Withdrawing from Nardil - very worried

[Middleway]

Hi all

I am in the early stages of a crash withdrawl from Nardil.
Basically I am going from 5 a day to 1 per day and shortly thereafter zero.
Over the past 12 months Nardil has decreased more and more in effectivness. I have found myself moody and withdrawn and stuck working night shifts because I cant handle days.
and WEIGHT GAIN! I went from 76kg up to 92Kg. I have this huge gross looking distended belly that no ammount of exercise makes a difference to.
I have no energy, feel sad and while I am not having outright panic attacks, I am still nervous uncomfortable and have heaps of trouble being social.
My bowles dont funtion, the only way I can move them is to take 6 ducolax (standard dose is 2) every 3 days and just purge my system. Heaps of flatulance. Dizzyness, tiredness. I realised that I ave been in a depressed yet hypomanic state for months. Racing thoughts all the time. constantly worried about drug and food interactions.

But

Going back to no meds.. very very worried. Major panic attacks, flashbacks agorophobia, terribble depression, massive social phobia.
Its the only thing that helped. Every other time I try to stop my life just starts to fall apart. I lose friends, I risk losing my job. Lots of anger and frustration and misery.

I dont know if I can cope but Nardil has brought my life to a standstill. I want to meet a girl, but I hate my body, I have always kept very slim and fit so having this gut is so depressing. It makes me look like a slob.
I want to find somewhere new to live but the change could tip me over the edge.

So anyway, this is kind of day one. I feel ok except for the electric shocks when I move my eyes. Typical antidepressant withdrawl stuff.

After day 3...thats what I am worried about. I am scared for my own safety. I just lose it, become paranoid, hypersensitive, angry and depressed.
I guess I am writing this as a precurser to a post that may come later, while I am still able to be objective and rational.

Wish me luck

 

[Bojangles69]

Wow I realize Nardil is not an opiate but that is so much on point with what opiates do to me, and I'm actually feeling the same exact way myself right now.
I can't handle daylight/mornings/rush hour traffic and always am more relaxed/productive at night. I've also put on weight and am use to being a slim/tone young man. I have no energy myself, feel sad most of the time, and also suffer from panic disorder but thank god that is under control for once in my life.

Inderal stopped my panic attacks 100%. I tried every anti-d out there and only lexapro helped a bit with them, but the only thing that was every absolute was inderal as needed.
Have you ever tried lexapro? It was very affective when I was on it and gave me much of my life back. But it made me too apathetic towards the end and I stopped.

Within a matter of months I was hooked on opiates again and am still trying to kick the shit. But all I can say is I feel your pain, its fucking terrible and noone should have to live life like this. All we really can do is use situations like this to better our futures... which is something I struggle on everyday.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Good luck. Years ago I was on Nardil for about 6 months. The discontinuation wasn't to bad for me except for not being to add hardly any other ADs until the washout period was over. Well and the not being as reved up, energized as I was on Nardil. Within 5 days I had no noticeable discontinuation effects. Hope this goes very smooth for you.

 

[Middleway]

So here it is, day 3

I have been having terrible horific nightmares. It is like someone has delved deap into my subconcious and found all my fears, all my failures and miserys and hang ups and written a script to include them all in one story line. I didnt dream on Nardil, now the dreams are not only horrific, they are vivid as hell too. I wake covered in sweat and panting for breath then I go back to sleep and straight back into the same nightmare!!

I have also been getting electric shocks, out of control electric shocks every time I move my eyeballs or even my body. One a second pretty much.
I had to start taking nardil again, one in the day to stop the shocks, and one at night to stop the nightmares.

Almost a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend. It was an unhappy relationship from start to finish, we were together for a year or so and I cut contact completely shortly after starting nardil. Completely because we would always get back together and go through it over and over again.
For the past year I have been working night shifts - 60+ hours a week.
Now that I have stopped working so much and stopped the nardil its like all the grief I shut off through excessive work and nardil is coming out. I have been missing her like crazy, crying over her. It is fucked up because I wasnt happy at all and I was relived for both of us when I cut ties but here I am in a state over her. It probably has to do with finding out she has a new boyfriend too.

