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2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...

It could be bad pills; your just the one that cares for the feelings your feeling just suck it up and forget about it. lifes to short to worrie bout the little things

Where do you know how does he feel? How can it be bad pills if he told directly that his friends took them also and are FINE! IF he is feeling like shit everyday. You say senseless things.
 
Not sure if you're still going through any of this still, but I had an identical problem occur about five years ago. I came to find out that this is actually a real illness called "Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder" (HPPD). How long it lasts and how severe it is, seems to be purely case by case.

I think in my case anxiety triggered my HPPD. I initially started taking a low dose of SSRI's for a year and once I got my initial anxiety and underlying depression in order (again, not sure if this was due to HPPD or a seed that caused my HPPD. Like you, my friends took the same pills same amounts etc.) my HPPD went away to a point I almost could not notice it. Feelings of depersonalization and that feeling that you're watching a movie through your own eyes went away almost completely.

I then started exercising regularly and generally leading a healthier lifestyle. At this point, I really only notice anything during twilight hours when the light is a little off. But it's nothing that bugs me out or feels weird at all. So all in all, I'm actually better off than I was 5 years ago.

From what I've researched and found I feel that what you are going through (f you're still going through it) has an underlying cause in anxiety or depression, which will compound all your visuals and feelings of disconnection from reality.

Just keep this in mind. You're not going crazy. You will be okay. I'm five years deep and happier than I've ever been. I lead a normal life and even have my pilots license (which may seem ridiculous to you seeing what you're going through). Just find your own ways to reduce anxiety and lift underlying depression.

Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to write something that would've helped me when I initially started going through this.

Man this makes me feel very good, thanks for the advice! Yes I'm still going through this, and like I posted before it's been about a year and a half since my last MDMA use.

My problem seems to be this: I am experiencing those symptoms you listed, such as depersonalization and a distorted perception of reality. In the past, these kicked off my panic attacks and almost-constant anxiety. HOWEVER, I pretty much have my anxiety under control, and I believe this is because I've simply gotten used to feeling this way, so it doesn't scare me anymore.

What I'm trying to figure out now is how to get out of this situation, and it seems like an SSRI might be the way out, or at least it seems to have helped out many people that have posted on here. What medication were you on, if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks again for the info :D
 
you might try Advaita ...

Hi drizzydrake,
my sympathies for your mishap.
I'd like to suggest a radically different approach to this - a more philosophical one.

Maybe your strange feelings are just showing you a different aspect of the universe.
There are some who think the way normal people see/feel life is the illusion - and that the state you're in would be nearer to the truth.

If that does not sound too crazy to you, check out (Neo-)Advaita.
A good starting point would be the "Link" page on http://www.nathangill.com/.
Just don't buy too many of their books, it doesn't help - the authors themselves say their message cannot be made clear thru words ;)

And another thing - don't take anything too serious.
Not life, not yourself (and certainly not me).

If you are a little bit into dancing, there is a dance move that has often helped me in the past:
Stand up, put your one arm to your hip, tip the other index finger onto the center (highest point) of your head ... then turn around slowly.
Even better if performed in front of a mirror :)
 
hey guys, today was actually pretty hard...... my anxiety and depersonalization or whatever the fuck i have (undiagnosed) got to be pretty unbearable, i feel so helpless and broke down infront of my girlfriend, and started crying because i feel like i cant lead a normal life anymore, because im fucked up... she has been extreammly supportive through this... Im starting to think that im going to feel like this for a while (this happened before when i did smoked weed, and did coke, on a few seperate occations, lasted a week or two, and went away) but it has been over two months now and im starting to feel like i really did it this time.... I remember even coffe used to make me jittery and anxious, but i liked drinking it while working because i turned that anxous feeling into proactive energy, made the day go by faster.... anyways, my depression and anxiety has been pretty bad, i even had thoughts of not being able to handle this for the rest of my life, and thought about what the fuck i would do if i had to live like this forever.... I went from someone who always had a smile on there face, laughing and joking, to being depressed, terrible anxiety, depersonalization, feeling mentally numb, feeling like im in a dream world, feeling kind of detached, feeling like theres some sort of tingley sensation in my head, just being all around emotionally fucked up... even my dreams now are fuckin crazy... i have such vivid dreams, but sleeping feels like its the only way i can relax my mind.... I dont really mean to be such a downer but this is the worst feeling in the world, along with scariest, and i feel so helpless in a sense that noone around me can really understand what im feeling.....

I have a date with a mental health clinic this week, but thinking about it what can they really do? talk to me or prescribe me medication.... i feel like theres not really gonna be and end to this terrible feeling, i had a wonderful life, and i fucked it up cause i wanted to pop a pill one night while partying....


I just hope that if i did imbalance my chemicals.... that my brain can re balance them somehow....

is there even any REAL test to distinguish what type of "mental" illness you have? or is it all just educated guesses from doctors who put the facts and symptoms together?

Sorry for the messy post, just having a terrible day... feel like im trapped in a nightmare
 
Its easy for someone whos not going through this to say.... just relax, take a vacation, do yoga... it will cure it....

It would be different if you actually felt what im describing.... and the word "anxiety" and "depression" --- if thats what this is, i would have shaken every persons hand who ever mentioned to me they were going through that.... because this is too intense and life altering... lifes hard enough already, then to have to throw this into the equation... i would do anything to just feel normal again.
 
Trust me you will be back to normal after you get SSRI.
 
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your anxiety - what's at the centre - what do you fear (most) ?
your depression - what is it that you would like to do but feel unable to do ?
what are you feeling - right now ?

