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Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

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Feeling the WDs setting in ... wasn't expecting them, I rarely if ever experience them, but guess I lost track of how long I'd been drinking, and I've really ramped it up recently up through last night.

Got the chills/sweats; exhausted and restless; and my stomach is hatin'

Since this isn't the Octsober thread I guess I can admit that I've got a buddy tryin to score a bag for me so I can settle back into a more preferable habit :p

Anything to get thru this! I know once I turn my life/death calendar next month that's it for me, I'm simply too old to keep drinking like I'm young and healthy.


It sure takes more of a toll as you get older and takes longer to recover. Had a sad encounter this morning with one of my former drinking buddies who's on day four of a binge today.

He was telling me that he can't handle drinking more than two days in a row anymore and that he doesn't feel like drinking today - but he's going to do it anyway because someone else is buying. It was kind of depressing and yet it's not all that long ago that there's no way I would have passed up free alcohol.

I used to find that even though food was the last thing I felt like, small amounts of something plain did help me feel better, especially if I could go to sleep for a couple of hours afterwards. I usually couldn't force down more than half a slice of toast, but it did help a bit. So did a sugary drink of some kind.

I found that I got a better sleep on the second night after I stopped drinking - maybe still not a lot of sleep, but a better quality of sleep. Hopes that's the case for you too.
 
How's everyone doing today?

Hi Lolie, doing okay over here. I've been drinking an increasing amount every day again over the last 2 weeks or so. Waking up increasingly hungover each morning AND craving alcohol first thing in the morning, which is never a good sign :|

I'm hoping to not drink today/tonight, as I have so much to do this weekend so I need to keep a clear head. But I can't guarantee that I'll not at very least sneak down to the bottle shop and get some beers this evening. After all, it's Friday...Fridays are one of the hardest days to NOT drink...

But I've definitely noticed the nasty pattern developing in me over the last 2 weeks or so, and I need to nip it in the bud NOW. Next week I am not going to drink at all during the week, that will give my body the break it needs <3
 
Hi Lolie, doing okay over here. I've been drinking an increasing amount every day again over the last 2 weeks or so. Waking up increasingly hungover each morning AND craving alcohol first thing in the morning, which is never a good sign :|

I'm hoping to not drink today/tonight, as I have so much to do this weekend so I need to keep a clear head. But I can't guarantee that I'll not at very least sneak down to the bottle shop and get some beers this evening. After all, it's Friday...Fridays are one of the hardest days to NOT drink...

But I've definitely noticed the nasty pattern developing in me over the last 2 weeks or so, and I need to nip it in the bud NOW. Next week I am not going to drink at all during the week, that will give my body the break it needs <3

Ir's frightening how quickly you can get to the point of wanting a "wake up" drink, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I was rarely able to have a hair of the dog and stop at that - usually if I had a morning drink I'd keep right on drinking until either the booze ran out or I passed out.
 
Ir's frightening how quickly you can get to the point of wanting a "wake up" drink, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I was rarely able to have a hair of the dog and stop at that - usually if I had a morning drink I'd keep right on drinking until either the booze ran out or I passed out.

Yep exactly hun. The scary thing is that is exactly what I feel like doing today!! Not good at all :|

How are you doing Lolie??
 
Yep exactly hun. The scary thing is that is exactly what I feel like doing today!! Not good at all :|

How are you doing Lolie??

My friends got so pissed off with me when I first stopped abusing alcohol because I'd open a beer and then realise I didn't really want it - and "wasting" alcohol is a cardinal sin with them.

I'm doing pretty well. I've had a fair bit of contact with my former drinking buddies over the last couple of weeks and that's been a bit unsettling, but I haven't had any urge to drink. I think it just brings home the reality of what my former life was like and I probably judge myself pretty harshly for it at times.

And I feel a certain sadness about where my buddies are at - they've pretty much lost everything except for a roof over their heads and that will eventually happen. But I know that none of them want to change how they're living, so I just try to keep my distance. It's not my job to rescue them and I refuse to enable them either. It's their choice, but I'm not going to subsidise it - and I know they resent that.

The "drinking season" starts in earnest with the football finals and continues pretty much through to New Year now in Australia. Lots of sporting events then pre-Christmas events, Christmas events, etc. So i know I'll get invited to a lot of alcohol fuelled events. I'm not setting abstinence as my goal for that period, just non-abuse. Guess we'll see how that works out. :)
 
This thread is amazing and my heart goes out to every alcoholic out there. Cessation of alcohol consumption was, for me, an incredibly difficult task.

I was on a path to self-destruction and I knew it. I didn't care either and that was the scary part.

