Hello! Just an update on my story. I polished off the last of my lyrica about 9 days ago. I had about 900mg left but instead of having 300mg a day for a few days I dropped it down to 150, then 50 so almost like a taper. I had a few commitments I didn't want to do and thought they'd help... and they really did! Even the 50mg made my day more pleasant. But I had the last one on Saturday, and it's now a week+monday later.
I fucking wish I could put my finger on what happens to me in a lyrical withdrawal. Even the smallest amount for the shortest time creates the same WDS as when I came off a huge+long dose. I used to think it was an okay withdrawal but I would feel more suicidal, drepression, the nights were REALLY bad for anxiety (waking up thinking I had made so many mistakes in my life). But the more I think about it... during lyrica withdrawal I feel like I'm just surviving. Nothing makes me laugh or feel great. Even 500mg codeine doses offer just glimmers of short-lasting euphoria (about what 60mg feels like on a normal day). I get less sleep feeling wide awake at 5am but then feel tired for the rest of the day. Naps feel great, with moments of waking feeling great until the realisation hits in.
Compare: First night I had tramadol and lyrica I couldn't sleep due to overwhelming happiness and eurphoria that lasted all night long. I lay there smiling and giggling. Everything was okay with the world, even my grandparents dementia was a-okay (reasoning= they had such a long+fulfilling life already and now have a huge full happy family to take care of them).
Also compare: when sober, very occasionally, I'd laugh myself awake because of a funny dream or because everything feels good.
I don't eat as much and solid foods just make me feel nauseous. And all this lasts 2 weeks without letting up - but then it does. During this time I floor the codeine and worry that I'm going to get used to such a high dose... but magically it all goes back to normal once the WDS has stopped.
And yet on the other hand it's also mild compared to tramadol WDS that makes me feel like a dying alien for a week, but all the time it feels like it will pass eventually. It shifts my reality slightly to one side and it feels permanently out of reach. I think that's the gentle horror of it. It's a creeping terminator, it's a malignant tumour, it's a horrible neighbour that just moved in. I created a system that eases opiate withdrawal that serves me really well (vitamin C megadoses, propranolol for sweats, hobbies and films I've put aside for rainy days, long journeys to make). But none of this even touches lyrica.
But for me that's it now. I don't have any lyrica left, none of my friends or family have any I can bum, I wouldn't even know where to get some from illegally. Phew!
