Mushrooms - Experienced - +4 Trancendental. Why do I even bother trying to explain?

[fict]

I guess I should preface this by saying that this experience took place about 9 months ago. I could probably find the exact date if I wanted to, but it doesn't really seem that important. At the time of the experience, I was perhaps four months into my relationship with Wuzzle, and was quite happy in that relationship at the time. There wasn't too terribly much going on in my life, but I was feeling quite removed from my environment. Nothing seemed to be quite getting through to me, nothing was evoking any serious emotional response. Feeling the need to knock myself out of this daze, I went about acquiring 1/4 oz of P. Cubensis, which weighed out to be just over 6 grams. Go figure. Originally, there were to be three of us participating, but an unfortunate series of events left the third participant in a terrible state of mind, and she decided to back out. Given the circumstances, I can't say that I blame her.
I weighed out 2 grams of mushrooms for myself, and 2 grams for Wuzzle. At about 10:00 or 11:00 PM, we started eating them. Ritz crackers and peanut butter. Delicious. Flesh of the gods.
By midnight, things were starting to get interesting, but certainly not serious by any means. We played around a bit, just talking shit as usual. Wuzzle's roommate, Guzzle, wanted to smoke some pot. A joint was rolled, and then smoked between the three of us.
That's about when things started getting serious.
The visuals suddenly shot up perhaps 3-fold. Waving my arm left trails that remained suspended in the air for subjective minutes. The walls of the appartment were dripppppiiinnnng down to the floor, and there appeared to be faces poking out through the plaster.
"You Okay?"
"Yeah. It's just.. it's a bit much is all," I tell Wuzzle.
I continue sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead.
I move from the couch to the floor, and start looking through my CD collection for something happy.
I flip through the pages, then close the book, and flip through them again. Then again. Then again. My eyes started tearing up. None of my CD's looked appealing. Every single one was a depressing mess. All of this music, and not one single, bloody, fucking stupid goddamn piece of shit HAPPY CD! FUCK.
Eventually, I found some up-beat house music and put it on, but my mood didn't really change. I knew things were going to start going downhill if something didn't change, so I went outside on the landing for a cigarette. I made it to the door, and suddenly had this terrible feeling of depression wash over me... I looked down at the floor and a few tears fell to the ground while I tried to maintain my compusure long enough to get the door open and get a change of setting.
Which I did.
But it didn't help.
The floor swirled and climbed and swarmed and slithered around, the walls melted down the floor, the cigarette in my hand twisted around and around. I walked around the landing, just pacing back and forth for a bit, eventually feeling good enough to go back inside again.
When I came in, I found that Wuzzle was in her bedroom, sprawled out quite comfortably. We looked through her CD's a bit, and finally stumbled upon The Beatles - Let It Be. Huh. Sounds good to me.
We throw in the CD, hit play...
Bingo. Houston, we have enlightenment.
I suddenly found myself (quite literally) sitting in full lotus with my eyes closed, breathing in deep, full breaths of air that have never felt so beautiful. I opened my eyes and listened to the music. I looked at Wuzzle, sitting across from me.
I ask her: "Are you .. ARE YOU FEELING THIS?!"
OH MY GOD YES. WHAT IS THIS? WHAT HAVE WE FOUND!!!??? THIS IS IMPORTANT! EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS! OLD PEOPLE, DYING PEOPLE, MY PARENTS, TEACHERS, WORLD LEADER, EVERYONE NEEDS TO EXPERIENCE THIS!!! MY GOD THIS IS INCREDIBLE! WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THIS FEELING THAT WE'VE BOTH SO SUDDENLY STUMBLED UPON. WHAT IS THIS OM THAT'S ESCAPING MY LIPS BETWEEN BEATS? WHAT IS THIS CRYING OUT OF SHEER JOY!? I'M CRYING! I'M CRYING OUT OF THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD! EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE! I DESIRE NOTHING! I SEE EVERYTHING AS IT IS, AS IT IS, IT IS PERFECT!
THIS IS NOT EUPHORIA! TO CALL IT THAT WOULD BE INSULTING! UTTERLY COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! THIS ISN'T SADNESS, THIS ISN'T JOY, THIS ISN'T ANYTHIGN AT ALL, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S EVERYTHING ROLLED UP INTO ONE. THIS IS THE PURE WHITE LIGHT, THE COLOR OF NOTHING, THE COLOR THAT YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH BUT CONTAINS EVERYTHING!
It's not the world that's imperfect, people. It's you. More specifically, it's your ego. It tarnishes everything you sense. It filters this perfect world and tells you that not everything is as it should be. It fuels desire and hatred and everything ugly. It brings you suffering and sadness and dissapointment and expectations. It crushes you EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT UNTIL THE WEIGHT HAS SUDDENLY BEEN LIFTED.
THIS IS TOTAL SURRENDER.
THIS IS GIVING UP COMPLETELY.
THIS IS FINALLY LIVING!!
This is the Buddha, this is Jesus. This is giving without wanting. This is the poetic genius. This is any number of names under any number of religions anywhere in the world.
Ego is original sin. Ego is desire. Ego IS SEPERATION!
THAT'S WHAT IT IS, ISN'T IT!? SEPERATION FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD!? THE COMPLETELY SHIT-FILLED ILLUSION THAT YOU ARE SEPERATE! EVERYTHING HAS AN INSIDE AND AN OUTSIDE AND THE OUTSIDE OF YOU IS EVERYTHING!
Adam and Eve, seperating themselves from the sacred!
IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN THERE
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND
~-~-~-~
In total, the ++++ portion of the experience lasted perhaps an hour. The most perfect hour of my life. Two grams of mushrooms.
The experience isn't dose-dependant. It isn't a trip you can chase. It will come to you when you least expect it, and I can only hope that it is as beautiful for you as it was for me. The drugs just serve as a catalyst.
The drugs, however, can only show you the peak of the mountain.
It's up to you to figure out how to walk the path.
peace.
[ 29 October 2002: Message edited by: fict ]
Tagged by Speed King
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_neutral
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral

