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    What does being addicted feel like? 
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    Hello,
    sorry if this belongs somewhere else - let me know if it does.

    All my textbooks which talk about addiction describe it as a compulsion to use a drug. In my opinion, thats kind of a shitty definition, because I have no idea what this compulsion feels like... Honestly, its about as helpful as telling someone who hasn't been burned before that it feels "hot!"

    Is the only way to really understand, to become addicted myself?

    What did being addicted feel like to you? In retrospect (or presently) do you think you could have stopped if you tried hard enough, or is willpower not a factor?

    What, from your experience, would be required to stop?

    What do you think causes somebody to become addicted to a drug?

    Why is it that some people are able to use recreational drugs in moderation, whereas other people spiral out of control?

    Thanks.
    I know the answers are probably multi-faceted and subjective, but just your individual opinion is perfect; I'd like to hear what actual addicts have to say about addiction.
     

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    #2
    Bluelighter xxkcxx's Avatar
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    I honestly do believe the only way you can REALLY know what it feels like is to go through. Book knowledge can teach you some, but not everything.


    Basically it feels like complete and utter hopelessness. I lived my live in desperation. I was willing to do anything to anyone because I thought that heroin was the only way I could go on living. I never considered that it was the problem. I never considered I was the problem. Everyone else was the problem. If they just left me alone, I knew that I would be fine.

    That was not the case I ran my own life into the ground.
     

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    #3
    Bluelight Crew RedLeader's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    Is the only way to really understand, to become addicted myself?
    To really understand it, yes. You can get a good second-hand understanding by doing years of research, sure. But just like knowing how high the highs can be (which is what typically comes before addiction), you cannot really know how low the lows are until you experience them. But if you are not addicted and are just curious about it, DO NOT DO IT. Trust us all. It's not exactly like touching a candle or sticking your hand in a wall socket.

    What did being addicted feel like to you? In retrospect (or presently) do you think you could have stopped if you tried hard enough, or is willpower not a factor?
    Physically, it's like that day where you woke up at 6 AM and was not allowed to eat or drink until 9pm.

    Psychologically, it's like waking up remembering you got dumped by "the one" last night, and getting her back once again later that night.

    And then plenty more.

    Each day, on end. Endless loop until you break it.

    What, from your experience, would be required to stop?
    For me, it was the will to want to respect myself not necessarily tomorrow or the next day, but months or years into the future. (still holding onto that hope, actually).

    What do you think causes somebody to become addicted to a drug?
    Umm I won't go into the medical side of phsycial addiction, but essentially feeling like sobriety is inaquate. And then once one is given a taste of adequacy, not wanting to let go.

    Why is it that some people are able to use recreational drugs in moderation, whereas other people spiral out of control?
    Availability
    Quality of friendships
    Self-esteem
    Research

    Basically ask yourself the same question about alcohol. Drug addiction and how some can and cannot use recreationally is often quite similar.
     

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    #4
    "... but essentially feeling like sobriety is inaquate. And then once one is given a taste of adequacy, not wanting to let go."

    Could you please write the future editions of my textbooks?

    That makes a lot of sense.

    Thanks for warning me not to try to get addicted too, haha. I was seriously contemplating it, geeze I'm a complete idiot sometimes.

    I like that both of your descriptions agree with one another as well, I wasn't quite sure what to expect for answers.
     

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    #5
    Bluelighter Sweet P's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    Is the only way to really understand, to become addicted myself?
    Yes, but I wouldn't recommend that.

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    What did being addicted feel like to you? In retrospect (or presently) do you think you could have stopped if you tried hard enough, or is willpower not a factor?
    I'm a current addict. I guess I could describe it as being a slave to a substance. It controls my life. I currently lack the willpower to fight the addiction... but maybe one day I'll overcome it.

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    What, from your experience, would be required to stop?
    Drug counselling, a change of scene (i.e. stopping associating with drug users/suppliers), and some kind of medical maintenance program (I'm hoping to soon get a prescription for Ritalin or dextroamphetamine to help deal with my methamphetamine cravings).

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    What do you think causes somebody to become addicted to a drug?
    There's a whole myriad of different reasons. It really depends on the individual and their circumstances.

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    Why is it that some people are able to use recreational drugs in moderation, whereas other people spiral out of control?
    It probably comes down to the person's predisposition for addiction. But it could also just be because some people use drugs sensibly (e.g. they only use occasionally to avoid getting addicted, while others use frequently and heavily).
     

