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Thread: wtf

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    wtf 
    #1
    Greenlighter
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    tried so hard for so long to do "the right thing", but slowly i see the threads i hang on to are so fragile.
    so depressed with meds that dont work, what are they supposed to do any way............
    why do i love the people around me so much and hate myself so much at the same time...........
    how can things get so fucked up.... ??????????????????
    just lost and running.........................................
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    #2
    <no value>
    Last edited by OverDone; 11-01-2011 at 19:00. Reason: off topic
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    #3
    Greenlighter
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    the doctor told me just last week that i'm taking "california rocket fuel"
    effexor 150 + mirtazapine 30 plus quietapine 100 (which is supposed to be for sleep)
    but gone back to other drugs after a very long time straight
    the rocket fuel does very little
    i'm truely so low and cant see a brighter day

    i do love my wife and children so dearly.
    i honestly feel myself slipping away.
    maybe you understand, maybe you dont
    Last edited by paranoid android; 11-01-2011 at 18:35. Reason: Double Post
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    #4
    Greenlighter
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    well i've started using again recently after almost20 years with hardly more than the occasional joint, maaybe alcohol doesnt go well with antidepressants either.
    but i'm in a position where i have to be careful what i say to the doctor, if i'm honest about where i'm at then they will use the mental health laws and detain me in hospital.
    he wanted me to spend some time in hospital last month ( and still does) volunteraly ? , but the truth is, once you're there, you cant leave without the doctor's ok., so i declined the offer.
    so theres nowhere to turn, i'm falling apart and to make it worse, i know i'm self destructing as well, but i cant stop
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    #5
    Bluelight Crew paranoid android's Avatar
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    If the meds arent working try something else. It took me a long time to fin d the right combo of meds that finally worked for me. I really don't know where the fuck your doc got the name california rocket fuel because both mirtazapine and seroquel are heavy sedatives and effexor is just a SNRI. Weird combo but whatever.

    What are you diagnosed with by the way?
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    #6
    I've been in a deep deep depression many times, so i know exactly what your talking about man, and i'm still pretty young. All my life I have suffered from depression which eventually manifested into Bipolar in my late teens.
    But theres only so much that meds can do for you. Mental illness runs in the family and my dad taught me that you just have to try as hard as you can to tough it out and force yourself to look at the bright side. You have to look on the otherside of the fence.

    A coping mechanism my dad taught me was to look at other people in the world, compare your social/economic standpoint to the most unfortunate people in the world. I always do this in my head when I feel really depressed and have gone through some shit. I think about how horribly bad some people around the world have it.. people working in sweatshops in asia. young women in the Philippenes brought up as sex slaves when they were still children and at that age we were still riding bikes not a care in the world, and a sex slave is all the will ever be and for the majority of them there is no escape.. until death takes them into the void. (my step mom was from the philippenes)

    It's a great way to get a more positive mind state for the present. You have it so good compared to a lot of people in this world. You have people that love you and care about you, and you love them. And give yourself more credit, you made it this far in life, and we only get one life, try to spend it with a more positive outlook. Realize that one day we will all pass into the void, and nothing we do will be remembered after we all fade out of existence, so what matters is the present, and the close people to you that love you

    (I kicked all SSRI's/anti-depressants that i was on, cold turkey, in 10th grade and have strictly dealt with my mental issues my own way since)
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