I have lived so much of my life as basically a shut in. No ammount of exposure eases the anxiety. No ammount of healthy living lifts my mood enough to make me go out and enjoy life.
I hate myself, I never stop trying to be better than I am but the core me... My moods, paranoia, hypersensitivity, overwhelming sadness..my maddness..all stay the same
Through all this I can see that I am a good guy. But I just keep the whole world at arms length. It is scary, it hurts, its boring and understimulating and stifling and arduous.


So here I am, day 3.

 

[Middleway]

5 Days

Still on 2 tablets a day, electric shocks reducing.

3kg weight loss. Fluids. I always said it was fluids

Food intake down

Profound feelings of loneliness. I contacted my ex- girlfriend who I havnt spoken to since we broke up asking her for her support... I have nobody else.

Feel like crying much of the time

Feel slowed down. Mind and body.

Feel hopeless.

Not feeling anything good bout myself

No panic attacks yet

Social anxiety slightly worse

No paranoia yet

No OCD yet

Thoughts of death but not suicide.

I feel terrible. To come off the last 30mg a day... Whats going to happen to me?
Why am I like this anyway?
I feel like my whole life is wrong. I cant escape, I cant overcome this. Its the end of the road. Nobody knows me, I wont..cant let anybody in.
So very lonely

 

[bben]

it will pass, get some exercise if you can.

 

[Middleway]

Thanks, I did just that today.

Zaps are decreasing, havnt dosed today, will take just one tonight at bed to stop the nightmares. I am not as bad as yesterday but still very low.
Woke up this morning realising I had contacted my ex and freaked out. Have a just opened up a huge can of worms..can I cope with seeing her again?

I go past parks and see couples in them and just start crying. It is stupid because she made my life a nightmare...but I still loved her...and I still miss her.

It hits me so hard I feel like I am going to vomit.

 

[Middleway]

I dont know if anyone is reading but I am going to reap posting. For other peoples benifet should they search for Nardil, and my own as a record

All I am going to say today is that I am struggling with a lot of anger. Rage even.
I have had to face the break up with my ex of over a year ago and the fact she is seeing another guy...knowing her she hooked up with him the minute we split.

She fucked me, used me up. I look back on what went on and I am utterly humiliated that I hung around and put up with it...even supported the bitch.
And then I contact her to further compound my shame.
I could let this anger eat me up but for maybe the first time in my life I am choosing not to be angry because it just ends in depression for me.
Sometimes I feel that living my life is like being in the passenger seat of a car with a driver who is drunk and doesnt speak english.
I am on one pill a night for the nightmares.
I am resisting the urge to take valium to deal with this
I am speaking to people about it
I want to recover, not just from the withdrawl, but from my sad and angry life

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am resisting the urge to take valium to deal with this

If your Doc is OK with occasional valium I'd say to go ahead with reasonable cation. I know you don't want to go through another situation of having to get off something that is rough to get off of. Sometimes something to take the edge off, treat symptoms is really the best thing to do.

I want to recover, not just from the withdrawal, but from my sad and angry life

It will happen. Now is a good time for some patients with yourself and your situation.

 

[Middleway]

I want to avoid benzos siply because the rebound effect complicates things. Alcohol is bad enough. I really shouldnt be drinking but it is so ingrained in social life that it is almost impossible.
Woke up today with a Crazy headache that hasnt gone away all day. I made a big effort not to let the anger carry me away and I think it helped.
I am getting brain zaps on and off still, often in the morning. This last pill a day is going to be the one that makes or breaks this whole thing.
I can deal with mostly anything but if the OCD and severe social anxiety come back I am going to have to hunt for meds again. I just hope that having a year mostly symptom free has made it far less ingrained.
So far the benifets I am feeling are increased energy, I have been jogging the past 3 days.
Far less hunger, the initial weight loss appears to have bounced back but I am hoping its going to fall off in time, even with the one dose per day.
I feel brighter and less manic and rushed in my thinking.
I am riding my motorbike much more sensibally.
I am feeling a wider range of emotions, the world in general seems a lot more vivid.
Labido is coming back
Thants about it for now

