zenmasterjack
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2010
- Messages
- 16
I'm sorry if this is long. I've never posted a trip report before and I really need to get this out.
I had read the Rick Strassman book, heard stories, and done some serious contemplation as to whether or not I wanted to try DMT. I had minimal experience with psychedelics (psilocybin), but I knew that DMT was something I couldn't wait to try.
Two nights ago I was in my friend X's apartment, feeling giddy about what we were going to do. He had done DMT multiple times and had invited me to join him. I was well rested, in a good mood, and overall just excited for what was to come.
We were all set for 3, 30mg hits each with about 30 minutes between each trip to allow the higher tolerance present shortly after a hit to dissipate. The DMT was slightly yellow, though without any other experience with it, I have nothing to compare to. We were going to be smoking it out of an oil burner to try and get the fullest hit.
I wasn't going into the experience expecting anything or hoping for anything. I tried to clear my mind to allow for it to take me somewhere deep and somewhere new. I felt very prepared.
My first and second doeses were relatively small since I'd never used an oil burner before and didn't get the whole dose. Both times I had a warm, surging feeling throughout my body, beautiful fractiles and colors filling my vision in a tunnel shape, and even a sense of a beautiful, blue being reaching out to me the second time. Both times I came out of it smiling, feeling energetic, and somewhat euphoric; but not exactly what you would call a "psychedelic experience."
The third dose is when everything went wrong. Bear with me, it's really hard to explain in words.
As I took in the hit, I knew I had gotten every last bit this time (plus some extra that we noticed was still in the pipe from our previous incomplete hits). Within seconds X's wall fractalized and there was a huge surge, a rush of warmth throughout my body as I closed my eyes and laid back on the bed. X turned out the light like I had asked and a loud whirring took over my hearing.
I don't remember the first image I saw, but it scared me enough that despite being told that the trip is better with your eyes closed, I immediately opened my eyes as wide as I could. Then everything became utter chaos. I felt constricted, unable to move. There was darkness all around me (totally unlike the beautiful colors and lights from my first two doses) and I was filled with a sense of dread.
I frantically looked around until my eyes landed on X; but due to the visuals overlaying reality, he wasn't my friend, he was a skeleton with pieces of decomposing flesh still hanging on and the most menacing, sharp-toothed grin I have ever seen. There was another presence in the form of anthropomorphized black mist. This presence, I somehow knew, was in control. It was telling the skeleton what to do. The skeleton came over and pinned me down. I have no idea what they were doing to me.
I knew I had to get out. I had a vague memory that I had taken DMT and that it was causing this, but remembering that this wasn't real did nothing. At that moment it WAS real, and I was absolutely terrified. I attempted to sit up, to get away, but my movement was...I don't know how to explain this...stuttered. As if you played 1 second of footage of a man sitting up over and over on repeat. Everything I tried put me into a loop. Note: according to X, I never sat up...but my hands were apparently twisting and contorting, and I quote from X, "...as if you were possessed."
The sounds were a mix of two things: 1) An electric buzzing like that of a tesla coil which had a crazy reverb and echo effect. It would increase in pitch and build during each of my 1-second "movements" and then it would drop back to a low pitch as the "movement" repeated. That sounds was filling my ears, drowning almost everything else out. And 2) Some sort of whispering in a language I didn't understand that seemed to come from everywhere.
At this point I was able to muster up the strength to call out, "Help!" It's all I could think to say.
I also had a sense of wetness, which I now attribute to the fact that when I came to, I was drenched in sweat. It felt like that moment when you are in a swimming pool and are swimming under the water and begin to go up for air. That moment right before you break the surface...that's where I was stuck. I could see it and sense it; but these beings weren't letting me go. Some part of my mind understood that I was actually taking big, gasping breaths at this point.
Once more, and with less hope in my voice, I was able to cry out, "Help me."