Try to watch your feelings, do not think too much about them.
Your feelings are your immediate reality - do not fight them, let em flow free, watch them.
Can you feel them in your body ?
Watch them move around ... and eventually change.
Go with the flow - even if it takes you to darker realms than you are used to.
Don't fight yourself.

And please check out the Dark Side
I think you could find some helpful people over there.
 
hey driz. Id just like to say. I literally have the exact same thing as you. Heres a link to my post if you wish to have a read http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=494963 ..

so anyway... im exactly the same. in every single way. I panic and wonder if i will ever feel normal again too, but then i think "what does normal even feel like?.. maybe this is normal, i just didnt notice it before."

So yeah, for me it has been about a year now and i still feel like this. and im like you in wonderinf if it is in our heads (not that that doesnt make it any less real). I wonder if i should see a head doctor, try some medication, or try forget about it and hopefully my brain will rebalance itself (if thats possible) ..... then i find myself thinking "ok, well if it is in my mind, then talking to a doctor about it or taking meds is a CONSTANT reminder about it for atleast another 6 months... so forgetting bout it during that time would be impossible.. Im at a bit of a lose end too. mine seems to come and go......... when im with my friends, i dont notice it so much.. when im on my own, it really kicks in. I wonder if when im with my friends im not thinking bout it and dont bring it on coz its not real.... OR.... when im with my friends its still real, but i forget about it.

Believe me 1000% mate i have exactly the same thing. get back to me yeah.
 
thanks for your reply purple.... im sorry you have been feeling that way for a year.... couldnt amagine going through this for a year or more.... its definately not in our heads its some sort of reaction in our brain that has changed our mental state.... i think we have "depersonalization/derealization"
 
sucks dont it, lol :p ... but yeah, i really dont know what to do about it.... its gone on this long because i keep telling muself " leave it.. forget about it... it will go away"., but im starting to think it wont.. .. but then again, in the grand scheme of things, maybe a year isnt long enough for your brain to fix itself, it takes this long for legs to fix sometime etc.. maybe the brain does just need time? what do you think?
 
yes sounds like depersonalization and derealization...

I DID suffer from this severly. i understand exactly where ur comming from. i posted on another thread regarding this topic.
i suffered everything u have described. along with blurred vision, i even would say something and then think, wait!!! did i say that or think it...
i aswell as you went and got a blood test seen a doctor.... he would never know what i was on about.. just think i was some junkie skum.

anyways he prescribed me a range of SSRI antideppressants, first i tried prozac... lexapro had no luck, made me extremely hyporactive (personally), then tried prozac, made me feel confused(personally) and the one which helped me the most was zoloft i am still taking it to this day. wasnt a cure but it helped soften the blow.
along with this i seen/see a psycologist.. she treated me with a bit of hypnotherapy which helped once again and mainly used that stuff they call cognative behaviour therapy..

this medical help did make it alot easier to combat and take more control of. however i believe the key of it all is to accept it. i mean in saying that its not enjoyable, not at all.. but where ya can use it towards ya every day tasks in life. like fitness, art cooking shit that keep the mind ticking. all in all ya cant let it run ya head. cause when ya worry and think about the depersonalization the illness is the one that is winning.

i am 19 pushing 20 i came down with this bout the same age as you, altho we are all different perhaps my advice may help you... depersonalization nearly killed me. please use my advice to overcome a rough time..

good luck.... misteee
 
so misteee, are you saying that there is no way to get rid of it? and you are setting in to live with it for the rest of your life?
 
personally i DONT believe there is a quik fix. for my case anyways, i have tried everything i can think of. and all the medical help i stated did soften the blow... now i just accept it.. and honestly i am basically me agen.. i mean yeh up and down, but probably bout 90 percent... and in my books 90 percent is better than 10 percent... i hate it.. but hey part of me aye, gota enjoy what i can... every since i did i seen results.
 
Listen to me go to see a doctor.Ask about- SSRIs! i personally was on (zoloft), when i first was prescribed it, i was sure it will not help me, after 1 month it was almost over, after second month i quited SSRI, felt fantastic.

So SSRIs are something that you only have to be on for a short period of time in this case?

I was under the impression that SSRIs are something that you have to "stay on" for them to do anything, but you're saying that once you start to feel better (a few months or so) you can discontinue them and you feel normal again? I'm going to give zoloft a try if that is the case, hopefully it will help!
 
Yo so its actually called BITCHMADE syndrome heheee. Psycedelics always make you few spongey after using them, but after 2 months any difference should be negligable homieeee
 
So SSRIs are something that you only have to be on for a short period of time in this case?

I was under the impression that SSRIs are something that you have to "stay on" for them to do anything, but you're saying that once you start to feel better (a few months or so) you can discontinue them and you feel normal again? I'm going to give zoloft a try if that is the case, hopefully it will help!

Yes after 3 months i was back to normal.
 
i had a similar thing happen to me one night after i took a lot of DXM and smoked a shitload of weed. i had the dreamlike state, repeated myself, and i was just really really stupid. i was like that for about 4 months. however, i didn't get the depression. the thing i keep thinking it could possibly be is serotonin syndrome but your doctor should have known that one. hope you figure it out. best of luck
 
i had a similar thing happen to me one night after i took a lot of DXM and smoked a shitload of weed. i had the dreamlike state, repeated myself, and i was just really really stupid. i was like that for about 4 months. however, i didn't get the depression. the thing i keep thinking it could possibly be is serotonin syndrome but your doctor should have known that one. hope you figure it out. best of luck

Serotonin syndrome only appears while you are on drugs, it cant last after high fades away.
 
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