I've been in recovery for the past 9 months. I've been on suboxone the entire time. Went down to 2mgs, had some very bad problems due to my bipolar, & went back up to 8mgs. I've been on the 8mgs now for two months. I "graduated" the intensive outpatient program at the "Vince Carter Sanctuary" in Bunnell, Florida after 16 weeks of being there. After that, I entered a bridge program with a social support group. This entire time, I've been paying anywhere from 150-200 dollars to see me doctor..every 2 weeks..sometimes every week. I am also paying for (well, we obv share our money) my fiance' who is going through the same thing..minus the mental illness. Three weeks ago, I saw my doctor and he put me back into the IOP program..which is another 200 dollars. I paid, realized I didnt have the money and gas to get to group 3x a week. I've been through some real horrible times with these people over money. If you don't have the money..they are not very nice. Being a rehab, and being there for 9 months..I just kinda expected them to not be assholes to me..boy was I wrong. I had to miss my appt tuesday due to not having the funds. They found me a medicaid covered doctor to see and sent me away.
Heres the problem, The doctor they sent me to will see my Fiance' on OCT 17th and Me on oct 27th. This wouldnt be a problem, except I am already out of my medications. I am lucky and get my mental health medications through a mental health program called Stuart Marchmen. But my suboxone, I will no longer be able to get.
What I was wondering is..when I see the new doctor Im going to piss clean..I just don't really see the point in going, but I do not feel like Im ready to be off my suboxone. Part of me really wants to say fuck it and just go out and use again..but I dont want to. I don't know what to do at this point. I know 9 months is a long time to be on suboxone, but I've had a long hard road and Im just not ready to be off of it. I've had relapses and slip ups and god, I dont want to go back out there again.
I just needed somewhere to type this..because no one around me could ever possibly understand this. Everyone just tells me to "get over it"..well, Im not "over it"
Im just scared.