It was loud, frantic, oppressing, exhausting, and felt pure evil...and I thought I was stuck there forever. It just kept going and going, getting worse with each second. Time was going so slow that it felt like days. As the effects began to fade, 10 excruciating minutes later, X would occasionally morph back into himself. I heard him ask, "Are you alright? You OK?" but I immediately dismissed this is a trick of the cruel world I was in as he would then turn back into the skeleton and the repetitious movement would start again.
I finally had enough of my wit gathered to be able to ask him to turn the lights on. I needed to get out of the dark. Whereas the first two trips made everything in X's room look colorful and amazing to look at when the lights came on, as I sat up this time everything looked absolutely menacing. His lamp had a gaunt face with fangs, his plant looked sharp and dangerous, even his refrigerator somehow looked like it wanted to kill me. X's face was back to normal now; but ripples of translucent image would turn parts of his face back into the skeleton for brief seconds. These haunting visuals lasted at least another 10 minutes. All I could say at this time was, "Yeah...that wasn't good."
For the next hour we sat and talked it through. For the whole hour my heartbeat stayed so high it felt like I had run 10 miles. I had to take deep breaths to try and slow it down. To be honest, just writing this out, my heart rate has risen significantly. X told me how at one point he had taken my hand in attempt to calm me, how my body was contorting, how I had called out for help. Neither of us had much of an answer for why it happened or what it meant.
Now that I've had a few days to process what happened, I'm still at a loss. It was the most intense trip I have ever had on anything. And I honestly felt more emotion (be they good or bad) during that 10 minute period than I had probably felt during the past week combined. I looked at it from a cathartic perspective...but realized it wasn't. I tried looking for the silver lining; but all I could come up with was, "At least real life isn't like that." So I don't know what to take from the experience other than the fact that I felt more abject terror than any other time in my life. I can't figure out the moral to this story.
I'm also left with confusion about whether I would ever do it again. Some of the stories sound SO incredibly wonderful; but if I have to risk going back to that place, I'm not sure any promise of beauty could persuade me to risk that. Or maybe now that I've experienced it I would be able to handle it differently next time?
I don't want this to sound like a warning story or some morality tale...I just wanted to get my thoughts down as another attempt to understand.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
I had read the Rick Strassman book, heard stories, and done some serious contemplation as to whether or not I wanted to try DMT. I had minimal experience with psychedelics (psilocybin), but I knew that DMT was something I couldn't wait to try.
Two nights ago I was in my friend X's apartment, feeling giddy about what we were going to do. He had done DMT multiple times and had invited me to join him. I was well rested, in a good mood, and overall just excited for what was to come.
We were all set for 3, 30mg hits each with about 30 minutes between each trip to allow the higher tolerance present shortly after a hit to dissipate. The DMT was slightly yellow, though without any other experience with it, I have nothing to compare to. We were going to be smoking it out of an oil burner to try and get the fullest hit.
I wasn't going into the experience expecting anything or hoping for anything. I tried to clear my mind to allow for it to take me somewhere deep and somewhere new. I felt very prepared.
My first and second doeses were relatively small since I'd never used an oil burner before and didn't get the whole dose. Both times I had a warm, surging feeling throughout my body, beautiful fractiles and colors filling my vision in a tunnel shape, and even a sense of a beautiful, blue being reaching out to me the second time. Both times I came out of it smiling, feeling energetic, and somewhat euphoric; but not exactly what you would call a "psychedelic experience."
The third dose is when everything went wrong. Bear with me, it's really hard to explain in words.
As I took in the hit, I knew I had gotten every last bit this time (plus some extra that we noticed was still in the pipe from our previous incomplete hits). Within seconds X's wall fractalized and there was a huge surge, a rush of warmth throughout my body as I closed my eyes and laid back on the bed. X turned out the light like I had asked and a loud whirring took over my hearing.
I don't remember the first image I saw, but it scared me enough that despite being told that the trip is better with your eyes closed, I immediately opened my eyes as wide as I could. Then everything became utter chaos. I felt constricted, unable to move. There was darkness all around me (totally unlike the beautiful colors and lights from my first two doses) and I was filled with a sense of dread.
