loved to cause drama and would get angry at the drop of a hat and they did fight a lot.

Even if you are attracted to her-I was not attracted to my friend's then girlfriend at all-do not pursue her or flirt back or anything.

What if you just flat out told her how what she does makes you uncomfortable? Or said something like, "Sorry I'm not (your friend's name/her boyfriend) and what you're doing makes me uncomfortable."

Or if she tries to touch you or get cuddly like she did in public just get up and tell her no, how you don't like her doing that sort of stuff to you.
 
Last edited:
^.... how is this a big lie?

friends last and in most cases girlfriends do not (atleast not ones that flirt w/ your friends)
 
calmAnimal said:
^.... how is this a big lie?
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because it's something that sounds nice in theory but fails in reality

why does it fail in reality? because it is often not in the best interest of the guy to not pick the girl. a SO is more important to the average guy than a friend is.

also, what if the girl is just a better person (or i just perceive her as being a better person) than the guy? there'd be no reason for me to pass her up.

"friends last and in most cases girlfriends do not (atleast not ones that flirt w/ your friends)"

not only is this tackling a different subject (i said it was a lie, meaning that more guys than not pick the girl over the friend, not that picking the girl over the friend necessarily resulted in more long-term success), isn't this more reason to pick the girl?

i can easily make the argument that if my friend is a "true" friend, he'll forgive me. if he doesn't, then what, he was my friend because we managed to avoid conflict? imo it's more important to your friendship about how you resolve conflict, not about how you avoid it

also, if the girl is flirting with you, the friend, that is also an indictment on YOUR friend. the girl apparently wants to stray. if it's not going to be me it's going to be the next guy; why not me?

wrt this thread, i suggest going after the girl low-key, and the best way to do that is to play hard to get. things will play themselves out from there imo.
 
In my experience "bros before hoes" hinges on the word 'hoes'. In my opinion a girlfriend or serious relationships doesn't constitute a hoe. To me 'hoe' typifies a casual sex partner or random one night stand, someone who doesn't have lasting appeal or potential.

When it comes to actual relationships the girlfriends usually win out over the friends. But in a healthy relationship neither partner should force the other to sacrifice their friends. I'd feel a little concerned if one of my buddies routinely hung out with his friends instead of making time for his woman. Its all about balance.
 
case by case and situationally dependent on a lot of factors I agree
 
you need to tell her to stop. If you go to your friend hell get mad, and then on top of that if you misinterpreted her actions and shes not flirting with you thatll be really awkward when he brings it up with her.

Id go with ignoring her advances, or if she puts her head on you or whatever get up for some reason.

problem with this is you shutting her down will turn her on like never before and make the problem worse hahah
 
If your friend is more important to you than the flirts from this chick, you need to routinely deny her. Don't just passively ignore her flirting, actively deny it. You let her massage your feet, which is kinda weird. Next time she does something like that you need to make her feel awkward for it. A simple "Why are you touching me like that?" will suffice. If she's staring at you while other people are talking call her on it in front of everyone like "What are you looking at?" and not jokingly. A couple times and she'll realize that flirting with her boyfriend's friend results in weirdness and knock that shit off.
 
I wouldn't be mean to her, I just wouldn't encourage it. If she does something really over the line, ask her about it. Just say, "Why are you looking at me like that?" or whatever response to whatever she is doing. Give her a vibe like you clearly aren't into it and she will probably leave you alone unless she is a total psycho.

But if you let her give you massages, lean her head on your shoulder, etc. YOU are sending her the signals that you might like her back...
 
abore said:
If your friend is more important to you than the flirts from this chick, you need to routinely deny her. Don't just passively ignore her flirting, actively deny it. You let her massage your feet, which is kinda weird. Next time she does something like that you need to make her feel awkward for it. A simple "Why are you touching me like that?" will suffice. If she's staring at you while other people are talking call her on it in front of everyone like "What are you looking at?" and not jokingly. A couple times and she'll realize that flirting with her boyfriend's friend results in weirdness and knock that shit off.
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this! make her feel uncomfortable when she does the behaviour you dont like then go straight back to what was happening before like nothing has happened. its called aversion therapy- its what the woman does in"its me or the dog" and classical conditioning works on all mammals

stop leading her on, you are both complicit and doing it to beef up your own ego's at the expense of your friend
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I agree.

