Mushrooms(3-4 grams) - Ketamine - semi experienced

[SpecialKid]

I have always loved using ketamine but never really had a decent connection. I met this certain individual and supply was no longer an issue. Since then I found myself losing control over my use. The first week I had half a gram (snorted). The second week I did a whole one. My control over the substance seemed to be slipping fairly rapidly. I started adding nitrous to the mixture which made for complete bliss. There is nothing like that feeling, so exhilarating. Depression seemed to be creeping up. Nothing was as fun than riding the waves of a K high. This loss of control made me feel weak and I disliked myself. Meh, just do more K!

I needed this to stop. Why not use one drug to help your relationship with another. Makes sense right - still not so sure. I decided I would have a personal introspective mushroom trip. And why not do K and nitrous too? I have done shrooms about 25 times, but never alone.

While preparing the setting I knew I needed an extreme experience to accomplish my goal. I decided I would start by watching the Death and Rebirth portion of Neon Genesis. This anime series deals with hardship, spirituality, with apocalyptic themes. I have the nitrous and my ipod in my bedroom just in case I need to change the setting.

I ate the mushrooms and did some yoga to center my mind. I did not want this to be an unstable experience. Afterward I felt the tinglings of the coming trip: flushed face and light limbs. I do a line of the ketamine and curl up in a blanket.

This should be just right....so I thought.

The incredible music and scenes in the anime made me feel warm inside and my vision started to become distorted. I started to have closed eye visuals.

But when I opened them they were still there!

In a flash - Maybe this isn't right, did I take too much, am I not ready?! O god here we go.

I start feeling very anxious and worried as the climate of the anime escalated. So I decide to take a break in the calming room with the tunes.

I close my eyes and lose total contact with my body. I see myself totally disintegrate into what looked like green bubbles and join the sea of everything else. This is nice, I am totally lost from my body.

The panic is still in the background and I begin to feel very warped. My head has a bizarre pressure on it as I come to it a little bit. It does not want to handle this. My body follows suit and I experience awful fright associated with the pain.

At this point I am absolutely positive I am going to die. Why does it hurt, I thought it would pleasant.

The next 45 minutes seemed like 4500 years. I close my eyes, leave my body and see dead relatives although they are in shapes I could never understand.

This hellishly long nightmare seemed to continue forever. I know what I took was not lethal. But my body is sure it is game over.

I start to return to reality. My body is coming back together, one green bubble at a time.

I am starting to relax and finish watching the anime.

Afterward, I am certain that I do not want to continue my pattern of drug abuse. It would have gotten much worse. Motivation to escape this cycle of abuse and depression is fueled by the experience, but will it last? Even though I will likely try these substances again it will be with more caution.

What is most fascinating is the role death played. I truly felt like I had died and it was actually painful. After returning I felt blessed and truly awakened to the reality of the situation.

I knew my setting would influence my trip but I did not intend on experiencing what felt like death over periods of time that are hardly comprehensible.

Did I get what I wanted - I think so but it was quite scary!

 

[nemesis-a]

nice report.

 

[oliphant]

I'm glad the trip helped (hopefully). If the K continues to be problem, give your guy's number to a friend who cares about you, hopefully you have one, so that you can still have the connect when you've figured your addiction out, and delete it from your phone.
Neon Genesis is great by the way! I should try watching it while tripping...

 

[stirfry]

Man, I don't think I could handle NGE while tripping on shrooms. I find that shrooms have the tendency to highlight negative emotions and aspects of life more so than other psychedelic drugs. They are very useful for a learning, introspective type of trip, but it can be a little harrowing at times. NGE tends to explore the darker aspects of human nature, I think it would be a little too much while in such a state.

I really do love watching movies on psychedelics though. I have had enjoyable experiences watching movies under the influence of LSD, LSA, 2C-I and DXM (not at the same time!). Those were good substances to use for this purpose as I tended not to get too emotionally involved in what I was watching, yet the analytical nature of those trips made the movies very interesting.

Surprisingly, my most negative reaction to a film was on MDMA. Watching American Pop after the peak of a roll was quite depressing (most of the characters meet sad ends), I felt like I wanted to cry at points. The animation was pretty cool though, Ralph Bakshi was definitely a tripper, and I love his movies in general.

 

[SpecialKid]

I think that the set up was asking for trouble but I thought I could handle it. I was certainly wrong.

Thanks for the reflection and I have had my room mate step in as far as my k usage is concerned. I still think about it everyday though.