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Life after drugs?

Drugs fucked up my life. I was in the same situation as you were...started off with abusing lots of ecstasy that led to many other drugs. Pretty soon I was using different types of drugs all the time, sometimes mixed together. Once you start going, you can keep on going. You're body becomes meaningless and you use it to your full extent. It completely changed my view on life and mentality. The dark side is something you want to avoid. It will affect your life drastically and make you want to cringe. I'm trying so hard to be the person I was before drugs, but it's extremely difficult. I had so much on my mind to realize all this craziness and when I did...I was deeply appalled. Here I am, living with mental altercations and wishing I had that feeling of who I was before all this. My judgment is horrible and I base everything off of emotions not logic like I'm suppose to. Man sure it was fun times but the consequences far outweigh the benefits. I've felt sick in the head for a while now. It gets really frustrating at times but I always try to think positive. It sucks not using yourself to the fullest capability. I could have definitely handled situations more appropriately that would have benefited me to this day. If there's a light at the end of the tunnel I hope I reach it, and sometime soon. I've been off drugs for some time now and feel that life isn't as miserable as it use to be. I just don't ever wanna go back to that dark side in my mind ever again. It's a scary place.
 
It is your thinking and beliefs that plays a huge factor in this. If you get strongly believe what everyone's saying, how it causes brain damage, anxiety.. then you WILL experience this, especially if you think too much about it. I'm not denying the fact that negative shit happens like anxiety, depression.. my point is that if you strongly believe this and think incessantly about it, the condition will worsen tenfold
 
When trying to assess the damage done by MDMA abuse, there are too many unknown factors to judge with certainty: Dosage/frequency of use, content of the pills, individual differences in neurochemistry, additional environmental factors and so on.

While MDMA abuse can certainly cause damage, the anxiety surrounding the "unknowns" of ecstasy can make things seem much worse than they actually are. No matter how sensible we all may be, anyone who's seen the ads with the holes in the brain or watched an ecstasy news report on one of the major networks has been affected on some level regarding how we view the dangers of MDMA.

In other words, it's important to put things in perspective when assessing the actual damage and "neurotoxicity" (which hasn't even been satisfactorily defined regarding MDMA) caused by the drug. It causes physiological changes in the brain, but it's not known exactly what effect those changes have on functioning, i.e. cognition, emotion and other mental states.

By all means, take a lengthy--if not permanent--break from ecstasy. Make health and mental health a top priority in your life, and warn friends not to make the same mistakes you did. But in the meantime, try to avoid worrying about how severe the damage is, when it will be repaired and any other unknowns associated with MDMA abuse. You're sure to find evidence of abnormality when you're hypervigilant every symptom you experience. Try to relax and focus on healing, which can't be done by replacing one addiction with another.
 
foxyloxy55 said:
There is a point: to share a personal experience with someone who's interested in the subject.

Indeed though, I have seen the same thing. It does seem to vary person to person and I would love to know what sort of other factors play into that.
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It's very hard to understand, I've seen the same thing happen so many times with E and opiates.

Everyone is different when it comes to things like this.
A lot depends on how long they abused how much they abused and how long it usually takes them to recover not to mention there metabolism, mindset and daily routines...

But I do agree with the one poster above.
You have traded an ecstasy addiction with an opiate and this is very not good my friend.

Godspeed.
 
Hi, Angelz87.

I feel E has been the best and probably the worst thing in my life: my really good clean rolls have made me smrater, improved my memory, made more sensitive, more empathetic: a really much better person. The bad ones (dirty pills and shit) have taken all the benefits away and done more damage.

HEre is the list of things I've tried and which has helped me:

MEditation. ÇI'm a buddhist. Once after a terrible accident with mdma and meth, I got home crying, because I FELT EMPTY. Not depressed, empty like a fucking carcass. I couldn't even feel why I was crying for. I swore to surrender my life to Buddha (for real. Is easy calling yourself a Christian or a Buddhist, really meaning it is another thing) and even when I felt like total human shit I meditated for an hour. Meditated three times a day for a month and I got a little form of enlightment. ALOMST LIKE PERMANENT MDMA. Sadly more drugs fucking ruined it ad my discipline. But with discipline, meditation is something that will HEAL YOUR BRAIN AGAIN. Search youtube for Alan Watts teaches meditation and DO IT.

Aerobic exercise. This really helps your brain. don't understimate it.

Vitamin E. Helps me but the effect is momentary. MAkes me feel close to who I was before all the shit.

