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2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...

No thats not me, but it sure does sound like me... I dont know i feel like i can beat this "depersonalization/Derealization" shit myself, and im afraid that taking that medication could potentially make we worse....

This DP shit is weird as hell, you wouldnt be able to understand that feeling unless you experience it... i could have someone explane it to me all day, go to university, specialize in mental dissorders... and you still wouldnt understand or believe this weird "phenomenon"
 
I dont think i can do much more then being optimistic, keeping busy, (rigorous) exercising daily, Take the vitamins and fish oils, abstain from caffein and alcohol and sugars, and *try* not to dwell on it... and maybe it will just start to vanish over time? who knows its such a strange thing to experience... and it doesnt seem like there is much information/research on it.... the only thing that scares me is ive been reading shit and some people say they have had it for like 15, and 20 years... thats fucked up... lol.... :(
 
I dont know i feel like i can beat this "depersonalization/Derealization" shit myself, and im afraid that taking that medication could potentially make we worse....

This DP shit is weird as hell, you wouldnt be able to understand that feeling unless you experience it... i could have someone explane it to me all day, go to university, specialize in mental dissorders... and you still wouldnt understand or believe this weird "phenomenon"

Yeah I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, I'm pretty hesitant to get on an SSRI because I feel like it might make it worse. However, after reading all of these posts on here, I've recently been thinking it over because some people seem to be doing better after being on SSRIs for a certain period of time.

I'm still pretty confused on how to get better, is depersonalization something that you just have to "ride out" until your brain recovers, or do you have to take something like an SSRI to help your brain recover?

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, but I feel like any advice that's given to me is also benefiting drizzy too since were going through the same thing :\
 
im very pleased to add that i got the all clear from my psycologist about dp/dr... its taken me bout 12-14 months to get the all clear from her.. but i finally did. i am still taking zoloft (sertraline hydrocholride) but for all out there that dont believe it will ever get better... believe me it really does.. i dont feel exactly how i did b4 the rough patch, but i do feel intouch with reality, i can see clear, i can concentrate and most of all i can love my life...
honestly typing this nearly brings a tear to my eye...... but gota keep on going people
 
see im at the point where after a year of this shit (some good points.. some bad points.. but its always there) .. im willing to give SSRI's a chance.. i mean it cant hurt, and if nothing else im doing something about it.. and that might be all my brain needs to placebo itself back to normal..?
 
naaaaaaah, doesnt sound like it to me mate.. i mean i have pretty much the same thing as you as far as i can tell and i think if it was HPPD you would have faaar faaaaaaaaaaar more impared vision. so i wouldnt worry about that :)
 
i dunno my vision seems kinda like Staticky/like im in a dream - also i went for a run today in a trail and noticed that i cant really get a grip on my surroundings - i cant feel the feeling of what it should be like to be there... its hard to explain... its like i cant grasp the atmosphere of places and situations....

i feel so fuckin lost....
 
im sure its not HPPD tho mate.. trust me..... if there is one thing iv learned with this its that you should really not read into symptoms too much... i mean visual porblems are a problem with anxiety and disrealisation aswell.. so there is nothing to say that isnt just that.. HPPD is faaar more serious so you shouldnt be worrying about that... as for the atmosphere, i get that too.. you just cant relax and take in where you are coz to me.. it feels like sometimes my legs arent really there... or they are, but they arent mine.. so im kind of just there in presence.. but no other way... again, hard to explain...... any of that make sense buddy?
 
i dunno my vision seems kinda like Staticky/like im in a dream - also i went for a run today in a trail and noticed that i cant really get a grip on my surroundings - i cant feel the feeling of what it should be like to be there... its hard to explain... its like i cant grasp the atmosphere of places and situations....

i feel so fuckin lost....

Yeah I feel the same way man, I can't take it anymore...

So I have a quick question. Next time I go back to my psychiatrist, I'm going to tell him that my problem is MDMA-related and ask him what's the best anti-depressant for my situation. From what I've read, it seems like an SSRI is the best thing for this case, but is there something else that might work better?

I just want to have some more information on what's the best medication to try rather than taking whatever he decides to "try" on me and see if it works.

Thanks
 
You will get through it...