I've had this experience where a good friend's then girlfriend would flirt and hit on me when I'd see her platonically/socially and my friend was not around.

I just ignored her and I never told my friend that she did this, since she loved to cause drama and would get angry at the drop of a hat and they did fight a lot.

Even if you are attracted to her-I was not attracted to my friend's then girlfriend at all-do not pursue her or flirt back or anything.

What if you just flat out told her how what she does makes you uncomfortable? Or said something like, "Sorry I'm not (your friend's name/her boyfriend) and what you're doing makes me uncomfortable."

Or if she tries to touch you or get cuddly like she did in public just get up and tell her no, how you don't like her doing that sort of stuff to you.
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^ great advise. !! You don't have to play along with her games! IGNORE her! . If you care for your friend you should RESPECT HIM!
 
KamMoye said:
because it's something that sounds nice in theory but fails in reality

why does it fail in reality? because it is often not in the best interest of the guy to not pick the girl. a SO is more important to the average guy than a friend is.

also, what if the girl is just a better person (or i just perceive her as being a better person) than the guy? there'd be no reason for me to pass her up.

"friends last and in most cases girlfriends do not (atleast not ones that flirt w/ your friends)"

not only is this tackling a different subject (i said it was a lie, meaning that more guys than not pick the girl over the friend, not that picking the girl over the friend necessarily resulted in more long-term success), isn't this more reason to pick the girl?

i can easily make the argument that if my friend is a "true" friend, he'll forgive me. if he doesn't, then what, he was my friend because we managed to avoid conflict? imo it's more important to your friendship about how you resolve conflict, not about how you avoid it

also, if the girl is flirting with you, the friend, that is also an indictment on YOUR friend. the girl apparently wants to stray. if it's not going to be me it's going to be the next guy; why not me?

wrt this thread, i suggest going after the girl low-key, and the best way to do that is to play hard to get. things will play themselves out from there imo.
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Calm down! We all know your a cocky gym freak.

If my girl friends boyfriend was to get friendly with me I would put him on blast for doing so. It shows what type of person they are and its not worth losing a friendship over a sleazy sneaky person.

It is beyound disrespectful if your bestfriends SO is flirting you. What good can come out of that! JUST DRAMA!!!!!!
 
KamMoye said:
because it's something that sounds nice in theory but fails in reality

why does it fail in reality? because it is often not in the best interest of the guy to not pick the girl. a SO is more important to the average guy than a friend is.

also, what if the girl is just a better person (or i just perceive her as being a better person) than the guy? there'd be no reason for me to pass her up.

"friends last and in most cases girlfriends do not (atleast not ones that flirt w/ your friends)"

not only is this tackling a different subject (i said it was a lie, meaning that more guys than not pick the girl over the friend, not that picking the girl over the friend necessarily resulted in more long-term success), isn't this more reason to pick the girl?

i can easily make the argument that if my friend is a "true" friend, he'll forgive me. if he doesn't, then what, he was my friend because we managed to avoid conflict? imo it's more important to your friendship about how you resolve conflict, not about how you avoid it

also, if the girl is flirting with you, the friend, that is also an indictment on YOUR friend. the girl apparently wants to stray. if it's not going to be me it's going to be the next guy; why not me?

wrt this thread, i suggest going after the girl low-key, and the best way to do that is to play hard to get. things will play themselves out from there imo.
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what a selfish attitude- lets hope karma comes back on you. clearly your distrust in others makes you behave distrustfully. doesn't sound like you have friends, only acquaintances you would do over in a heartbeat...
 
read a great quote on selfishness the other day:

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
- Oscar Wilde

i just described my reality, my perspective. idgaf if you don't agree.

of course, i'm not the one making gross assumptions and personal characterizations based on such a thing. bad karma what?

i fully believe in karma, so no worries there! i have a great relationship with the universe imo. worry about your own karma, as your post wasn't very positive ;)
 
Kamkoye, you are quickly becoming an instant celebrity on these boards (in a bad way). I don't really mind your "insight" as it's different but I don't know....sometimes, I think you should ease up a bit in your postings.

In regards to the OP: If your friend is important to you, then this is an easy problem to tackle. Let her know you're not interested and stay faithful to your friend. What if you guys switched places? What if you were the one with the GF and she was being flirtatious with your friend? Think about how that would make you feel if he betrayed your trust. I find this exercise helpful in gaining perspective on a situation.

Cheers
 
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