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    #6
    Bluelighter g1zzl3's Avatar
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    At this point in time I have really felt the addictiveness to Mephedrone, before this ive only done it up to a gram at most when out and about at events etc... but this time I can see the dark qualitys of the substance, ive done in about 2grams since last night at 8:30pm and havnt been to sleep
     

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    Bluelighter serendipitous9257's Avatar
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    What does it feel like? If you are addicted, it feels normal at this point. If you cannot have your DOC, you feel lethargic, irritable, depressed. Then you rationalize the usage (I'll start tapering tomorrow .... I'll abstain tomorrow, it's harder to use a lower dose once you've started, etc). Once you indulge, it's the sweetest feeling in the world. Then, you feel guilty about using, and make promises to yourself. But you never keep them. Or, you "quit" for a day or two and then say to yourself, see? I can do it - I can quit" and round and round it goes.

    What would would be required to stop? A lot of willpower and really, truly wanting to stop (barring, of course, and emergency situation).

    What causes someone to become an addict? Yes, I agree it is multifactorial. Some may have a propensity to it, others may use as a crutch and then they become dependent on them, and then they feel that they cannot function without. Then you continue to need more and more to achieve that same feeling, and try various ROA to get "more" out of your DOC.

    Why are some able to use recreationally? They use for fun, and don't depend on it.
    Last edited by serendipitous9257; 26-01-2010 at 17:46.
     

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    #8
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    heroin addiction is the hardest thing ive ever experienced wouldnt wish it on ANYONE PERIOD!!!
     

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    #9
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    its like having an itch your whole life
    that you just cant ever scratch

    but its on your nose. so why the hell not. it would feel so good. and it would feel amazing if you just gave it a little scratch, a teensy one. then you scratch till youre all red and your skins raw.

    then it starts itching again
     

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    What, from your experience, would be required to stop?
    You should look for a healthy substitute, e.g. start doin' sports on a regular basis. In general I think you need to be occupied with something in your daily life (e.g. work or studying) and you need to have something to look forward to (something different than dope offcourse). Being in love or the support of a loved one can make a big difference as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    What do you think causes somebody to become addicted to a drug?
    I believe our current way of life and society is encouraging addiction. Other important factors are education and social environment. Some people are predestined to become addicted because of genetic or social factors.

    Quote Originally Posted by yamfries View Post
    Why is it that some people are able to use recreational drugs in moderation, whereas other people spiral out of control?
    I guess it's strongly related to your personality. Why do some people tend to search for "extremely" intense experiences? I guess there will always be some underlying reason for that, but those reasons can differ a lot.
     

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    #11
    Bluelighter seducedsoul's Avatar
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    I believe, that for someone who has NEVER been addicted, therefore can NOT relate AT ALL like you said, with just a relayed description- the only way I could really feel like said person could relate to the physical feeling (and a bit mental too even as it alll goes hand in hand) even if only about 40%- is the feeling of extreme hunger and NEEDING food. you need it. if you were denied it, you'd do anything for it. and you feel pain/go crazy without it, you feel relief with it. to the average person, it is NOT fun to be starving- and you need your food. Now to really make it more akin to addiction- you get this insatiable hunger alot more, and with alot more dangerous substances. The word fiend comes to mind. So once truly addicted to your DOC, you are hungry ALOT, and need relief alot more.

    Stealing for heroin and food even for example, hunger for anything is powerful.
    the hunger NEEDS to be filled. that is addiction. you are mentally hungry too, which there is just so much more to it as well.
    .
    That's just a literal analogy of addiction that I'd personally think could help to share with you. But the word addiction in philosophy and theory can go beyond that literal feeling- it is lifestyle, it is still having a mental addiction after the physical addiction is gone, it is feeling the need for self medication for things that need to be learned to be dealt with healthily.
     

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    #12
    Bluelighter mindtools's Avatar
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    I'm not addicted to any particular substation. I just too often feel need to change the state of mind. Going to sleep without taking anything seems so boring and even bad. I can't describe why it feels bad, but it does.
    Like this week - monday started with afterglow of tramadol, which I took because I was having hangover from the day before.
    Yesterday I managed to be clean, but today I'm doing tramadol + codeine + benzo (+ DXM, alcohol, piracetam and coffee, but in low doses).
    Why I took this combo? Because I though to myslef: I can't take it tommorow, because I will feel the afterglow throughout the party on thursday. At weekend I'm going to drink with friends, so I can't do it on weekend too. So when should I take it?