Unlike some of you here, I made things increasingly worse for myself by using benzos (valium and klonopin) while drinking and it came to a point where I couldn't drink unless I had some on me.

To make things worse for myself, I drove everywhere I drank. Yeah, I was not only drinking and driving, but I was also operating a motor vehicle while on gross amounts of benzos.

I crashed my car three times, almost died twice in the process, and kept on. Not for a single day did I sit back and think -- recalibrating my thoughts and reassessing where I am going with this grotesque display of reckless. Why?

Because I knew exactly what I was doing and I didn't care how any of it ended.

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE<<

It is the summer of 2008 and my girlfriend had returned from Cherry Point in NC where she was stationed (she joined the Marines a year into our relationship) back to our hometown (which was still my home). At this point in our relationship, we were seeing eachother but we weren't seeing other people either. She comes into my place and we head upstairs to get drunk "like good ole times". Yeah, like good ole times.

So we drank.

We are exchanging dialogue with some playful efforts at witticism made here and there. I had popped the valium before she came over and I had already drank three shots of tequila. When I drank, I became legend. I was the man who could outdrink and outthink you and still come out of it without a hangover.

Welcome to the ego.

So I decided that I was gonna make some moves and said moves were a success. From there we began to exchange words as she was mounted on me.

She had bring up this Hooter's girl.

Anyway, so the dialogue starts to get pretty sour and then suddenly it just JUMPED. It was an awesome night. I'll leave it at that.

The next night I saw her she brought over some pictures of the ferrets and it reminded me of what happened to Mercuitio (my favorite albino ferret) and how I should've just kept them.

Because I am already drunk and benz'd as it she hands me this photo that includes all the other ferrets, my jaded drunken master comes to life. So I had a dickhead tone with her the majority of the time she stood on my porch. This goes on for a bit and to call it an argument would be a serious understatement.

It ends with her asking me if we would ever be together again. Being a jaded drunken master at this point, I say simply, "Maybe in another life when we are both cats."

She left two days later.

She was found dead hanging not less than a week later.

SIDENOTE: "Maybe in another life when we are both cats." is a quote from the movie, Vanilla Sky. It was our favorite movie in the era of us that didn't suck.

I went to her viewing and funeral. I was far from a man at both events. I began to drink heavily after each event. Proportions that are worthy of concern by a friend of ours' parents. I couldn't tell them, "Oh, it's okay. Trust me. I'm just getting warmed up. I have 20mg valium and 4mg klonopin in right now. Everything's in the clear from hear on it. Don'tcha worry." Nah, that wasn't gonna happen.

In any event, the heavy drinking continued on and this is the root of my self-destructive behavior.

FASTFORWARD>>

Then I got a DUI.

"If it wasn't for the alcohol on your breath, you definitely could pass for a sober man. Funnyyyyy…" - Officer response; the one who told me to say the alphabet backwards from these random points, changing it forwards at times and then to walk a straight line. I was honest with them, I told them I had been drinking.

(Perhaps too compliant?)

I don't know. I don't care.

After staying clean in jail, I have remained clean for the last seven months.

Went dirty in /came out clean with a cleared mind.

Well, not quite on the clean part.

I'm a psychonaut.

That's never going to change.

Alcohol is poison and man, for me to be adding the hepatoxicity of all this nonsense with reckless benzo bingers. All you alcoholics out there, just keep on taking it day after day. Do not overcomplicate things; life is too short to paying the high costs of low living. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you are no longer socially compatible.

Breathe love, be love, give love.

Much respect to everyone. Hold on to your chips. Let the clanky sound in your pocket play as a reminder of the direction you want to take.


(post was written UI zlpdm 20mg,JWH-018)
 
^^ Wow, interplanetary, thank you so much for your contribution. My heart goes out to you for all that you've been through with alcohol <3
How long have you been sober now?

And I feel a certain sadness about where my buddies are at - they've pretty much lost everything except for a roof over their heads and that will eventually happen. But I know that none of them want to change how they're living, so I just try to keep my distance. It's not my job to rescue them and I refuse to enable them either. It's their choice, but I'm not going to subsidise it - and I know they resent that.

Hun that is a really tough position for you to be in, to see your friends like this. I admire your strength for a) not returning to that lifestyle, and b) not enabling them.

The "drinking season" starts in earnest with the football finals and continues pretty much through to New Year now in Australia. Lots of sporting events then pre-Christmas events, Christmas events, etc. So i know I'll get invited to a lot of alcohol fuelled events. I'm not setting abstinence as my goal for that period, just non-abuse. Guess we'll see how that works out. :)

Ahhh the Aussie drinking culture. It's crazy huh! This time of year always makes my sobriety attempts completely futile 8)
 
This morning I was broke and had been sober for hours, so I drank the bottle of cooking wine my mother stores in the fridge.

