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Im a bloody crackwhore but nobody cares enough to notice

I hate reading topics like this, the desperation that life brings can be almost blinding at times.

I haven't had anything close to your experience, so I won't try to directly relate.
But on the flip side, a lot here know what its like to hit that bottom rail in life.

Try to stay strong, unfortunately people here are right - we have to come to a certain level of love and understanding within ourselves before we can even begin to look inward and expect to properly make positive changes.

Whilst you might not quite be there yet, I and many other here do believe you have the inner strength and intelligence required to do it. One of the hardest elements to self-recovery is being able to admit that we have a problem, and subsequently that we wish to seek help for it.

You're on the right path, please don't ever give up, because only then do we pass up our chance to heal.

Good luck. <3
 
sounds like my family

Hey Jane, listen, I was adopted, and wished I wasnt. I actually think I would have been better off with the birth mother I eventually met, who was an alcoholic and had kids taken from her by family services. my parents told me they picked me, but I feel like they did that so they could have someone to take out their frustrations on. My 2 older brothers that were their natural kids treated me like a stray dog THEIR parents brought home from the pound. My father corrected my english, did not care WHAT i said, EVER. My mom worked all the time and told me once a mother and daughter should never be freinds. My parents have passed and my brothers stole part of my inheritance which they dont even need in the slightest, and i desperately do. I have not spoken to either one in over a year and never plan to do so. EVER. If you really feel your parents don't care about you, then let them go. I had to do it a long time ago (Im 48) and it hurt but I feel much better now. as far as friends go, if they are not there for you when you need them, they arent your freinds. You can find new ones. Listen, I have bi-polar but mostly manic depressive, so I know how you feel pretty much. Been addicted to oxycodone for almost 10 years now, since my fiance had an accident, and it ruined both of our lives....he gets meds monthly and talked me into starting them, guess he didnt want to get high alone. He is a great guy but suffers so much pain every day, i can barely stand it. We had a good life started but lost it all and have lived in tents, and have not had a life since. I have 2 close friends (they both live far away which sux) but I know they care about me, and I dont need or want anyone else's BS...You sound like a fairly young person, i really think you need to get out and meet people....you have to go through alot of crap to find the good ones, but there are good people out there. I am so sorry for what you are going through, and if I was there, I would give you a big hug, and listen to whatever you wanted to tell me, and try to help you however I could. I have thought about sucide quite a few times in my life, but never had the cahona's....I know people say this all the time, but it will get better, it will, so dont do anything permanent. I actually had to start laughing each time we had another tragedy becuase I couldnt believe how much bad crap could happen to 2 fairly nice, good people. Please hang in there....do what you need to do for YOU. If that means getting rid of some non-caring folks in your life, then DO IT. Take care honey...we do care...
 
Jane
Please dear, if you haven't already, do everything in your power to get into a treatment program. It's going to be okay. There is still hope, I promise. But you've GOT to take care of yourself. I know some people who were too far gone with coke and were powerless to get out, and they had to go away to rehab for about a year. It sounds like such an option would benefit you... is there ANYONE you can simply call and ask to look up a place??
Send me a PM if you want to talk, I'm praying for you. Please be okay!
 
Hey everyone I havnt been on this site in a long long time but just came across it when I was googling something and remembered I used to post on here so thought I'd check in. I actually ended up finally going to rehab in Chicago shortly after my last post on here. I have been clean for over 2 years now! I never thought I could do it and I almost gave up so for anyone reading this who might feel the same way- DONT GIVE UP!! Thanks for all of the support you guys lent me during my darkest time, I hope all of you are well <3
 
Wow Jane thank you SO much for checking back in and informing us of your amazing recovery!!
Your strength has seriously left an enormous smile on my face, and your inspiration is greatly appreciated.
Thank you :)
 
U probably wont bat an eye at what im about to say. But i hope u do! Basically every human being has a script intheir mind which is defined by the past. Some people have positive scripts which bring them happiness. They have values like hard work helpimg others routine etc. Some have victim scripts some have abuser. Some have godly religious script. Etc. The only way to see this is to watch your mind. your script is a very painful script for whatever reason. Like the one I was naturally given, it has caused u to suffer greatly. When u become self aware of your own internal dialogue as a parasitic droning of thoughts that cause u pain, then u will take action to update your minds script.
I saw this inner workings of my mind after beingin the most severe withdrawls and I saw how my internal dialogue was redundant and caused me pain like a virus. Not identifying with the drama is key. It is not u. Just like how a tv isnt the show its projecting. Its the tv. U just need to realize that so that u can change the channel. ♥♥♡♡

Sigh I just saw your post lol. Thats awesome u recovered! U changed the channel :)
 
FREEDOM=D

NSFW:
orc2.jpg
 
What a fantastic post by InsaneJane. So good to read how much better your life is now, your earlier posts were so sad so it is great to see that you have managed to turn things around and you will certainly be an inspiration to others who are going through the same thing as they can see that it is possible to change and for life to get better no matter how bleak things may be at the moment.
So pleased I read this thread tonight and so glad you came back to let everyone know how you are now.
Well done lady.
 
Jane it's lovely to hear that you are doing well now on your path to recovery :)

This will inspire a lot of people! Hats off to you great job! :)
 
Wow what a great ending to such a sad thread...
Reminds me of that intervention show on AE, when you see the addict at the end all bright eyed and clear.
That's what always gets me...an addicts eyes. You can see the depth of absolute pain and desperation, than you see them at the end with weight on them and shining eyes. How's the eating disorder? Have you gotten back into dancing?

Anyways...thank you so much for giving us hope. I wish you well on this path.. Stay strong lady!!
 
Congrats Jane, well done and I'm proud of what you have accomplished! You bring inspiration to anyone who is struggling in life. I know personally all too well that hitting rock bottom was the only way for me to realise the change needed. I am sure you too have grown from the troubles you went through and that it has made you a stronger and more conscious person. Thank you for coming back here and providing us with an update. Wish you the best.
 
Congratulations, Jane. I think one of the most powerful things that happens on Bluelight is that people can come back to talk about their own recovery and receive cheers and love from the other members of the community no matter where those people are in their own journeys. My heroes in this life will never be those that wage war against others but those that fight courageously to rid themselves of their own self-destructive demons. If we all did this, we would live in a much more compassionate world. Bless you for your courage and your honesty and your strength and sincere congratulations on two years.<3
 
Really glad to hear you are doing good and got the help you needed. I love hearing stories like this because it proves that no matter how hard of a time someone is having that they are by no means beyond hope.

May things keep looking up for you :)
 
If you can pull through the sadness and self loathing I an too. Much love and I'm sending you all my strength and hope.
 
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