Hi drizzydrake :) I specifically signed up for an account so I could post a reply on this site. I know exactly what you're going through and I want to first tell you a little bit about myself. I am 23 years old, female, from Vancouver. When I was younger, I used to always hit up raves and pop pills. Sometimes I would do one.. other times I would do up to 6 pills a night (sometimes a mix of all random dirty caps plus mdma). I used to just want to stay high all night so I didn't care what I was taking or who I was getting the pills from. I smoked weed occassionally.. and sometimes when I was coming down from my e high. Although I used to have these E-binges.. I had NEVER felt any sort of feeling of depersonalization whatsoever until the 3 weeks ago after a concert. I felt like shit the next day after only popping two caps of MDMA, (but smoking a ton of weed afterwards) and thought that was normal. But the on the third day, I realized I hadn't gotten any better.. I felt so spaced out. So disconnected from my body. So confused and so scared. I felt like I was dreaming and constantly wondering if what I was seeing or hearing was real. My vision was so fucked up.. I felt like there was a glitch in my brain. I, was also a very happy go-lucky kinda girl that was always smiling and laughing and loved everyone around me. I go to university, have a steady job, have a wonderful boyfriend and family.. etc etc. I felt like I was going fucking crazy, had major panic attacks and told my boyfriend that if I didn't feel better, that I would kill myself! I felt so disconnected from my surroundings. Everything I even touched felt fake. I tried watching TV but only end up being confused about whether I was actually watching TV or whether I was dreaming. It was horrible. I tried going to work and broke down crying because everything felt so out of touch.. so fake.. even the lights at work felt dimmer than usual. I couldn't communicate with my co-workers and I even broke down crying at work. Nobody understands! I told many of my friends this and tried to explain to them how it felt while I was going through it. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS! I felt like everyone around me thought I was crazy. I woke up every morning feeling like I was alright again.. until I walked around to get back to my regular routine to realize that I was stuck in the same state. :(

9 days later.. I finally felt better. I can now say that I am 100% better. I know that you have been experiencing your symptoms for a few months now. Although mine only lasted 9 days (thank goodness), it did feel like a lifetime. But knowing that mine went away after some time.. it means that yours will too! Who cares if you have been reading stories about people who have it for 10 years +? It may not be YOUR case.

This guy I know experienced similar symptoms that we did.. he told me to drink coconut water (I know it's weird but worth a try) and lots of gatorade to replenish the electrolytes. I think by going to the gym and going to the sauna to sweat out your toxins would be your best bet. I stopped smoking cigarettes as that triggers your brain as a stimulant. I also prayed to God a lot to help me get back to normal even though I'm not a very religious person. You just have to keep your head up and keep living! One day you're going to wake up and feel like yourself again. Just believe it! :)
 
Hi drizzydrake :) I specifically signed up for an account so I could post a reply on this site. I know exactly what you're going through and I want to first tell you a little bit about myself. I am 23 years old, female, from Vancouver. When I was younger, I used to always hit up raves and pop pills. Sometimes I would do one.. other times I would do up to 6 pills a night (sometimes a mix of all random dirty caps plus mdma). I used to just want to stay high all night so I didn't care what I was taking or who I was getting the pills from. I smoked weed occassionally.. and sometimes when I was coming down from my e high. Although I used to have these E-binges.. I had NEVER felt any sort of feeling of depersonalization whatsoever until the 3 weeks ago after a concert. I felt like shit the next day after only popping two caps of MDMA, (but smoking a ton of weed afterwards) and thought that was normal. But the on the third day, I realized I hadn't gotten any better.. I felt so spaced out. So disconnected from my body. So confused and so scared. I felt like I was dreaming and constantly wondering if what I was seeing or hearing was real. My vision was so fucked up.. I felt like there was a glitch in my brain. I, was also a very happy go-lucky kinda girl that was always smiling and laughing and loved everyone around me. I go to university, have a steady job, have a wonderful boyfriend and family.. etc etc. I felt like I was going fucking crazy, had major panic attacks and told my boyfriend that if I didn't feel better, that I would kill myself! I felt so disconnected from my surroundings. Everything I even touched felt fake. I tried watching TV but only end up being confused about whether I was actually watching TV or whether I was dreaming. It was horrible. I tried going to work and broke down crying because everything felt so out of touch.. so fake.. even the lights at work felt dimmer than usual. I couldn't communicate with my co-workers and I even broke down crying at work. Nobody understands! I told many of my friends this and tried to explain to them how it felt while I was going through it. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS! I felt like everyone around me thought I was crazy. I woke up every morning feeling like I was alright again.. until I walked around to get back to my regular routine to realize that I was stuck in the same state. :(

9 days later.. I finally felt better. I can now say that I am 100% better. I know that you have been experiencing your symptoms for a few months now. Although mine only lasted 9 days (thank goodness), it did feel like a lifetime. But knowing that mine went away after some time.. it means that yours will too! Who cares if you have been reading stories about people who have it for 10 years +? It may not be YOUR case.

This guy I know experienced similar symptoms that we did.. he told me to drink coconut water (I know it's weird but worth a try) and lots of gatorade to replenish the electrolytes. I think by going to the gym and going to the sauna to sweat out your toxins would be your best bet. I stopped smoking cigarettes as that triggers your brain as a stimulant. I also prayed to God a lot to help me get back to normal even though I'm not a very religious person. You just have to keep your head up and keep living! One day you're going to wake up and feel like yourself again. Just believe it! :)

Not to take away from the seriousness of your case, but it sounds like you were just going through a very reasonable amount of side effects after rolling for that long. Most people feel pretty fuzzy for at least a week after rolling.