 

[wetwolves]

Honestly dood I would stick with the nardil man. Its worked wonders for me in terms of depression and SA. I had to go off it in early june because I "bugged out" while high on weed and pcp and my parents called the cops to put me in the hospital. The doctors took me off of it because they thought it mite be the reason, and the past 6 or so month since then have been hell for me. The SA and depression have crept back in. I did lose 30 lbs though. Now I have convinced my doctor to put me back on nardil because I cant deal with this bs anymore. It is the only drug that helps me. Id recommend staying on it because it really is a wonder drug. I actually lost 7 pounds while on nardil due to diet and exercise.

 

[Middleway]

Dude, 7 pounds? I lost that and more while on Nardil AFTER I HAD GAINED 30 LBS!
And if I let my training and diet slip for even a couple of days, Boom the weight would be back on.
I know what a wonder drug Nardil is, I have started threads all over the net to that effect.
But the price you pay to feel so great is too much...and it doesnt last.
I would rather find something half as effective and deal with what is left over of my symptoms.

 

[Middleway]

As far as an update goes...still on one tablet at night. I am actually feeling quite good, no social phobia and my depression has lifted. Quite irritable but working hard to not indulge angry thoughts.
I may just stay on this one per day regime for a few weeks and then drop to one every other day and see how I go.

 

[unsettled]

I've never been on Nardil, but I know from withdrawing from benzos and opiates that any emotion that was suppressed while you were on the drug will come back when you get off the drugs. I did the same thing as far as calling my ex-girlfriend because I had never dealt with the grief of the break up properly and all those emotions would come flooding back to me any time I would either taper or have to stop taking either of the meds for a period of time.

You can't really escape emotional pain permanently it seems, just suppress it or take the edge off of it for awhile but eventually it comes back around, it's caught me off guard more than a few times.

Sounds like you're doing better, hope things continue to go well for you.

 

[Middleway]

Thanks dude

I am now on one tablet every other day at night. One thing that has suprised me is that I have had no reoccurence of the panic and anxiety symptoms that I originally started taking the drug for.. I mean, I was incapacitated by it so this is a real supprise.

Depression though is a constant and it may be that which is protecting me from the anxiety.
I have been hitting the piss hard the past 2 friday nights, it is really disturbing my sleep and sending my depression way up. It is getting not worth it to drink anymore.

I had a fight with my house mate just before I started cutting down on the nardil. I am really holding a grudge about it...even though it is probably going to hurt me more than her.

I knew it was time to move on from where I am living but now I am free of nardil I really see it and am trying to be more pro-active in finding somewhere.

I have basically cut myself off from the people I live with....and I feel fine about it for the most part. I have gotten back into the guitar and learned 3 songs this afternoon. On Nardil I couldnt really progress at all.

Even though I am depressed, I am feeling so much more. I feel the beauty in a rainy or sunny day, in art, my emotions are hyper responsive. I get teary over news articles with any emotional content good or bad.
Much of the anger I was feeling seems to have gone. Still getting nightmares but not so severe.
At my request and after showing my GP a section in my medical journal I bought "treatment resistant mood disorders" He has started me on a calcium channel blocker as a mood stabilizer. I also have a script for Tegretol but have to wait till I am off the nardil suprisingly due to possible interaction.
Anyway, this is all pretty boring I guess. But boring is ok considering what the alternative could be

 

[attempt4]

I have read this thread with great interest and i'm glad of the content in your last post or two. Things seem to be working on the way up for you man.

I recently stopped a 3-year addiction to kratom (which i deliberately self-medicated with to ease anxiety and depression) and was terrified that the anxiety/depression would return. For the most part, its been ok though...

