Listening
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2009
- Messages
- 806
I've always found it a bit funny and interesting to hear people compare psychedelics. There seem to be an inordinate number of people who have a sort of snobbish attitude about the topic. This should be understandable—no different from every other aspect of life—but it's been tough for me to integrate, given the context of the promise of psychedelics. The healers: able to shake up the scenery, briefly revealing a path where you had seen no path before. I'm even a believer; they certainly did it to me at times when I needed it. And yet the snobbery prevails. Have no fear, the ego is well in control around these parts. I'm obviously no exception.
I took 15 mg of 4-ho-met, yesterday evening. My wife was only having wine and weed. This was my first time with this substance, having sampled previously (and on multiple occasions): 4-aco-dmt, 2c-e, 2c-i, 2c-b, 2c-c, 2c-d, amt, dmt, 5-meo-dmt, and of course mushrooms: my first psychedelic trip, and the one that awakened me first. These are very good drugs, it's hard not to like them. Before trying 4-ho-met, I had heard it described as lacking depth. Eye candy. Well, for a change, recently I've been happy enough with my progress through life, and indeed learning to be happy with all that is, and I just wanted to entertain myself. Masturbation. So, eye candy was selected. Of course, I've taken enough of these drugs to know that one person's eye candy is another person's intense trip, so I start low at 15mg.
My wife and I are listening to Jeff Buckley's version of the song Hallelujah, and she gets to talking about how there are battling camps of people who debate over whether Jeff's version that we had just listened to is the best, or whether it's one by some other artist. Having been a Leonard Cohen fan since I was a kid, it was easy to see the folly in this sort of judgement and comparison in life. Jeff made me want to cry, but so did all of them, if their true heart managed to bleed through the vocals and instrumentation. If you're an artist, and you're pouring out your true heart, then that is who you are. Comparisons are possible, but pointless. When I was a kid, I used to think that there were “best versions” of songs, best movies, best books, best stories, best ideas. Maybe even best people. It's only recently that I've realized the folly of that sort of thinking in life. A self-imposed limit for love.
Earlier in the day, we had decided to watch Best In Show, which I had never seen before, but my wife had (back before I met her). This movie is phenomenal. Take a ton of great actors and comics that you already know and put them in a movie together where they get to do their bits and even do some improv together... Worked beautifully, and hilariously, but the real magic is in the message. These artists are like Nasreddin: wise men in disguise, acting the fools, and not taking it particularly seriously. The movie is about a dog show, and has a universal message of the folly of comparison and judgement between greatness. Such is the attitude of someone trapped in their own universe of delusion. It's not that things can't be judged and compared—quite the opposite—but that such judgement is a mistake if you'd like to rid yourself of needless suffering. Love can be put anywhere and everywhere in life. We can choose where we put it, and indeed we should, but choosing to withhold is a limiting habit.
After my first mushroom trip, it's true, I would look for “depth” in my following trips. Why wouldn't I? I wanted to recapture that feeling of deep spiritual learning that comes when then universe speaks to you clearly, in your native language as it were. Different drugs opened me up in different ways. These drugs really are that great. Nevertheless, from the perspective of someone of someone outside of the drug community, I'm sure it's funny to hear someone speak of these drugs with the seriousness that we do. It must be funny to hear that someone say that 4-ho-met lacks depth, as if a high were the place to be going looking for depth. I figure it would seem just as funny as it does for me to watch these guys talk about their dogs with such seriousness and arbitrary detail, as if the fate of the world was in the balance of their animals. It's not that dogs and drugs aren't as greats as we think, it's just that everything is. How can one divvy out love?
Mushrooms were my first and still my favourite. My personal Best In Show. The main thing I liked about 4-ho-met is that it felt more like mushrooms than anything else I've had in the past two years. Were the mushroom gods subdued in their forcing the psychedelic message down my throat? Maybe, but they were still there. The truth is, these days, they're there for me while sober too, as long as I'm awake. I've recently noticed that there is a feeling of euphoric ecstasy, located at the edge of consciousness, just as the ego closes its eyes, just as you're about to fall asleep. Sometimes you become aware that you're about to fall asleep and you're jarred awake and you pass through this narrow space once again. Sometimes you can catch a glimpse of it. It's ecstasy. Strange. Reminds me of DMT. Strange. Reminds me of what it feels like to meditate on all psychedelics. Strange. Or even regular deep meditation. Interesting. I've been doing daily meditation for about a year now, and I'm starting to see the beauty in that too. Throughout the week, the universe conspires to teach me lessons. It is a good teacher, the universe, when you pay attention and involve yourself.