 

[nickthecheese]

Excellent report, I can understand how hard this is to describe, +4's for me are always inexplainable, but its nice you tried to explain it anyway.

 

[Del]

Great report. Especially the last eight or so paragraphs.
:D

 

[fict]

Originally posted by o0psy Daisy:
That sounds beautiful *sniff* It's funny how wonderful a little dose can be as long as you are in the best type of setting and with the most wonderful people you know. (As you pointed out) How have your other shroom experiences been compared to this one?
DaiZ
Well, they've always been.. shroom experiences. Trips. Special in their own right, but just not anywhere near as utterly mind-blowing.

 

[nephil]

Beautiful report! I know how difficult it is to explain the blissful revelations that are experienced.
I am happy to say I have been there, so I can relate in my own way

 

[fict]

Originally posted by nephil:
Beautiful report! I know how difficult it is to explain the blissful revelations that are experienced.
I am happy to say I have been there, so I can relate in my own way
Hearing that brings a wonderfully broad grin to my face. I feel a bond to anyone who has ever had a similar experience, probably because it's so difficult to explain to people who haven't been there. I honestly wish I could grant everyone the feeling I felt, if only just for a moment. I'd give so much of my being if only I knew that the people I surround myself with on a daily basis understood.
Putting anything into words diminishes the meaning, and I think it's more true when you're dealing with raw emotion than anything else.
It was a bliss-experience, I suppose, but even the word bliss doesn't seem to do it justice.
In the past several weeks, things have been clicking for me here and there. My knowledge base has attained something of a critical mass, and connections have been made where I otherwise wouldn't have made them. I can say with confidence that I have integrated the experience into my life, despite the fact that it has taken upwards of 9 months to do so. Granted, I don't expect to be able to realize the perfection I experienced while under the influence, at least not in this lifetime, but to know that it's there is comforting when everything else might be crashing around you.
I feel almost guilty saying that it was an enlightenment experience, if only because I feel like I took a short-cut. Based on my readings, however, I believe I did experience, if only for an hour, true enlightenment. I know my goal, but figuring out how to attain it is something altogether different.
A major recurring theme in my life up to the rather sudden reintegration was the simple concept of awareness, and I think that's what it's all about. Pure awareness, however, is only a consequence of pure egoless existence.
In my trips between the mushrooms experience and the reintegration thereof, I found myself focusing on awareness. Even without conciously thinking about it, the idea of becomming fully aware just took over. I had CEV's that would simply write out the word, "aware," across the back of my eyelids. I'd open my eyes and laugh and say "Yes yes, that's what it is, isn't it!" but really it didn't click.
What really cinched it was when I picked up a book entitled "Awareness" at a yard sale quite by accident and quite by coincidence (synchonicity!?). I was with Wuzzle, and I showed the book to her, and I laughed as her eyes got huge and she grinned at me saying with her typical "Whoa ho!" look that I needed to get it. The person running the yardsale gave it to me for free.
I'd suggest reading some William Blake. Despite being an evangelical Christian, that motherfucker *knew* what he was talking about, and the insights gained are quite remarkable if not downright frighteningly in line with the ++++ experience.
I just can't say enough! Truely, the experience was among the most important in my lifetime, sober or otherwise. Arrogant as it may be, I feel like I've been brought a step closer to buddha-hood.
peace
--
oh, and I can't even begin to say how eternally grateful I am to *something* for allowing me this experience. it has made all the suffering worthwhile.
[ 30 October 2002: Message edited by: fict ]