I think its possible to still grow as a person whilst medicating with whatever. You are better equipped to deal with the anxieties etc whilst on your medication, but i believe you can then take some of that over to your 'self' which is just the sober you (ie, free from nardil) and be ok.

Emotions will be all over the place, but at least you are feeling. You said you have been hypersensitive to things, which is normal. I've been the same, but it's refreshing to feel anything as opposed to opioded limbo.

All the best

 

[Middleway]

What to say..



20 days since I started tapering down, still on one tablet every other day.

Battling depression more than anything else. Feel very down.

I work night shifts and the change over from my days on to off is definetly making it worse. Add in a few drinks and it exacibates it even more.

Alcohol pretty much just makes me sad now.

Thinking about my ex a lot, find myself disecting the relationship, what went wrong etc etc.

Lost pretty much all interest in being social, spending a lot of time isolating in my room...not out of anxiety, just because it is just hard...like it takes so much energy.





Feeling the beginings of Social Anxiety start to creep back in which is shit...somehow the depression is protective I am sure.



On the plus side, I am starting to get comments on my weight loss. The scales only say about 3kg but even to myself I can see a truely massive difference. Its like I am just not so puffy and bloated anymore.

Been jogging most days as well.



When I was on nardil I was obsessed with food, my whole life was centred around food and I was hungry all the time, wake up in the middle of the night hungry and in the morning ravonious.

I kept away from junk and for a long while exercised to extreemes, but the sheer volume of food I was eating meant my weight was always inching up.

Even at 7000kj day it still went up.

The only thing that stopped it was 2000mg of metformin a day (Im not a diabetic). It stopped the ravionious, sick with hunger feelings and reduced my intake but still couldnt lose weight.

I find hunger very easy to ignore now that I am off it and find eating to be somewhat of a chore which is how I have always been. Nardil made food very drug like, it certainly gave me more sympathy for people who chronically overeat having experienced this.



I was also drinking huge ammounts of tea and coffee (without sugar) which has also dropped back to normal ammounts and it is probably worth mentioning that I was also getting peripheral neuropathy in both feet while on nardil that has already cleared up.



In a nutshell, looking back on Nardil at the moment:





Positive:

I think I needed it at the time. Things were really rough.

It let me escape from a bad relationship

It gave me the strength to work huge hours and get my finances in order.

It helped me build and repair some relationships



Negative:



The obscene ammount of side effects getting on it. (first 5 months)

Severe Postural hypertension,

total sexual dysfuntion,

fatigue,

urinry retention (I had to catherterise myself more than once)

Highly troublesome side effects staying on it

Dosing every 4 hours

Timing dose to avoid fatigue at important times

Constant worry about food and drug interactions

Reducing effectivness

Numbing of emotions (quite unlike ssris)

Weight gain

Insomnia

peripheral neuropathy

Impared judgement

Impared reflex's

Constant chronic constipation

Bloating



The list goes on..



I will only make one more update on this thread. Say in a month from now when I am hopefully off it all together. To drag it on any longer seems to defeat the purpose as it is hard to tell the difference between withdrawl and the return of my symptoms.

Thanks to the mods for indulging me this thread that may be better suited to journal

 

[Middleway]

One month in... I am starting to drown... the violent dysphoria of withdrawl has been replaced by a leaden paralysis, I am dazed, confused, the OCD is back.
I cant think, every thought is a struggle

Nobody can help me and I dont know what to do

 

[wetwolves]

dood you need to get back on the nardil. I know u dont like it because of the side effect, but so far its the only thing that works for u . The weight gain can be combated with strict exercise and diet. Dont ever lose hope my friend, for God works in mysterious ways.

 

[Middleway]

Thanks for the words of support but when you chuck the word "god" in their it pretty much turns to evangelising ... religion of any flavour being garbage witch which I have no time for.
I can see the temptation of it

Didn't you get banned?

oh yeah
8kg weight loss in one month. Thats 2kg a week without even trying that much.
Fucking Nardil, toxic shit. Had to go back on one tablet a day, due to the above posts