As I said, my last trip was about a month ago, and in fact my last few trips have all had a similar flavor to each other. I see and feel the power of these drugs, and I think, “sure, this is fucking incredible.” Yea, it's amazing. They really are that good. They really are healers. But they are healers, finally, only if you are able to learn their little secret. They are healers because you are a healer. You just don't know how to go there yet. You can put your love into any thing in this world. I think a lot of people are attached to these drugs, and many don't even know it. I certainly was, and still am. But this attachment isn't a good thing. The drugs are good, sure, but the attachment is not. How much choice do you lose when you are attached, and what, but choice and love do you have in this world? My most recent trips all made me feel, at one point or another, “sure, this is cute and all, but is it better than anything else?” If I put it into my writing, could I be a great writer and touch hearts and minds? If I put it into my friends, could I touch their lives and theirs touch mine? If I put it into the environment, could I heal the world? If I put it into my wife and future family, could I be a great father and husband? If I skip this stone across the water, how far will it go?
Don't get me wrong, it's cute, I get it. Hell, I'm attached to it. I wouldn't be me without it having touched me. I admit it. I'm grateful. Difficult feelings. Cognitive dissonance.
This place of discomfort is where you must live, where you must thrive. Here is where you grow, here is where you sprout, here is where it starts, here is where it begins. Now. And now. You think that's not you, but it's a choice: know that at least. There is a way to be alive in every moment. There is a way to put love in every moment. Liberation is yours for the taking.
If I wasn't married, I'd probably be dosing these things more often, exploring all that there is to explore. Just too bad that all is infinite. As it were, reality has forced me to learn quickly, or else be miserable. You think reality is cruel, but it is you who are cruel to yourself. Reality is transparent, and it's not a coincidence that the universe is trying to talk to you. Listen to what it is saying. Don't think about it, just listen and let it be what it is. And when it's uncomfortable, really listen. Stare the lion in the eyes. He will not bite you this way, though you feel on the verge of fainting. You will pass through this a new man. You will befriend this lion.
I'm going out with a bang this year. No need to preserve, there's another one right around the corner. I might even give 4-ho-met another try in the next two weeks, but if so I'd increase the dose. Always want more.
Good luck.
I took 15 mg of 4-ho-met, yesterday evening. My wife was only having wine and weed. This was my first time with this substance, having sampled previously (and on multiple occasions): 4-aco-dmt, 2c-e, 2c-i, 2c-b, 2c-c, 2c-d, amt, dmt, 5-meo-dmt, and of course mushrooms: my first psychedelic trip, and the one that awakened me first. These are very good drugs, it's hard not to like them. Before trying 4-ho-met, I had heard it described as lacking depth. Eye candy. Well, for a change, recently I've been happy enough with my progress through life, and indeed learning to be happy with all that is, and I just wanted to entertain myself. Masturbation. So, eye candy was selected. Of course, I've taken enough of these drugs to know that one person's eye candy is another person's intense trip, so I start low at 15mg.
My wife and I are listening to Jeff Buckley's version of the song Hallelujah, and she gets to talking about how there are battling camps of people who debate over whether Jeff's version that we had just listened to is the best, or whether it's one by some other artist. Having been a Leonard Cohen fan since I was a kid, it was easy to see the folly in this sort of judgement and comparison in life. Jeff made me want to cry, but so did all of them, if their true heart managed to bleed through the vocals and instrumentation. If you're an artist, and you're pouring out your true heart, then that is who you are. Comparisons are possible, but pointless. When I was a kid, I used to think that there were “best versions” of songs, best movies, best books, best stories, best ideas. Maybe even best people. It's only recently that I've realized the folly of that sort of thinking in life. A self-imposed limit for love.
Earlier in the day, we had decided to watch Best In Show, which I had never seen before, but my wife had (back before I met her). This movie is phenomenal. Take a ton of great actors and comics that you already know and put them in a movie together where they get to do their bits and even do some improv together... Worked beautifully, and hilariously, but the real magic is in the message. These artists are like Nasreddin: wise men in disguise, acting the fools, and not taking it particularly seriously. The movie is about a dog show, and has a universal message of the folly of comparison and judgement between greatness. Such is the attitude of someone trapped in their own universe of delusion. It's not that things can't be judged and compared—quite the opposite—but that such judgement is a mistake if you'd like to rid yourself of needless suffering. Love can be put anywhere and everywhere in life. We can choose where we put it, and indeed we should, but choosing to withhold is a limiting habit.