 

[Catch-22]

Excellent!

 

[nephil]

A major recurring theme in my life up to the rather sudden reintegration was the simple concept of awareness, and I think that's what it's all about. Pure awareness, however, is only a consequence of pure egoless existence.
In my trips between the mushrooms experience and the reintegration thereof, I found myself focusing on awareness. Even without conciously thinking about it, the idea of becomming fully aware just took over.
I have been here as well! I can not explain how 'aware' I became, or how 'right' everything seemed to become for me. Simply put, it seemed that my mind was now willing to open up and view things from an angle it had never experienced before.

 

[The Footman]

Super! =P
Hehe nice report

 

[FloAtaTiOus PlaY]

great report

 

[Splatt]

Very good report! Thanks for submitting!

 

[Aftermath]

this is exactly how it was in my meth expereince..:
The experience isn't dose-dependant. It isn't a trip you can chase. It will come to you when you least expect it, and I can only hope that it is as beautiful for you as it was for me. The drugs just serve as a catalyst.

 

[Ten Deseo]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It was truely inspirational. I just hope that at some point i can come to understand life as you have just described.
I am left with just one remaining question, however. How long did the after effects last? Did you still have the wonderful feeling of the world days/weeks after your trip? And last of all, are you still able to see the world from the perspective at all or was it something you were only able to comprehend while under the influence?
[please PM me your response to this if you do so. I would appreciate it as I often forget to check threads I have posted on.]

 

[fict]

Originally posted by Ten Deseo:
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It was truely inspirational. I just hope that at some point i can come to understand life as you have just described.
I am left with just one remaining question, however. How long did the after effects last? Did you still have the wonderful feeling of the world days/weeks after your trip? And last of all, are you still able to see the world from the perspective at all or was it something you were only able to comprehend while under the influence?
[please PM me your response to this if you do so. I would appreciate it as I often forget to check threads I have posted on.]
Thank you =) I'll PM you in addition to responding publically.
The feelings I had during the ++++ part only lasted for that hour. However, the after-effects have been permanant. The day/week/month after the experience was absolutely incredible, every day I woke up filled with wonder and love, and was completely at peace with myself and the world around me.
Every now and then while falling asleep, I've had flashbacks to the ++++ portion of the experience, with the feelings of utter bliss coming back full force. I can't induce it at will, at least not yet, but it's always a pleasent surprise when it happens.
After several months, the intensity of the feelings I'd associated with the experience faded, and were replaced with a more analytical view. I eventually found myself logically looking at the experience and trying to figure out exactly what had happened and why it had happened. The memory of the experience has always remained strong.
The experience has inspired new ideas and revelations in my life on a regular basis. Ideas about religion, ego, life, conciousness... they just keep coming. For once, I honestly feel like my spiritual life has become very concrete.
I have been permanantly changed for the better. As I said, however, those feelings of bliss do not persist. I believe that with time and work, it is a state that one could eventually exist in permenantly.
I can logically comprehend the experience in my day-to-day life. I know basically what happened, and I know basically how the feeling *felt*... but there's definately another aspect to it that is completely ineffable.. Aside from a few flashbacks, I haven't been able to feel that way since.
As I've said, it gives me something to aspire to in my day-to-day life. If you'd like to talk about it sometime, feel free to pm me your screenname or something.
peace
fict