For drizzy, it's been 2 months. For me, I'm in the EXACT same situation that I've been in since it started happening, which was almost 2 years ago now. I would love to think one day soon I"m going to wake up and everything's going to be back to normal, but goddamit things are starting to look pretty dull. I have no idea what to do except "wait it out" i guess......
 
Not to take away from the seriousness of your case, but it sounds like you were just going through a very reasonable amount of side effects after rolling for that long. Most people feel pretty fuzzy for at least a week after rolling.

For drizzy, it's been 2 months. For me, I'm in the EXACT same situation that I've been in since it started happening, which was almost 2 years ago now. I would love to think one day soon I"m going to wake up and everything's going to be back to normal, but goddamit things are starting to look pretty dull. I have no idea what to do except "wait it out" i guess......

Hi DaftPunkFan.. I beg to differ with you! I actually never roll anymore.. At least not like how I used to. I rarely ever touch drugs nowadays. Maybe once or twice a year if that? Only on special ocassions like new years or a great show.. I do have many friends who have been quite addicted to drugs over the years.. Into stuff like G, coke, K.. Etc. and friends who still pop constantly yet nobody but one of my friends have heard of this depersonalization state or feeling. I kept telling my friends how I felt and everybody made me feel so alone because "I should have recovered by the third or fourth day" or at least felt better. It was constant dream-like state for 9 days straight and I couldn't shake the vision or feeling. I definitely felt exactly what drizzy described throughout his posts. It is like he was writing and defining how I felt for me. So trust me, I do feel for you guys. I don't know what to say as I have been really interested in doing more research on this topic and hopefully come up with something that could help you guys out. Are you still Rollin these days by any chance? Or smoke or drink? Because these things could stimulate the brain and trigger the symptoms to endure
 
i for one dont take any dryugs on a regular basis and never did... but on the one occasion (over a year now) it messed me up...wish i could say it only lasted me 9 days :\
 
i dunno my vision seems kinda like Staticky/like im in a dream - also i went for a run today in a trail and noticed that i cant really get a grip on my surroundings - i cant feel the feeling of what it should be like to be there... its hard to explain... its like i cant grasp the atmosphere of places and situations....

i feel so fuckin lost....

I have felt similar to you in the past, I went to see a doctor about it but didn't mention drugs as they are too quick to pawn you off when you do that, The doc recommended I had my eyes tested as I said my vision felt funny, like I was stonned when I wasn't and I actually needed glasses, I wasn't aware that my vision was impaired at all. I got blood tests etc done and everything was fine. I wouldn't say I feel completely normal again but this is most likely in my head.

After time you will become occupied with something new in your life and you almost forget how you were feeling and begin to feel happy again. The key is not focusing on how you used to feel. (much easier said than done, but it will come in time)
The best way I could describe how I felt was feeling 'empty'
I would always be thinking about how people perceive me and how I acted around people, Like I was living inside my head and my body was just there.
Sounds weird but hopefully you can relate in some way.
 
recovery is head

Title is supposed to say
Recovery is Ahead

I know its been a month since you last posted, so maybe all is well, but I registered just to share my expierence. I did MDMA about 3 times with good expierences and on the 4th i popped one to many, probably 3 in a half, I had a terrible roll just basically filled with shaking and what felt like my brain melting, what proceeded over the next year was a mental breakdown, a complete disconnection with reality, i stopped smoking weed (only other drug i do), because it made my brain burn litterley (this only happened after the mdma trip). This stuff did some serious damage to me. I slowly started recovering after about 6 or 7 months of soberness and just focusing on living life and getting through senior year of high school. I focused on things i love. My vision was messed up, and my head was extremely foggy, and like you said, a bad weed high, is a very good way to describe it. Well, I recovered absolutley fully and feel i am a better person now because of it. During, I had panic attacks and lost control of who i was some days, filled with anger and shame for what I had done to myself. You can get out of this, just stick through it. I am better because of it, I have made 100% recovery physically and more importantly mentally! Heres to recovery :)
 
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so to answer someones question about, i rode out dispersonalization or what i also found as dissassociative disorder. I went from feeling empty to feeling even better then back to normal, by filling my life with meaning and things i love, this expierence made me better in the end.
 
Im sorry to hear you feel that way. ecstacy can be such a wonderfull experience, and im sorry you got the short end of the stick my man. It may come as a suprise, but ive had similiar experiences. I had a 4 month (every weekend) binge on shrooms/ecstacy/acid. similiar things happen to me, esp. at nite, or when im on the highway. Anything in fast motion in my peripheral vision causes dizziness which in turn causes panic attacks. same as you I went to a doctor, who told me this can take up to 2 1/2 years to stop after cessation.Vitamins, water intake and excercise are vutal. Ive noticed when these anxuiety onsets occur, when I smoke a cigarrette they seem to pass. I roll frequently, but when I do i make sure to prepare properly, 5htp, multi vitamins etc. as these are all preventative measures. Right on with drawing back on caffeine. may i recomend you up your anti-oxidant intake? juice is clutch in cleansing the body of toxicants. goodluck my man. - PLUR
 
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