Well. I just want to say to anyone considering trying fentanyl to be very careful.
Especially in powdered form. I purchased 100 mg's of fentanyl hcl, and lets just say, even though I was trying to dose incredibly small, I ended up almost killing myself.
When people say take small doses of this stuff to start, BELIEVE THEM. Start small.
I took what i thought would be 25 mcg, i dunno I eye'd it out. (another note, don't be a moron like me, always use a scale.)
I woke up and my whole head was throbbing and spinning, my heart was beating really weird, and everything sounded like i was listening through multiple sets of earplugs. Plus lots of tenitus. I remember my dad talking to me, trying to tell me a story, and i could understand, i just remember attempting to be polite and make him leave. it took him forever to get the message. I cant believe he didnt notice how fucked i was.
anyways, he walked away, i got up closed my door, locked it, went back to my bed and passed out, face up.
Its weird, as i think about it now, i wonder to myself, if i died on my bed there. even for just a few minutes. I havent felt right since, and im wondering if maybe i caused significant damage to my brain due to lack of oxygen. I dunno. It feels like I died.
Anyways, eventually, around 8pm, about 12 hours after my dad was trying to talk to me, i woke up. I felt just as bad as before, if not worse. I was truly scared at this point. I believed I was going to die. My room was littered with drug paraphenalia, again I cant believe my dad didnt see any of the stuff when he was talking to me. I got to wonder if he's getting a little senile. I wanted to go to the hospital, but me being me (ie an idiot) i was too scared to get in trouble with my parents (more so afraid of shaming them with me doing something so dumb) So i stumbled around my room, falling over things. I hid what i could, and put on a jacket. My dad was watching tv in the next room, and my mom hadnt gotten home yet from work. I sort of stumble ran out the house, got in the car and started it. Of course my mom pulls in the driveway as im walking to the car. i sort of wave hi to her, acting as if everythings cool n im just going out. I get in the car, of course she wants to talk to me. Shes all where are you going, its icy out be careful!! and im trying to pretend im not dying. anyways, i drive to the hospital while od'ing on fentanyl. possibly the dumbest thing ive ever done.
By the way I got in legal trouble over that, so thats just icing on the cake.
I went to the hospital er, waited in line, described what was happening to me, saw the look on the nurses face go from "what lie are you gonna tell me to get drugs?" to "oh shit, this kids actually in trouble". so they took me in, pumped some really weird drug into me that made me feel really hot and cold at the same time. apparently they use it to push stuff out of the opioid receptors, and block them. either way it felt like a eird psychedelic mindfuckerry combined with a really weird upper. It was unpleasant.
eventually i went to sleep. after of course, i made the idiot move of telling them how i got to the hospital in the first place. Fuck I wish I had told them I took a cab. Now i have to go in to this rehab clinic thing. they claim i have a dependance, even though i only took the drug once, and they also had my license suspended. Fuck those pricks. Seriously, i understand that i shouldnt have driven, but if i hadnt id probably had died. I know what i did was stupid, but its so fucked up how they can punish you for being honest, where someone who is dishonest would get off scott free. fuck our society. they assume a drug user must be a drug abuser. they dont know the difference, yet they claim to have equality and be tolerant. those are just words to them, they dont truly know the meaning.
Anyways, I'm a tool, I know.
Do as I say not as I do.
Be careful with Fentanyl, it is motherfucking dangerous.
Edit: On a side note, it's been a week since it happened, and I still have trouble keeping my balance. I feel like falling over every time I get up. Plus my eyesight hasn't been right ever since. I think It is damaged.
Im not sure why I suspect it, but I think I might have had a stroke while I was passed out. My leg and arm were both sore on one side of my body, plus half of my face has dead skin peeling off it, and it's the same side as the sore limbs.
If anyone knows why this might be, I'd love a little insight.