    Is the only way to really understand, to become addicted myself?

    Yes, it's like exlpainig what it's like to drink alcohol to someone who never did it. That's how it looks from expierence/knowledge.

    What did being addicted feel like to you? In retrospect (or presently) do you think you could have stopped if you tried hard enough, or is willpower not a factor?

    I think I should consider doing less alcohol and drugs now. Or week later. Or after the holiday.
    And when you're trying to stop: the only way to stop considering if you should take the drug is to take it. You can't untake it, and when you don't take, the drugs remind you that they're somewhere near, waiting just for you.

    What, from your experience, would be required to stop?

    There are many conditions that are pro-stopping. Like moving to another town, getting a new idea of life, meeting someone for who you may stop, people caring about you, having spiritual expirience and so on. The more the better.

    What do you think causes somebody to become addicted to a drug?


    There are just too many things. I think that a cause that should be put pressure on is lack of alternatives, boredom.

    Why is it that some people are able to use recreational drugs in moderation, whereas other people spiral out of control?


    The power will, the setting, the life problems. Doing psychodelics in terms of addiction is pretty safe. Using stimulants and depressants may be walking on thin ice.
     

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    #13
    essentially feeling like sobriety is inaquate. And then once one is given a taste of adequacy, not wanting to let go.


    that is a pretty damn good way to explain it but to me addiction is like having a best friend and you love hanging around with em even tho you know it is making your life worst day bye day be hey its your best bud it makes you feel like a million bucks until its so late you want to leave em but you need them or you will start puking and feeling like shit until you give in and go hang with em again

    and what it would take for someone to change
    i think that would depend on the person for me i dont think there is any way i will ever stop iv had tremors so bad i thought i was going to die fell on the floor fought best friends but i doubt im ever going to quit my lifestyle till i die
     

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    #14
    It feels like life is truly not worth living without that substance if you are REALLY addicted. But there's various forms and layers, alot of people are addicted to drugs but it doesn't negatively impact their lives so they never think about it like that, while others are consumed by their addictions. I thought I understood it, then I got addicted to heroin psychologically and then I actually understood it and it haunts me everyday.
     

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    #15
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    I would say its more a way of life than a feeling.


    I think in my case, being addicted is like " LIFE WOULD SUCK, BE BORING, with out chemical xyz" or the thought of not using makes me cringe and FEEL WRONG.

    the worst though is when the only thing that makes u feel better is the thing thats fucking up your life the most, either directly, jail, insitutions, and death; or indirectly, food or drugs, gas money or drugs, self esteem or drugs.

    That's my personal experience.
     

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    #16
    Bluelighter woamotive's Avatar
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    I'd say one could never understand how it feels to be an addict unless they were/are an addict themselves. It's truly miserable once you reach the stage of no return-when you get 'too' far in. When the enjoyment is gone and each day is a struggle to feel okay, or to feel anything other then irritable misery. People who don't get it just say 'well then stop!?' as if it's a simple decision and that's the end of it.
    It's not like that.
     

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    #17
    Bluelighter gsta4lyfe's Avatar
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    Life feels so shitty without drugs. Have to use to enjoy life
     

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    #18
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    'sobriety feeling inadequate' is only a small part of the psychological addiction. There are other very strong forces at work..and that especially includes the PHYSICAL addiction- especially when to do w/ opiates.

    the addiction gets stronger and stronger the more time has elapsed..this adds to physical pain, but also adds more factors to the psychological addiction. For example, that 'feeling of sobriety being inadequate' can turn into a dependency..(E.G. only way you're going to be able to pitch that baseball game or the only way you'll get on that on that dance floor) is w/ that dope) and then eventually you reach a point where your body will just stop functioning without the drug. That's when you're screwed. Imagine getting your supply cut off all the sudden and having to not sleep, OR get out of bed for a week..essentially holding yourself in a fetal position crying for your life back..

    At that point...I think most of us are desperately wishing for that beautiful 'sobriety' that we initially saw as inadequate..

    so, let the forces be with you..Don't get addicted to anything!
     

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    #19
    Addiction Is a broad word ....