I frantically looked around until my eyes landed on X; but due to the visuals overlaying reality, he wasn't my friend, he was a skeleton with pieces of decomposing flesh still hanging on and the most menacing, sharp-toothed grin I have ever seen. There was another presence in the form of anthropomorphized black mist. This presence, I somehow knew, was in control. It was telling the skeleton what to do. The skeleton came over and pinned me down. I have no idea what they were doing to me.
I knew I had to get out. I had a vague memory that I had taken DMT and that it was causing this, but remembering that this wasn't real did nothing. At that moment it WAS real, and I was absolutely terrified. I attempted to sit up, to get away, but my movement was...I don't know how to explain this...stuttered. As if you played 1 second of footage of a man sitting up over and over on repeat. Everything I tried put me into a loop. Note: according to X, I never sat up...but my hands were apparently twisting and contorting, and I quote from X, "...as if you were possessed."
The sounds were a mix of two things: 1) An electric buzzing like that of a tesla coil which had a crazy reverb and echo effect. It would increase in pitch and build during each of my 1-second "movements" and then it would drop back to a low pitch as the "movement" repeated. That sounds was filling my ears, drowning almost everything else out. And 2) Some sort of whispering in a language I didn't understand that seemed to come from everywhere.
At this point I was able to muster up the strength to call out, "Help!" It's all I could think to say.
I also had a sense of wetness, which I now attribute to the fact that when I came to, I was drenched in sweat. It felt like that moment when you are in a swimming pool and are swimming under the water and begin to go up for air. That moment right before you break the surface...that's where I was stuck. I could see it and sense it; but these beings weren't letting me go. Some part of my mind understood that I was actually taking big, gasping breaths at this point.
Once more, and with less hope in my voice, I was able to cry out, "Help me."
It was loud, frantic, oppressing, exhausting, and felt pure evil...and I thought I was stuck there forever. It just kept going and going, getting worse with each second. Time was going so slow that it felt like days. As the effects began to fade, 10 excruciating minutes later, X would occasionally morph back into himself. I heard him ask, "Are you alright? You OK?" but I immediately dismissed this is a trick of the cruel world I was in as he would then turn back into the skeleton and the repetitious movement would start again.
I finally had enough of my wit gathered to be able to ask him to turn the lights on. I needed to get out of the dark. Whereas the first two trips made everything in X's room look colorful and amazing to look at when the lights came on, as I sat up this time everything looked absolutely menacing. His lamp had a gaunt face with fangs, his plant looked sharp and dangerous, even his refrigerator somehow looked like it wanted to kill me. X's face was back to normal now; but ripples of translucent image would turn parts of his face back into the skeleton for brief seconds. These haunting visuals lasted at least another 10 minutes. All I could say at this time was, "Yeah...that wasn't good."
For the next hour we sat and talked it through. For the whole hour my heartbeat stayed so high it felt like I had run 10 miles. I had to take deep breaths to try and slow it down. To be honest, just writing this out, my heart rate has risen significantly. X told me how at one point he had taken my hand in attempt to calm me, how my body was contorting, how I had called out for help. Neither of us had much of an answer for why it happened or what it meant.
Now that I've had a few days to process what happened, I'm still at a loss. It was the most intense trip I have ever had on anything. And I honestly felt more emotion (be they good or bad) during that 10 minute period than I had probably felt during the past week combined. I looked at it from a cathartic perspective...but realized it wasn't. I tried looking for the silver lining; but all I could come up with was, "At least real life isn't like that." So I don't know what to take from the experience other than the fact that I felt more abject terror than any other time in my life. I can't figure out the moral to this story.
I'm also left with confusion about whether I would ever do it again. Some of the stories sound SO incredibly wonderful; but if I have to risk going back to that place, I'm not sure any promise of beauty could persuade me to risk that. Or maybe now that I've experienced it I would be able to handle it differently next time?
I don't want this to sound like a warning story or some morality tale...I just wanted to get my thoughts down as another attempt to understand.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_firsttime
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
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