"also don't think many of you understand anything about Xanax XR..... it's nothing at all like regular bars or IR xanax"
That is absolutely NOT true at all. Xanax is xanax, the only difference is that the med you are taking is specifically designed to be longer acting versus the shorter acting original Xanax. BOTH versions carry the exact same issues, tolerance, w/d's, etc.
It seems as though your doctor's plan is to stabilize you on the Lithium, hence decreasing your need for the benzos, at least at such high doses. Your doc not fully knowing what you're taking and how much you're taking is a HUGE problem, you are putting yourself at a major disadvantage in that any decision your doctor makes regarding your treatment is made without having all pertinent info. Also, can you clarify exactly how your doc prescribed your meds to you? As in, what it says on your Rx bottle? It is SO very important to follow those instructions and NEVER take it upon yourself to simply adjust your doses yourself. That goes for ANY medication you may be Rx'ed. If you feel a med isn't working, you approach your doc and go from there, not take matters into your own hands....that only leads you down a bad path.
You're right, anxiety sucks. I also am a lifelong anxiety sufferer, so I know first hand all about it. However, sadly, you have put yourself into a position where you are going to experience some probably significant rebound anxiety as you decrease the benzo doses. So, your initial goal of decreasing your anxiety only served to skyrocket your tolerance, caused you to up your own doses, which of course again increases your tolerance, and so on and so forth...see the wicked cycle?
It's good that you have faith in your doctor, but a word of caution. ONE, WE are always ultimately responsible for our own health and well being and there is NEVER an excuse for not being educated about any sort of medical treatment, be it a med or otherwise. I'm not saying you are not educated about your meds, I am just cautioning you. So many people just hand themseves over to a doc, never ask a question, and blindly follow their advice. It's important to have faith in yor doc, just make sure it isn't blind faith. Also, to reiterate what I said above..you are putting your doc at a disadvantage (and yourself as well) by not being honest about your ACTUAL medication regimen.
You need to sit down and have an honest face to face talk with your doc and be straight with him. You need a SLLLLOOOOOOWWWWWWW and very closely monitored benzo taper plan, which needs to come from your doc, but again, only after you "come clean" with him...otherwsie you are possibly putting your treatment AND yourself in jeaopardy. You need a holistic treatment plan than includes more than meds. Have you had any kind of therapy thus far? CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy is a very successful form of therapy in the treatment of anxiety disorders. Your goal should really be to get to a good stable place on the Lithium, with an "as needed" benzo to be used only in the event of increased anxiety....with whatever kind of therapy you find helpful. Therapy is vital because it will teach you coping techniques and ways to manage the anxiety....which is irreplaceable. No med beats actually LEARNING how to attack anxiety when it rears its ugly head.
Lastly, is your doctor a psychiatrist? If not, you need to find yourself one to manage your condition. Just like someone with a heart condition would be under the care of a cardiologist, it is vital that our mental health be monitored and treated by the specialists who know the most about disorders, and their treatments.
Best of luck.