Yeah, it's bad.
 
Thanks interplanetary. We always think the bad shit is going to happen to "someone" else, don't we?

I have friends who've done prison time for DUI and they've got a drink in their hand 2 minutes after being released. I truly think that for some people, there is no deterrent. The threat of losing everything isn't enough and once they have lost everything they see no reason to change. I'm glad that you were able to use your experience as a springboard to change.
 
This morning I was broke and had been sober for hours, so I drank the bottle of cooking wine my mother stores in the fridge.

Yeah, it's bad.

I've done that myself. Thank fuck I always buy good quality wine for cooking.
 
^ Yeah it always sucks, though. I was just trying to get through the morning.

I'm confused about my intentions of posting in this thread, because unless I'm really drunk, I never really want to quit drinking. If I could afford it, I'd be drunk all the time. Not because I LOVE being drunk, but because being sober is torture. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've got these obsessive thoughts about my inadequecies or fucked-up'ness running around in my head, and booze blocks it out. I'm stoked that I've got $10 so I can buy about a liter of vodka tomorrow, but unlike when I was a teenager, it's not gonna make me feel happy. It'll just make me feel a bit more sane.

Anyway, enough of my bitchin. I wish you all the best.
 
^ Yeah it always sucks, though. I was just trying to get through the morning.

I'm confused about my intentions of posting in this thread, because unless I'm really drunk, I never really want to quit drinking. If I could afford it, I'd be drunk all the time. Not because I LOVE being drunk, but because being sober is torture. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've got these obsessive thoughts about my inadequecies or fucked-up'ness running around in my head, and booze blocks it out. I'm stoked that I've got $10 so I can buy about a liter of vodka tomorrow, but unlike when I was a teenager, it's not gonna make me feel happy. It'll just make me feel a bit more sane.

Anyway, enough of my bitchin. I wish you all the best.

Fortunately for me, the psych meds work far better than booze when it comes to my obsessive thoughts. I found booze blocked them out only while I was really drunk but then I'd feel twice as inadequate and fucked up when the booze wore off. It was like an endless loop of hate myself>drink>hate myself more>drink more. It didn't matter where I stepped on the rollercoaster, it always took the same route.

I actually didn't set out to stop drinking. I sought help because I couldn't handle my constant and dramatic mood swings, and I was in the grip of one of my worst depressive episodes ever. As the treatment for that came together, I just stopped wanting booze.

Even now, abstinence isn't my goal. I don't make a conscious decision not to drink each day or each week, but because I'm not making booze-impaired decisions these days I'm not really having the kind of lapses in judgment which make me want to escape who I am. And that cycle of do something really stupid while drunk and then drink more to escape my feelings about having done that stupid thing was a vicious cycle for me.

I think a lot of us drink to quiet our mental chatter and there really are other ways to do that - but the idea of being alone with our thoughts can be terrifying at times.

I guess that's around about way of saying that I think you can get to a point of not abusing alcohol without making that your specific goal if you focus on some other aspect of getting your shit together - like building your self-esteem through doing things which make you feel good about yourself, or picking a small goal and seeing it through.

I think that both the best and the worst thing about our drinking is that we don't have to do anything at all about it, but if we choose to we can. For most of us, no-one else is going to come along and make that decision for us.
 
How's everyone doing today?

I actually had a much better day than expected today Lolie. Woke up feeling absolutely scattered and no appetite again all day due to my 200mg sertraline evening out after about a week on 200mg now. But felt better enough after about an hour of getting up to push myself to get some stuff done.

Am drinking again tonight though, but kinda not too much atm at least, like last night.

Hi Lolie, doing okay over here. I've been drinking an increasing amount every day again over the last 2 weeks or so. Waking up increasingly hungover each morning AND craving alcohol first thing in the morning, which is never a good sign :|

I'm hoping to not drink today/tonight, as I have so much to do this weekend so I need to keep a clear head. But I can't guarantee that I'll not at very least sneak down to the bottle shop and get some beers this evening. After all, it's Friday...Fridays are one of the hardest days to NOT drink...