    Fror me Marijuana addiction - is like you just smoke to makethe next few hours fun ( I know weed isn't really actually addictive , more mental)

    then there's amp addiction/dependencey - something I hate - you feel awsome , so motivated , good at everything , superman like and when ur no longer high u feel the total opposite ( I.e weak , slow , tired , arggghh)

    then there's opiate addiction which is something I have never experienced. It's pretty bad though . Worse than all the others ....


    And there's more like benzos , gbl , etc

    But I need to go and I Cant be arsed to go into them I gtg
     

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    #20
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    ^ opiate addiction is BY FAR the worst..however, there is also a level of poetic justice involved with the withdrawal because, healthwise, there's nothing to fear besides the physical and mental pain..it's kinda like you're proving to yourself-and the world for that matter- how strong you really are. It may sound kinda corny but in my worst opiate WD's there were times where I'd be screaming out loud "Bring it the fuck on! I'm not scared of you!"

    On the other hand, benzo and alcohol WD can actually kill you. So if you're heavily addicted to either of those, it's best to NOT be superman and go to a doctor to get it squared away.
     

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    #21
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    yes, addicition is a broad word. IMO addiction SEEMS to starts off slowly, but before you know it something is controlling you, your thoughts, and your actions instead of the other way around. Whatever it is, I have heard that what ever occupies your thoughts and your time the most is what you are "addicted" to. But it really is to each their own, because it is different for everone. Peace and be safe.
     

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    #22
    Bluelighter stuckinaloop's Avatar
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    I never understood addiction..that is until oxy and heroin.

    fuckin addiction... sucks ass. it's pain-thats the only way I can describe it, utter pain.

    Physically the addict is in pain...i know for me I feel like im always withdrawing and chasing a fucking high.

    Mentally..PAIN. the pain of fucking up, the pain of hurting you rself, the pain of hurting your loved ones. the pain of not being able to control your self, financial troubles.

    Addiction for me is the SECOND, literally eht second I open my eyes in the morning, I say to my self, fuck I have to l ive through anothe rday, what the fuck am I goin to do to get high today. it's quitting every day, someties 20 times a day, only to use.

    Its a fucking struggle. I wouldnt wish this on ANYONE, not myworst enemies, i think no life is almost better then the life as an addict
     

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    #23
    Bluelighter xxkcxx's Avatar
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    Just imagine the one thing in you life that completes you, makes you feel happy, makes you feel loved, makes you feel totally and unimaginably accepted just how you are.



    Now, imagine you are told that if you ever touch this thing or person, you will destroy everything else in your life and ultimately yourself.
     

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    #24
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    I myself have experienced addictions to almost all drugs at some point in my life. Addicted to smoking crystal meth at 18, kicked that habit. Addicted to snorting powder cocaine at 19, kicked that one after a few tries. Addicted to benzodiazepines pretty badly for a couple years, kicked that one finally a couple years ago. Then comes the big bad opiates. Been addicted to black tar heroin for about 2 years now. I can't really describe what it is like being addicted, it will make you fuck over everyone who cares about you, and you will steal from them and lie and cheat to get your next fix so you don't have to go into withdrawal. heroin withdrawal is the worst feeling ever, I would much rather have a come down after staying up for a week on meth or after a night of doing an 8 ball to myself than go through 4 days of heroin withdrawal. I have never seen anybody here do heroin occasionally and not let it turn into an everyday habit. Now I have just gotten on methadone at the clinic 3 days ago so im going to be addicted to methadone now for at least a couple years. But I would much rather be a methadonian junkie than having to hustle everyday for heroin.
     

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    #25
    Bluelighter M.Minkoff's Avatar
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    I think addiction is different for everyone. I realize I'm addicted upon waking up in the morning and feeling like hell until ingesting the substance du jour.

    For me, it was completely about willpower. I was IVing speed for five years and never considered quitting. When I decided to, I just did it. It was a ton of work, but the healthy eating and exercise really helped. It also involved retreating into almost-complete isolation for two years. Tough times.

    For me, the problem isn't stopping-- It is a matter of finally getting to the point where I realize that using a particular drug is causing serious interpersonal conflicts and preventing me from having a normal life. Or, as with speed, when I realize my mental abilities are fading fast and the side-effects are too much to deal with.

    IMO, what makes addiction different for everyone is a unique set of circumstances. People respond to emotions and situations differently, and have very different ideas about what is acceptable and what isn't. It's problematic to say "This will definitely cure you!" because ugh, how many times have we heard that and failed, only to end up worse because of the emotions surrounding a relapse?
     

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