After my first mushroom trip, it's true, I would look for “depth” in my following trips. Why wouldn't I? I wanted to recapture that feeling of deep spiritual learning that comes when then universe speaks to you clearly, in your native language as it were. Different drugs opened me up in different ways. These drugs really are that great. Nevertheless, from the perspective of someone of someone outside of the drug community, I'm sure it's funny to hear someone speak of these drugs with the seriousness that we do. It must be funny to hear that someone say that 4-ho-met lacks depth, as if a high were the place to be going looking for depth. I figure it would seem just as funny as it does for me to watch these guys talk about their dogs with such seriousness and arbitrary detail, as if the fate of the world was in the balance of their animals. It's not that dogs and drugs aren't as greats as we think, it's just that everything is. How can one divvy out love?
Mushrooms were my first and still my favourite. My personal Best In Show. The main thing I liked about 4-ho-met is that it felt more like mushrooms than anything else I've had in the past two years. Were the mushroom gods subdued in their forcing the psychedelic message down my throat? Maybe, but they were still there. The truth is, these days, they're there for me while sober too, as long as I'm awake. I've recently noticed that there is a feeling of euphoric ecstasy, located at the edge of consciousness, just as the ego closes its eyes, just as you're about to fall asleep. Sometimes you become aware that you're about to fall asleep and you're jarred awake and you pass through this narrow space once again. Sometimes you can catch a glimpse of it. It's ecstasy. Strange. Reminds me of DMT. Strange. Reminds me of what it feels like to meditate on all psychedelics. Strange. Or even regular deep meditation. Interesting. I've been doing daily meditation for about a year now, and I'm starting to see the beauty in that too. Throughout the week, the universe conspires to teach me lessons. It is a good teacher, the universe, when you pay attention and involve yourself.
As I said, my last trip was about a month ago, and in fact my last few trips have all had a similar flavor to each other. I see and feel the power of these drugs, and I think, “sure, this is fucking incredible.” Yea, it's amazing. They really are that good. They really are healers. But they are healers, finally, only if you are able to learn their little secret. They are healers because you are a healer. You just don't know how to go there yet. You can put your love into any thing in this world. I think a lot of people are attached to these drugs, and many don't even know it. I certainly was, and still am. But this attachment isn't a good thing. The drugs are good, sure, but the attachment is not. How much choice do you lose when you are attached, and what, but choice and love do you have in this world? My most recent trips all made me feel, at one point or another, “sure, this is cute and all, but is it better than anything else?” If I put it into my writing, could I be a great writer and touch hearts and minds? If I put it into my friends, could I touch their lives and theirs touch mine? If I put it into the environment, could I heal the world? If I put it into my wife and future family, could I be a great father and husband? If I skip this stone across the water, how far will it go?
Don't get me wrong, it's cute, I get it. Hell, I'm attached to it. I wouldn't be me without it having touched me. I admit it. I'm grateful. Difficult feelings. Cognitive dissonance.
This place of discomfort is where you must live, where you must thrive. Here is where you grow, here is where you sprout, here is where it starts, here is where it begins. Now. And now. You think that's not you, but it's a choice: know that at least. There is a way to be alive in every moment. There is a way to put love in every moment. Liberation is yours for the taking.
If I wasn't married, I'd probably be dosing these things more often, exploring all that there is to explore. Just too bad that all is infinite. As it were, reality has forced me to learn quickly, or else be miserable. You think reality is cruel, but it is you who are cruel to yourself. Reality is transparent, and it's not a coincidence that the universe is trying to talk to you. Listen to what it is saying. Don't think about it, just listen and let it be what it is. And when it's uncomfortable, really listen. Stare the lion in the eyes. He will not bite you this way, though you feel on the verge of fainting. You will pass through this a new man. You will befriend this lion.
I'm going out with a bang this year. No need to preserve, there's another one right around the corner. I might even give 4-ho-met another try in the next two weeks, but if so I'd increase the dose. Always want more.
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Read all the lyrics here.I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Good luck.
Thanks for the kind words all.