But I've definitely noticed the nasty pattern developing in me over the last 2 weeks or so, and I need to nip it in the bud NOW. Next week I am not going to drink at all during the week, that will give my body the break it needs <3

Hi hun. I was the same about a week ago, then said "i'm quitting drinking (lol)". On monday night drank around half a dozen or so beers, then half a dozen or so red wines, then stole a brand new bottle of port outta my parents bar, and was still drinking at 7am when dad got up to go to work. Was definately not a good night. I'm almost always a depressive or a bit happy drunk, but apparently I was an arsehole, swearing and yelling at my parents, which I now vaugely remember. I had a chat with them a couple of nights later and appologised and they were fine with me as per usual. I went 2 nights without a drink after that, and now am at least just trying to drink alot less this week (since i'm still unable to stay off the booze completely) :(.

I just took 10mg of my perscribed diazepam and 180mg codeine with some wine then, and had 20mg diaz earlier in the day, eventhough I should listen to what you said on ere somewhere the other night about alc/vals making my depression worse 8)

**Back later, off to watch Paul Murray on Sky News. (Yep i'm a news/politician nerd) :)
 
no lyrica for the anxiety =\ they gave me wellbutrin.. which pretty much locks me into drinking until I can get some xanax because it lowers your seizure threshold.. I fucking hate my school, I told them I took all this crap before and specifically said how wellbutrin gave me a crazy racing heart and made me feel like I was on a cocaine IV drip, and even though the doctor agreed lyrica sounded like a much SAFER option, she isn't allowed to prescribe things for off label use through the fucking useless school health clinic. I barely slept 3 hours last night with two pot brownies and a bunch of beer in me. I went a couple hours at the gym last night and 10 minutes after I stopped my hands went all pins and needles/ numb, that was scary.. I'm gonna stick it out and hope it doesn't kill me. At least I have some energy now, shit
 
beer for breakfast again. it's only 7:30 am where i live, and i'm already on my 4th or 5th. just a continuation of yesterday. found some honest-to-god/dess white lightnin' last afternoon. got stupid drunk last night after little one went to bed. gotta stop soon. at least i care a little today. i'm considering stopping. 24 hrs ago, i didn't give a fuck if i drank myself into a terminal coma.
 
^ You've gotta keep yourself occupied, get your mind off alcohol for as long as possible, then give yourself permission to drink some at night. Easier said than done, yeah, but it's a start. Right now, I've got a few bucks in my pocket and I'm repeatedly stopping myself from walking over to the liquor store. It's about 12 PM here right now, and I know if I start drinking now, my whole day will turn to shit and I'll be out of booze hours before I'm ready for sleep.
 
^Is 2am where I am. Just going to bed after pft, 6-8 glasses of red and 4 or 4 beers. I'm noticing i'm cutting down atm from where I was only a few days ago. I find I just can't set my goals to high hun, meaning like going from absolutely shitfaced for days to nothing, otherwise its too hard on yourself and you feel like more of a "failure". The main thing is to just take care of yurself as much as ya can m8 (well thats what i'm trying to do anyway). Them days of caring more are a good sign. Just taper and don't be too hard on yourself and you'll be ok darl. <3
 
I think that caring at least a little bit is a good sign. I also think that progress can be measured in ways other than just how much you drink on a given day. If you drank just as much but you ate well, that's progress.

I think a realistic goal is moving forward in some way each day - might be drinking less, might be eating well, might be doing something physical. If you give yourself a range of little goals like that you have a better chance of meeting at least one of them each day, and even if you only manage to meet one half the time, at the end of the week you can look back and say "I did well four days this week".

We all know that recovery is about more than just not drinking. I think it's perfectly legitimate to count the days when we did anything at all which supports our recovery as moving forward whether we drank or not.

To me, it's reasonable to count those things as "successes" and feel good about them at the end of the day/week. If we measure our progress only by how much we drink, we're discounting all of those other things which support our recovery, which is kind of silly given that they're an essential part of getting and staying clean.

So I'd like to hear about everyone's baby steps. Did you manage to get showered and leave the house today when you normally don't? Ate a decent meal? Read for a couple of hours? Went for a long walk?

Tell us about those things so that you can take ownership of your own progress.
 
It looks like we've lost the other Aussies to this afternoon's football grand final.
 
I took a nap in the middle of the day today to avoid drinking all day. Probably not the best way to cut down on drinking, but it did keep me from finishing the bottle I've got by sunset.

I've been thinking about suicide a lot. I'm 22 years old and most of my hair has fallen out. I'm short, thin besides my beer-gut, an alcoholic, insecure, and I've got no job. I obsessively think about what disorder I might have, because there must be some reason that I feel completely disqualified from love and connection with other people.

I'm sorry, I'm a little drunk. Normally I try to avoid whining so much. It just seems as if I'm fucked for my whole life. This really doesn't belong in this thread. My bad.
 
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