Vitamin B6 and 12. Same.

Math and learning new things. I try to visit Khan Academy once a week and do exercises (would be more but don't have much free time). Math for me is fun.

Piracetam. After a month playing with it, I think that it has actually reversed lots of the damage done to my brain. Is not perfect, ubt I have more energy during the day again and I can concentrate better again.



Things that have not helped: Gingseng, Choline, MAgnesium, Alcohol, LSD(well probably in low doses), anaerobic exercise, Coenzyme Q-10, caffeine, creatine.

Things I want to try: ALCAR, Lion's mane, DMAE. Going on the road again.
 
Ecstacy can have physical effects in long run but I am not sure abt psychological impact. I guess al drugs have some impact.
 
oh, fish oil has also helped me a lot to relief anxiety and have a greater clarity of mind. And 5 htp sometimes helps too.
 
nanchan said:
Every weekend for a year? I'd say you're looking at a good 2+ year break before you even think about rolling again. And yes, abusing a known neurotoxic drug does damage your brain but it doesn't 'fry' it and if used responsibly the damage is very minimal (if there's any at all).
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I rolled every weekend plus some days during the week for a year and a half.

I never had a problem. I still have the magic.

Everyone is different.

Remember, Alexander Shulgin tested substances on himself at least once a week due to the sheer number of substances and the number of test experiences he chronicled in Tihkal and PIHKAL.
 
Angelz87 said:
Hi I'm currently addicted to oxys, I started using cuz it maid me feel better from the pain of 4 months off of ecstasy abuse where I dint think I've yet recovered from n it's been a year, I tryed e again jus to see if it could straighten me bac to my sences stupid I kno , there's one thing I'm asking to those who actually kno after a hard ecstasy/MDMA abuse everyweekend for over year how long does it take to fully recover, n b bac to normal, I've only heard ecstasy fucks people up some times for life and this is from older generations people who have seen it happen to their own friends, not teens or pll in ur age group who assume drugs r good , do you go bac to 100%? I'm starting to believe drugs fry ur brain for real
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It didn't take me anytime at all.

I know people that I used to roll with some it took a few months maybe.

I don't personally know anyone that has any long-term lasting neurological effects from weekly dosing of MDMA.

I do know lots of people that had depression and other mental illness long before they started popping pills, eating Molly.

There's no definitive answer. Scientists can't actually say that there is long term damage from recreational or even the kind of use that you described.

Are there long-term changes in serotonin transporter density and receptor density, potentially, in some people. We don't know if that's a bad thing or not. In the main study that people reference, none of the people identified with lower this or lower that after years of use and then years of abstinence, identified as depressed or mental ill or anything. They were more well adjusted than the controls.
 
Bearlove said:
Everyone reacts differently and also can take longer to 'recover', so theres little point in anyone saying 3 months / 1 year.

Rolling that much and close together can make permanant changes in the brain so for some people they will never be the same again. Im an older raver who has been rolling for over 20years, I have seen so many friends lose it completely after heavy MDMA use (depression, withdrawn etc) and others appear fine. Take a break (from all the drugs/alcohol) and see how your mood improves and take it from there.
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And I would say the overwhelming majority of people that ended up with depression or mental illness after long-term ecstasy use, had that mental issue before they started using MDMA.

The permanent changes in the brain that you reference are from a particular study that evaluated a small group of people that had been significant MDMA users and were abstinent for years.

The funny thing about that study, is that the ecstasy users that showed differences in serotonin receptor density and serotonin transporter density, from controls (Because we can't actually say there were changes because we didn't measure their serotonin receptor density, or serotonin transporter density before they started using MDMA),

didn't identify as having any mental illness and actually were more well adjusted than the control group.

I'm personally convinced that the majority of the so-called bad post use syndromes are anxiety and panic attack driven. The people believe that something is really really wrong with them, when nothing is actually wrong with them and they have a short term imbalance that has been shown to resolve itself. BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD THEM THAT THEY WOULD BE MENTALLY UNBALANCED AFTER TAKING MDMA FOR WHATEVER AMOUNT OF TIME!

Not to mention that Andrew Shulgin dosed people 7 days in a row to see how long it took for the effects of MDMA to stop after repeated dosing. And immediately dosed them with MDA to check cross tolerance.

And then he administered MDMA the following week to prove that after 7 days the subjective effects of MDMA return.

He was a scientist, a chemist, he documented things to a ridiculous degree.
 
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