I was a very heavy drinker all of my life. I always drank to get drunk, never to just have one or 2 to loosen up and socialize. I could tell you countless stories of troubles and sickness I got myself into, some funny and some pretty pathetic. Towards the end it nearly destroyed my life. I drank EVERY day without exception.
I believe that my tolerance to alcohol is inherited in my genes because alcoholism literally killed my father from cirrhosis of the liver and pancreatic cancer. And I was blind to seeing that I was following exactly in his footsteps.
After one particularly bad 2 week binge of nonstop drinking and passing out, I woke up on the bathroom floor to see myself in the mirror covered from head to toe in bruises from trying to get up and continually falling back down. I experience what many alcoholics call a moment of clarity, and I knew it was time to do whatever it would take to stop my self destructive behavior or else just give up and drink myself to death. I suffered DT's... more like convulsions.... all alone on my sofa for about 3 days and my sense of balance was off for months.
My craving for alcohol continued and I knew I wouldn't last much longer on my own. So I began attending AA because I was too ashamed to seek out help from a medical doctor or friends. Although I'm NOT religious, slowly I began to understand the spiritual aspects of the program, why the fellowship is so important to help you with the willpower if you can't do it on your own, and the importance of listening to the stories of others to identify your experiences with those of others.
At first it was pure hell, but the other people at AA helped me to avoid drinking and that's something I could never have done on my own. Then over time, I began to build confidence and faith, and my cravings gradually subsided. I also learned to start helping others and that starts to make your own problems seem much less dreadful. Your attitude begins to change from "poor me" to "what can I do today to help others and make the world a better place".
The AA book may be a little outdated, but if you can read between the lines, it's filled with many words of wisdom that do work. Just don't take the "god" part so literally and it makes alot of sense.
I don't attend many AA meetings any longer, but I continue doing service work and give of my time to help other alcoholics in need. I'm over 6 years sober now and I feel stronger and healthier that I did 20 years ago.
For anybody struggling out there, there is help available. Go to a doctor, check into a rehab, or try attending AA meetings. And don't let the talk of god put you off. There are lots of people who take religious writings literally. Don't pay them much mind. Most scholars will tell you that religious stores are used to illustrate important lessons. Use your mind and learn the lessons. The more I read
this addendum in the AA book, the more it started to make sense to me after I stopped drinking for a while. It explains that power to stop drinking is IN YOU, but you first need to get sober so your can understand what's being taught and you can develop faith that you can actually do it. Years and years of failed attempts to stop drinking will take lots of positive reinforcement before you actually have the willpower to manage your alcoholism.
I wish you all luck with your drinking problems. I had lots of fun with alcohol in my early days, but once it starts causing you major life problems, it's time to put it behind you. Life can still b enjoyable without alcohol. There is help out there and you can get through this. It worked for me and I hope my story offers you some encouragement.